promise rings?

[FrekeChild]

There is no reason to keep your opinion to yourself. How else would the world go round if everyone did that?

I''m with musey. If the OP didn''t say "dumb", the word probably wouldn''t have been used by anyone (including myself) because we are a pretty sparkly-accommodating bunch.

To me:

Promise ring = a pretty gift from someone who loves you
Promise ring /= an outward sign of lifelong commitment
Engagement ring = an outward sign of lifelong commitment

Note that the qualifying statement there is "to me". I''ve had 3 *promise* rings. Two in high school and one when I was 20. It was all nice and thoughtful of them, but it really didn''t mean much in the end, did it?

Please keep in mind that there are not just a lifetime of stories behind your opinions, but also lifetimes of stories behind everyone else''s opinions as well. And calling people hypocrites isn''t very nice. Also, for the record, no one said that they are pathetic and juvenile.

 

[Ninama]

Well... I think it''s case by case (relationship by relationship) as to whether it''s "dumb" or not. Hell - a magnificent ering is "dumb" if presented to the wrong woman. Maybe it''s just the moniker - promise ring - that gives some the willies.

I also think there''s a lot of territory between being in highschool and being somewhat established financially, having a career and owning property. It''s not unusual to discover, at some advanced age, that life is not taking you anywhere near where you thought it would.

About 6 months into our relationship my guy gave me a modest diamond ring. I was 49 years old. You could call it a promise ring (I do) or you could call it a Christmas present, a token of love and affection, whatever - but it did symbolize that we were a couple.

 

[FrekeChild]

Promise ring in my mind brings up thoughts of ''57 Chevys, the cheerleader, the quarterback and a class pin/ring.

More Grease than heck, 90210.

 

[Ninama]

Date: 9/17/2008 1:42:55 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Promise ring in my mind brings up thoughts of ''57 Chevys, the cheerleader, the quarterback and a class pin/ring.


More Grease than heck, 90210.

So, it is the antiquated ''vibe'' of the name then - and not the object?

 

[FrekeChild]

WARNING: Random musings alert!

Eh. Not really. I just don''t see it as having much meaning.

Perhaps its because it feels like an ownership thing. "I''ve promised I''ll marry her." "She''s promised to me."

I don''t think it''s ever been a "We''re promised to each other." Otherwise he''d get one too.

You don''t see guy promise rings. They''d probably be made fun of by their guy friends. But all of the time you see girls wondering what they should get for their FI in return for an ering. Some guys get their own erings from their FI. They don''t balk at that usually.

What does that mean anyway? We''re promising that we''ll marry some day? I''m not trying to diss anyone''s promise ring, but I just don''t get it. I''ve had three myself. They didn''t mean much-they were all bought by him(s), for him(s) as far as I can tell, as a mark on his territory.

The first, I can quote a friend who told someone who was interested in me, even though it was widely known that I was still with my ex, even though he had moved to Cali, "Haven''t you seen her ring? Those are diamonds. A gave that to her. She''s TAKEN."

WTF is that?

That was the only one I took seriously. I loved that boy. The next two didn''t mean much. I knew deep down that the next one wouldn''t result in marriage (so glad it didn''t!) and the last one came from someone I knew I didn''t want to marry. All three of those were false promises. Even though the second lasted almost 4 years and the third was the first guy I lived with.

I''ll wear every piece of jewelry that FF gives me with pride. But the one that will mean something significant to me, that he wants to spend all of his days with me, is that engagement ring.

If the promise that came with a promise ring was as good as an engagement ring, then we''d probably all stop there. Who needs an engagement ring when you have a promise ring that means the same thing? But that''s the thing--it doesn''t. It doesn''t mean you can start planning a wedding. It doesn''t mean that the rest of the world knows that you''re going to be getting married. It doesn''t mean that you plan to spend the rest of your life together. All it means is that your SO loves you a lot, hopes to get married someday, and wanted to give you a piece of jewelry. Perhaps that he wants to give you a piece of jewelry that has a title attached to it. I''d rather FF take all of the money he spent on the jewelry he''s bought me and put it towards the ering. Because that is what makes us all excited. That is why we''re all here waiting to be proposed to.

If a promise ring meant the same thing an engagement ring did, then it''d be an engagement ring, right?

If he''s ready to devote his life to you, and gives you a ring to represent that, isn''t it already an engagement ring? Or is it just an engagement ring when he says, "Will you marry me?" and hands over a big expensive rock?

What if he hands over a gemstone ring or a tiny diamond chip and says, "I want to marry you someday." Then what? Is it a cop out like it was for Smurfy''s ex? Does it depend on the guy? Does it represent that he''s serious about marrying you? If he was serious about marrying you, shouldn''t he just call it an engagement ring?

So what does a promise ring mean to you ladies that have them?

Is it a promise ring because it''s not expensive? Is it one because those 4 words didn''t come with it? Is it one because he said it was? Was this a mutually decided on term for the jewelry? What makes it what it is?

 

[Rhea]

Wow, Freke! You really hit the nail on the head as to how I think about promise rings. Well spoken.

 

[TheNextMrsB]

I got a promise ring when I was 16. The boy and I had been together for about 2 years, and the ring was supposed to represent a promise to marry me. As time went on, he started to treat me badly, and he would use the promise ring as a kind of excuse. "If I wasn''t serious about you, I wouldn''t have spent all that money on you." I think he wanted to use it as some type of security blanket, like it meant he could do whatever he wanted because he had already verbally committed to me? (We have broken up since then.)
I''m getting a promise ring from my current boyfriend for our upcoming anniversary, he feels pretty strongly about the idea. According to him, he wants to get engaged, but he doesn''t feel comfortable with the idea of getting engaged so young (we''re 19 and 21). He has told that if we were older, he would be 100% on board with the idea, but not right now.
He does however wants me to have a constant reminder that he is going to propose in the next two years, and he sees it as a way to demonstrate his commitment to me and our relationship. I also think that maybe HE needs a little step in between dating and engagement.
It''s not going to make me feel any differently about the relationship, but I think it''s sweet and cute, and I believe he''s doing it for the right reasons. Therefore, I''m excited about it, and for me, it will be a very meaningful gift. This is a big deal to him, and therefore, it will be a big deal to me.
My grandfather has been dating a woman for over a year, and they recently bought matching promise rings that they wear on their left hand. They discussed marriage, but they chose not to marry for financial reasons such as their pensions and their family''s inheritance. For them, the promise rings signify a commitment to spend the rest of their lives together. They consider themselves "married," and the family treats them as if they are married, but technically, they are not. In their case, promise rings are quite appropriate and meaningful.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 9/17/2008 4:57:29 PM
Author: TheNextMrsB
My grandfather has been dating a woman for over a year, and they recently bought matching promise rings that they wear on their left hand. They discussed marriage, but they chose not to marry for financial reasons such as their pensions and their family''s inheritance. For them, the promise rings signify a commitment to spend the rest of their lives together. They consider themselves ''married,'' and the family treats them as if they are married, but technically, they are not. In their case, promise rings are quite appropriate and meaningful.

That''s really cute!

 

[bee*]

Date: 9/17/2008 4:37:05 PM
Author: Addy
Wow, Freke! You really hit the nail on the head as to how I think about promise rings. Well spoken.

ditto. Musey and Freke have summed up how I feel about them.

 

[princesss]

I think Freke really summed it up.

Basically, I don''t think you should talk marriage until you''re really ready for it, so I don''t see a point in promising anything about it before you''re ready. And if you''re mature enough and ready to talk about marriage, why not just wait until you can get engaged? It doesn''t make sense to me.