Proposal at your wedding

[ArtistJess]

Ditto what everyone else said. I personally think it''s really tacky.

 

[missy]

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM
Author: caribqueen
Thanks.


I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it's a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.


Backstory: A cousin of mine, recently hinted that he has something to run by my FI and I and he kept insisting that he didn't want to overshadow our day. Apparently, he met his gilfriend on June 3rd, two days before my wedding date, but that's all he has said so far. I want to be prepared for whatever he may ask later (if he does) and I was already thinking, not on my wedding day, and definitely not at my wedding.

My sister and her boyfriend became engaged a few days before our wedding and they asked me if it was OK to announce their engagement at our wedding and I said it was OK
I was thrilled for both of them

and it's not like he proposed at our wedding (that would have not been acceptable) but they announced their engagement during the reception. It was a happy event during a happy occasion

In fact, it made my special day with my husband and friends and family even more special because there was so much happiness and love that day.

But definitely no to proposing at your wedding...that is not right

 

[beltane]

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM
Author: caribqueen
Thanks.


I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it''s a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.

That''s a DEFINITE no-no! Not cool AT ALL! You would be completely correct in saying that a proposal at your wedding is in VERY bad taste.

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 3/23/2010 8:29:17 PM
Author: missy

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM
Author: caribqueen
Thanks.


I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it''s a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.


Backstory: A cousin of mine, recently hinted that he has something to run by my FI and I and he kept insisting that he didn''t want to overshadow our day. Apparently, he met his gilfriend on June 3rd, two days before my wedding date, but that''s all he has said so far. I want to be prepared for whatever he may ask later (if he does) and I was already thinking, not on my wedding day, and definitely not at my wedding.

My sister and her boyfriend became engaged a few days before our wedding and they asked me if it was OK to announce their engagement at our wedding and I said it was OK
I was thrilled for both of them

and it''s not like he proposed at our wedding (that would have not been acceptable) but they announced their engagement during the reception. It was a happy event during a happy occasion

In fact, it made my special day with my husband and friends and family even more special because there was so much happiness and love that day.

But definitely no to proposing at your wedding...that is not right

For some reason, I''m still feeling like I don''t like the idea of them announcing it at our wedding either. Again, like a fellow-poster said, "using the microphone that we paid for..." We didn''t use someone else''s wedding to announce our engagement.

This whole wedding thing has been such a pain for me, from everyone and their brothers asking to bring children and dates, etc... It also doesn''t help that my family''s culture is one that people would just show up to weddings whether invited or not because it was like one big village party. The same people forget that they''re now in America and things don''t operate the same way. I also think people mistake our wedding for being a family reunion. It is in a way, but there''s a reason that all these people will be getting together and I feel like some people lose sight of that.

 

[PumpkinPie]

completely inconsiderate and tacky!

 

[princesss]

Princesss: Hypothetical question.
BF: Shoot.
Princesss: Let''s say you''re having a wedding.
BF: Okay.
Princesss: And somebody proposes to their girlfriend at your wedding. What do you think about that?
BF: I think they can get their own f***ing venue.


Pretty much sums it up, I think.

 

[yssie]

yeah...I'd be fuming. I get a day - but heck, that's MY 18 hours!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/23/2010 9:36:22 PM
Author: caribqueen

Date: 3/23/2010 8:29:17 PM

Author: missy

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM

Author: caribqueen

Thanks.



I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it''s a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.



Backstory: A cousin of mine, recently hinted that he has something to run by my FI and I and he kept insisting that he didn''t want to overshadow our day. Apparently, he met his gilfriend on June 3rd, two days before my wedding date, but that''s all he has said so far. I want to be prepared for whatever he may ask later (if he does) and I was already thinking, not on my wedding day, and definitely not at my wedding.

My sister and her boyfriend became engaged a few days before our wedding and they asked me if it was OK to announce their engagement at our wedding and I said it was OK

I was thrilled for both of them

and it''s not like he proposed at our wedding (that would have not been acceptable) but they announced their engagement during the reception. It was a happy event during a happy occasion

In fact, it made my special day with my husband and friends and family even more special because there was so much happiness and love that day.


But definitely no to proposing at your wedding...that is not right

For some reason, I''m still feeling like I don''t like the idea of them announcing it at our wedding either. Again, like a fellow-poster said, ''using the microphone that we paid for...'' We didn''t use someone else''s wedding to announce our engagement.


This whole wedding thing has been such a pain for me, from everyone and their brothers asking to bring children and dates, etc... It also doesn''t help that my family''s culture is one that people would just show up to weddings whether invited or not because it was like one big village party. The same people forget that they''re now in America and things don''t operate the same way. I also think people mistake our wedding for being a family reunion. It is in a way, but there''s a reason that all these people will be getting together and I feel like some people lose sight of that.

CQ, I don''t think you are unjustified in your feelings/thoughts on this. I really don''t think it''s right, cool, or appropriate for another couple to USE your occasion for their proposal. I agree with you completely and wholeheartedly when you say that weddings (I''m paraphrasing) shouldn''t be mistaken for family reunions--neither should funerals! Would the same couple feel ok proposing during a funeral for one of your family members? I doubt it.

I just don''t understand the point of proposing during someone else''s wedding day. There are 300+ other days of the year (I''m leaving out other weddings, holidays, and whatever other excuses a particular couple has for wanting to use someone else''s wedding day as their proposal/engagement date) to get engaged. Why on earth would a couple be ok with someone else''s wedding day being a part of their personal proposal story unless youwerethisclose and there was some phenomenally wonderful reason for it? I just don''t get it. I really am trying to think this through and understand why someone would do that and I have yet to come up with one good reason other than everyone or a significant amount of the people at the wedding will never ever see each other again. If that''s the case, then do it at the damn day-after brunch.

 

[turboflgrl]

Yup, just like the rest of you "Bridezilla's" (totally kidding!), I'd be royally pissed off too! Though, I did have something quite embarassing happen to me at a friends wedding...

A couple years ago, my fiance's childhood friend got married and during the reception, his friend's aunt (who was like a second mother to my fiance) was chatting with us and noticed my ring finger. It was not an engagement ring, but a promise ring. Unfortunately, she mistook it for an engagement ring and excitedly grabbed my hand (making a bit of a scene in a way) and exclaimed her congrats which other people noticed. We then explained to her that we weren't engaged and that it was a promise ring but I remember being so embarassed and feeling so horrible, hoping that the bride and groom didn't notice!

 

[jewelz617]

I''d be upset. That''s making my day, that I planned, organized and paid for all about THEM.

Can''t they wait a day???

 

[charbie]

completely justified.
i had the "whatever happens, happens" attitude on my wedding day, but if this happened- not a happy camper.
nip this one in the bud.

sidenote: one of DH''s good college friends sort of had to "announce" that he and his wife were expecting their second child at our wedding. they had just had a baby 6 months before, so no one expected she would be preggo again (baby #2 was not planned to come along so quickly, either!) and someone asked them, "so, when are you guys going to have a second one?" i guess they had discussed the fact before the wedding that they weren''t going to tell anyone straight out, but that they weren''t going to lie if anyone asked. so i guess she said, "well, umm, in 6 months." and everyone was in utter shock.
but no one wanted to tell us about it- haha- they didn''t want it to "overshadow" our day- so we didn''t end up finding out for like, another month!

 

[Lilac]

I wouldn''t like it. I was totally not a "MY DAY" kind of bride at all (I hated being the center of attention), but something about another couple getting engaged on the one day DH and I are celebrating our marriage with all our friends and family... I just don''t like it.

 

[zipzapgirl]

This happened to us.

After photos and as everyone was sitting down to dinner, the best man took his girlfriend out on the balcony and proposed, sort of. (I''ll get to the sortof later) We were a little annoyed at the time because we were going to sit down with the bridal party at the head table and were waiting for them to come for our table toast, the photographers were there, etc. We ended up just doing the toast without them because they wouldn''t come inside and we wanted to settle into our spots.

So they come back in and BM mentions to DH that he proposed. DH quietly congratulated him and the evening moved on. There was no ring, but that''s not sooo crazy, as she is Australian and he is Spanish.

When we get to the speeches, BM mentions something about "I''ll be doing the same thing probably next year this time..." which only a few people picked up on. Later we found out that my step-mom turned to the girlfriend and asked if they were engaged, and she said "Not that I know of..."

Based on all of the tidbits we put together, I gather that BM felt he had proposed, but said something more along the lines of wanting to get married to her. How these things get confused is beyond me!

Anyway, they still aren''t officially engaged--at least there is no ring or wedding plans.

It stayed low-key and didn''t distract anyone from the main celebration, so it doesn''t really bother me. BUT, it did bother DH. I think his private quote was, "Get your own romantic Italian villa!"

 

[jaylex]

First of all, LMAO to princesss' SO's reaction lol.

This is probably going to be a bit scatter-brained lol.
But carib, I don't think you are being bridezilla-ish at all. To me, being a bridezilla would be telling the cousin (assuming he proposes before your wedding date) that you don't want his fiancee wearing her ring so as to not take attention away from you or something.

I'm guessing (without knowing your cousin, obviously) that he is planning on proposing 6/3 (his anniversary) and just wanted to make sure it was ok with you, being so close to your wedding date.

This is kind of how I feel about all of this:
We picked 5-21-11 as our wedding day. We didn't consult all of our family members first to make sure that none of them were married on/around that day, or started dating on/around that day and could plan on proposing, or were going to have a baby on/around that day... whatever.
So 5-21-11 is "our day".
Not the day before, and not the day after.

That being said, I would rather not have someone propose at my wedding or during my rehersal dinner or whatever.
But if they do, that makes them look tacky. Not me.
I'll be the one in the white dress with the pretty veil and brand spankin new sparkly band on my finger sitting next to my wonderful husband at the head table. Not anyone else.

Even if the attention were taken away for a tacky day-of-someone-elses-wedding proposal, I don't think it would bring me down too much. How long would everyone be able to fawn over the newly engaged couple? There's cake cutting, toasts, dancing... things that have to do with celebrating our wedding.

Now, if your cousin and his gf get engaged on 6/3 and are the "attention sluht" type, and would talk about it non stop, constantly flash the new ring in your wedding guests faces, etc. I would ask that he refrain from proposing until after your wedding.
But if they are "normal" people who would tell their families the day of the proposal or the morning after and only celebrate amoungst themselves... I don't see it really taking away from your day.



And I agree with what lily said:
"if possibly their anniversary, or another special date, falls on someone else's wedding date, then I think a QUIET proposal is in order, not to be announced until AFTER that day."

 

[parrot tulips]

In general, I think it''s quite inappropriate/inconsiderate, and certainly wouldn''t encourage anyone to do so.

However, I was actually disappointed that no one got engaged at my wedding (maybe because there were a few key people I was hoping to hear some good news from...?). The thought of someone I care about having such a special moment/memory linked to my wedding seems terribly romantic to me.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 3/24/2010 6:05:18 PM
Author: parrot tulips
In general, I think it''s quite inappropriate/inconsiderate, and certainly wouldn''t encourage anyone to do so.

However, I was actually disappointed that no one got engaged at my wedding (maybe because there were a few key people I was hoping to hear some good news from...?). The thought of someone I care about having such a special moment/memory linked to my wedding seems terribly romantic to me.

Yeah. The second part is about how I felt. I looked at my BFFs (Dude of honor and Maid of honor) at one point in the evening and thought, "OMG, how cool would it be if he proposed to her today?!"

But of course he hadn''t talked to me about diamonds yet, so I tried to squash those thoughts quickly...

And it would have been fitting for them because I was the reason they got together in the first place.

 

[honey22]

Are you crazy? I would meltdown if it happened at my wedding. We had such a romantic, intimate special day that was just all about us (and that''s ok, it''s the one day where everyone is there to celebrate a love between 2 people). Had someone popped the question at our wedding, I would have been devastated!!!

It sounds like he is planning on doing it before the big day. Make it clear to him that you don''t want him announcing it at your wedding either, he can either call around and make it common knowledge, or hold off until after your day.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 3/24/2010 6:05:18 PM
Author: parrot tulips
In general, I think it''s quite inappropriate/inconsiderate, and certainly wouldn''t encourage anyone to do so.

However, I was actually disappointed that no one got engaged at my wedding (maybe because there were a few key people I was hoping to hear some good news from...?). The thought of someone I care about having such a special moment/memory linked to my wedding seems terribly romantic to me.

I would have been thrilled if it was someone I cared about. We had a very small wedding and if anyone of the close friends and family we invited had shared that with us, and been linked to our wedding like that, I would have been really happy for them. It would have been even more of a celebration.

DH and I got engaged the day after my best friend''s wedding. We were married a year later in the same church. My friend and her husband were and are disappointed and slightly annoyed that we didn''t get engaged at their wedding, since everyone was there and we are all pretty close (they had a small, intimate wedding too). Every wedding anniversary, they call us to say "it''s your engagement and wedding anniversary - tomorrow. How uncool is that?" LOL

That said, we planned our wedding in three months. It wasn''t a big production and I didn''t feel like it was my day - so many people were involved in making it perfect and I really felt like it was about everyone else who was there as well as about us.

So no, I wouldn''t have minded at all.

 

[tigerhearted]

I''d be pretty annoyed...which I felt bad about until reading everyone''s replies lol.

At my future SiL''s destination wedding in Maui a couple years ago, her childhood best friend got engaged on the trip, but not AT the wedding. I think it was within a couple days after the wedding. We were all happy for them. AT the wedding might have been a different story though lol.

 

[Gypsy]

There is a time and a place for proposals IMO. At another person''s wedding is not appropriate. Seriously? What is wrong with people!

 

[Alleyoop]

Date: 3/23/2010 9:36:22 PM
Author: caribqueen

Date: 3/23/2010 8:29:17 PM
Author: missy

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM
Author: caribqueen
Thanks.


I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it''s a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.


Backstory: A cousin of mine, recently hinted that he has something to run by my FI and I and he kept insisting that he didn''t want to overshadow our day. Apparently, he met his gilfriend on June 3rd, two days before my wedding date, but that''s all he has said so far. I want to be prepared for whatever he may ask later (if he does) and I was already thinking, not on my wedding day, and definitely not at my wedding.

My sister and her boyfriend became engaged a few days before our wedding and they asked me if it was OK to announce their engagement at our wedding and I said it was OK
I was thrilled for both of them

and it''s not like he proposed at our wedding (that would have not been acceptable) but they announced their engagement during the reception. It was a happy event during a happy occasion

In fact, it made my special day with my husband and friends and family even more special because there was so much happiness and love that day.

But definitely no to proposing at your wedding...that is not right

For some reason, I''m still feeling like I don''t like the idea of them announcing it at our wedding either. Again, like a fellow-poster said, ''using the microphone that we paid for...'' We didn''t use someone else''s wedding to announce our engagement.

This whole wedding thing has been such a pain for me, from everyone and their brothers asking to bring children and dates, etc... It also doesn''t help that my family''s culture is one that people would just show up to weddings whether invited or not because it was like one big village party. The same people forget that they''re now in America and things don''t operate the same way. I also think people mistake our wedding for being a family reunion. It is in a way, but there''s a reason that all these people will be getting together and I feel like some people lose sight of that.

I think that I replied about this in the other thread, I was one of the brides who had my now BIL propose to his girlfriend (both late 50s, btw) at our reception. Like the pp said, it was a bit of the whole "family reunion" thing... excpt they forgot that my family was there, also... and it wasn''t their venue. At the time, I think I was pretty gracious about it and it didn''t bother me too much. What really killed me was that they didn''t even invite us to their wedding!! Can you believe it? They said "because it was so small" Small?? My wedding was only 28 people... and we invited them!! He didn''t invite his own brother, when other brothers were invited! I am still a little mad about it!

But then, if he wad rude enough to propose at our wedding, I shouldn''t have been surprised!

 

[Echidna]

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM
Author: caribqueen
Thanks.

I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it''s a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.

Backstory: A cousin of mine, recently hinted that he has something to run by my FI and I and he kept insisting that he didn''t want to overshadow our day. Apparently, he met his gilfriend on June 3rd, two days before my wedding date, but that''s all he has said so far. I want to be prepared for whatever he may ask later (if he does) and I was already thinking, not on my wedding day, and definitely not at my wedding.

My guess would be that his special day is June 3rd, but that he still doesn''t want to overshadow your wedding day because it takes a little while for engagement news to filter out. I speak from guilty experience here because my mum announced my engagement at my grandfather''s birthday party (sorry, Grandad!) and one of the girls at work noticed my engagement ring during a birthday celebration for someone else. I wanted to sink into the floor!

Would you be prepared to ask them to keep it quiet and perhaps not wear the ring to the wedding?

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 3/25/2010 10:53:16 PM
Author: Echidna

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM
Author: caribqueen
Thanks.

I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it's a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.

Backstory: A cousin of mine, recently hinted that he has something to run by my FI and I and he kept insisting that he didn't want to overshadow our day. Apparently, he met his gilfriend on June 3rd, two days before my wedding date, but that's all he has said so far. I want to be prepared for whatever he may ask later (if he does) and I was already thinking, not on my wedding day, and definitely not at my wedding.

My guess would be that his special day is June 3rd, but that he still doesn't want to overshadow your wedding day because it takes a little while for engagement news to filter out. I speak from guilty experience here because my mum announced my engagement at my grandfather's birthday party (sorry, Grandad!) and one of the girls at work noticed my engagement ring during a birthday celebration for someone else. I wanted to sink into the floor!

Would you be prepared to ask them to keep it quiet and perhaps not wear the ring to the wedding?

What I'm really hoping is that he changes his mind and decides not to do anything even near "my weekend."

But if that prayer isn't answered, then, my second hope and thought is that June 3rd is their day and that they keep the celebration to THAT day. (BTW: My rehearsal will be Friday, the 4th.)

I honestly, would not feel comfortable asking them to keep the ring at home on my wedding day, but I might find a way to jokingly say something like, "I'm very happy for you guys, just don't go around announcing it at our wedding (insert laugh here)," and hope that he gets the hint. I can't stop them from telling people at my wedding, but I can make them aware that I'm not cool with turning my wedding into their Engagement party. As long as they don't brag, it would be no different then someone showing up to the wedding with an engagement ring and someone inquiring. But it should not be an unsolicited announcement. Ya know?

Depending on how things play out, I'd also let the DJ know what's up. Because honestly, unless they can get to the mic, there won't be any big announcement that way.

I think all that's left for me to do, is let this thing play out.


Is that fair?

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 3/25/2010 10:53:16 PM
Author: Echidna

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM
Author: caribqueen
Thanks.

I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it''s a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.

Backstory: A cousin of mine, recently hinted that he has something to run by my FI and I and he kept insisting that he didn''t want to overshadow our day. Apparently, he met his gilfriend on June 3rd, two days before my wedding date, but that''s all he has said so far. I want to be prepared for whatever he may ask later (if he does) and I was already thinking, not on my wedding day, and definitely not at my wedding.

My guess would be that his special day is June 3rd, but that he still doesn''t want to overshadow your wedding day because it takes a little while for engagement news to filter out. I speak from guilty experience here because my mum announced my engagement at my grandfather''s birthday party (sorry, Grandad!) and one of the girls at work noticed my engagement ring during a birthday celebration for someone else. I wanted to sink into the floor!

Would you be prepared to ask them to keep it quiet and perhaps not wear the ring to the wedding?

Sorry but I think that is unreasonable.


If it was a close friend I would have been really happy, a relative I loathe but had been forced to invite... furious. Also depends how it is done - the couple sloping off to a romantic corner of the venue and having a private moment - great, picking up a microphone and asking publicly - very bad taste.

The 364 other days thing works to a certain extent. If you choose to have your wedding on NYE or Valentines Day, then chances are you will clash with other people''s plans. Then there are people who want to time a proposal to a birthday or an anniversary or other significant date.

DH and I have always celebrated August 14th as our anniversary as we met that day. We were married on the 26th July, but there is also my birthday between the two dates. As a result we decided to stick with August 14th as our celebration day and anniversary and we don''t celebrate our ''actual'' wedding anniversary. DH''s brother is getting married this year... on the 14th August. Everyone in the family knows that this is ''OUR'' anniversary date and we get anniversary cards on this date. BIL and FSIL could be annoyed that we always celebrate our anniversary and this year we will be celebrating at THEIR wedding. We''re happy to share though!

 

[Echidna]

Date: 3/25/2010 11:47:01 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 3/25/2010 10:53:16 PM
Author: Echidna

Date: 3/23/2010 11:44:36 AM
Author: caribqueen
Thanks.

I needed to get perspective because I was thinking, it's a no-no, but then wondered if I was being a bit of a Bridezilla.

Backstory: A cousin of mine, recently hinted that he has something to run by my FI and I and he kept insisting that he didn't want to overshadow our day. Apparently, he met his gilfriend on June 3rd, two days before my wedding date, but that's all he has said so far. I want to be prepared for whatever he may ask later (if he does) and I was already thinking, not on my wedding day, and definitely not at my wedding.

My guess would be that his special day is June 3rd, but that he still doesn't want to overshadow your wedding day because it takes a little while for engagement news to filter out. I speak from guilty experience here because my mum announced my engagement at my grandfather's birthday party (sorry, Grandad!) and one of the girls at work noticed my engagement ring during a birthday celebration for someone else. I wanted to sink into the floor!

Would you be prepared to ask them to keep it quiet and perhaps not wear the ring to the wedding?

Sorry but I think that is unreasonable.


If it was a close friend I would have been really happy, a relative I loathe but had been forced to invite... furious. Also depends how it is done - the couple sloping off to a romantic corner of the venue and having a private moment - great, picking up a microphone and asking publicly - very bad taste.

The 364 other days thing works to a certain extent. If you choose to have your wedding on NYE or Valentines Day, then chances are you will clash with other people's plans. Then there are people who want to time a proposal to a birthday or an anniversary or other significant date.

I agree, Pandora, which is why I asked caribqueen whether she'd be prepared to do it

It seems that she wouldn't, and I would guess that most of us wouldn't either.

Caribqueen, I like your suggestion that you'll jokingly explain to them what the boundaries are. I'm sure they'll respect that given that your cousin is going to such lengths to check you're okay with everything. I think it's very fair to tell him that you don't want an announcement made, but you might need to get him to pass on the message to well-meaning others who might announce things for them or propose a toast to the "newest couple" in the family! Just my conjecture and 2 cents

Let us know what he says!

 

[Tuckins1]

Wouldn''t have bothered me at all.

 

[packrat]

One of our friends proposed to his girlfriend at our reception, but it was while everyone was drinking and dancing..long after the wedding and food/cake part of the reception. It wasn''t a big production either-she went and told a few people that were there that she knew..Had it *been* a big production however..yes, there would''ve been a huffy bride. And I think I would''ve tried to arrange things so I could go into labor during their wedding, right at vow time.