PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[ChinaCat]

LILI- OMG, I didn''t even THINK of being lopsided later!

Why does this make me laugh? I should be worried!

Glad I''m not the only one, meaning glad it doesn''t mean anything or won''t interfere with still EBF. Now he will eat on the right side, but screams bloody murder if I put him in the normal hold I''ve been doing (can''t remember the name, but the basic one). He will only eat on that side if I put him in the football hold. Weird.

Pandora- Can''t believe Daisy has a tooth! Glad she liked the fireworks and wasn''t scared of them. O is drooling like crazy. Guess I need to keep bibs on him but I keep forgetting.

So does everyone else feel like sending their mom flowers every day for the rest of her life or something? I have such a new respect for my mom and ALL moms. I had no idea how hard and exhausting this whole mommy thing is. O is great and so cute and fun now, smiling and giggling and trying to sit up. I just love hanging out with him. BUT it''s 6 pm here and I feel like I''ve been through the wars. And nothing bad happened, just a typical day for a SAHM- alarm guy came which was a big PITA for various reasons, we have a smoke alarm chirping b/c battery needs to be changed but I can''t find it, my silly dog ran away today which scared me and pissed me off at the same time but I couldn''t go look for him b/c O was being fussy and I can''t just leave him in the house alone, I haven''t had a bath or shower and probably won''t get one, the husband is working super late so I will be on my own all day without any help. NONE of this is any big deal, just a typical day, but it''s hard. And so worth it. But definitely need to do something nice for my mom.

Now O is sleeping in his swing. He''s so freaking cute. I know all of you feel the same about your little ones.

 

[taovandel]

Had our follow up pediatrician visit today to check the weight of Evan. He gained 5 oz! So woohoo! The supplementing is working and he is still okay with latching on and sucking....so far so good. Buying a good pump tomorrow to help things along. My milk still hasn''t come in though---I''m on day 5...is this normal? I''m assuming because I''m not just breastfeeding it''s making things take longer...

 

[phoenixgirl]

Tao,

Mine came in on Day 5. I hope yours does soon! Pumping should definitely help.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Ugh, I''m tired. I''m too hard on myself, methinks. I''ve been trying to get college recommendations done for some of my students and still need to grade these essays I never got to

on top of keeping the house in order, trying to entertain/stimulate Claire at least some of the time when she is awake, feeding her 30% of the day, and going on daily walks. The walks are definitely important because I''ve had a little of the baby blues (but you know what''s funny . . . I had the giggles for the first week; several times a day I would get laughing and be unable to stop . . . those were the fun hormones!) and I feel a little down until I get my walk on.

Vent . . . my DH still seems to be maintaining his usual busy, busy, busy schedule. Tomorrow he is going for a bike ride from 6 to 8 a.m. and from 6 to 8 p.m., and he signed me up to hang out with his friend''s wife tomorrow at dinner time without consulting me (although to his credit apparently he and the friend just mentioned how maybe we''d like to hang out, and then friend told the wife it was a definite before DH ever told me, and when the wife told me we were hanging out I just figured I forgot and went with it). So that is 6 a.m. until 8 p.m. that I am solely responsible for Claire. Last night he went for a ride after my first full day alone with Claire and then asked what we were doing for dinner, then today he left work early to go to the gym and suggested we go to the jeweler''s to see about my push present after (sadly, I am too tired for jewelry!). Tomorrow he offered to come home and take Claire to her doctor''s appointment, which I would really appreciate, but it seems like he''s willing to cut work but not play.

I think this my reaction is normal, but I don''t like it. I''m like, fine, then you take her off my hands completely when you are around. I had been trying to do diaper changes and getting her back in her cosleeper during the night if I was up anyway, but now I''m like, hey you, wake up . . . Just now he complained in a tired voice that she''s still awake when he wants to go to sleep, and I was like, yeah, not my problem . . . I think it''s justified for me to expect him to be with her now when he''s leaving me for 14 hours tomorrow, but I don''t like feeling like we''re on opposite teams. He says he''ll skip whatever I want him to, but I just don''t like being in that position. How do I know which of the two things tomorrow he''d rather miss? It does seem like too much, but these are group rides, so he wants to hang out with his friends. But really, two two-hour rides in one day? I am not being unreasonable to think that is too much when you have a two week old at home. And the solution is not to miss work. Argh.

Probably what will happen is that he''ll get too tired to keep this up with me not giving him a break over night. And I''m not sure that''s a bad thing. We''re in this together, and I am going to go crazy if he doesn''t pitch in.

I hear him talking/reading to her upstairs and yawning repeatedly.

 

[miraclesrule]

Speaking of "Pump and Dump", I was blown away to discover that alcohol detection strips for breast milk are now available at pharmacies. Geez, things have changed.

ChinaCat: So nice of you to think of your Mom. Send her something. Better yet, make her something sparkly!

Phoenixgirl: Boo. That sucks. Two hour bike rides in the morning and the evening? Even a 2-hr bike ride at all would have me raising an eyebrow..or more.

I'm going to give this some thought....

Pandora: Yayayaya for toothies!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

pg NOPE, NOT UNREASONABLE on your part, that is ridiculous. You don''t get to take 4 hours a day for your own private activities, why should he?

Ya gotta try and nip that type of thing in the bud before a habit forms where he gets whatever he wants and you are stuck with all baby all the time. No matter what, hubbies don''t have the same time commitment, but I think it is worth it for your sanity and your relationship to try and create a small modecum of balance.

We are in our house

The good news in that the house is way better than I remember when we bought it 3 months ago. The bad news is that there are so many updates and fixes I want to do, and some that we actually need to do

, that it is hard to even know where to start!

Hunter had a hard time with the month of travel, but now that we have been in our own house for almost a week and he is in his own room things are getting better. He has started to actually put himself back to sleep when he wakes up, not every time, but lots of times. He wakes at 10pm every night and I used to have to nurse him but for the last 3 days or so he has gone to sleep on his own! So I am hoping we are turing a corner in the sleep department, I don''t really want to use CIO, I''d rather the gradually grew out of his frequent wakings on his own.

Hunter is such a chow hound now! He eats 3x per day now and eats so much each time! It is very shocking. He will do a full nurse and then, for example, have about 2/3 of a cup of chopped whole wheat spaghetti with sauteed onions, tofu and carrot puree for sauce. I dunno, seems like a lot.. how much do your kids eat? He also feeds himself now which is lots of fun.

Hunter is 8.5 months old! Here is a cute montage of pics from when he was 5 months, playing in a moving box

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 11/5/2009 10:23:11 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
Ugh, I''m tired. I''m too hard on myself, methinks. I''ve been trying to get college recommendations done for some of my students and still need to grade these essays I never got to

on top of keeping the house in order, trying to entertain/stimulate Claire at least some of the time when she is awake, feeding her 30% of the day, and going on daily walks. The walks are definitely important because I''ve had a little of the baby blues (but you know what''s funny . . . I had the giggles for the first week; several times a day I would get laughing and be unable to stop . . . those were the fun hormones!) and I feel a little down until I get my walk on.

Vent . . . my DH still seems to be maintaining his usual busy, busy, busy schedule. Tomorrow he is going for a bike ride from 6 to 8 a.m. and from 6 to 8 p.m., and he signed me up to hang out with his friend''s wife tomorrow at dinner time without consulting me (although to his credit apparently he and the friend just mentioned how maybe we''d like to hang out, and then friend told the wife it was a definite before DH ever told me, and when the wife told me we were hanging out I just figured I forgot and went with it). So that is 6 a.m. until 8 p.m. that I am solely responsible for Claire. Last night he went for a ride after my first full day alone with Claire and then asked what we were doing for dinner, then today he left work early to go to the gym and suggested we go to the jeweler''s to see about my push present after (sadly, I am too tired for jewelry!). Tomorrow he offered to come home and take Claire to her doctor''s appointment, which I would really appreciate, but it seems like he''s willing to cut work but not play.

I think this my reaction is normal, but I don''t like it. I''m like, fine, then you take her off my hands completely when you are around. I had been trying to do diaper changes and getting her back in her cosleeper during the night if I was up anyway, but now I''m like, hey you, wake up . . . Just now he complained in a tired voice that she''s still awake when he wants to go to sleep, and I was like, yeah, not my problem . . . I think it''s justified for me to expect him to be with her now when he''s leaving me for 14 hours tomorrow, but I don''t like feeling like we''re on opposite teams. He says he''ll skip whatever I want him to, but I just don''t like being in that position. How do I know which of the two things tomorrow he''d rather miss? It does seem like too much, but these are group rides, so he wants to hang out with his friends. But really, two two-hour rides in one day? I am not being unreasonable to think that is too much when you have a two week old at home. And the solution is not to miss work. Argh.

Probably what will happen is that he''ll get too tired to keep this up with me not giving him a break over night. And I''m not sure that''s a bad thing. We''re in this together, and I am going to go crazy if he doesn''t pitch in.

I hear him talking/reading to her upstairs and yawning repeatedly.

PG - ABSOLUTELY UNREASONABLE!

Men just don''t get how exhausting it is recovering from birth and looking after a baby. He needs to give up some of his activities and help you out. It gets worse later - your hormones wear off, you get more and more tired and the baby sleeps a LOT less! One bike ride is more than generous at this stage of the game, really he should be spending all his time helping you and taking some of the strain. At weekends, I expect DH to take her in the morning for a couple of hours if we''re not going out so I can get some sleep. I do do ALL the night stuff myself, so he has always had a full-night''s sleep - but then he goes to work all day so I think that is reasonable.

I had to have a big talk with my DH - he was planning on running for election in May to be a Borough Councillor. Now, I am already one and I''m standing down at the next election. I know how much time it takes - it''s 30+ hours a week, and involves at least one weekend day every week and 4 out of 5 evenings. The campaign for next May has already kicked off and means working all weekend every week from now till May! I told him that I wasn''t prepared to be a single mother for the next 5 years and it wasn''t fair to expect me to do so much alone. We had about the biggest arguments we have ever had since we met - I felt really bad since he has spent 7 years working towards this, but at the same time I would rather he gave time to his daughter rather than the citizens of SE London. In the end he agreed and withdrew from the race.


Tao - Mine didn''t come in for nearly 3 weeks!


Grrrr. Why do men sign up for things without asking first? Just had an email round from a friend asking about New Year aas she''ll host at her house, and DH has gone ahead and accepted without asking me what I want to do. I''m not sure I want to be the only one with a baby sitting in a house full of smokers all New Year''s Eve. And I''m FUMING he didn''t ask me first...AGAIN!

 

[phoenixgirl]

I talked to DH last night, and he nixed this morning's ride. I do want him to make his health a priority and have "him" time, but two two-hour stints in one day with a two week old is obviously ridiculous. He didn't argue on that point. He's also taking Claire to the doctor unless I miraculously get the college recs done before then.

 

[robbie3982]

Just popping on quickly to say that my great uncle''s surgery went well and my MIL''s surgery is scheduled for the 20th.

My boss is in town this week and next and we''re short on office space here. Since this isn''t his home location, he doesn''t have his own office, which means he shares with me when he''s here, for now at least. No big deal (though it is awkward to have to kick him out when I need to pump), but it means I can''t play on PS during the day. Hopefully I''ll be able to catch up on everything this weekend.

 

[Blenheim]

PG - not unreasonable whatsoever on your part. Glad he came around.

Tao - I think 5-6 days is within the realm of normal. It may help if you try to BF him more, just to stimulate your bbs, even if he''s not getting anything.

Pandora - sorry about the argument with DH. I''m glad that he''s going to have the time to spend with Daisy though.

DD - congrats on being in the house, as well as on the sleep starting to sort itself out! Hunter is just adorable.

We''re moving today. Most of our stuff''s currently in a truck, but I need to go around and pack up odds and ends now and get them in the truck as well. G is at daycare (although he''s getting sick, poor thing) and my FIL is going to be arriving in a couple of hours to help out, thankfully. But, if I''m not on for a few days, that is why.

I need to line up a ped at the other end. My mom''s boyfriend''s daughter (follow that?) did a lot of research on area pediatricians and ended up going with my childhood ped for her son... I may just go with him to make things easy.

 

[iluvcarats]

Date: 11/5/2009 10:23:11 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
Ugh, I''m tired. I''m too hard on myself, methinks. I''ve been trying to get college recommendations done for some of my students and still need to grade these essays I never got to

on top of keeping the house in order, trying to entertain/stimulate Claire at least some of the time when she is awake, feeding her 30% of the day, and going on daily walks. The walks are definitely important because I''ve had a little of the baby blues (but you know what''s funny . . . I had the giggles for the first week; several times a day I would get laughing and be unable to stop . . . those were the fun hormones!) and I feel a little down until I get my walk on.


Vent . . . my DH still seems to be maintaining his usual busy, busy, busy schedule. Tomorrow he is going for a bike ride from 6 to 8 a.m. and from 6 to 8 p.m., and he signed me up to hang out with his friend''s wife tomorrow at dinner time without consulting me (although to his credit apparently he and the friend just mentioned how maybe we''d like to hang out, and then friend told the wife it was a definite before DH ever told me, and when the wife told me we were hanging out I just figured I forgot and went with it). So that is 6 a.m. until 8 p.m. that I am solely responsible for Claire. Last night he went for a ride after my first full day alone with Claire and then asked what we were doing for dinner, then today he left work early to go to the gym and suggested we go to the jeweler''s to see about my push present after (sadly, I am too tired for jewelry!). Tomorrow he offered to come home and take Claire to her doctor''s appointment, which I would really appreciate, but it seems like he''s willing to cut work but not play.


I think this my reaction is normal, but I don''t like it. I''m like, fine, then you take her off my hands completely when you are around. I had been trying to do diaper changes and getting her back in her cosleeper during the night if I was up anyway, but now I''m like, hey you, wake up . . . Just now he complained in a tired voice that she''s still awake when he wants to go to sleep, and I was like, yeah, not my problem . . . I think it''s justified for me to expect him to be with her now when he''s leaving me for 14 hours tomorrow, but I don''t like feeling like we''re on opposite teams. He says he''ll skip whatever I want him to, but I just don''t like being in that position. How do I know which of the two things tomorrow he''d rather miss? It does seem like too much, but these are group rides, so he wants to hang out with his friends. But really, two two-hour rides in one day? I am not being unreasonable to think that is too much when you have a two week old at home. And the solution is not to miss work. Argh.


Probably what will happen is that he''ll get too tired to keep this up with me not giving him a break over night. And I''m not sure that''s a bad thing. We''re in this together, and I am going to go crazy if he doesn''t pitch in.


I hear him talking/reading to her upstairs and yawning repeatedly.

Hi Phoenixgirl!
Sorry that you are having a hard time.
I believe that we have spoken about this before, but from one mountain bike widow to another, I hear you!
My dh and I "discuss" this all the time, (but I don''t have a newborn anymore.)
Two rides a day with a newborn is selfish. And going to the gym in the morning instead of helping you - well I don''t know where to begin

You are not being unreasonable in the least. He needs to re-evaluate his priorities (((HUGS)))

 

[fieryred33143]

Tao- glad Evan gained weight! Definitely get him on the breast as much as possible. My milk came in by day 3 but I spent all of day 2 with her on my breast (her demands lol). If you do supplement then let DH feed him and you pump so that your body knows to create the supply.

PG- not unreasonable at all. Our biggest problem is that my life changed and his remained the same. I kept quiet about it for a long time until it got worse so definitely nip it in the bud. My advice FWIW is to stop doing all of those other things and just sleep as much as possible. Definitely go out for walks but the cooking, cleaning, hanging out with ppl is not necessary right now.

****

Sorry if I missed a bunch of ppl. Sophia is still sick and now I''m running a fever and terrible cold. We were going to supplement last night because I didn''t want to be near her but she ended up STTN go figure. FI dropped her off at MILs and I''m skipping work to sleep and hopefully get better. I read on kellymom that fenugreek is great for head and chest congestion so I picked some up. The boost to supply will also be greatly appreciated

 

[fieryred33143]

DD-Hunter is so adorable!

 

[taovandel]

Woohoo! Last night Evan actually stayed on my boob for like 10 minutes, latched on and sucking! He hasnt done that since the 1st day in the hospital! Off to go buy the pump in a bit...

OMG Hunter is adorable!!

 

[Mandarine]

Hi!...

Selfish post again...I promise one day (when I''m not so sleep deprived) I''ll contribute more...

So I gave up

. I stopped pumping. I couldn''t do it anymore...I was crying everyday, feeling incapable of doing this. Pumping for 15 minutes and getting 0.5oz (3 weeks post partum)...it was just too frustrating and it would always make me feel worse. All I was doing was feeding, burping, pumping, changing. Everyone kept telling me that in order to make milk, I had to rest. I''m not sure how one finds time to rest with two newborns. So I gave up at exactly 3 weeks and 1 day. I feel like I did my best...I took a class, read books, took herbal supplements, tried two lactation consultants, pumped every 2-3 hours, let them practice at the breast.... The boys wouldn''t latch for longer than 2-4 minutes...and when they did, their sucking wasn''t great. They got frustrated, I got sad. I kind of feel cheated from that bonding experience...but it''s by far the hardest thing I''ve done. I really really wanted to do this for them and while at least I''m not crying anymore, I do still have this guilt. I am sure that will eventually go away.

As for how things are going...well, the boys are great. They behave like typical newborns...have their good days and bad days, get fussy at night, etc. I feel like they are good babies and I''m just taking it one day at a time and trying to enjoy their tiny little faces because they''re changing so fast!. They''re becoming more vocal and are a lot more alert now during the day (Lucas didn''t sleep all day yesterday!!...poor guy had a tough day!).

Now as far as the home life goes...it''s terrible. My mom is helping me...thank God because I don''t know how I could do it without her. DH helps with the 11pm feeding and then that''s it, he goes to bed and it''s me and my mom. The babies still sleep in our room, so DH does hear them when they wake up to eat, but I whisk them to their nursery pretty quickly. DH''s life continues...you know, he goes to the gym, plays tennis, goes to work, comes home, eats dinner (that I make). I don''t want to sound like I''m complaining...because he is wonderful with the babies. He holds them, feeds them, rocks them, talks to them, etc...and I know it''s the mom''s life that takes a back seta. I forget to brush my teeth sometimes and remember at 5pm...if I''m lucky I have a chance to change out of my PJs and I don''t really ever leave the house unless it''s necessary (Drs, grocery shopping, etc). I''m up for every single feeding, which is fine...but that means I''m also extremely sleep deprived.

So the terrible part is not DH, he''s actually ok...I guess on that front I just sort of feel it''s not fair he has time to go play tennis when I haven''t been able to brush my teeth...you know?.

The terrible part is the interaction when MIL is here. OMG...I swear sometimes I just want to grab my babies and go. MIL is so extremely jealous of my mom...it''s so ridiculous. The environment is so tense. They used to get along, not it''s worse and worse every day. My mom feels so uncomfortable here...she''s actually counting the days to leave (even though she says she would stay as long as I need her). Last night MIL got here and it took her 15 minutes to say hello to my mom, who was less than 4 steps away, in the kitchen. She did say hello to me, DH, the babies and the dog. It''s just so uncomfortable. DH doesn''t see it and says it''s also a little bit in my head, but it''s not. MIL works so she comes at night maybe 3 times/week. The other day she changed one of the boys and then proceeded to tell DH how the baby had a rash (NOT TRUE!) and how we (me and my mom) needed to do a better job at cleaning them...explaining to him how we need to "lift the balls" etc. Seriously?. She kept whispering but me and my mom were right there so we could both hear her. She comes here for maybe 3 hours total and is going to say that we are not doing a good job?. The babies do not have a rash and they get cleaned very well, thank you very much. She also starts talking to DH is English, when my mom is sitting right there with them (knowing my mom doesn''t speak English).

MIL and I never had a great relationship...I have tried, but she''s one of those people that is never happy, no matter what you do. I thought maybe the arrival of the babies would make her a happier person. I think it''s going to be the complete opposite. It saddens me because she''s the closest family member the boys will have. I don''t like the interaction between MIL and DH and wish things were different between her and I too....it just doesn''t seem like it will ever happen though.

Ok, enough venting. Alex is demanding some loving so I gotta go!

Here is a pic of teh boys I took for their announcements (Lucas sleeping and Alex awake

 

[MustangGal]

Quick drive by...

Blen - good luck on the move! I hope it all goes well!

DD - Kyle''s still only eating solids 2 times a day, about 6 oz each time, but I think we need to start on a third feeding. His pedi had said to stay with 2 until 9 months, so we''re pretty close anyway. Have fun setting up your new house!

Maderine - do NOT feel bad about giving up on BFing. I only lasted 5 weeks, same issue with the baby not latching. Pumping/feeding/and everything else was just way too much, I was miserable. I have no idea how you''ve been managing it with twins on top of that! I also think your DH needs to be giving up something in there, you shouldn''t be the only one putting your needs aside for the babies (they''re sooo cute by the way!). And maybe have a sit-down with MIL? If it''s this bad now, it''s only going to get worse as time goes on.

So we gave Kyle more formula than we had been before bed last night, and he made it to 5:45am, a small improvement. I think it might just be hunger, we haven''t really uped the amount he eats in 2 months, so that makes sense...

And a small DH vent - DH is off on Fridays and Saturdays now (just in fall/winter, the slow season for golf maintenance) so I asked him when he would pick up Kyle from the sitter today so I could let her know, and his answer was "oh, 3:30 or 4, like normal". So he''s going to sit on his butt all day while Kyle''s at the sitter

. He claims he''s working on the project car that was supposed to be sold before we even started TTC, but I know he doesn''t spend 8 hours doing that. Since we pay weekly for the sitter, and 4 or 5 days is the same rate, he doesn''t feel bad "using what we pay for". If I had Fridays off I''d be home with my baby! So, one more reason to stop at 1 child.

 

[MustangGal]

In response to my DH vent, I just called him and he''s been sitting on the couch in his boxers for 4 HOURS!

 

[cdt1101]

MGal - that sucks!!! I would give my DH some sh*t if he did that! Men

Phoenix and Mandarine - I'm sorry to hear your DH's haven't realized that life has changed drastically and you and baby need more time!!! I would seriously let them know at least right now, they can't have as much "me" time. When Lex was first born, I didn't do anything, but care for him during the day. When he napped, I napped. No cleaning, no cooking...nothing but trying to not go insane from sleep deprivation. And even doing that, DH took over completely when he got home. I would then sleep from 7:00pm - midnight.

Not to sound harsh, but your DH's need a HUGE wake up call. You can't do this alone. And I understand they work, but then they should at least do the evening shift ALL by themselves.

I know it's harder for you Phoenix since you are BFing. And Mandarine w/ twins it makes more complicated as well, but I'm just not for hubbys acting like they can go on like normal, while the mother carries all the weight on her shoulders.

I'll admit though, that I'm kind of a tough one w/ those things. Like I'd NEVER win an award for the coolest wife or anything w/ his group of friends/family

Try to hang in there and it does get better (aren't you sick of hearing that!?).

Mandarine - Sorry to hear about your MIL...that sucks! I can never understand why GROWN woman act this way?? It makes me scratch my head

Dreamer - congrats on being in your new house! Hunter is adorable!!!

 

[phoenixgirl]

Mandarine, hugs. You absolutely did your best with BFing and should not feel bad at all. I can barely handle BFing one baby, and I can''t imagine possibly doing it with two. And BTW, when you mentioned not brushing your teeth, I was like, oh no, did I brush mine today???

And I totally get you with DH not getting how to balance things correctly at first. I think mine is getting it now. He skipped his ride this morning and called me quite contrite from work to say that he is here for me, our family is the most important thing to him, he knows how hard it is for me, etc. He''s with Claire at the doctor right now . . . I''m alone for once! Maybe once your mom leaves he''ll realize that he can''t leave it all up to you. But I totally just spelled it out for my DH last night . . . two TWO HOUR rides in one day with a two week old is ridiculous! I''m all for "me time" and keeping up with your health and friends but we have a NEWBORN! And you have TWO! My DH always means well, just sometimes he is a dufus.

MG, I guess Friday is husband vent day! Sorry yours is being a boxers bum today.


So I''ve read all these books that talk about how your baby should be on an approximately three hour eat, wake, sleep cycle, but mine doesn''t do this. Once or twice a day she''ll be awake after a feeding, look sleepy/get cranky, then take a nap, but then about twice a day she is awake the whole time between feedings, and once or twice a day she sleeps the whole time between.

But the best thing is that she is sleeping all night long after the late night feeding except when she wakes up to eat, usually about 11 or 12 until 6 or 7 with a middle of the night feeding in between. So I''m not going to complain or stress about this magical "eat, wake, sleep" cycle. I think the point of the cycle is that your baby is supposed to learn how to fall asleep after being awake without being nursed to sleep, and since she does that a couple of times a day, I figure we''re good. I''m trying to be alert to her tired cues and to not freak out if she''s a little cranky while I''m waiting for her to fall asleep (I am not saying I''m letting a two-week old CIO, just that sometimes she makes a couple of tired cries before drifting off and I''m trying not to whisk her out of her crib if she''s literally one minute from sleeping). Swaddling her seems to help if she''s having a hard time getting there.

I''m noticing that after her mid-late afternoon feeding, she goes down for a two or three hour nap. That''s when I get my nap in. The last few days DH has come home to Claire and Mommy conked out in the dark. One day I missed the nap and it was pretty brutal at night.

Does this schedule seem normal? I hope so because it seems like we''re pretty lucky with her not being awake during the night.

 

[Mara]

sorry Mand and PG you guys are having such a tough time with the DH's. i have been lurking, trying to wrap my head around all the stuff that comes with having a newborn...but i wanted to ask in light of some of the recent posts, it is COMMON for the men to just continue about their merry lives when it comes to the babies? i read online that a midwife told her clients that they needed to work it out ahead of time and that she recommended the following:

--Mom's job is to feed the baby, feed herself, sleep, and get out for 1 hour without baby every day.
--Dad's job is to feed Mom (aka make sure food is avail) make sure Mom showers, make sure Mom sleeps, and take the baby for 1 hour every day without Mom.

so that is what we are planning to do at least the first 3 weeks when Greg is home with me, figure its easier to lay it out in terms of responsibilities. i am sure it won't be easy, but we have also agreed that we won't be doing much outside of the house in general at least for the first few weeks. is that a 'reasonable' assumption? did any of you discuss with your husbands what the plan was or just figured you'd work it out as you went? any recommendations appreciated.

Greg does row twice a week in the early mornings, and I do want him to continue doing that for some HIM time and he enjoys it and it destresses him...important for his sanity. (mine is already questionable!)

btw PG...the one book i am reading says the first few weeks that the baby may not have their own schedule yet and that is ok, that you should just feed when they are hungry and let them sleep when they want to sleep?

 

[fieryred33143]

Mandarine

Huge hugs!! Mommies of multiples amaze me. The amount of work it takes is incredible. Don''t feel guilty about breastfeeding. The most important thing is that you are happy and the boys get fed.

As for your MIL, I sympathize. My MIL does the exact same thing: jealous of my mom and talks about how I take care of Sophia. Only she says it to Sophia when I drop her off. For example, she''ll go "aye Sophia why does your mom not put little shoes on your feet? She must like that you get cold.

Is there any way that when she comes over, your mom can go somewhere else like grab dinner, visit family, get a mani/pedi? It isn''t fair that your mom has to go through that at all.

My own MIL vent (surprise surprise):

This morning she tells me that she never puts Sophia down. We gave her a bouncer, swing, tummy mat, and PNP. She doesn''t use any of it. Instead she carries her for 10 hours. I asked her to please stop doing this. She''s at an age where she can get "spoiled" and besides she needs her "independence" to explore her surroundings on her own and learn how to play with her toys.

I also mentioned that when I put her down to sleep she''s awake so that she puts herself to sleep and she yelled at me that I need to stop reading books. I just left. I''m sure she''s making a mental note of me not working today and Sophia being in her house.

 

[cdt1101]

Mara - I think like anything else, every family is different. I think if you (before baby) are pretty 50/50 then it will likely remain MOSTLY the same. But I agree w/ Phoenix that sometimes DHs just don''t "get" it, even if they have the best intentions. So we mommies need to S-P-E-L-L it out for them

I was lucky in that there were no issues at all. We kind of did your "plan", with the exception of mommy going out for an hour. hehehe....I only cared about sleep then, not going out

We didn''t discuss a schedule at all before baby, besides even if we had once you get home w/ the baby for the first time you''ll have no clue anyway! At least we didn''t, we just took it minute by minute.

With that said, I think it''s great you and Greg are laying it all out. That way even if things don''t go according to plan, you at least are on the same page w/ how to approach things.

 

[fieryred33143]

Mara- it''s one of those things that you really don''t know until baby is here how DH will react. You can have the most helpful DH who becomes even more helpful after the baby is here or does a complete 180. It''s also hard when you are bfing and spending all your time with the baby while he works. I hate pumping at home. Hate it. So I never have a bottle for him to use when she gets up to feed so I end up waking up every time. I also spent a lot of time learning how to put her to sleep that when he tries and she''s crying its just easier for me to get up and do it. It''s not like I''m sleeping anyway.

In terms of keeping me fed, that he does. I don''t cook at all. He either cooks or always picks up dinner.

You know, having a baby isn''t as easy as bringing baby home and life goes back to normal. Your hormones are *all* over the place, you''re sleep deprived, and its hard. Really, really hard.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 11/6/2009 2:29:40 PM
Author: fiery
Mandarine

Huge hugs!! Mommies of multiples amaze me. The amount of work it takes is incredible. Don''t feel guilty about breastfeeding. The most important thing is that you are happy and the boys get fed.

As for your MIL, I sympathize. My MIL does the exact same thing: jealous of my mom and talks about how I take care of Sophia. Only she says it to Sophia when I drop her off. For example, she''ll go ''aye Sophia why does your mom not put little shoes on your feet? She must like that you get cold.

Is there any way that when she comes over, your mom can go somewhere else like grab dinner, visit family, get a mani/pedi? It isn''t fair that your mom has to go through that at all.

My own MIL vent (surprise surprise):

This morning she tells me that she never puts Sophia down. We gave her a bouncer, swing, tummy mat, and PNP. She doesn''t use any of it. Instead she carries her for 10 hours. I asked her to please stop doing this. She''s at an age where she can get ''spoiled'' and besides she needs her ''independence'' to explore her surroundings on her own and learn how to play with her toys.

I also mentioned that when I put her down to sleep she''s awake so that she puts herself to sleep and she yelled at me that I need to stop reading books. I just left. I''m sure she''s making a mental note of me not working today and Sophia being in her house.

Good grief!!!

Your MIL gets worse by the day Fiery! It seems like she is battling for complete control of Sophia....

 

[cdt1101]

Date: 11/6/2009 2:29:40 PM
Author: fiery
Mandarine


Huge hugs!! Mommies of multiples amaze me. The amount of work it takes is incredible. Don''t feel guilty about breastfeeding. The most important thing is that you are happy and the boys get fed.


As for your MIL, I sympathize. My MIL does the exact same thing: jealous of my mom and talks about how I take care of Sophia. Only she says it to Sophia when I drop her off. For example, she''ll go ''aye Sophia why does your mom not put little shoes on your feet? She must like that you get cold.


Is there any way that when she comes over, your mom can go somewhere else like grab dinner, visit family, get a mani/pedi? It isn''t fair that your mom has to go through that at all.


My own MIL vent (surprise surprise):


This morning she tells me that she never puts Sophia down. We gave her a bouncer, swing, tummy mat, and PNP. She doesn''t use any of it. Instead she carries her for 10 hours. I asked her to please stop doing this. She''s at an age where she can get ''spoiled'' and besides she needs her ''independence'' to explore her surroundings on her own and learn how to play with her toys.


I also mentioned that when I put her down to sleep she''s awake so that she puts herself to sleep and she yelled at me that I need to stop reading books. I just left. I''m sure she''s making a mental note of me not working today and Sophia being in her house.

OMG Fiery!!! Your MIL is a piece of work! The "talking" to Sophia thing..holy sh*t! I''m sorry, but you are sooooooooooooo nice! I''d lose it! Do you say anything when she does that?

As for the carrying thing...I wouldn''t worry too much about that now. I still think Sophia is too young to really be spoiled. But your MIL "should" respect your wishes if you don''t want Sophia carried all day.

I know I''ve mentioned this before, but have your considered other care? I just think it sounds like your MIL is getting WORSE, rather than better. I mean, if she wasn''t family (and free) there is no way you''d stick this out (i assume)?

 

[fieryred33143]

Lorelei- the other day she made a "joke" that it would be better if Sophia stayed with her all week and we pick her up on the weekend so that she doesn't get confused. Luckily FI was there and told her that if she's looking for someone to take care of fulltime there are plenty of babies needing adopted parents but Sophia will stay home with her parents. Seriously.

CDT-I used to just respond directly to her but now I respond through Sophia. Like with the shoes thing I said "Sophia tell your grandmother that it's 95 degrees outside and your mom isn't crazy."

 

[E B]

A quick one from me (more later) to address Mandarine and Mara's posts.

Mandarine- These weeks are hard, aren't they? I can only imagine how hard they are with two little ones. For your health and sanity- INSIST that your husband give you at least one hour a day for yourself. It doesn't have to be all at once, maybe two thirty minute chunks (or four fifteen minute breaks), but it's incredibly important that you have some time to breathe and do whatever you need or want to do. If it cuts into his tennis time, too d*mn bad. You need some you time. Some time to brush your teeth, take a shower, read a chapter in a book, whatever. As they get older, you'll be able to put them down and get whatever you need done, but while they're little and SO dependent, you need some help, and understandably so. A million (and two, for those babies!) hugs to you.

Mara- Your plan is a good one. We followed it and it's worked very well for us. My husband loves to cook anyway, so he makes sure I get something for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He'll take H for me in the morning while I brush my teeth/wash my face/shower, and every now and then when I NEED a break. He's also in charge of nighttime diaper changes too, but it's easy since the changing table is right next to the co-sleeper, which is right next to our bed.

 

[Pandora II]

Geez Fiery I would have lost it by now with your MIL - you are a saint!

On the whole schedule thing, I think it all comes down to how you decide to parent - and that is very much horses for courses and what works for one child might not for another.

I found I was getting too hung up on trying to get Daisy to sleep on her own without being fed, rocked etc and she just didn''t seem happy - she''d cry for ages, always on me, but crying never the less. I was also finding I was getting less sleep because of trying to put her back in the co-sleeper after night feeds - half the time she would wake up and then I would have to get up.

I did a bit of research and we decided to go with Dr Sears, so now I feed her to sleep, feed on demand, we bed-share and I carry her more than I did before. Yes she still wakes up on occasion, but the last 2 nights she has STTN - she may have fed herself, but if she did I don''t remember! She''s always happy to go to bed and drops off without a whimper, if she wakes up in the evening I nip in and feed her and in 10 minutes max she''s back asleep again, so I''m free from 7.30pm till I go to bed which is lovely. I couldn''t do CIO, just not for me and DH agreed. Daisy seems confident and isn''t clingy or whingy so I''m hoping we''re doing the right thing. I''ll tackle the ''own bedroom'' thing when the day comes and I hope it will work the way the book says - in the meantime, the poor child doesn''t actually have a bedroom!

Mara, DH and I didn''t really discuss that much beforehand, however because of my bipolar disorder there were a number of case conferences with all my health professionals where THEY made it very clear to him just how much support I would need. Because he could get landed with sole care if I was to get ill with PPD, he more than does his share. One of the reasons that I do all the night stuff is so that he is rested enough that he can take care of me a bit. To be honest, what I really like is for him to play with Daisy for me so that I can do stuff that isn''t to do with babies - even cooking dinner is a break!

DD - LOVE the photos of Hunter in the packing boxes. He''s gorgeous looking and what a character! Yay for the new house.

Blen - Good luck with the move!

Mandie - Bleugh for MIL!

Don''t worry about the breast-feeding. I came so close to chucking it in the first 5 weeks and I only had one baby to deal with. With 2 there is no way I could have done it. Just the weeks you managed are a great thing! I hope your husband steps up more when your mother leaves.

What is it with these men??? I mean, yes we like having babies, but just like them we all have other interests and hobbies too and it''s not fair that only one person should have to give them up. And its'' not even that you necesssarily want to go out, but you don''t want to be doing it all on your own with the kids while they are off living their normal life.

 

[littlelysser]

Hi ladies!

All the Halloween babies are adorable! Love them!

Hope all is well!

PG - I''m glad to hear you discussed stuffs with your DH. I just don''t think men understand how much effort a newborn takes. It can really be tough - especially the first month. FWIW, I had a really easy baby and a husband who took 3 weeks off and then went back 1/2 days for 2 weeks and it was STILL exhausting. It will get better - and you guys will figure out a rhythm. As for the timing of sleep, eating, etc...Go with what works. The first few weeks, there really is no schedule, other than what the baby wants. And at two weeks, if she falls asleep after nursing, BE HAPPY! She''s sleeping. You aren''t getting her into any routines or anything. Calvin was a big fan of nursing to sleep when he was a newborn - and now he''ll put himself to sleep in his bed after my DH gives him a bottle.

CC - I have one boob that produces more as well. I refer to them as the slacker and the overacheiver. Calvin doesn''t seem to show much preference at this point, but the slacker consistently produces less when I pump. Odd. Oh, and I have noticed a difference in size in them too. Slacker boob is smaller than the overachiever. It is a good look! And being a mom is just plain hard. Totally worth it, but HARD. Luckily, DH has a pretty easy schedule and is home most night by 6...but boy oh boy, there are times when he gets home and I cannot wait for him to take Calvin and give me a break!

Fiery - How is Sophia feeling?

Robbie and Sabine - Holy cute babies batman! Your kids are adorable!!!!!

Natalina - How are things?

Blen - Good luck on the move!!!

Tao - Congrats on Evan! You mention sleep issues - is Evan swaddled? If not, swaddle that boy! Makes a HUGE difference!
Mandy - Your boys are adorable! Do NOT NOT NOT feel bad about not breastfeeding. Seriously and really. A happy mom makes for happy babies. Miserable and stressed out are not so great! I''m so sorry about the situation with your MIL. That is rough. On the DH front - my comment about men not understanding is double...Can you talk to him about what is going on? Both on the MIL front and the helping out front.

Mustang - Quick grrrr on your behalf. I totally feel you!

DD - Yay for being in the new house.

As for me...My MIL and FIL are coming in from Europe on Friday to meet Calvin. My MIL is really hard to deal with and I am SOOOO not looking forward to the visit. They are going to be here for a week. Ugh. She is a very difficult person to deal with - super opinionated and I''m sure she''s going to tell me I''m doing everything wrong. UGH UGH UGH.

Quick question about naps...Calvin is a great sleeper at night. Right now he goes to bed between 8:30 and 9, sleeps until 3 or 4, eats and then sleeps until 7 or 8. Which is great.

But the little guy does NOT like to nap. He''ll nap in his swing in the morning for maybe an hour or an hour and a half, and then it is 20 to 30 minute catnaps the rest of the day. Doesn''t matter if he''s in his pack ''n play or his crib...he just doesn''t take long naps. As soon as I notice his tired cues, I swaddle him and soothe him and put him down for a nap - sound asleep. 20 - 30 minutes later, WIDE AWAKE. And he wakes up all smiley baby, so I don''t know if I just shouldn''t worry about it or what. When did your kiddos start taking REAL naps?

Oh, and here is a pic of my little pumpkin on halloween!

 

[Blenheim]

Just popping in one last time - FIL just left with the moving truck, and so now it''s me, the dogs, a couple of overnight bags, and the laptop. I still need to load up my car and then pick up George from daycare.

On DHs... I got furious with mine last week, similar situation to MG''s. DH was working 2 pm until 10 pm for the week, but kept dropping G off at daycare right once he woke up so he could play video games. I told him that he HAD to get housework done if he was going to drop G off for the day, and then he didn''t because it was raining so he couldn''t mow the grass. Like that''s the ONLY thing that needed to be done?! Meanwhile, I picked G up from daycare once I got off of work and had to deal with taking care of him and cooking and laundry and all that sort of stuff. DH got a tongue lashing. He was just figuring that daycare was paid for already whether we used it or not so it would be a great opportunity for some time to himself, not even thinking that general house upkeep also needs to get done and that I don''t get time to myself if he doesn''t pull his weight.

Mandarine - please don''t feel guilty! It is HARD to BF a singleton, and I cannot imagine doing it with twins! It''s really more important, both for you and for them, to feel happy and feeling confident in youself. One of the great things about BFing is the close physical interaction, and you can do exactly the same thing with bottle-feeding, so that you get a similar bonding experience but can get help feeding them. your boys are gorgeous, by the way!

Mara - we did similar to what you just posted, and it worked great for us. The issues didn''t really start until we both went back to work, but it''s been fine as long as we''re working similar hours as then the amount of downtime that we both get is obvious to the other one.

Ok, I''m done pumping, which means it is time to load up the car.