Queen Bee, It''s all about me....

[Kaleigh]

Have you ever had a friend like this?

 

[brooklyngirl]

I had a friend like this through high school. She is the kind of person who is never happy for others when good things happen to them, and at the same time judgemental about others' lives to make herself feel better about her own. She used to call me out of the blue once a year, but I think that will stop since I didn't invite her to my wedding.

ETA: Do you have a friend like this, and wondering if you should drop her?

 

[Catmom]

Not so much a friend but my MIL is totally like this!

 

[brooklyngirl]

Catmom, now that you mention it, it appears mine is that way too!

 

[Skippy123]

Yeah, those are hard friendships. I don't have any like that anymore. In the past I had and they were draining and no matter what I did those people were never satisfied and always seeking happiness. I mean if I have a friend in need I am there for them for sure but the ones who aren't comforting in return and are never happy no matter what then that is difficult. I am lucky to have some really wonderful friends; I count my blessings for sure!!!

This actually made me think of something I posted in the laws of attraction thread .

I think in general if you are surrounded by happy people it is contagious and if you are surrounded by negative people that too is contagious. I like to surround myself with content people with a healthy balance.

I know people in general are going to have troubles in life (not exactly something we can control) but I think it is how you react to the problems that ultimately determine your overall happy/healthy well being in life.

 

[Linda W]

GREAT topic Lisa. Good Grief yes. I have a friend like this.. Always about her, even at our age. I answer the phone when it rings. After I say hello, good grief I can''t get a word in. She seldom asks how I am, etc. On the other hand, she has other qualities that I adore about her.

We have been friends for over 30 years.

 

[Hera]

I used to have friends like this when I was younger, but not anymore. I already have two in my life-my mom and brother that I don''t have the strength for anyone else. These people are akin to junk food, I''m satisfied for five minutes, then I''m hungry for a real connection.

 

[TravelingGal]

I run my court to make sure I have none of dem bad apples.

 

[Kaleigh]

I can't ask questions like Dancingfire?? Just kidding. My girlfriends and I were together and were talking about someone that we all had as a friend but quickly dropped after much drama. She moved back here, sent us an invitation to a party, thus the convo..

I think it's an interesting topic.

 

[TravelingGal]

I actually do have a friend like this, at least when it comes to conversation, not intention. I seriously might as well disable the mouthpiece when I get the on the phone with her - no need for it.

When she had kids, EVERY conversation was about them. I told her finally that she was doing it. She was really sincerely shocked and said she wondered if she actually was like that, but couldn''t tell, and asked me for tips on working on it. I told her to try and find time to read the news, no matter how fluffy. Then at least there would be current events to talk about! She''s been my friend since I was 17, so she''s more like a sister. Plus she lives 3 hours from me, so I don''t have to deal with it much. She also does really have a heart of gold.

In college, I had a friend whose heart was as rotten as a roadkill under Arizona sun. She would encourage girlfriends to "go for" guys they admitted to liking, then making a huge play on them herself. Completely in need of attention and a total drama queen. A liar. She was charming and manipulative. She never did anything to me, but when I saw what she did to others, I cut her off. Even back then, I had very little tolerance for drama.

 

[Gypsy]

I have a coworker like this.

And a friend who is .... weird. She does monologues. We get on the phone she rattles off EVERYTHING going on in her life for five minutes straight... like it''s a news report, then I''m supposed to do the same. It''s very weird. I''ve started emailing. At least that way I''m not counting after a few minutes to see how many sentences she''ll go through before she takes a breathe. It''s very distracting and very strange. She''s a sweetheart though, and there is give and take... just in segments.

 

[Miranda]

Argh...YES!!! Two. One I had to cut off because she made so many destructive choices I just couldn''t handle it anymore. Also, our little girls are the same age and I didn''t want the things her daughter saw affecting my daughter.

The other one is my sister. I love her with my entire heart, but, sometimes........Eeek - she drives my batty. For example, she called and DH pointed out that I got exactly 1 1/2 sentences in before she interrupted me and started her usual ''all about her'' tirade. Like Miss Linda''s friend, she sometimes doesn''t even ask how I am before she dives into her daily drama. She does have many wonderful qualities, but, is going through an especially self centered stage right now. Haha, I''ve tried pointing out *gently* that she needs to look outward a little more, but, she doesn''t get the hints. Sometimes (like NOW) I have to put a little distance between us or I feel suffocated.

 

[April20]

I had (still sort of have) one like this. She was SO mad when I decided to move from the city be both lived in to a city closer to where my family is (about 2500 miles away), she refused to discuss it at all. Every time I brought it up she either ignored me or changed the subject. I actually dreaded telling her I was moving and waited weeks to tell her because I knew how she would react. I moved and didn''t call or talk to her for weeks and weeks. I just couldn''t let myself be dragged back into the world where everything revolved around her. I find that we talk less and less now that I''m gone and I can''t say that I miss it. I''m purposly letting it dwindle (i''ve been gone 2.5 yrs). It makes me sad in a way. She was the first friend I made when I moved to a new city, all the way across the county, when I was in my early 20s. She was a great friend to have. At first. There are days when I think I would have been better never even having made that friendship, but at the same time I am grateful for the good start I had to life in a brand new city.

 

[akmiss]

Date: 2/26/2009 11:11:56 PM
Author: Linda W
GREAT topic Lisa. Good Grief yes. I have a friend like this.. Always about her, even at our age. I answer the phone when it rings. After I say hello, good grief I can''t get a word in. She seldom asks how I am, etc. On the other hand, she has other qualities that I adore about her.

We have been friends for over 30 years.

Sounds like one of my closet friends. We had a falling out on election day

And didn''t talk for almost two months. She does have great qualities but she is definitely out of balance. It is always about her. If she is not talking about herself or her son (whom I adore!) she is putting other people down. Her life is a sob story yet she has no compassion for anyone else. I still do care a great deal for her but just needed to move on. If any of this makes sense.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 2/26/2009 11:55:28 PM
Author: akmiss

Date: 2/26/2009 11:11:56 PM
Author: Linda W
GREAT topic Lisa. Good Grief yes. I have a friend like this.. Always about her, even at our age. I answer the phone when it rings. After I say hello, good grief I can't get a word in. She seldom asks how I am, etc. On the other hand, she has other qualities that I adore about her.

We have been friends for over 30 years.

Sounds like one of my closet friends. We had a falling out on election day

And didn't talk for almost two months. She does have great qualities but she is definitely out of balance. It is always about her. If she is not talking about herself or her son (whom I adore!) she is putting other people down. Her life is a sob story yet she has no compassion for anyone else. I still do care a great deal for her but just needed to move on. If any of this makes sense.

Wow, I am sorry, glad things are better and you sound like a great friend. I don't get why those types of people never have compassion for others and love putting others down??

 

[Dancing Fire]

Queen Bee ?? yes, there are a few of them on PS.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 2/27/2009 12:49:13 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
Queen Bee ?? yes, there are a few of them on PS.

Could I have expected anything esle? You are so bad. NO IRL.. kwim??? Figure that out..

Bed time!!!

 

[Linda W]

Date: 2/27/2009 1:02:37 AM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 2/27/2009 12:49:13 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

Queen Bee ?? yes, there are a few of them on PS.

Could I have expected anything esle? You are so bad. NO IRL.. kwim??? Figure that out..

Bed time!!!

ha ha ha, No we could not expect anything less from our beloved Dancing Fire. He always makes my day!!! I should say night though.

 

[FrekeChild]

I did. She and I were friends for about 8 years before her selfish actions finally annoyed me enough (I was REALLY POed to be honest) and I cut off the friendship. I wonder sometimes if she even noticed...

My FSIL is like this as well.

 

[Phoenix]

I think *everyone* talks about themselves to a certain extent. It's when it's really OTT, ie. when the person *acts* selfish, that's when you really know whether to keep a distance.

ETA: Just noticed Freke's post. We think alike, he he

.

 

[Maisie]

I think I have been a bit ''queen bee'' with someone I have been emailing lately. And I felt awful when I realised that I was doing it. I am trying not to go on about my new ring all the time. I think its my main topic of conversation but it doesn''t mean everyone else WANTS to hear about it!

I also know someone who absolutely drained me. She only wanted to talk about herself and how she felt. Its hard to be around someone who constantly complains. I am like Skippy, I love helping but not if its all one sided. I have cut that person off now and I really do feel loads better.

 

[Steel]

Date: 2/27/2009 7:58:03 AM
Author: Maisie
I think I have been a bit ''queen bee'' with someone I have been emailing lately. And I felt awful when I realised that I was doing it. I am trying not to go on about my new ring all the time. I think its my main topic of conversation but it doesn''t mean everyone else WANTS to hear about it!

I also know someone who absolutely drained me. She only wanted to talk about herself and how she felt. Its hard to be around someone who constantly complains. I am like Skippy, I love helping but not if its all one sided. I have cut that person off now and I really do feel loads better.

Any friend who would not wanna hear about that ROCK should be dropped immediately if not sooner.





I have developed a great filter. If somebody goes on and on and on and on (

) I can just filter it out. We call can get a bit bee-ish from time to time, that is what friends are for; they have to listen to your crap. Then if you become obsessed it is their job to stage an intervention.

 

[HollyS]

I have had one for 28 years.

Latest example: Tuesday afternoon, after experiencing some rather intense back/shoulder/chest pain, I took myself to the emergency room, just to be certain that whatever I was experiencing was not heart related. Now, when I say I took myself, I mean I drove myself 50+ miles to my hospital where my doctors are. I''m fine -- as far as heart conditions go.

But my drama queen friend calls the next afternoon, to say, and I quote, "You''re not the only one having a bad week. I got rear-ended at lunch." It was a minor fender bender, no injuries, the cops were even reluctant to come to the scene. She was with a friend, and other friends came out to the scene from a nearby restaurant to make certain everything was fine.

Did she think that trumped me? Yeah, she did. She didn''t call and matter of factly state she had had a minor traffic accident. She called to point out that she had had a bad day, too, and she probably would feel terrible (stiff, sore) the next day. Meanwhile, my phantom pain continues . . .

 

[tlh]

Joan Crawford.

 

[neatfreak]

I did in college...but couldn''t handle the drama so we don''t talk anymore.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Date: 2/26/2009 11:48:31 PM
Author: Gypsy
I have a coworker like this.

And a friend who is .... weird. She does monologues. We get on the phone she rattles off EVERYTHING going on in her life for five minutes straight... like it''s a news report, then I''m supposed to do the same. It''s very weird. I''ve started emailing. At least that way I''m not counting after a few minutes to see how many sentences she''ll go through before she takes a breathe. It''s very distracting and very strange. She''s a sweetheart though, and there is give and take... just in segments.

I have a good friend from HS like this. FI likes to say "it''s all about her, all the time." Which is kind of true. But she''ll call every once in a while, and talk for 10 minutes straight about herself and the goings-on of her life. After trying and not being able to get a word in edge-wise, I finally just "uh-huh" through those 10 minutes, then she''ll finally ask "so what have you been up to?"

By that time, I''m too tired of holding the phone up and listening to say anything more than "eh, not much. Same old thing."

The last conversation, she told me why a few weeks ago she kept trying to call me, knowing I''d just gotten back from being out of the country for 10 days and was too busy to talk. She and her husband (of less than 2 years) had been having marriage problems, because he''s a police officer and was taking on too much off-duty work, and she was worried he was cheating. But he made it up to her and they had a nice Valentines Day date and so on so forth....

Anyway, she couldn''t call anyone else during those troubles because of her other friends, she couldn''t talk to his sisters about it, and her one other close friend is too "judgemental." She wanted to talk to me I guess because I''m not judgemental and say it how it is. I''m pretty laid back, so I guess that''s a good thing that I''d be considered supportive...?

I''m not a huge phone talker anyway. It''s just not me. Mom used to tell me when I was young that I need to learn to talk on the phone more because that''s how friends communicate.

Anyway, this friend really is a sweetheart, and she''s a great supporter when you need prayers or a friend. I''m sure she''d be there if anything serious ever happened. And she''s always trying to hang out, which we very rarely get to do. So I should really count my blessings that at least someone''s interested in being my friend.

And learn how to make my life sound more interesting on the phone, hehe.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Date: 2/27/2009 8:16:53 AM
Author: Steel

I have developed a great filter. If somebody goes on and on and on and on (

) I can just filter it out. We call can get a bit bee-ish from time to time, that is what friends are for; they have to listen to your crap. Then if you become obsessed it is their job to stage an intervention.

Great way to put it, Steel.

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/27/2009 8:34:33 AM
Author: luvthemstrawberries

Date: 2/26/2009 11:48:31 PM
Author: Gypsy
I have a coworker like this.

And a friend who is .... weird. She does monologues. We get on the phone she rattles off EVERYTHING going on in her life for five minutes straight... like it''s a news report, then I''m supposed to do the same. It''s very weird. I''ve started emailing. At least that way I''m not counting after a few minutes to see how many sentences she''ll go through before she takes a breathe. It''s very distracting and very strange. She''s a sweetheart though, and there is give and take... just in segments.

I have a good friend from HS like this. FI likes to say ''it''s all about her, all the time.'' Which is kind of true. But she''ll call every once in a while, and talk for 10 minutes straight about herself and the goings-on of her life. After trying and not being able to get a word in edge-wise, I finally just ''uh-huh'' through those 10 minutes, then she''ll finally ask ''so what have you been up to?''

By that time, I''m too tired of holding the phone up and listening to say anything more than ''eh, not much. Same old thing.''

The last conversation, she told me why a few weeks ago she kept trying to call me, knowing I''d just gotten back from being out of the country for 10 days and was too busy to talk. She and her husband (of less than 2 years) had been having marriage problems, because he''s a police officer and was taking on too much off-duty work, and she was worried he was cheating. But he made it up to her and they had a nice Valentines Day date and so on so forth....

Anyway, she couldn''t call anyone else during those troubles because of her other friends, she couldn''t talk to his sisters about it, and her one other close friend is too ''judgemental.'' She wanted to talk to me I guess because I''m not judgemental and say it how it is. I''m pretty laid back, so I guess that''s a good thing that I''d be considered supportive...?

I''m not a huge phone talker anyway. It''s just not me. Mom used to tell me when I was young that I need to learn to talk on the phone more because that''s how friends communicate.

Anyway, this friend really is a sweetheart, and she''s a great supporter when you need prayers or a friend. I''m sure she''d be there if anything serious ever happened. And she''s always trying to hang out, which we very rarely get to do. So I should really count my blessings that at least someone''s interested in being my friend.

And learn how to make my life sound more interesting on the phone, hehe.

It sounds like you are describing me. I am KNOWN for doing this. I have really perfected the art of the soliloquy, in that I can speak for minutes and perfectly time my breathing DURING my talking to not allow others the chance to talk.... I do it more to be funny... plus I tend to crack my friends up!
But I don''t really like talking on the phone because you cannot see your friend, and read their body language... so I do email. But I do care what is going on with my friends and we do have conversations of back and forth exchanges... but yeah, if I''d on hyper overdrive... i will talk way too much.

Here are the lyrics to a song that describes this....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chelsea Staub - It''s All About Me Lyrics

You know it''s all about me [x4]

Don''t hate me ''cause I got it goin'' on
It''s just me, I''m hot never cold
I can rock it anyway that I choose
I''m so good (Oh yeah)
I make up all the rules
I can''t help it if I set all the trends
Everybody wants to be my best friend
It''s infectious, come on don''t you be jealous
Just join in this love fest
You know that...
It''s all about me
It''s all about me (Oh yeah)
Me, myself and I
It''s all about me
It''s all about me [You know it''s all about me]
It''s all about me, me, me me me [you know it''s all about me]
Everybody knows it''s all about me [you know it''s all about me]
Muh-muh-muh MySpace, I have 10 million friends
Tuh-tuh-tuh text me, BFF ''til the end!
Puh-puh-puh page me on your cell and press send.
Diva what? Diva who? Diva where?
That''s me!
Duh-duh-duh download all my crazy new hooks
Uh-uh-uh upload all my video looks
So buy my ringtone, fashion line and cook books
Diva what? Diva who? Diva where?
It''s all about me
It''s all about me (Oh yeah)
Me, myself and I
It''s all about me
It''s all about me [you know it''s all about me]
It''s all about me, me, me me me [you know it''s all about me]
Everybody knows it''s all about me [you know it''s all about me]
(Don''t play her) I''m so beautiful
(Not her fault) I''m platinum and gold
(She''s the queen) And my reign is supreme
So follow the leader, you''re all on my team
I can''t help it if I set all the trends
Everybody wants to be my best friend
It''s contagious and it''s so outragious
Grandparents, grown-ups and kids of all ages

You know Madonna ain''t got nothin'' on me
Buh-buh Beyonce ain''t got nothin'' on me
Cuh-cuh Christina ain''t got nothin'' on me
Diva what? Diva who? Diva where? That''s me!
You know Mariah ain''t got nothin'' on me
Fuh-fuh-fuh Fergie ain''t got nothin'' on me
Guh Gwen Stefani ain''t got nothin'' on me
Diva what? Diva who? Diva where? That''s me!
You know it''s all about me, I''m a specialty
You know it''s all about me, I''m a anomile
You know it''s all about me, who else could it be
Upload, download, text me, page me, MySpace you should not erase me, Fergie, J-Lo, Gwen Stefani
You know they got nothin'' on me
Indoor, outdoor, I''m so clever
That''s why I rule you forever

ME!

 

[iheartscience]

Yep! The only time this friend calls or emails is when she wants something. I guess she doesn''t realize it but it''s glaringly obvious. She''s fun in other ways but it gets pretty old sometimes.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Date: 2/27/2009 8:43:21 AM
Author: tlh

It sounds like you are describing me. I am KNOWN for doing this. I have really perfected the art of the soliloquy, in that I can speak for minutes and perfectly time my breathing DURING my talking to not allow others the chance to talk.... I do it more to be funny... plus I tend to crack my friends up!
But I don't really like talking on the phone because you cannot see your friend, and read their body language... so I do email. But I do care what is going on with my friends and we do have conversations of back and forth exchanges... but yeah, if I'd on hyper overdrive... i will talk way too much.

Haha aww tlh I don't think it's really describing you. My friend doesn't do it to crack me up... she seriously just rambles. She's very serious. Haha I honestly don't know that I've ever noticed her breathe, so she must have it downpat.

I wish people would email more. I really wish she would email more. She doesn't email at all, at least not to me. It'd make my life a lot easier, and she could easily get an email from me almost every day if she wanted! And I probably would care more about things that are going on, because it's less distracting than phone convo. I'm just so much better at email. Then we could just talk on the phone to schedule a get-together. I'd love that actually. Then I'd actually be willing to hang out with people more. I do prefer hanging out to phone conversation too, as you do.

Hehe, I think she's on hyper overdrive all the time. Not kidding. She's just a really really fast talker. But she's still a great person at heart.