rant-wedding indifference

[decodelighted]

Date: 10/1/2007 11:14:10 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
For people who think I should compromise on the ring, look up my threads in the ring section and you can see what my problem is. Like I said, I want something not diamond, north south orientation, not ''heavy'' and that looks either natural like leaves or a fairly ornate older style then art deco which I do not like. If you have suggestions on how to find something that fits these qualifiications for someone with skeletal fingers like mine then I would love the help. It is not that I have to have that ring, but it is suprisingly hard to find any rings that look good, east west rings look dwarfed by the length of my fingers and healvy ones look very silly on my extremely thin fingers.

FWIW ... this is Brazen''s "inspiration ring".

 

[iheartscience]

Brazen, what PS vendors have you e-mailed regarding that ring? Singlestone, Quest and others were suggested to you but it didn''t seem like you had much interest in contacting them. They are probably much more likely to be able to create that ring than any local jeweler you could find.

Also, I just wanted to point out that many people with long skinny fingers have managed to find rings. I have long thin fingers as well and I didn''t have much problem at all. I think maybe you''re focusing all your problems on the ring instead of actually focusing on the problems you''re having.

I do hope you''ll contact one of the PS vendors regarding your ring so you can get it made and get on with your wedding.

 

[MoonWater]

I should not be in this thread as I am no where near a wedding date. But I just wanted to jump in because I don''t even like weddings!! I''ve only decided to have one so that my bf''s parents could see at least one son get married. But the thought of inviting some of his friends out of obligation (we went to their weddings) when I have issues with them (and they me) does not appeal to me for a day that''s suppose to be about me and him. I''ve actually gone back and forth over the last year trying to figure out who I could stand to see that day.

Frankly I think you should elope! You shouldn''t have that kind of stress on your wedding day and you shouldn''t be forced to invite people that don''t even like you. Have you talked to your fiance'' about it? If eloping isn''t an option, you can use my current idea. A very very small wedding with people you love and love you and a big party later that same day or the next day where you invite whomever. That way you aren''t as much the center of attention, you get to have a more private ceremony and people get to have a party.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

If you don''t want to have a traditional wedding then call it off and take a trip to the local courthouse. There''s bound to be a Judge or Justice of the Peace around that can marry you and your FI in a no frills ceremony. No cake, invites or relatives have to be involved. You don''t even have to buy a dress.

As far as the ring is concerned, have you ever checked out Black Hills Gold? I don''t know too much about it - just what I''ve seen in stores. Most of the rings are band-type with either no stones or very tiny ones. They use warmer gold tones and make rings for men and women. Otherwise, I think going totally custom is ideal - particularly if you have a "large" budget.

I am sorry but it almost sounds like you are going out of your way to be unhappy. Life is full of compromises and that is something you just have to accept. Many people have strained relationships with their in-laws and you will have to learn to deal otherwise your life as a married couple will be miserable. You also have to realize that you can''t always make everybody happy.

I wish you the best of luck and don''t get too down on yourself.

Jess

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I know we all have bad inlaws, by my FMOL suffers from some personality disorders that make her difficult to be with even for the people who love her most.
I had thought about black hills gold, but they don''t do much with stones.
As for the custom ring, the problem was that my mom would have had a fit if I had tried to use another custom jeweler and as she is paying for the wedding and taking care of the contracts (former lawyer) I can''t really alienate her on one of the few things she cares about. For the moment she insists that the jeweler did not get the "good" picture of the ring, which I disagree with, but she wants to give her another try. So maybe this next wax will come out. If not, I am coming to the customs here.
I am happy about how excited my FI gets about all of this. He sees the wedding not only as a ceremony we would miss if we eloped, but also a way to show his family that he is proud of me despite their disaprovals. Plus, he loves to be romantic and truely believes we will be happier this way. Due to my familial obligations, the wedding really does have to go through, so I really am trying to be happy about it. That''s why I posted this, to find help in being happy about.

 

[zdrastvootya]

I had a whole big paragraph analyzing what I read (I found the graduation/wedding comparison a little odd), but at the end I thought of one thing that someone told me when I was wedding planning with the now Mrs. Z. "You have to like it too." Like most guys, I was thinking "whatever the fiancee wants", but there has to be something that the guy likes. If there isn''t, he needs to add something in. The shoe is on the other foot for you. The one thing seems to be the ring. If it is, you have to pull out the stops. Give your current jeweller one more shot but if it isn''t right go to other jewellers. Get creative. If you have too tight a deadline, try and put something smaller and do-able that you like into the wedding and keep working on the ring afterwards.

Z.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 10/3/2007 9:53:42 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
As for the custom ring, the problem was that my mom would have had a fit if I had tried to use another custom jeweler and as she is paying for the wedding and taking care of the contracts (former lawyer) I can''t really alienate her on one of the few things she cares about.

It seems to me, if you are old enough to get married, then you should be old enough to stand up to your mother and tell her you are going to use the jeweler that YOU decide to use because it is YOUR ring, not HERS. I''ve read this thread and I think the problem isn''t your mother or your FMIL, it is your inability to stand up for what you really want. Sorry to be so blunt but as thing2 said, people have given you some very good suggestions of where to go to get this ring made (I would go to Quest as I dont think SingleStone does this style of work).

 

[wolftress]

Oh dear, this thread has become a little heated. I''d like to argue the other side of the story. I can understand where Brazen is coming from in terms of compromising the wedding but perhaps this thread has been posted in the wrong place. A lot of brides-to-be who post here are excited and ecstatic about planning their wedding, whether it be a grand affair or a small garden wedding. Brazen has a different attitude to her wedding and I think a lot of posters just don''t understand her lack of enthusiasm about the wedding itself.

I remember your thread about your ring, Brazen, and I remember you saying that you HAD to use this jeweller because he is a friend of your mother''s. However, in view of the fact that he stuffed it up the first time round, surely your mother can understand you going to another jeweller to get the piece custom-made. 2.5 years is a long time to be looking for a ring and still coming up empty-handed, which leads me to agree with the other PS-ers who have said maybe there are other under-lying issues here. I know of someone who re-worked her ring EIGHT times before finally figuring out it was the man she had a problem with, not the ring. I''m not saying you have doubts about your relationship or marriage, but perhaps the issues are with your FI''s family and you are using your hunt for the perfect ring as a distraction to these issues.

Try not to focus on what you''re NOT getting out of this wedding and think about what you ARE getting. Your FI sounds like a wonderful man, and the most important thing out of this day is that you will be committing to each other for the rest of your lives.

Good luck with your planning and think about the nice honeymoon you''ll have. That''s what got me through the worst parts of wedding planning, when I just wanted to throw my folder against the wall and scream, "Let''s just elope!!!"