Ready to scream!

[squeaksluv]

Another friend called with great news last night...engaged, of couse, which makes #6 this year. When she called I had her on speakerphone and as soon as she said those words ''guess what?! I got engaged!'' my bf just rolled his eyes and muttered ''here we go again''. WTF? I have been nothing but good in that I never push him or get on his case about not proposing and he has the nerve to say that? The only comments I have ever made when yet ANOTHER friend gets engaged is ''I can''t wait for my turn to come'', that''s it! When I asked him what he meant by that he just said ''nevermind'' and then asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I was so pissed I ignored him and then went into the bedroom to talk to my friend and hear all about her wonderful night.

I am getting so frustrated though. Two of my friends who are now engaged just met their fiances'' the beginning of this year, bf and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years. UGH. I feel like I am the only one who doesn''t have a ring on her finger. And of course now that they''re engaged they ask me when my turn is which really gets me mad because how in the heck should I know? Isn''t that his job to propose? If it were up to me we''d be married with kids already! Well...maybe just married and thinking about kids.

I have been so patient waiting for him but have no idea what he is waiting for. He tells me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me so that''s nice to hear so where is the ring? I don''t care if he gives me a gumball ring and tells me he''ll get me a real ring later, I just want to start planning my wedding already. Speaking of rings I think he is at least thinking about it though. The other day I was looking for something in his desk and came across some computer printouts of princess cuts...confusing to say the least since not only does he know I love emerald cuts, he also has his grandmothers rb he could use in my ering. I do love princess cuts but I have never told him I do. And truth be told the more I look at pictures of princess cuts the more I love them!

So that makes 6 weddings I get to be a bridesmaid in for next year, what fun. I just better have a nice new sparkly on my finger to wear with those dresses! What better way to accessorize?!

 

[larussel03]

I know exactly how you feel. 2 of my friends got engaged THIS WEEK! I''d gotten upset at my boyfriend and not talked to him b/c he''d had the same type of attitude, the "here we go again" but I guess that I didnt realize that I was being a bit pushy about the E ring and that if I hadnt gotten upset he was planning on going shopping soon. Now it''s been pushed back, b/c when I get upset, he gets upset and then doesnt want to go ring shopping/looking, kinda kills it for him I guess. He sat me down and told me all this yesterday, b/c I''d gotten upset b/c he used the P word "pressure", and the last thing I want to do is PRESSURE him into proposing. Now I understand where he''s coming from, and I''m totally going to lay off, and wait out 6 months like a good girl...I''m very much an I''m ready so I want it now type person, and I have to not try to control this so much...

 

[MissAva]

Mine is I think a little creast fallen when another friend gets engaged so I have stopped telling him. I think he feels like it will be less special for me if one of my friends has gotten engaged recently. NOT TRUE. But at the same time I do not want to pressure him or make him feel bad. I am a terrible pain in the but controlling type though.
SP- he he I guess I might have maybe been pressuring mine a wee bit. When I saw him in October he told me every time I mentioned anything related to getting engaged he pushed back the proposal date by one day. He said he would give me a calander with his ideal proposal date circled and I could see when I should have had it happen. So I am guessing 2020?

 

[anchor31]

Ack! I had written a reply but it got eaten up!

I think our boyfriends see our friends getting engaged as pressure, or potential pressure because they are scared that we''ll start whining about "why aren''t we engaged yet?". Some of them might have their thing all planned out, and some of them might have tentative plans, and they want us to leave them alone and let them do their thing.

But boys are often tactless. Instead of coming up and saying: "I love you and want to marry you and I am going to propose to you in about X time, so don''t worry, don''t pressure and let me do my thing", they send us mixed signals. My boyfriend can say something that makes me think: "OMG! He''s going to propose soon!" and then the day after it sounds like he''s going to make me wait six years or something. I was getting confused and going crazy for nothing, so I finally questionned him about it last month. He said that "of course he wasn''t going to make me wait six years!" and later said that "after four years, he hoped I would [say yes]." So I guess he has his mind set of proposing around our fourth anniversary/during our fourth year together. Which is, since we''ve been dating for two years and two months now, a little disappointing, but understandable and reasonable, I guess. We''re both young, and a wedding wouldn''t be possible before summer ''08 (the summer of our fifth anniversary) anyway. I''d rather be engaged next summer so we could have plenty of time to plan the wedding even if I''m away for school, but it''s not something I can force him into.

It''d be so much easier if we could read the guy''s mind sometimes and know exactly what''s going on in his head...

Hnag on it there! Rant away if you need to!

 

[caligal]

WTF is right! Why don''t they stay consistent in their message? The good news is that every woman on this board say they look back on this fondly and that once it does happen they say it was all worth it.

 

[squeaksluv]

Pressure? Sometimes I wonder if they know the true meaning of Pressure! Pressure is when every friend around you is engaged and planning their wedding of a lifetime and you go to a million engagement, bridal, and bachelorette showers and everyone else is either married or engaged and they all turn and look at you like you''re some sort of freak show because you don''t have a ring on your finger!!! Okay, so maybe that''s a little too exaggerated but I have been to showers when I am the only one not engaged or married and of course the bride-to-be calls attention to the fact by saying something she thinks is nice but in reality kills me ''so you''re the last one now aren''t you! I''ll just have to have a heart to heart talk with your bf now won''t I'', or some mother or grandmother will ask me why I''m not engaged and when is my bf planning on proposing. UGH!! The last time I was at a family reunion and my grandmothers friend asked why we weren''t engaged I told her we enjoyed living in sin! Needless to say I got a stern talking to from my parents about how much I embarassed them!!! UGH!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I hear you girls.

I work for a small company, and every single female who works with me is married, aside from the 50-something widowed woman. I get asked by everyone, male colleagues included, when we''re going to get married. After all, we''ve been together 3.5 years, we''re still so in love - and obviously so, we both have very stable, well-paying jobs, I''m 30, and we''ve been living together for over a year. Why the wait?

However, last night, Weston and I met a friend of ours who just moved back to Texas from Minnesota with his girlfriend. He asked when we were going to get married and I just sat back, and gave Weston "that look" that threw the answer to that question into his court. He explained that we''re in no rush to have kids, which we''re not really. But that the opportunity to get married might have to be pushed up to before April because it looks like his company may hit their numbers this year. If that happens, they take the whole company and their spouse on a wonderful incentive trip, which as a domestic partner, I''m not eligible to go along. Two years ago, they went to the Palmilla One & Only resort in Cabo, and since then he has insisted he will never go on another incentive trip alone. I''ve been pretty good about not bringing up getting engaged for a while, but when we had our chat in January, he gave me a boy-soon window of 6 - 18 months.

Men anticipate your friends getting engaged as additional pressure, and seemingly instinctively fight harder to adhere to their idea of a perfect proposal. All the while, they don''t want to have your day any less special for you, which forces us to be patient, and not mention our real feelings on the matter, for the fear that the day will be delayed again. It''s awful to not share some of what bothers me with my best friend and partner, but for the benefit of our relationship, I stay quiet - for the most part.

Thank goodness for the LIWs and our ability to vent here.

 

[fatafelice]

I guess I''m lucky that I don''t have many friends...

I can empathize, though. No matter where the "pressure" comes from, they seem to feel it and react against it. My BF said a few months ago that it would probably be by Christmas. Now that we are heading into the holiday season and it doesn''t seem to me that he has put any plans into motion (Unless he is WAY sneakier than the last 7 years would indicate

), I am itching to ask if that is still a possibility. But I know if I do, it will be "pressuring" him, and since that was never exactly a firm deadline to begin with, I almost don''t want to know the answer.

 

[Evie75]

oh pressure smessure!!!! its all in their heads.... i seriously think this is a control issue, because ifyou think about it.. this is really the only thing they get total control over in the whole wedding process, so they want to drag it out as long as possible. And when one of us says something they get all cranky and defensive.... but really what do they expect when someone keeps telling you soon and telling you deadlines and they pass... its only natural for us to become impatient they should just be quiet about it and then they wont get any "pressure" dorks!

 

[Erin]

A friend of mine from work had his last day before moving so Thursday night we went to the local hole. I agreed to do shots as long as they were butterscotch whatever and the first one was. I was told the second (and third) ones were, too but alas, they were Wild Turkey.

Needless to say, when I came home that night around 10:00 I was

So bf says, 'Did you run into Jen and Jen at lunch today?' (two women he works with)
I say 'Yeah I talched to thzem for a bit' (mind you one of them is 7 months pregnant)

When are you due blah blah
When are YOU and bf going to have kids blah blah
Oh, I'm still working on getting engaged blah blah
When do you think that'll be blah
Well, there's a pool in my office and the odds are still favored before Christmas so we'll see.

Now I don't know what version HE was told but he told me he didn't appreciate me making him look bad in front of his coworkers he sees everyday. I then slurred, 'I smell a fight coming on!' and we continued short retorts back and forth.

Finally, he asked 'Is there really a pool?' and I said 'Yep!' and went to bed.

The next morning he asked why I feel the need to always talk about our looming engagment - WHAT

(because you haven't done it yet) I over exaggerated into this long monologue where I'm going to have to check myself into a rehab program. So I thought I'd start one here.

HI! My name is Erin. I'm obsessed with getting engaged and I'm addicted to diamonds.

 

[larussel03]

HI! My name is Erin. I''m obsessed with getting engaged and I''m addicted to diamonds.

ME TOO ME TOO!!

 

[snuga]

Date: 11/16/2005 12:48:36 PM
Author: Starset Princess

HI! My name is Erin. I''m obsessed with getting engaged and I''m addicted to diamonds.

LOL!

ME TOO!!

 

[princessv]

Make that ME FOUR lol!

 

[Buena Girl]

Wow, I didn''t know so many LIW are named Erin! [ j/k

]

The Good news- My boyfriend''s roommate is going to propose to his girlfriend soon.
The Bad news- My boyfriend''s roommate is going to propose to his girlfriend soon.

My b/f is so funny. After we found out this news, he told me later, "Oh jeez, you''re gonna be pissed if another couple gets engaged before us!" And I was a bit shocked when he said this, because I hadn''t realized I had been so obvious lately!! Guess I don''t have much of a poker face. I just know so many people who have started dating someone, gotten engaged, and some even got married during the length of time my b/f and I have been dating. His roommate has only been dating that girl for like 6 months. They were friends first, but still!!

 

[MissAva]

Date: 11/16/2005 12:48:36 PM
Author: Starset Princess
A friend of mine from work had his last day before moving so Thursday night we went to the local hole. I agreed to do shots as long as they were butterscotch whatever and the first one was. I was told the second (and third) ones were, too but alas, they were Wild Turkey.

Needless to say, when I came home that night around 10:00 I was

So bf says, ''Did you run into Jen and Jen at lunch today?'' (two women he works with)
I say ''Yeah I talched to thzem for a bit'' (mind you one of them is 7 months pregnant)

When are you due blah blah
When are YOU and bf going to have kids blah blah
Oh, I''m still working on getting engaged blah blah
When do you think that''ll be blah
Well, there''s a pool in my office and the odds are still favored before Christmas so we''ll see.

Now I don''t know what version HE was told but he told me he didn''t appreciate me making him look bad in front of his coworkers he sees everyday. I then slurred, ''I smell a fight coming on!'' and we continued short retorts back and forth.

Finally, he asked ''Is there really a pool?'' and I said ''Yep!'' and went to bed.

The next morning he asked why I feel the need to always talk about our looming engagment - WHAT

(because you haven''t done it yet) I over exaggerated into this long monologue where I''m going to have to check myself into a rehab program. So I thought I''d start one here.

HI! My name is Erin. I''m obsessed with getting engaged and I''m addicted to diamonds.

There is a pool in your office???? Yikes, I do not know how I would handle that...
Lay a bet and tell him if he asks on that day you wil get him a treat.

And if he doesnt ask by xmas that he had better get you something damn good

to shut your coworkers up with.

 

[Erin]

You know what Matatora? He won''t do it just BECAUSE there is a pool in my office (which there isn''t really, they just like to tease me that they''re starting one.)

 

[goldengirl]

Yeah... I get mad when he''s acting like I''m pressuring him. For example, this week we were at the mall and I walked into this little "fake jewelry" store (like a Claire''s, kinda) because I was looking for a pair of earrings (inside-out pave hoops). They also happen to have a wide selection of Fakey McFakerton e-rings. I headed PAST the rings towards the earrings, and he (I kid you not!!) ROLLED HIS EYES, heaved a huge dramatic sigh and said "Jeez, I''m going to have to buy you a stupid ring just so you stop dragging me into these places!"

I gave him a dirty look, told him I wasn''t even looking at the rings but at the earrings, and that that was the absolute worst reason to present someone with an engagement ring.

He said, teasingly, "Well, fine, then, maybe I just won''t buy you a ring."

And I said, very seriously, "Fine. I don''t want you to do anything that you''re not excited to do on your own."

Uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before he brought up some inane topic change.

I have zero tolerance for teasing anymore. My patience is running ragged. The constant pressure by friends, family and co-workers is really getting to me.

The thing is, I don''t even know why I''m in such a hurry to get engaged. Help! Can anybody explain this? We probably won''t even be able to get married until 2007, so why am I so anxious for this??

 

[larussel03]

Date: 11/20/2005 12:01:25 AM
Author: goldengirl


The thing is, I don't even know why I'm in such a hurry to get engaged. Help! Can anybody explain this? We probably won't even be able to get married until 2007, so why am I so anxious for this??

Prob for the same reason as I am after 4 years, and we wont be getting married till 2007--bc we're ready to. Ready to make the relationship that much more committed. He's ready, I'm ready, he just has to DO IT

 

[Corrie2007]

I am in the same situation. The BF and I have been dating for 5 1/2 years, and although we won''t be married until 2007, I want to get engaged so bad! LOL. I have been trying not to bombard him too badly though, I don''t want to pressure him. I am just so ready, and I would rather be engaged for a while, so I can plan for the wedding out in the open, instead of hiding those damn brides magazines (and my Martha Stewart Keepsake Wedding Planner) under our bed! Hehehe..

Plus diamonds are so sparkly and pretty, and my left hand ring finger just looks so.... empty..

 

[goldengirl]

Date: 11/20/2005 3:12:29 AM
Author: Corrie2007
I would rather be engaged for a while, so I can plan for the wedding out in the open, instead of hiding those damn brides magazines (and my Martha Stewart Keepsake Wedding Planner) under our bed! Hehehe..

lolololol.... BTDT!!

Y''know, I think it has to do with assurance. That is, we''ve ALL known "a friend" whose bf talked marriage and never "put out" and she eventually moved on when she realized he never really MEANT it. And I think that''s why. I think, if he proposes, he''s putting "his money where his mouth is," so to speak, and I know he''s SERIOUS about it and not just saying what will shut me up. It''s "earnest money" in a way, so we''ll hold onto something valuable until he''s ready to "buy".

 

[nytemist]

waiting, waiting, waiting... it''s enough to make you stand in the middle of the street and start screaming

The waiting period is creeping up on us (well, me at least) He quoted end of the year, it''s almost Thanksgiving and I know he hasn''t gotten the ball rolling yet on researching. grrr

Yet, he mentioned AGAIN that he would like it sooner than later... a Fall 2006 event.

Um, hello???

 

[appletini]

Date: 11/20/2005 3:12:29 AM
Author: Corrie2007
I am in the same situation. The BF and I have been dating for 5 1/2 years, and although we won''t be married until 2007, I want to get engaged so bad! LOL. I have been trying not to bombard him too badly though, I don''t want to pressure him. I am just so ready, and I would rather be engaged for a while, so I can plan for the wedding out in the open, instead of hiding those damn brides magazines (and my Martha Stewart Keepsake Wedding Planner) under our bed! Hehehe..

Plus diamonds are so sparkly and pretty, and my left hand ring finger just looks so.... empty..

I have my wedding **** hidden in the coffee table. It has a trunk that opens. So its a convenient hiding place. I''m trying to go through them and rip out the pages I like, so that I can throw them out and then start with fresh new mags once I can buy them guiltfree with a ring on my finger.