Really need some advice

[jjc]

I've been struggling with a very serious situation, and I could really use some unbiased advice on how to proceed. I don't know if anyone remembers my story, but in a nutshell, my dad is an extremely abusive and mentally unstable person. My mom is finally going to leave him, and this presents a huge safety issue, as he will come after her with a blind fury that I've been fearing since I was 4. We are making arrangements to make sure that she is safe, but when he can't find her, he will undoubtedly be coming after me. I've made some arrangements for my safety as well, however, I am currently in my second year of law school, and my parents (at his insistence) now live across the street from my school, so him following me is definitely a huge concern. Needless to say, I'm in a very difficult position, as law school alone is a huge undertaking, without also having to worry about my safety every time I go to campus. Also, I've missed quite a bit of class already, and I just can't bring myself to care about studying while I'm trying to prepare for every scenario that might happen with my dad. To add another twist, everyone in my support network is insisting that I push through and not 'let him take this from me again,' as I've had to leave law school another time before (a different school, and an experience that I LOVED) because of a similar situation with my dad. This time around, my dedication and drive has definitely not been the same, and rather than letting him take something from me, I'm starting to feel like I don't want to force myself to do something I don't want to do anymore. My whole life has been about survival, and pushing through and doing things I didn't want to to do in order for him not to 'win.' But all that's gotten me is exhaustion and things I've pushed down, catching up with me. I'm also planning our wedding right now, and it's been so great to have a chance to be creative again. I hadn't realized how much I missed being creative until I started the planning, and that's definitely an option that I explored during my first hiatus from law school, but ultimately decided that law school was the more prudent path. Don't get me wrong, I definitely enjoy law school too - but it's absolutely not the same kind of joy I get from more artistic pursuits. A big part of my decision is being able to take care of my mom later, and I know I have a much better shot of doing that how I'd like to by going the law school route. I just can't seem to muster up enough...something...to actually care and study. I know that in the end I'll be okay, because I have to be. I guess this is freaking me out because for the first time, a big part of me knows that always ignoring what you want to do and doing what you don't love because it's the "right" decision isn't necessarily the best answer, at the end of the day.

Am I being a baby? Do I need to suck it up and finish law school? I'm prepared for honest answers. Thanks.

 

[Maisie]

Do you anticipate a physical attack from your father?

 

[jjc]

Date: 2/22/2010 2:04:44 PM
Author: Maisie
Do you anticipate a physical attack from your father?

Yes. Once my mom leaves him, in his mind he will have nothing left to lose. He''s becoming increasingly unstable and at this point there is nothing I think he wouldn''t do.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

OK, I really think you have two separate issues here:

(1) What do you need to do to protect yourself and your family from you father''s reaction when your mom leaves him?

(2) Do you really want to continue with law school, or have you decided that the law isn''t the right career path for you?

You should not let Issue #1 affect your decision on Issue #2.

My advice on Issue #1 would be to get a restraining order ASAP, protecting yourself, your mom, and anyone else who might be a target of your father''s abuse. Also, do whatever you can to keep your father from knowing where you and your family members are at any given time. If this means moving, you''ll have to move. If this means transferring to a different law school (if you decide to continue with law school), then you''ll have to transfer. If this means mixing up your routine so that you''re not coming and going at your usual times, that''s what you''ll have to do.

Only you can decide what to do about Issue #2. Good luck.

 

[joflier]

Can local law enforcement be made aware of the situation? Especially if he's made some threats before, or has a history of violent behavior.

As far as school goes. I think you need to live your life. If he's that set on finding you or causing trouble, he will find a way to do so here, there, or somewhere else. You just need to take as many safety measures and precautions as you are able to, and then focus your energy on supporting your mom and doing what makes YOU happy. Be it law, or something else.

 

[JSM]

I''m so sorry you have to deal with this.

First, restraining orders for you and your mom. Alert the authorities. Can you talk to campus police as well?

 

[rierie26]

Your (and your mom''s) safety should be the first thing on your mind. I don''t think you''re a baby for feeling this way. I think you''re overwhelmed emotionally and mentally with everything that''s going on in your life outside of school. What you''re dealing with is pretty heavy and would take it''s toll on anyone.

Have you thought of asking the school if you can withdraw from classes for awhile until this situation is resolved? Usually schools are very understanding about letting you withdraw/take a sabbatical, especially if you explain what''s going on.

Can you get a restraining order for both you and your mom (and anyone else who your dad might go after)?

Hugs! I''m really sorry you''re dealing with this!

 

[KatyWI]

I think that people here should realize that a restraining order doesn''t sound like it will be worth jack-all. If her father is as unstable as she says, a piece of paper isn''t going to keep him from trying to do serious harm to anyone he might want to do serious harm to.

I''m so sorry you''re dealing with this, jjc, but perhaps taking a leave of absence from law school and getting to a place that is both far away and unpredictable with your mother and anyone else who might need protection is the best option. Or leave it entirely if you know you don''t want to pursue a career in law. Definitely alert the authorities, and anyone else who might be able to help.

Never having been there, my advice doesn''t carry a whole lot of weight, but I wish you and your mother luck and strength with the difficult thing you''re about to do. I hope there is someone out here in the PS world who might have something more constructive to add.

*hugs*

 

[jjc]

Thank you everyone for your support.

I''ve moved and have my school''s full support in terms of security while I''m on campus, as well as trying to work out a way for me to be on campus as little as possible. Unfortunately, there''s not enough for a restraining order, as most of his abuse isn''t physical.

I guess what I''m struggling with is the fact that, realistically, I just don''t have space in my brain (this is not meant facetiously - I literally have a hard time remembering the most basic information nowadays) to pass all my classes this semester. Taking a leave for the semester is an option, but having left and returned to law school under these circumstances before, I know that it''s really hard to go back. The only reason I would go back is for my mom - she doesn''t care what I do as long as I''m happy, but after enduring what she has for the past 30+ years with my dad, I just don''t want her to struggle in any way from here on out. The only reason I''d stay is also financial, although I don''t know exactly how it would work with the financial aid money I''ve already received for this semester. I''d also be possibly giving up on my board position on law review for next year. I guess I''m just torn between what I feel like I should do, and knowing that blindly doing what you think you ''should'' do isn''t always the right answer.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 2/22/2010 2:26:09 PM
Author: KatyWI
I think that people here should realize that a restraining order doesn''t sound like it will be worth jack-all. If her father is as unstable as she says, a piece of paper isn''t going to keep him from trying to do serious harm to anyone he might want to do serious harm to.

I''m so sorry you''re dealing with this, jjc, but perhaps taking a leave of absence from law school and getting to a place that is both far away and unpredictable with your mother and anyone else who might need protection is the best option. Or leave it entirely if you know you don''t want to pursue a career in law. Definitely alert the authorities, and anyone else who might be able to help.

Never having been there, my advice doesn''t carry a whole lot of weight, but I wish you and your mother luck and strength with the difficult thing you''re about to do. I hope there is someone out here in the PS world who might have something more constructive to add.

*hugs*

No, the restraining order itself won''t stop him from doing whatever he wants to do. However, it WILL allow those authorities that you suggest that she alert to do their jobs. Without a restraining order, her father isn''t violating any laws by being within x number of feet from her. If he''s not violating any laws, what do you expect the authorities to do? On the other hand, if she has a restraining order, her father could be arrested for getting too close to her.

And I *have* been there.

 

[jjc]

Date: 2/22/2010 2:26:09 PM
Author: KatyWI
I think that people here should realize that a restraining order doesn''t sound like it will be worth jack-all. If her father is as unstable as she says, a piece of paper isn''t going to keep him from trying to do serious harm to anyone he might want to do serious harm to.


I''m so sorry you''re dealing with this, jjc, but perhaps taking a leave of absence from law school and getting to a place that is both far away and unpredictable with your mother and anyone else who might need protection is the best option. Or leave it entirely if you know you don''t want to pursue a career in law. Definitely alert the authorities, and anyone else who might be able to help.


Never having been there, my advice doesn''t carry a whole lot of weight, but I wish you and your mother luck and strength with the difficult thing you''re about to do. I hope there is someone out here in the PS world who might have something more constructive to add.


*hugs*

Thanks Katy, and I totally agree with you about the restraining order not meaning much in this situation. I''m starting to really consider also going into hiding with my mom.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 2/22/2010 2:29:25 PM
Author: jjc
Thank you everyone for your support.

I''ve moved and have my school''s full support in terms of security while I''m on campus, as well as trying to work out a way for me to be on campus as little as possible. Unfortunately, there''s not enough for a restraining order, as most of his abuse isn''t physical.

I guess what I''m struggling with is the fact that, realistically, I just don''t have space in my brain (this is not meant facetiously - I literally have a hard time remembering the most basic information nowadays) to pass all my classes this semester. Taking a leave for the semester is an option, but having left and returned to law school under these circumstances before, I know that it''s really hard to go back. The only reason I would go back is for my mom - she doesn''t care what I do as long as I''m happy, but after enduring what she has for the past 30+ years with my dad, I just don''t want her to struggle in any way from here on out. The only reason I''d stay is also financial, although I don''t know exactly how it would work with the financial aid money I''ve already received for this semester. I''d also be possibly giving up on my board position on law review for next year. I guess I''m just torn between what I feel like I should do, and knowing that blindly doing what you think you ''should'' do isn''t always the right answer.

JJC, has he made threats of physical violence? If so, even if he hasn''t physically abused you or your mom, the threats are often enough for at least a temporary RO. Just a thought that you might want to consider . . .

 

[somethingshiny]

I agree there are two separate issues.

Your safety should be your first concern. I really don''t know how to proceed with that. I wasn''t able to get a restraining order in the past because a physical attack wasn''t made. I don''t know if your circumstances would qualify you or not. Additionally, pissing off your dad sounds like a bad idea. I think if it were me, I''d make sure I always had a person with me, a can of mace, and a cell phone. I''d also take some self defense classes.

The second issue is your career path. You may be drawn to the artistic because you are fully in control of that situation. With all of this turmoil, knowing you''re in complete control of something could be the good feelings you''re getting that don''t necessarily have anything to do with the actual tasks. If the control has nothing to do with your artistic happiness then you have 2 paths which you can take. Continue law school or quit. Where do you see yourself having more blessings in the immediate future? Where are there more blessings in the long run?

I''m sorry you''re going through these stressful situations. I pray that you''re able to stay safe and find comfort in your decisions.

 

[rainwood]

I agree that you have two issues that need to be addressed:

1. The danger posed by your father. You and your mother need to get restraining orders, not because it will stop your father but because it will increase the chance that the police will intervene if he violates the order, and increase the possibility that your father goes to jail at least for a little while. You also need to take every possible precaution you can. Your mother needs to be someplace like a battered woman''s shelter or other place that is experienced in keeping women in danger away from their abusers. The real dilemma is what to do about your safety if your parents'' house is near the school. At a minimum, you need to inform the school of the danger posed by your father. It''s not only your safety but the safety of others at the school that would be at risk. You also need to decide if you believe you can be safe from your father while at school. If not, you need to take a leave of absence until the situation with your father is resolved so that he no longer poses a threat. It''s fine to say you should work through this or not to let your father take this chance away from you, but you also don''t want to be in a situation where you could be killed or injured.

2. Continuing law school. I''m a lawyer so take what I have to say in that light. First, you have to deal with the immediate safety risk posed by your father. That might dictate whether you continue law school in the short term. Whether you should continue with law school in the long term is something only you can decide. It''s wonderful to be creative and that may be what you feel is your true calling, but you also need to have a better handle on how you would want to use your creativity to earn a living. I didn''t get a sense that you know what you''d want to do if you decide to leave law school. You''d need to figure that out. That said, if the only reason you''re going to law school is because you believe you''ll have a better paying career, the harsh reality is that there will be good employment opportunities only if you do really well in school. That is particularly true in this economy. If you''re not in one of the higher-tier schools and doing well, you''re probably not going to get that higher-paying job. And if that job is the only reason you''re in law school, you may need to reassess the likelihood that you''ll reach your goal. One thing you might want to do in find out what kind of success recent graduates of your law school are having in the job market. That may provide some information to help with your decisionmaking.

Please take care.

 

[havernell]

It sounds like your decision with law school/career choice is largely driven by you wanting to make enough money in the future to be able to support your mom. I think you need to separate out helping your Mom now in the short run during a tough time vs. changing your whole life (i.e. career choice, where you and your (soon to be) husband live) to help support your Mom long term. Definitely help your mom now with the safely aspects of your situation, but to be frank, I don't think you should make the whole rest of your life into providing an what you perceive to be an above-average lifestyle for your Mom. She is an adult, and after a while will probably be able to take care of herself okay (could she get a job herself? Why do you have to be her breadwinner?) I also don't think you should have to shoulder all this alone- does your mom have any siblings, other children, close friends, etc... who could help you help her? Don't be afraid to ask for help!

I hope I don't sound harsh- I just want you to think about things perhaps in a slightly different way. I'm not saying to not be compassionate towards your Mom- of course you should! But, I don't think it's healthy to re-arrange your life because you think that's what's bests for her. In a previous post you said "I don't want my mom to struggle" but that's about what YOU want, not what she wants necessarily. Have you even asked her if she wants you to financially support her from here on out? You might be surprised that what you think is best for her isn't actually what she wants! Good luck with everything and I truly hope you both stay safe!

 

[luckystar112]

I found this. It says to put your career second. It also gives some good advice on how to get out of the situation.
http://www.ehow.com/how_4494381_leave-violent-relationship.html

I''m sorry this is happening to you. How scary.

 

[megumic]

Coming from a current law student going through something of a similar nature but to a lesser degree, I think it''s a very personal choice. but I''d stick it out personally. I have found that focusing on my studies has been a bit cathartic in some ways, but I can also imagine it being a challenge for others.

I too have taken the mind-set that I''m not going to let my father prevent me from continuing to live my life and pursue my dreams. I refuse to put my life on hold for his antics any longer and I''m sure you''re also struggling with the push and pull of him controlling how you live your life. But I also feel that if you truly do not want to be an attorney, then perhaps dropping out is the best thing. It seems to me that the pure fact that you''re in conflict over this is a sign that there is something about the law and being a lawyer that has captured you enough to not just give up. You''ve taken a leave previously and have bounced back. You''re on law review. You''ve survived this far which is a big deal for law school. Those things tell me that you like what you''re doing and that this personal issue is coming between you and your career pursuits.

I think it''s important to protect yourself, your mother and your family. I cannot imagine the courage you and your mother have to finally walk away from him. From my experience at a domestic violence clinic, this is the hardest part for you and your mom and usually the most dangerous. Be sure to have police numbers in your phone at all times.

It''s a tough choice, but you''ll make the right choice. Let your heart guide you. And think of all of the women and others you could help as an attorney protecting women from their batterers and abusers!

 

[Liane]

Much of what I''m going to say is just echoing previous posts, but a lot of very good points have been made here and I think they''re worth underlining.

(1) Irishgrrl is right: get a restraining order ASAP if possible. You''ve said that much of the abuse is not physical, but that shouldn''t matter; if there''s been a history of verbal threats coupled with your legitimate belief that there''s a risk of physical danger, you should still be able to get one.

(2) KatyWI is right that a restraining order won''t keep you safe in and of itself. The reason to get it (as Irishgrrl said) is so that you can get him locked up just for coming too close to you, before he actually breaks into your house or slashes your tires or comes after you with a bat. But, as you likely already know, it''s a piece of paper and while it can get the police to act, it won''t help you in the immediate moment of an attack if one comes. So be prepared to handle that on your own, if you have to.

-- on the law school question --

(1) Although it may not be ideal, IMO you should give serious thought to taking a semester off or even transferring until this can be resolved, especially if your motive in becoming a lawyer is primarily financial. rainwood is absolutely right that the legal market is in a huge slump right now. If your grades are not stellar -- and under these circumstances, how can they be? -- and especially if you are not in a top school, just grinding through to a degree won''t matter. There''s a glut of newly minted lawyers on the market right now, and hiring is super competitive. Graduating with mediocre grades is only shooting yourself in the foot.

It is much better to delay a semester and graduate with a higher GPA and class rank than power through with worse scores.

(2) On the "I''d rather do something artistic" temptation: be aware that this is a temptation, and to some extent may be rooted in your current situation.

There''s no reason that you can''t do artistic pursuits on the side while working as a lawyer (unless you''re doing 90-hour weeks in corporate practice). It''s worked out pretty well for me and any number of other attorneys. This doesn''t have to be an either/or choice; it''s not that hard to make it an "and," once everything else is settled. But focus on the other stuff first, is my advice.

 

[prettylnpink419]

JJC- I am not an expert by any means but I did just spend the entire weekend taking a course specific to Domestic Violence. If there is a threat of physical harm, that could be enough for a PFA (Protection from abuse) or a no contact order. At least in my state, I live in Delaware. Every situation is different, but in the case of family, meaning husband and wife, or a woman who has a child with her abuser, or parents and children...a threat of violence should be enough. Women and children are always at a much greater risk leaving an abusive situation that staying in it because that is usually when the person snaps and will take thing to a drastic place, i.e. "If I can''t have you than no one will!", etc. It is important to remember that they do often come after other family members as well. If I were you, I would definitely start with your local police department to get a better understanding of what options you have. They can often put you in touch with a victim''s advocate who can help your mom relocate and to build a new life. They often have funds available to even assist with security deposits of apartments, etc. Even though a restraining order, PFA, no contact order, etc are only a piece of paper, it is extremely important to have those items documented as it will help your mom and/or you in the future if he attempts anything later on. If you think you do see your Dad following you, making threatening phone calls, etc. a Stalking charge may also be possible as it usually only takes one harassing situation to justify a stalking charge. Like I said though, documentation is key because it is extremely beneficial for prosecutors to be able to prove a pattern of abuse. So many times the violence goes unreported and that just continues to perpetuate the situation.

Your mom is going to need you, she''s going to need someone to help her stay strong. Support groups, etc would be beneficial to keep her from going back to the same situation. Sometimes victims are so afraid that their abuser will hurt themselves or someone else they care about so they end up going back, don''t let that happen to your mom. Get on the phone as soon as possible and have everything documented with any and everyone that will listen.

If I were you, I would definitely not be able to focus on my school work and would need to withdraw for the semester. I would probably look into transferring to a different school to get away from my Dad. Would your fiance support you with this? Is it possible for you to move or relocate to another state? If you do, you need to alert those authorities right away as they are also required to uphold any protections orders you and your mom have against your dad.

Please, please, reach out to a victim''s advocate office. They will be able to help you so much more than anyone here. All we can offer is a virtual shoulder to lean on and our personal opinions or advice. A professional will really be able to help. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts, please keep us updated!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I wish you and your family the best of luck. I don''t have any personal experience with this but your safety is NUMBER ONE! Never underestimate an unstable person. I hope your apartment has an alarm system. If not get one NOW. It takes a lot of courage and strength for your mom to leave him. I hope you all think about some therapy to help you learn to get past the fear and resentment. One of my favorite quotes is "courage is fear that has said its prayers."

Regarding your career I would follow your dream. Life is TOO short to settle. I understand an admire your reasons for wanting to be a lawyer. I am sure a lot of it is seeing your mom "trapped" in a bad situation and wanting to always take care of yourself. I don''t know what type of art you are talking about but is having it as a hobby enough? Is working just for a paycheck enough? These are questions only you can answer.

 

[Arkteia]

Do you know if your father has a permit to carry a gun? Or carries one?

 

[jjc]

Date: 2/22/2010 5:03:02 PM
Author: crasru
Do you know if your father has a permit to carry a gun? Or carries one?

He doesn't but that can change so I'm considering getting one.

Also, please forgive me for not addressing each post individually, but please know that it helps tremendously being able to read clear expressions of all the thoughts swimming around in my head in a giant incoherent glob. Thank you.

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/22/2010 5:15:13 PM
Author: jjc

Date: 2/22/2010 5:03:02 PM
Author: crasru
Do you know if your father has a permit to carry a gun? Or carries one?

He doesn''t but that can change so I''m considering getting one.

Also, please forgive me for not addressing each post individually, but please know that it helps tremendously being able to read clear expressions of all the thoughts swimming around in my head in a giant incoherent glob. Thank you.

It''s something to consider, but think about this: a gun is a lethal weapon. If you are not willing to potentially kill the person attacking you, it can serve to escalate the situation instead of end it. While we can all analyze and sit back and say, "He''s a threat, he''s dangerous, etc." at the end of the day, will you be able to look down the barrel of the gun and think of him as a person that is trying to hurt you and not as your dad? Hesitate too long, and it could lead to a terrible situation.

I''m not trying to talk you out of it (on the contrary, this situation would be enough to make me seriously considering getting a gun and learning how to use it really well), but think out what it would mean to have to point it at him and possibly fire. Figure out *now* if that''s something you can do - if not, take that money and put it towards something else that can help protect you.

 

[jjc]

Date: 2/22/2010 5:30:18 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/22/2010 5:15:13 PM

Author: jjc

Date: 2/22/2010 5:03:02 PM

Author: crasru

Do you know if your father has a permit to carry a gun? Or carries one?

He doesn''t but that can change so I''m considering getting one.


Also, please forgive me for not addressing each post individually, but please know that it helps tremendously being able to read clear expressions of all the thoughts swimming around in my head in a giant incoherent glob. Thank you.

It''s something to consider, but think about this: a gun is a lethal weapon. If you are not willing to potentially kill the person attacking you, it can serve to escalate the situation instead of end it. While we can all analyze and sit back and say, ''He''s a threat, he''s dangerous, etc.'' at the end of the day, will you be able to look down the barrel of the gun and think of him as a person that is trying to hurt you and not as your dad? Hesitate too long, and it could lead to a terrible situation.


I''m not trying to talk you out of it (on the contrary, this situation would be enough to make me seriously considering getting a gun and learning how to use it really well), but think out what it would mean to have to point it at him and possibly fire. Figure out *now* if that''s something you can do - if not, take that money and put it towards something else that can help protect you.

Actually, although whether or not I get a gun is not the most pressing issue, but yes, I can absolutely "think of him as a person that is trying to hurt you and not as your dad." This is not hyperbole, or a rash statement, but the product of a lifetime of very serious abuse at the hands of someone who is my father only biologically, a monster who has done unspeakable things to me and my family. It''s my fault for answering and expanding upon crasru''s question, but I''d really rather not discuss this aspect any further. Thanks.

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/22/2010 5:45:01 PM
Author: jjc

Date: 2/22/2010 5:30:18 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/22/2010 5:15:13 PM

Author: jjc

Date: 2/22/2010 5:03:02 PM

Author: crasru

Do you know if your father has a permit to carry a gun? Or carries one?

He doesn''t but that can change so I''m considering getting one.


Also, please forgive me for not addressing each post individually, but please know that it helps tremendously being able to read clear expressions of all the thoughts swimming around in my head in a giant incoherent glob. Thank you.

It''s something to consider, but think about this: a gun is a lethal weapon. If you are not willing to potentially kill the person attacking you, it can serve to escalate the situation instead of end it. While we can all analyze and sit back and say, ''He''s a threat, he''s dangerous, etc.'' at the end of the day, will you be able to look down the barrel of the gun and think of him as a person that is trying to hurt you and not as your dad? Hesitate too long, and it could lead to a terrible situation.


I''m not trying to talk you out of it (on the contrary, this situation would be enough to make me seriously considering getting a gun and learning how to use it really well), but think out what it would mean to have to point it at him and possibly fire. Figure out *now* if that''s something you can do - if not, take that money and put it towards something else that can help protect you.

Actually, although whether or not I get a gun is not the most pressing issue, but yes, I can absolutely ''think of him as a person that is trying to hurt you and not as your dad.'' This is not hyperbole, or a rash statement, but the product of a lifetime of very serious abuse at the hands of someone who is my father only biologically, a monster who has done unspeakable things to me and my family. It''s my fault for answering and expanding upon crasru''s question, but I''d really rather not discuss this aspect any further. Thanks.

I''m really sorry I upset you. That was not at all my intention. I know some of my friends who have been though abuse have no problems with this, but one or two still hold on to the "But s/he''s my *insert relationship here*."

Again, really really sorry I upset you.

 

[dragonfly411]

jjc - the only main advice I''d give is to get a restraining order. You can also ask the police to patrole your neighborhood and if it is a serious threat (which yours is) they WILL do so. They are there to ensure your safety....

I really hope you are able to figure everything out.. my thoughts will be with you.

 

[jjc]

princesss - No worries, at all.

 

[luv2sparkle]

jjc- the hard part about this forum is that because it is anonymous, I can''t offer you any real help. I wish I could give you a hug and a safe place to stay. In my heart I would like to beat the
crap out of your dad for all the harm he has done to your family. But I always feel that way, when I hear stories like yours.

If you do decide to stay, I so agree with Tacori-ering, to get yourself an alarm connected with a security company for your home. You need that peace of mind desperately. I would be
tempted to get a weapon as well, whether mace or a handgun. Mace might be a safer option to carry with you.

Don''t let the monetary reason be the thing that keeps you in Law School. As a couple people in the know stated, there are no guarantees how much you will make. Stress makes most
decisions very difficult to make, but what ever you decide, make sure you are safe. There is NOTHING more important than that. You can always change your mind later, as long as you
stay safe.

Please please take care and let us know what you decide. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Octavia]

Have you discussed your situation with the Dean of Students at your school? I know all schools are different, but the DofS at my law school is incredibly caring and would definitely be my go-to person if I was in a difficult situation. They may not have dealt with students facing exactly the issues you are, but may still have some great advice career-wise as well as situation-wise.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

Bless your heart for your suffering and for your great love for your mother. I think it is wise to think through "scenarios" so that you are better prepared mentally for what may happen. Only YOU will ultimately know/feel/sense what is the right thing to do in this circumstance for yourself and possibly for your mother. My father was very unstable, I have some understanding and ultimately he only hurt himself(by committing suicide) but there was always a pressure-cooker feeling of impending explosion in our home. I was too young to really "do" anything about it, except not try and rock the boat. You are amazingly strong and brave in the face of such difficulty. Sometimes taking one day at a time, even though it sounds cliche, is a bit less stressing than trying to figure out down the road. Whatever you decide, it will be right for you at that time, or even at that moment. You and your mother will be in my thoughts and prayers.