Really need to VENT and need your opinions!!!!!!!! (Long)

[btrflygrl23]

Hi ladies,

I''m pretty new to PS and just got happily engaged on the 26th of March! I got my e-ring from WF and could not be happier with how it turned out they did a great job (for your ref it is a 2.03ct ACA AGS0 princess cut VVS2 and H color centre stone on an eternity band that has RB shared prong stones totalling .90cts set in plat).

Now getting to my prob. I have never really been close with FI''s brother''s fiance let''s call her S and she''s has always been pretty catty with me so I don''t know why I expected her to be nice about my engagement. But here is my story and I would really appreciate knowing what you guys think about all this.

They got engaged before us and she got her ring online e-bay and they did get screwed I guess the quality of the ring in general is pretty poor, bad construction and the centre stone is not an eyeclean SI there is a pretty big black inclusion that is very visible and you don''t have to be close to see it either I have never said anything bad about her ring and I promptly called and congratulated her when they got engaged and admired the ring when I saw it. It was not my cup of tea but I told her it was pretty b/c it is and that she must be very happy and how fun it will be to plan the wedding etc.

Fast forward to my engagement. She heard about it before we got a chance to see her so she e-mailed me and said congrats and then proceeded to tell me that she heard my ring was big and that hopefully I like big things b/c she does not!!!

She loves her ring b/c it is dainty and pretty...big would have been just too much for her too much bling like a rapper...like 50 cent

and she actually said this stuff word for word in the e-mail!!!!

I let it go and replied thanks and left it at that.
Yesterday we went to lunch for Easter with the in-laws so to speak FI''s dad, his 2 brothers, older bro''s GF and then S younger bro''s FI (they are getting married this June).

Right away she comes up to me in the restaurant and takes my hand and the first thing she says is not congrats it''s very pretty or anything like that but she says oh it''s not as big as I thought when I heard 2cts I thought it would be way bigger!!

THEN she says maybe your hands are big!!!! THEN she holds up her hand and asks me to put my hand up to see the size diff of our hands ( I wear a size 4.5 and she wears a size 60 and hers are bigger and she says oh your hands aren''t that much smaller than mine I don''t know it just doesnt'' look that big my friend Louise has a 1.30 RB and it looks just as big but her hands are really little she''s a size 2!!


I didn''t expect a huge compliment from her but seriously what''s the deal!!!????? How hateful can one person be?
Later I was talking to older bro''s GF and was telling her that my parents have been sweet enough to get me diamond studs for my b''day/engagement gift 1.25ctw and she was saying how awesome that is and S chimes in and says be careful to me that if I don''t slow down I''m going to end up looking like 50cent WTF?????

Can you guys believe this chick?

I stayed calm and sort of shrugged the whole thing off but late in the car I was super upset not just angry but hurt and sad and frustrated this girl is going to be in the family too what do I do? Do I address the issue with her in an e-mail or call her? Do I let it go?
I really don''t like her now and I don''t even want to be around her.

I would really like to know what you guys think so don''t hold back tell me.

and thanks for reading my long rant but I am still upset 24 hours later.

thanks and have a great day

 

[decodelighted]

There''s nothing to say to her, really. Because she''s a jealous, insensitive, hostile, unthinking, possibly rascist or classist JERK. There are always going to be people like this - it''s just best to get used to dealing with it & not let their comments tick you off. SERIOUSLY - what she said is RIDICULOUS! You can LAUGH at it inside rather than stew! That is, if you''re comfortable with yourself & not secretly rivalrous with her.

Continue just what you HAVE been doing -- what''s in YOUR fine nature -- taking the high road!

And *inside* ... just bubble over with laughter at the CRASS, IGNORANT, hilariously RUDE things she says.

 

[cara]

Ohh... she''s really jealous, feeling really inferior, and socially impaired. Repeat in head when she''s upsetting you.

Then ask, "Why would you say that?". No point in even pretending like she''s saying normal socially acceptable stuff. Heck, I think you can flat out ask her if she tells people she thinks they got an ugly haircut but, on their big head, it looks good. When in doubt, say that you love it and, as it is YOUR ring (not hers), that''s all that matters.

 

[robbie3982]

Yikes, I''m sorry that you have to go through this! I agree with Cara that you should say something the next time she says something ridiculous. You don''t have to trade insults, but asking her why she''d say it might make her stop. I had a slightly similar situtation when I got engaged with my cousin. She said some awful things to me and FI at Thanksgiving dinner infront of my whole family. When I finally couldn''t take it anymore I just said "Why would you say something like that?" I came out looking like a civilized person and everyone saw her for what she really was when she continued with her insult tirade.

It helped get everything out in the open. She was jealous and feeling left out and had all these times that she''d imagined I''d slighted her. I wouldn''t be surprised if something like this is going on with your FSIL.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Ugh! Excuse my French, but what a pain in the a$$! She sounds like a real winner. I''m sure your FBIL is nice, so I don''t want to wish him bad luck, but I hope they breakup before the wedding or soon after. I normally wouldn''t condone being passive aggressive, but she deserves some well-placed subtle jabs on a regular basis. Unfortunately you can''t really be openly rude back to her or you''ll make things worse for yourself and possibly the brother too.

Just remember that you and your FI have true love that will last and last and that''s because you''re a beautiful, classy, loving, compassionate, and intelligent young woman. She, on the other hand, lacks all of the above.

How''s that for tact (or lack there of)?

 

[NYCsparkle]

i think you should just let it go for now. she''s obviously jealous of you and needs to put you down in order to feel better about herself. if it bothers you to the point where you HAVE to say something, make sure its civilized and not beee--atchy. robbie had a good, but civilized comeback. has anyone else heard her say these things? or does she do it when you are alone? i hope she''s not part of your wedding party. lol

enjoy this time in your life and ignore the drama people---they''ll only stress you out at this fun time in your life.---wait until you start planning...don''t tell her a thing...she''ll only have negative things to say.

 

[Pandora II]

You poor thing.

But just think - you have your gorgeous ring and she has hers.

I had a similar thing with my brother's gf of 2 years (lets call her P). FI and I got engaged at Christmas and when we were at my parents everyone was asking what sort of ring I was getting, so I showed them the Pokey Special and said it would be a bit like that.

P promptly says "Yuck, that ring is so horrible, it's really busy - I so wouldn't want anything like that - anyway diamonds are so much nicer, I can't believe that's what you've chosen. And that split thing looks like something in discount shop jewellery"

I was quite annoyed by this - doesn't help that I and both my sisters don't much care for P. I was talking to my brother a couple of months later and told him what she had said. He said - Oh she was really bitter about you getting engaged because she felt it really should have been her.

I am 35, FI and I have been together for 3 years, have bought a house together and have all our ducks in a row. My brother is 7 years younger than me and P is 8 years younger, they live in a house her father bought as an investment and my brother has only just finished his probation period at work.

I was soooooo angry.

What made it worse was my brother was ringing me to talk about e-rings for her. She doesn't want to have any input and wants a surprise. It has to be diamonds and she likes big. (and she once worked at Tiffany) My brother knows nothing about jewellery and is going to get a nasty shock when he sees how much diamonds cost. His budget is likely to be around the $5k mark. She thinks mine ring is super-cheap apparently because my centre-stone is a tsavorite - and garnets are so inexpensive. Lol

I am going to find it very hard to design something nice for this girl. If I do it's for his sake. Problem is she is very picky and it's very obvious if she doesn't like things.

Sorry, didn't mean to have my own rant - I so know where you are coming from. I can't believe I might have to see this girl for the rest of my life!

The Pokey Special:

 

[btrflygrl23]

Oh ladies than you soo much you all make me feel so much better!!

deco, I''m not in competition with her at all she has always been a bit of an odd duck but this last incident at lunch seemed very rude and mean to me. I''m not at all a mean person to anyone I have a very live and let live attitude and if I can help anyone at all in any way I do and I am very pro-girl I hate mean girls I like when girls root for each other instead of competing all the time and being petty.

Pandora OMG I feel your pain you poor dear your mean girls comment to you was extremely rude and mean and TOTALLY unnecessary as well and I can see how it will be hard to help pick out a ring for her but it''s your bro and you love him so think of that and do your best no need to sink to her level.

Everyone else I think for now I am going to let it slide and then if she says something again when I see her next week at a baby shower I will take robbie''s advice and just ask why would you say that? and I''ll see what she comes up with and let you all know I love PS b/c it was so nice to put this out there and to feel supported so thank you I feel much better.

Oh Hudson sadly FI''s bro is not that nice a bit of a weasel hence the choice of S and not to be a hater but he steps outside the bounds of their relationship quite often at least 3 times that I have heard of and not just gossip but pretty much fact but I have stayed out of it.
Basically, they are getting married b/c S gave him a huge ultimatum and said either you pop the ques or pack you bags and get out and I"ll put in 3 years or so with someone else and get them to marry me b/c I am ready to marry either you or someone else they live together and he figured fine I''ll give in at least that is what he told FI and he also mentioned that although he loves her he is not in love with her as much as he loved his ex geez what a mess right?? I don''t think it will last very long certainly not forever but oh well.


NYC she said it in front of pretty much everyone and they were shocked but no one said anything FI''s dad is quite old and has bad hearing so he may not have heard and FI''s bro her FI never says anything to her she has made catty comments about my weight and stuff before (I am actually not overweight or anything at least I don''t think so I''m 5''4 and about 115 on a pretty small boned frame so I think I''m healthy I eat and exercise I don''t know I won''t let her get to me)
She did ask me if I plan to lose weight before my wedding yuck I don''t like this girl.

NO she is NOT in my wedding party thank GOD!!


Pandora your ring is STUNNING and the split shank is absolutely divine and the color of the tsav is just to die for she is jealous of your ring I''m sure of it and your happiness I wish your bro happiness but it will be hard to have this person in your fam for sure she sounds like S a trouble maker and just a rancid person

I''ll keep you posted ladies and thank you again

 

[robbie3982]

Pandora, I love

your ring and don''t think it looks cheap at all!

btrflygrl23, you definitely don''t sound like you need to lose weight for your wedding! Ugh. I HATE people like that. In high school I broke my nose and when one of the girls on my cheerleading squad saw me she said "are they going to fix it and make it smaller and cuter?" I was like, uh...no...they''re just going to straighten it back out...thanks for giving me a complex about my nose though. Your BMI is 19.7 according to the calculator I just used. Normal is 18.5-24.9 so you''re closer to being underweight than you are to being overweight.

Any chance that she''s not trying to be mean, but just keeps sticking her foot in her mouth?

 

[firebirdgold]

Oh this is just too easy...

SHE HATES HER RING!

Simple as that. The poor thing is desperately trying to make herself feel better about the piece of frozen spit her cheating fi gave her to shut her up.



Oh, and no freaking way they last more than another couple of years. Unless their wedding is coming up soon, they may not even make it to that!
So, out of snarky and vicious curiosity, have they set a date and booked a place yet?

BTW Pandora, GORGEOUS RING!! So lucious and special. A really good tsavorite is far more rare than a diamond!

ETA: oh, just on the whole nose job thing. I knew these two identical twins with somewhat strong noses, one got a nose job from a top plastic surgeon and the other didn't. Guess which one was prettier?

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/10/2007 12:21:03 PM
Author: decodelighted
There''s nothing to say to her, really. Because she''s a jealous, insensitive, hostile, unthinking, possibly rascist or classist JERK. There are always going to be people like this - it''s just best to get used to dealing with it & not let their comments tick you off. SERIOUSLY - what she said is RIDICULOUS! You can LAUGH at it inside rather than stew! That is, if you''re comfortable with yourself & not secretly rivalrous with her.

Continue just what you HAVE been doing -- what''s in YOUR fine nature -- taking the high road!

And *inside* ... just bubble over with laughter at the CRASS, IGNORANT, hilariously RUDE things she says.

Ditto. She''s insecure trash. Take the high road. No one is going to look at your lovely 2 carat ring or your classy studs and think anything other than, "What lovely jewlery that nice girl has."

 

[btrflygrl23]

I love you guys!!

robbie no she is being mean not foot in mouth you can tell usually by the delivery. Another example I am somewhat large busted for my size 32D and when I first met her (she is small busted nothing wrong with that I would love sometimes for my tops to actually make contact with my ribcage!!! LOL and to be able to go braless in the hot summer if appropriate of course) so anyway she says to me they are great now I guess but when you get old they''ll be so gross and down to your knees!! I really had no comeback b/c I never say things like that I wouldn''t dream of it geez she what I mean?

Indie they have set a date June 16th 07 and they have a place so it is going through I guess but I think max 5 years? She does not trust him at all goes through his cell history all the time, they have each others e-mail passwords her idea and she checks his all time and his bank account activity, she even wanted to sneak over once when he went out of town on a stag and spy on him a real piece of work right? Hates his ex with a passion heres the kicker that nice girl I really liked her had a cancer scare and S heard about it and said I hope she does and dies!!!! I mean we are young all around 24-26 why would you wish for young life to be snuffed out I mean Any life?? She''s evil.

Oh and she tells ppl that she looks like Ashley Judd and you guys I am pretty objective and I would be honest if she did even resemble her in any way I would say it but she so does NOT looks like Ashley Judd and she refers to herself as HOT S Yeah what do you think of that??

 

[robbie3982]

Yikes!

 

[cara]

Date: 4/10/2007 2:17:45 PM
Author: btrflygrl23

so anyway she says to me they are great now I guess but when you get old they'll be so gross and down to your knees!! \

That's just horrible! And another candidate for "why would you ever say that, honey!" Or, "well isn't that an optimistic way of looking at things!"... Oh my. I totally get how this girl is pushing your buttons - I can see myself getting pissed off instantly! But the way out is recognize her deep insecurity is driving these comments and call her on it. Not in a rude, get back at her way, but in a way that just points out what she said was way out of line.

Now, I wouldn't bring any of these horrible comments back up again, but just be ready for a few more zingers in the future as your happy planning will surely get under her skin.

 

[sumbride]

Definitely sounds like MAJOR jealousy and just a really mean person in general. I love the idea of asking her "Why would you say that?" Call her on it. Flat out call her on it. Make her explain herself, and make sure her FI sees it. If he hasn''t figured out who she really is yet, he needs to, and I bet she''s used to getting away with being the way she is. Their marriage will not last, if it even happens at all.

And under no circumstances should you tell her ANYTHING about your wedding. Not a THING. If she likes your ideas, she''ll probably attempt to steal them, and if she doesn''t, you''ll never hear the end of it.

Congrats on your engagement! And get back here quick with pictures of your ring! It sounds amazing and you know we''ll drool over it!!!

 

[poptart]

This girl just sounds so nasty and jealous! I would avoid her as much as possible, because clearly she is pretty toxic. If it really gets to you though, you do have a right do defend yourself against her jealousy and bitterness. You don''t have to be mean, but just say something that lets her know you aren''t going to let her push you around or get to you. I wish I could explain it better, because DH is really really good at doing this. Not being mean, or raising his voice, but coming back with a quip that shows the other person that they have no right to treat you this way, and that you deserve respect. I''ve never been very good at it though, so I can''t explain it well. Hopefully you understand what I''m saying though! Good luck, and stay away from that meanie, haha!

*M*

 

[Pandora II]

Thanks guys, but I''m afraid the Pokey Special is not my ring

- I wish! It''s a Leon Mege masterpiece and the inspiration for mine.

Mine is at Wink''s at present and I hope will be ready in the next 3-4 weeks. It''s a splitshank but channel set rather than pave as I''m a bit nervous about pave and getting it fixed in the UK if stones drop out. The tsavorite is a slightly more rectangular cushion, but an amazing colour like this one and super sparkly. Mine is 1.42ct (but faces up quite large) - this is over 2ct.


I think you''re doing the right thing btrflygrl23. Sounds like a match made in hell there - and she probably knows it. I think you always have an innervoice that tells you the real truth. From what she says to you I think she''s probably pretty unhappy and set to get worse. Not that that excuses anything - and I would be very wary about getting involved with her on anything more than a superficial level.

 

[little miss sunshine]

Btrflygrl -- WOW... All of the

s were an understatement. I applaud you for saving your anger to vent here! I would have definitely said something to her I would have regretted later on. I agree with what everyone else has already said... She is nothing but JEALOUS and tacky. I think simply asking "Why would you say that?" is your best bet at staying away from a confrontation. It almost seems like she is trying to start a fight. She obviously feels like she needs to belittle you every chance she gets, while trying to make herself feel better. Definitely avoid e-mailing or bringing it up in person, I think the high road would be to just ignore her. That way it won''t go any further or get nastier. Although, she would probably love the drama of a little family feud! I don''t even know the girl, but she makes me sick!! Your jewelery sounds gorgeous and in all honesty I was smiling to myself at the absurdity of her comments. Just think about how ridiculous she sounds, and do NOT be offended! Good luck!!

 

[monarch64]

Honestly, she sounds like an insecure be-yotch, and personally I would just let her dig her own hole and not say anything. I''m not saying you should just turn the other cheek and take her crap, but do take the high road and don''t let it bother you. Hopefully your FI''s brother will realize she''s completely screwed up before their wedding and get rid of her quick. I know this sounds really harsh, and I''m not normally one to post such things here but your story and description of her really rubbed me the wrong way, LOL! It sounds like she''s absolutely dying to bring you down because she wants you to be as miserable as she is--don''t give her the satisfaction.

 

[monarch64]

Oh, and I totally forgot to say congratulations on your recent engagement, and your ring sounds beautiful! Good luck to you, btrflygrl23!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I would absolutely let it go. She''s obviously jealous and saying these things are making her feel better. I would get a step AHEAD of her and make comments like, "oh its so big I almost feel like elizabeth hurley!" LOL Seriously - take away from her negative bling comment and insert a positive bling comment... like liz taylor. Laugh WITH her and ignore her digs. They''re aimed to make HER feel better, not YOU feel worse. I''m sure she doesn''t even realize this hurts you... but it is soooo obvious it hurts her. I''d try really hard to be the bigger person here and just let it go. She''ll stop eventually. But be prepared for comparisons on other things down the road... with some people it never ends....

 

[VRBeauty]

Vent here, continue to take the high road out there in the "real world." After all, you don''t need to do anything to make her "look bad," it sounds like she''s doing a good job of that without your help. And if you can find it within yourself to look beyond the flames and wish the best for her, so much the better....

 

[btrflygrl23]

A big thanks to everyone who gave me I think very valuable advice and I will definitely be taking it.

I am going to take the high road and just limit the time I spend with someone who is obviously VERY TOXIC!
I''ll keep you posted ladies and as soon as I get a better camera I will put up pics of my e-ring which I love to death!