RHR Dilemma

[LuvthatSparkle]

Hi All:




I''m new to this forum but have been watching from a distance. I could use some objective opinions. I always wanted a big beautiful diamond since I was 19 yrs old and I''m now 36. I''ve been waiting 17 years for Mr. Right and realized maybe it was time to take matters into my own hands, who needs to wait for a guy anyway. So I started designing a RHR - 3 Stone, RB to be exact. And I''m having the best fun!!! I had the first stone from a previous engagement and I just purchased the middle one. Now I''m looking for the last one...........but..........in the middle of this project, I met a really great guy, LOL, do you see where I''m going here. We were dating and I continued building my ring, now we are talking about children and marriage and "ENGAGEMENT RINGS". The kicker is I make more money then he does and it doesn''t bother me but I have a feeling it might bother him. My ring is just about done and I''m afraid he''ll feel intimidated. He doesn''t know about my RHR..........yet! But I am concerned about his reaction. I don''t want to steel his thunder. Can anyone understand? Any ideas?

 

[chrono]

Personally, I don't think it matters. it's your RHR that you are creating for yourself for your own pleasure. It has nothing to do with your engagement. If & when you do get engaged, the ring that he presents you, no matter how big or small, will have a very different value in your eyes and heart.

 

[fancyrock]

Your story reminded me of couples trying to have a baby and just when they're starting to give up or look for alternative, the woman gets pregnant!

I think you don't have to tell him about your RHR. That is your personal project you started before you met him. A gift to yourself. There is no need to let him know about it especially if you think it might steal his thunder away. Let him figure out what he'd like to do for your e-ring.

There shouldn't be any competition between RHR and e-ring. They are both personal in different ways.

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

I truly believe that.........and I've tried to convince him of that (I have skated around the issue) and all I got was a perplexed look or more of a "I really hope you didn't do that look".

 

[chrono]

If I am reading this correctly, you don't have an issue with this but he does? Why? I'm afraid I don't understand why this would even be an issue.

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

Well, I think it's an ego thing. We tend to think that women have the big dreams about weddings and proposals. I've found out that's not necessarily true. I suppose all I can do is be forthcoming and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[reena]

Well, I can totally understand why it might be an issue.




Before my mom and dad got engaged, my mom used to wear the family ring that I posted on the SMTR board a few days ago. While the diamonds aren't super-large or of fabulous quality, it's still a very nice ring, maybe a little over 1 carat total weight. I remember my mom telling me that my dad felt intimidated by it way back then, because he didn't have a lot of money and he was worried that he wasn't going to be able to get her an e-ring that could compete with it. Not that my dad was angry or upset with my mom for wearing it, but he just felt bad because he wanted the engagement ring he gave her to be the prettiest ring on her hand. I totally understand why he would have felt this way.




Now, LTS, I don't know anything at all about your BF's financial condition, but if he seems a little wistful about you buying yourself a gorgeous RHR, that may be why. What you decide to do is up to you--I agree with the others that you shouldn't necessarily feel bad about treating yourself to a fabulous ring, but if you think that it might take away from your BF's joy and excitement in picking out an e-ring for you, well, then you might want to think twice about it. (Or go with earrings and/or a pendant!)

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

Exactly!!! Thank you Reena!!!




He was laid off with the rest of the US (practically) and decided to go back to school to finish his degree (did I mention he's a few years younger

). So he works and he goes to college at night. I don't care, I know things won't always be this way and his education is very important. Perhaps if I had the RHR when we met, he would have had time to deal with his feelings. I don't feel guilty about it, I certainly have a right to do something special for myself. He means the world to me and I don't want to burst his bubble. The earrings and pendant idea sounds good.

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

Oh! I say your ring, it's very pretty!

 

[reena]

Thanks! And I think that's exactly right--guys tend to be proud (and sensitive) about their ability to buy their gal an e-ring . . . I can see why you wouldn't want to burst his bubble, as you say, or take away the excitement of picking something fabulous out for you. If I were him, and I knew I could only spend x amount on an e-ring, and you went out and spent twice that on a RHR . . . I might be a little bit sad!

Good luck.

 

[fancyrock]

He may need to hear some reassurance (comforting words) from you. With every ring... there is a story behind it and they are all different but meaningful. Let him know that whatever he decides to give you for an e-ring will be special b/c it's from his heart and the thought of that just tickles you to death.

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

Fire Rock and Reena,




Thanks for understanding, he's deffinately sensitive and he does need reassurance. The ring I'm putting togehter had some special meaning for me, one diamond represents my past, the center represents the present and the end represents the future. (.80) (1.4 (.80). There's still one diamond (. to be purchased and I was planning to do it early next year. My girlfriend (just now) suggested he (BF) put the last stone in, completing the past, present, future scenario. So I have alot of good ideas to throw around now. I'm feeling better about this already. Unfortunately what's done is done. I like the pendant/earrings idea too, but I do think the 1.48 is a bit big for a pendant

, I'm small and I don't wear alot of jewelry. I think I'm driving myself crazy!!! LOL OK, I'm just going to concentrate on the love we have and the rest will work itself out!.

 

[fancyrock]

I love the idea of each diamond representing a time of your life. That is sooooo unique and what a great story it'll make. And along the same line... the last diamond he gets to complete that ring would have the same meaning as HE completes YOU. (famous line from the movie Jerry Miguire) This just gets better...!!

 

[Bagpuss]

Perhaps you could put off finishing your RHR until after you get your e-ring and get married and then let your husband buy the last diamond as a way of cementing your future together.

If you're thinking of having kids, the last diamond come come when you have your first one. After all they are your future in a very tangible way!

I know it would mean putting off finishing your RHR for a while longer, but you've got something better to wear in the meantime - a real e-ring.

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

I considered that, I guess I don't want the two rings to compete and I don't want him to feel like he's been outdone. I think when the time is right.......based on budget, I will decide if I should tell him and then let him make the choice. If money is no object (by some miracle) there will be no need to mention my RHR. Should it become an issue I can give him the option of finishing my ring. If he doesn't find it as romantic as I'm beginning to view it, I will understand. Until then it will remain as is, I have nothing to loose by waiting a bit longer to see how things pan out. Thanks all for your encouragement!