ring disagreement

[yarrmatey]

Some background: I''ve been dating my FF for about 5 years now, we live together, and share finances (along with everything else in our lives).

We''ve purchased a setting for my engagement ring together, and by "together" I mean we BOTH paid for it equally, my choice. I feel very strongly that WE are making the choice to share our lives together and it should not be HIS burden to pay for my engagement ring. I know many people on here feel differently, but that''s how I feel.

So now we are starting the search for my center stone, and his "manly pride" has reared its ugly head. He feels like he should pay for the stone on his own. I have a trust fund from my parents that I get a monthly distribution from, and I have put a lot of that in savings. I''m not asking to buy the ring myself by any stretch, but I would like to contribute since I am able! With his savings AND my savings, we have plenty of money to purchase a beautiful ring.

However, the last thing I want to do is upset him! This is really important to me, and it''s NOT about having a big ring - it''s about being equal partners. This disagreement is really upsetting both of us, and I have no idea how to fix it.

Should I just let this go even though it''s important to me?

 

[Independent Gal]

Let the boy buy you a diamond, and then you can get him a beautiful gift in return as a sign of your commitment to him.

Why not take the money you would have spent and buy him a beautiful and very special engagement watch? That, like your ring, can be handed down someday.

I''m sure the ladies on here can come up with other ideas for an engagement gift for him as a sign of YOUR commitment. But with the diamond? Let him do his thing, honey!

Seriously. Let him do it.

 

[bee*]

If it means that much to him, let him do it! I don''t think we''ll ever understand manly pride

 

[ladypirate]

I totally agree with Independent Gal. I told my guy that when we get engaged, I'll get him a fancy watch since I feel like he should get a nifty piece of jewelry if I do. Now he's super excited about it...probably more than I am about the ring.

Even if watches aren't his thing, maybe consider something he'd really love instead. New tv, surprise vacation, musical instrument if he's musical...that way he gets to feel like he's treating you to something special with your diamond and you get to feel like you're contributing equally.

P.S. Love your user name!

 

[lsyama]

I like IndeGal''s idea of letting him get the stone, then getting him a nice gift in return.

sorry, off topic:
yarrmatey & ladypirate - did you take part in Talk like a Pirate day? I tried for a bit, but it was too hard!

 

[Haven]

Date: 9/24/2007 4:20:16 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Let the boy buy you a diamond, and then you can get him a beautiful gift in return as a sign of your commitment to him.

Why not take the money you would have spent and buy him a beautiful and very special engagement watch? That, like your ring, can be handed down someday.

I'm sure the ladies on here can come up with other ideas for an engagement gift for him as a sign of YOUR commitment. But with the diamond? Let him do his thing, honey!

Seriously. Let him do it.

DITTO, IndyGal.

If you two already share finances, and live together, and make all of your decisions together, then is he REALLY the only one funding the ring if you aren't putting any of "your" money toward it? My FI and I don't even live together, but we've gotten to the point where regardless of who pays for what, the money is all coming from the same place--OUR pockets. What he spends is money I've spent, and vice versa. We both know it's going to end up in the same place eventually, so there's really no line drawn between who is paying for what. You are a "we", so let him have his fun, let him buy the diamond.

It doesn't sound like he's a super traditional guy since you two already live together, but perhaps purchasing the diamond on his own is important to him, so why not give him that small pleasure? And I love the idea of an engagement gift for him, I'm sure he would be extremely pleased if you presented a gift to him after he's proposed. Ladies on these boards have purchased entertainment systems, motorcycles (!), watches, you name it. I think this is even more special than going in on the ring halvsies, don't you?

ETA: I love your name, too. It made me laugh out loud when I first read it.

 

[yarrmatey]

I never even thought about a "man-gagement" present as opposed to contributing to the ring!
That''s a GREAT idea!

 

[yarrmatey]

He''s not traditional at all, which is I think one of the reasons I was so surprised that he really stood his ground! However, since it is so important to him, I''m gonna let him do his thing and buy him a really nice watch or something and have it engraved.

Thanks for all your ideas and input! I feel a little silly now that I made it into such a big deal!

 

[yarrmatey]

I tried for about 20 minutes, but since I work in an office everyone thought I was crazy!

 

[ladypirate]

Heh--I most certainly did celebrate TLAP Day! I even dressed as pirate-like as possible while still being in business wear. I said I was dressed "business piratical". Heh!

Just a thought for you, yarrmatey--if you're going to get him a watch, make sure you get input from him as to what style of watches he likes. Check out www.watchluxus.com--they have a very searchable database, and you can go through it together and get an idea for what he'd like. You also want to consider what kind of mechanism to get (automatic/self winding, quartz/battery operated, or winding) After getting an idea of what you're looking for, it's a good idea to find an Authorized Dealer in the area and try on the watches to make sure they look right on his wrist. That will also give you a good idea of how much space the different watches have for engraving on the back.

Welcome to the world of watches...imho, much more confusing than gemstones!

 

[poptart]

Just let him buy the diamond! When DH and I got engaged he got my ring, and I gave him a ring in return (no bling of course, but a nice ring). You could let him get the diamond and give him some type of engagement gift.

*M*