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sadie123

Rough_Rock
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I just need to vent a little today. My boyfriend put the down deposit on my ring back in July and I was almost positive that he was going to propose sometime in September. Well, we were at dinner last night and mentions that he might be able to put another deposit on the ring on September 20th. Upon hearing this my eyes started to well up and he asked me what was wrong. So I told him about the fact that I thought it was going to be in September and he gets mad at me! We''ve been together for a long time, he''s almost 29 and has a great job. Is it selfish of me to think that it kind of sucks that he hasn''t saved any money for my ring? I just don''t understand why it would take him over 3 months to pay it off, (i picked the ring out by the way, so i could save him money, and i paid for last months rent) it makes me feel so bad. He just doesn''t seem to really understand why this is so important to me, I even considered showing him this forum so he could see 1st hand how many other girls are just like me. Sometimes I really think he believes I''m the only girl like this. Anyway, sorry for the rambling, I just needed to vent a little! I''m just so upset that I''m going to have to wait another month now, I almost don''t even want it anymore now.
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Date: 9/1/2006 9:21:04 AM
Author:sadie123
I just need to vent a little today. My boyfriend put the down deposit on my ring back in July and I was almost positive that he was going to propose sometime in September. Well, we were at dinner last night and mentions that he might be able to put another deposit on the ring on September 20th. Upon hearing this my eyes started to well up and he asked me what was wrong. So I told him about the fact that I thought it was going to be in September and he gets mad at me! We''ve been together for a long time, he''s almost 29 and has a great job. Is it selfish of me to think that it kind of sucks that he hasn''t saved any money for my ring? I just don''t understand why it would take him over 3 months to pay it off, (i picked the ring out by the way, so i could save him money, and i paid for last months rent) it makes me feel so bad. He just doesn''t seem to really understand why this is so important to me, I even considered showing him this forum so he could see 1st hand how many other girls are just like me. Sometimes I really think he believes I''m the only girl like this. Anyway, sorry for the rambling, I just needed to vent a little! I''m just so upset that I''m going to have to wait another month now, I almost don''t even want it anymore now.
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I don''t get it. He''s chosen a ring, paid a deposit on it, and he''s clearly trying to pay more on it.....and planning to.

Why are you upset with him? Did he say it would be September, or was that just what you were hoping for?
 
With all due respect, Alj, you surely are aware that this is an extremely common source of LIW angst! Although, of course, LIWs like sadie should be happy that they are so close, it is still extreeeeemely frustrating to be in a situation like hers, where even though one''s boyfriend is in theory taking all the steps towards getting engaged, it doesn''t seem to be a high priority. That said, sadie, I obviously sympathize with you! My now-fiance gave me a "before the end of the year" timeline in mid-2005 and didn''t propose until Christmas (aka SIX DAYS before the deadline!!) While there is certainly a sense of growing excitement as the time nears (has he given you an approximate timeline by the way?), you really can''t help your brain screaming WHY NOT JUST DO IT ALREADY over and over again at you.
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As for consolation, I''m glad you''ve spent enough time here to see that your situation really is very common, so you''re NOT psycho in the least!
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Once you get over the initial disappointment of the delay, I''m sure you''ll start getting excited again though!! Just think, you are SOOOOO CLOSE to finally getting engaged to your man!!!!!
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i think i''m more upset with that fact that he''s taken so long to begin with. we''ve lived together for 3 years, been together for over 4, known each other since high school and i even moved out of state with him 2 years ago and left my family and friends behind because he got a transfer for his job. it just hurts is all.
 
Sadie, I can understand what you are going through and I know this can be really really hard, since I haven''t dated my boyfriend that long. Just remember to be patient. My best friend went through this last February. Her boyfriend kept telling her it was going to be another few years because he didn''t have the money for it. She kept asking him what he was doing with all of his money. It turns out that he was saving it for her engagement ring and ended up surprising her with a proposal.

Maybe he just wants to really surprise you?

However, I don''t know either of you and I can truly understand it. Alj clearly shows how your boyfriend,ff, might be thinking. It is a good way to look at a different perspective, even though I clearly understand where you are coming from!
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Okay, nevermind. I just read your second post! Okay. I would be pissed!
 
So many LIWs have commented how they actually may have delayed proposals with their worrying and their stressing (I was one of them!), so the best advice I have is to try and let it go...so long as you get your guy, that''s what really matters. And don''t forget there''s always the possibility that he''s trying to throw you off. My FI let me believe my ring wasn''t done when it was...

Hang in there, the time will come. Mine was 5 months later than I first thought it would be and it almost drove me nuts for a little while. Try and concentrate on other things for a while. It''ll pass quickly, I promise! :)
 
thanks for the advice. i just needed to vent about it a little, i can''t talk to him about, so i figured here would be a good place. i also am stressing a little about a reception hall, we decided together that we want a september 2007 wedding and he doesn''t want to look at reception halls until we are "officially" engaged. problem is, in the few halls that are a possibility for us (we are limited for a few diff. reasons, won''t bore you with them) the august, sept. and oct. weekends are being booked! he doesn''t want to get married in the winter, HE doesn''t, i don''t care, and he doesn''t understand that if he waits until october or later to look at halls we won''t be getting married until 2008. i can''t seem to get though to him on that. he won''t listen. if i could at least get the reception hall booked it wouldn''t be so bad to wait for the ring.
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vent vent vent!
 
I can SO relate. To sum up my situation in one sentence: been with my bf 3 yrs, 1 yr living together, we are not spring chickens (mid 30''s and late 30''s), we''ve had several dozen conversations and he''s said the right things but no action. I finally gave him an ultimatum which is this wkend.

So I am sad today too. I don''t know if my constant anxiety has made him back off, but how can he ignore that my timeline is up? And why on earth would he wait till the last possible minute in my timeline, it almost seems cruel. We had a rough week as a result (and much crying from me), and I just sent him a long email to try to better express myself. I''ll cut and paste if anyone''s interested.

As for you, I totally get why you''d be so anxious. I mean if it is taking him so long to pay off the ring, who''s to say he won''t take AGES to propose. It is pscychologically torture for the woman, I just don''t get guys sometimes.

Hang in there though, and know that you are not alone.
 
sadie...as someone who has been there...my two humble cents is that you should take a deep breath and chill out.
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sometimes i wonder how the LIW's work themselves into a mental tizzy over getting engaged, and i also sometimes wonder if having other girls 'like them' around to give 'support' is such a good thing. kind of like enabling the alcoholic to drink some more.
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i agree with alj....he's doing it, just not fast enough for you...he doesn't understand why this is so important to you (are you starting to sound a little obsessive to him, maybe??) and bringing him on here to see how other girls feel the same way, is not the solution in my opinion. hahaha. he'd probably just get freaked out...i know sometimes i get freaked out reading the posts in here and i'm not even a guy about to pop the big Q.

just take a deep breath and calm down. you KNOW it's coming, be excited and happy about it!! it may not be as fast as you want, but guess what, that is just LIFE. this is something that is out of your control. so my two cents are, enjoy the last month or weeks of your non-engagement because your life changes after you receive that ring!! and then a whirlwind of planning will happen. this is the calm before the storm. maybe take the next few weeks to focus on things other than the pending engagement. good luck!!
 
Mara,
i understand that it''s not healthy to stress yourself out about things and i respect everyones opinion. i also understand that you don''t know me, and my situation personally, you only know from what i''ve written. so you know, it does go deeper than what you see. there are a lot of other issues with my bf and money that i don''t need to go into. he''s made a lot of mistakes, but i do love him and try to give him the benefit of the doubt when possible. that''s why i gave him $1000 to put toward the ring, which he took. i just want to secure a date at the reception hall that i want. that''s all i ask.
 
Mara, that''s a good post. You might be right that we come here for support, but it could also add to our anxieties. Especially when we come at our bf''s with fists swinging (figuratively speaking) and have been reading this board all day.
Speaking of, I''m having a big conversation with my bf tonight. I sent him an email and poured my heart out. Told him all my fears and how it leads to these anxieties and that I need him to help me understand what is blocking him from moving this forward. I am terrified of what will happen.
I''m starting to wonder if yes, I''ve become obsessive. I told my bf that my incessant need to talk about things/worry is akin to someone being held over a fire and being told to be quiet. It''s impossible to hold it in..you want to scream and say "take me off this fire"!! There are so many analogies to make here. Bottom line, yes we might be impatient and a little obsessive, but it stems from something real and valid. I think no one can understand except those in it...which is what makes this board so valuable.
 
With all due respect in return, Albi......if a man takes action (putting a deposit on a ring), and then actually tells his GF that he's making another deposit, it's not exactly "not on his priority list" in my book.

What that says to me: he wants to become engaged and he's taking the steps to get there. She *hoped* that it would be within 3 months, but I don't see where she mentioned verbalizing that hope to him. If not, then from his perspective, he's working on his own timeline and she's still not happy (but she hasn't set a different expectation).

I'm sorry, Albi, but I don't consider that the same thing as "he won't define that we are getting married or when, etc". I can certainly understand the LIWs who are confounded because they cannot seem to get good communication from their BFs that yes, we are headed to marriage. I can completely understand the LIW frustrations when they ask the questions and get non-specific answers.

But no, I don't understand the women who get a timeline (or who see positive action from their BFs) and then continue to get upset anyway because it isn't fast enough. I don't understand those who don't discuss a timeline and then get upset because it isn't happening fast enough, especially when they can see he is taking steps toward getting engaged.

Let me explain it this way.

Let's say my husband asks me today when I'm going to finish cleaning out the attic because he wants to begin building his man-cave up there. (He's not, but let's make a hypothetical situation that could be important to him.) I say "I'll have it done by the end of September." We end the conversation with the understanding that's when I'll get it done by.

Let me tell you, if he gets anxious/pissed/frustrated and decides to keep bringing it up during the month of September and getting all upset becuase even though I *said* end of Sept, he *hoped* it would be by first weekend of September.....I would be MEGA-pissed. If I meant first week of September, I'd have said first week of September. Sure, there's a chance I may get it done earlier, but I've set the expectation for end September (which we agreed to), and I expect I have until then to get it done.

OR...alternate scenario....he says "are you going to get the attic cleaned out", and I say "Yes, it's on my list of things to do". If we walk away from that conversation without discussing a "when", and I take a day here and there to work on it.........and then he gets pissed at me because it's not going as fast as he hoped? Well, again, I'm MEGA-pissed.
 
Oh, and I agree with Mara that it''s a bad idea to bring him to PS so that he can see she''s not the only one.

Doing that is like saying "see, I''m not the only one, so I must be right"....which of course makes him wrong. That''s not the way to motivate someone to move faster toward engagement.
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Date: 9/1/2006 2:03:34 PM
Author: always.waiting
Mara, that''s a good post. You might be right that we come here for support, but it could also add to our anxieties. Especially when we come at our bf''s with fists swinging (figuratively speaking) and have been reading this board all day.
Speaking of, I''m having a big conversation with my bf tonight. I sent him an email and poured my heart out. Told him all my fears and how it leads to these anxieties and that I need him to help me understand what is blocking him from moving this forward. I am terrified of what will happen.
I''m starting to wonder if yes, I''ve become obsessive. I told my bf that my incessant need to talk about things/worry is akin to someone being held over a fire and being told to be quiet. It''s impossible to hold it in..you want to scream and say ''take me off this fire''!! There are so many analogies to make here. Bottom line, yes we might be impatient and a little obsessive, but it stems from something real and valid. I think no one can understand except those in it...which is what makes this board so valuable.
I often DO wonder if this board makes it worse for some of you. Sometimes fanning the fire only makes a bigger fire, if you know what I mean.

I just don''t see any shortcut for having a very candid, CALM discussion. "Here''s where I see us going. I know it''s what I want, but I''m not sure if you''ve already decided it''s what you want, too. I need to know if you see us heading toward a permanent commitment. If you do, when? What things need to happen beforehand to make it possible?"

Hoping and making assumptions without expressing those thoughts only leads to being frustrated, disappointed, and dissatisfied. How you navigate this portion of your relationship will set the tone for how you navigate the challenges of marriage....how you''ll express needs/wants/expectations, and how you''ll resolve them.
 
sadie, i totally agree that only those who are dealing with the situation know the inside details, but when you come to a board like this and put out only 1/3 of the story or whatever, people have to respond based on the information given.

and i have been where you are in a way. all of us ORIGINAL ladies in waiting who have been here for years, who eventually moved on to get engaged and get married have been there where you all are now. which is why i would hope that those who are in that situation now of waiting or being anxious on why it's not happening RIGHT NOW etc might want to take a granule of wisdom from those of us who HAVE been there and have gotten past it and then looked back and thought WOAH okay i was getting a little crazee there!!!

it does happen but i know from experience that chilling out and just letting the flow take you and not freaking out because it's not THIS WEEK or because he's not selling the car to make it happen or whatever is going to be more positive for you both in the long term. it DOES help to have others to talk to but also in my experience, those who told me 'you know it's coming, now chill out and go think of something else!!!!' were the ones who were most dead on. i didn't need someone to tell me 'oh girl you are so right, he's a big meanie for making you wait!' because that just would have fueled my insano whyisntithappeningNOW fire.... so nothing wrong with trying to infuse a little frank reasoning in methinks!
 
Alj - I think the very nature of your analogy makes it clear why this would be frustrating for an LIW, but not for you! LIWs want their boyfriends to WANT to get engaged as much as they do, and to move forward in this exciting joint life venture!! You cannot really believe that any girl on the verge of getting married would be happy if her boyfriend had the same feelings towards that milestone as you would have about cleaning out your attic?? At no point did I suggest that sadie show her boyfriend this site, nor that she continually bring up the engagement in a nagging way (like you described in your analogy - not to accuse sadie of nagging!). I agree that from HIS point of view, he probably won''t understand why this is so upsetting to her - I merely said that we, the current and former LIWs of PS, DO understand and empathize. For me, the most frustrating part of the process was feeling the way sadie does and being mad AT MYSELF for not just being able to enjoy the time since I knew we would be engaged soon. It''s just very exhausting to constantly have your hopes up for something you want SO MUCH to happen and then be disappointed. My impression was that sadie was expressing frustration about this disappointment, which I believe is an entirely valid and natural way to feel. I think it is valuable for LIWs who think they might be going a little crazy because they KNOW their feelings aren''t entirely rational to have the support of others who are going through or have been through similar situations. Comments such as yours seem, if well-intentioned, as though the only real result is to make the original poster feel bad about herself for admitting to an emotion. I believe the LIW forum should be a place where posters can feel free to admit somewhat embarrassing emotions since many of us would not feel comfortable discussing such things with our real-life friends or family, but we need an outlet precisely so that we don''t blow up at our boyfriends nagging for the ring.
 
Sadie,

I think sometimes when people make deadlines, two things happen:

a) We overestimate our patience (we say September when we should have specified September 1st, because that''s what we meant)

b) As the deadline approaches, some of the anxiety regarding the question "Will he make the deadline, or not???" start to creep in.

Ok. I''m halfway through this post and I realize that you haven''t given him a deadline....so Sadie, the ring is coming. He''s obviously going to pay cash, for a big purchase. He might have money issues, but you are willing to work on them. Take a deep breath and try to look at this slight delay in your expectations as working on his money issues. Or you could sit down and work with him on a deadline that both of you can live with. In which case, keep in mind points a and b.

Hugs!
 
Date: 9/1/2006 2:24:34 PM
Author: Mara
sadie, i totally agree that only those who are dealing with the situation know the inside details, but when you come to a board like this and put out only 1/3 of the story or whatever, people have to respond based on the information given.

and i have been where you are in a way. all of us ORIGINAL ladies in waiting who have been here for years, who eventually moved on to get engaged and get married have been there where you all are now. which is why i would hope that those who are in that situation now of waiting or being anxious on why it''s not happening RIGHT NOW etc might want to take a granule of wisdom from those of us who HAVE been there and have gotten past it and then looked back and thought WOAH okay i was getting a little crazee there!!!

it does happen but i know from experience that chilling out and just letting the flow take you and not freaking out because it''s not THIS WEEK or because he''s not selling the car to make it happen or whatever is going to be more positive for you both in the long term. it DOES help to have others to talk to but also in my experience, those who told me ''you know it''s coming, now chill out and go think of something else!!!!'' were the ones who were most dead on. i didn''t need someone to tell me ''oh girl you are so right, he''s a big meanie for making you wait!'' because that just would have fueled my insano whyisntithappeningNOW fire.... so nothing wrong with trying to infuse a little frank reasoning in methinks!
i understand that i only put in 1/3, that''s why i haven''t gotten really upset about some of the responses. i honestly didn''t think this was going to turn into this. he told me back in march on my b-day that the proposal would come by the end of summer. which would have been september. i''m not ready to hang myself over it, i was just a little sad today upon hearing this information last night and i wanted to vent a little. i''ve been very good, and haven''t been bothering him to much, and like i said i even helped him out by paying this months rent myself which gave him an extra $1000 that he wouldn''t have had otherwise. do i think that make me entitled to have the ring now? no, but i do know how much the ring costs,and it''s not a big honker or anything, very modest actually, and i believe that he could''ve had the money if he really wanted to make good on his b-day promise.
that''s all.
 
Sadie,

I don''t have much to add, but I just wanted to say that while it may seem like forever, it goes by so quickly. I''ve been engaged for almost a year (!) and it seems like just yesterday I was a LIW. The good news is that there *is* a ring, and it''s being paid for. To quote Van Wilder, "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn''t get you anywhere."

Regarding reception halls, why don''t you go by yourself the first couple times? See what''s out there, pick up some information, and ask some questions. Ask them how much of a deposit it would take to reserve a date, and if it''s refundable. This way, you have a leg up and can bring your future FI, when he''s ready, to the places you love the most instead of visiting all the duds (because you got that out of the way early!).
 
I''m sorry Sadie, there really was more to what "met the eye".
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I think that on this forum, we often deal with people how we would want to be treated, Mara and Alj would probably prefer the blunt route, whereas Albi and others (me, included) may just want some metaphorical hand holding. If it were me, I wouldn''t want to hear how I was being unreasonable, I''d just want some, "I know how it feels." Which is think is mostly the appeal of LIWs, to hear that others have gone through it as well. If we felt we''d be chastised for coming on to vent, I''m sure a lot of us wouldn''t have come. LIW is about support, not being told you''re being petty. I dunno, maybe that''s me. Also, Mara has let it be known that she has a tougher skin than a lot of other women, which is why she tells it how she thinks it, I, on the other hand am not like that, so I''ll just say good luck, Sadie. Don''t let it get you down. No matter if we''re the "Original" LIWs or not, we''ve all been through it.
 
Thank you Amber! See, that made me feel better. That really is all I was looking for. I wasn''t looking for validation for my "unreasonable" emotions.
 
Albi, this obviously is a hot button for you, and maybe that''s causing you not to read very carefully.

I didn''t say *you* suggested having Sadie her BF this site......she said it. In her first post. That''s what that portion of my response replied to.

Nor did I say that getting married is the same thing as cleaning out the attic.
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I was pretty clear that the point of my example was SETTING EXPECTATIONS appropriately when something is important (WHATEVER that something is) to one or both partners. Of course I don''t equate marriage to cleaning the attic.
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LIWs want their boyfriends to WANT to get engaged as much as they do, and to move forward in this exciting joint life venture!! Honestly, how does putting a deposit on a ring and making provisions to make another payment on it equal NOT WANTING to get engaged??!!

It''s just very exhausting to constantly have your hopes up for something you want SO MUCH to happen and then be disappointed. Of course it is....and that''s my whole point! It''s not prudent to get your hopes up based on *your* expectations if you haven''t shared those expectations with HIM regarding timeline.

YES, Sadie was pointing out her disappointment....and I was responding that she could avoid further disappointment through better communication. If she hoped for 3 months but didn''t tell him that, of course she''s going to be disappointed. And he''s going to be pissed....because he feels like he''s making the efforts to get there, and she''s still not happy. No wonder he can''t understand why.....because HE doesn''t know she expected it to take three months? Doesn''t that make sense?

Comments such as yours seem, if well-intentioned, as though the only real result is to make the original poster feel bad about herself for admitting to an emotion. Excuse me, Albi, but I didn''t judge her for it; I said I didn''t understand why she was upset. Not that she didn''t have a right to be, but that I didn''t understand it.....because from an outsider''s vantage point, he IS showing that he wants to be engaged.
 
FWIW...I don't think you are being 'unreasonable' or 'petty', sadie....I don't think I said that, Amber so I'd appreciate it if you'd not put words into my mouth. That'd be fab, thanks.

I guess I just think that there is often room for more than one opinion. Meaning that some people may give you that metaphorical hand holding. But others may be like...hey here's another way to think about it....rather than the way that is obviously upsetting you. There is always room for more than one way to view things in my opinion and that's because there are many types of gals on here. There's not room for just ONE way.

It's funny because sometimes I view some of the posts on here like come on girls!!! Do you REALLY think that you are the first women to feel this way? Or that you are abnormal? Of course not!!!! Walk through the top 5 posts in LIW. They are all basically the same thing. Why won't he do it, what does THIS mean...when is it going to happen, is it EVER going to happen. There is a ton of women out there that feel that way. None of it is wrong of course. eBree said it in a fabulous manner (I love Van Wilder, eBree!!) about the worrying and the rocking chair. Why even go there?!? Surely there are more constructive uses of your time right?? And I don't mean that in a derogatory way but AGAIN, as a 'hey look at it this way' kinda way. I mean this more for the gals who know it's coming and just can't seem to chill out!

I also tend to think that LIW's get super defensive if anyone else comes in with some opinion other than 'aww girlfriend, i feel for you, hugs'...and it's unfortunate! Because everyone is just trying to help, in their own way, whether it does or not. Everyone is well-intentioned. People put opinions out on a public forum and you have to filter through what you want to take to heart and what you don't, just put aside. Really it's your choice. And I wouldn't be offended if you didn't agree with me. It doesn't really matter in the scheme of things, it's your life, I just put some info out there and you can do whatever you want with it.

Lastly, AW....obviously you took the 'original' LIW comment as some sort of affront, which is not the case at all. My point was (seriously sometimes I feel like I am speaking another language or something) just that I think that some of the married gals here have some wisdom that other gals, less defensive or more open minded gals, could benefit from. That's all. If you don't agree, then that's cool. My use of the term 'original' was just meaning that people like Alj and I were around in BWW before there was even a LIW and she and I supported each other and gave each other kicks in the pants when we were being silly and it bonded us. There wasn't even a forum for this stuff. So take it for what it's worth. Or not.
 
Date: 9/1/2006 2:57:04 PM
Author: AmberWaves
I''m sorry Sadie, there really was more to what ''met the eye''.
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I think that on this forum, we often deal with people how we would want to be treated, Mara and Alj would probably prefer the blunt route, whereas Albi and others (me, included) may just want some metaphorical hand holding. If it were me, I wouldn''t want to hear how I was being unreasonable, I''d just want some, ''I know how it feels.'' Which is think is mostly the appeal of LIWs, to hear that others have gone through it as well. If we felt we''d be chastised for coming on to vent, I''m sure a lot of us wouldn''t have come. LIW is about support, not being told you''re being petty.
I really think that''s what you''re seeing.....difference in styles. Mara and I ARE the more direct type.

Incidentally, I don''t think either of us was saying she''s being unreasonable, and I''m certainly not trying to chastise. Who ever said she''s being petty? Really DAMN disappointing that you folks think that''s the intent.

For my part, I was trying to HELP in pointing out that his actions show he IS moving toward engagement.....to focus on what he IS doing and what that means. Which I thought she''d find REASSURING from an outside perspective, but apparently not.

If what you''re looking for is everyone to jump on the bandwagon and say "yep, he sucks", you should just start out by saying that in the first place. Then we''d all understand exactly what you want. But, since you don''t, we tried to offer our help in the ways we thought might help.
 
When I said petty and unreasonable, I wasn''t quoting. I didn''t say "petty" or "unreasonable", I just remember how I felt when I heard things like that, I (meaning ME) felt like I was being petty by not handling it better. I didn''t mean anyone accused anyone of it, which is why it wasn''t in quotes. As for the "Original", that WAS in quotes because I took it as a quote, not to snark about something you said. I do believe we all have different posting styles, like Alj said, but from what I read by Sadie, it sounded like that''s just what she wanted: the metaphorical hand-holding. So I gave it to her, like I would have wanted it. That''s all.
 
Date: 9/1/2006 3:22:26 PM
Author: Mara
FWIW...I don''t think you are being ''unreasonable'' or ''petty'', sadie....I don''t think I said that, Amber so I''d appreciate it if you''d not put words into my mouth. That''d be fab, thanks.

I guess I just think that there is often room for more than one opinion. Meaning that some people may give you that metaphorical hand holding. But others may be like...hey here''s another way to think about it....rather than the way that is obviously upsetting you. There is always room for more than one way to view things in my opinion and that''s because there are many types of gals on here. There''s not room for just ONE way.

I also tend to think that LIW''s get super defensive if anyone else comes in with some opinion other than ''aww girlfriend, i feel for you, hugs''...and it''s unfortunate! Because everyone is just trying to help, in their own way, whether it does or not. Everyone is well-intentioned. People put opinions out on a public forum and you have to filter through what you want to take to heart and what you don''t, just put aside. Really it''s your choice. And I wouldn''t be offended if you didn''t agree with me. It doesn''t really matter in the scheme of things, it''s your life, I just put some info out there and you can do whatever you want with it.
Absolutely agree with everything posted here. Very well said.

"Helping" means different things to differnet people. Some people are the type to commisserate and hand-hold. Others are better at "ok, let''s see how to work out a better game plan." There is VALUE to both approaches, I think.
 
did anyone read my post about his promise on my b-day in march that he would propose by the end of the summer? if you haven''t seen it, please go back and take a look. i think it would explain how i''m feeling a lot. and like i said in that, i didn''t think it would turn into this big thing, i was just sad for a bit, i''m not going to jump off a bridge and i''ve been nice as pie to my bf today. i just want him to understand me and be a little more empathetic to my situation!
 
i completely agree, Alj.
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did anyone read my post about his promise on my b-day in march that he would propose by the end of the summer? if you haven't seen it, please go back and take a look. i think it would explain how i'm feeling a lot.

I don't know why I'm going to bother trying to help more after the tone of this thread, but call me a slow learner because I'm going to try anyway.

DISCLAIMER: The following is intended to be HELPFUL. If you don't find it helpful, please just ignore it and realize it's offered with good intentions, ok?

1. It's not yet end of summer (since summer doesn't end until mid-September).....OR

2. Also, it's possible that he's trying to throw you off to maintain some semblance of surprise......OR

3. It's possible that he's realized he doesn't have enough to pay off the ring on time, so he's trying to let you know that it won't be 'end of summer' so you won't be disappointed when end of summer comes. Sounds like he's trying to reset expectations accordingly.

I think you're getting upset because you want to get the hall booked, and you're afraid that if it drags on, you won't be able to get your venue for 9/2007, and I think that's what causing the stress/disappointment right now.

So, I think one thing you could try is talking calmly to BF to explain that you know the ring an the "official-ness" is just a formality, and while you don't mind waiting for the formality, you're anxious about the hall being booked for September 2007 by the time you're "official". Maybe he'll relent on that.
 
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