dragonfly411
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2007
- Messages
- 7,378
Right? I didn''t realize that until I started dating my (now) husband. We fit together. No change required. Like it should be.Date: 5/19/2010 2:01:59 PM
Author: monarch64
There isn''t a large enough font or bold enough color to emphasize that statement further!!!!! There are people out there who will CELEBRATE all the great things about you, everything that makes Dragonfly, Dragonfly.Date: 5/19/2010 1:48:29 PM
Author: sunnyd
DF, you''ve said that your past relationships have sucked. And now you feel like you''re in a good relationship finally, so you don''t want to let that go. I get that completely! But just because the relationship doesn''t suck, doesn''t mean it''s right. I really hope you think about that before investing more time and effort into something that may not be worth it.
ETA: If you do decide to let him go and find the right person for you, you''ll understand what Freke, Monnie, Rai and I have been saying. That sounds like a motherly thing to say (my mom said it to me after I broke up with the BF I mentioned above, that she knew it would end) but it''s true. It''s very much an ''oh, this is how it should be'' kinda thing. And guess what? He won''t want to change a thing about you.
Date: 5/19/2010 2:13:34 PM
Author: dragonfly411
Indy - Can't say I do... are you in FL?
Date: 5/19/2010 5:25:01 PM
Author: dragonfly411
Indy - nope closer to UF
And thank you again everyone, please know I am taking everything you've said to heart.
Date: 5/19/2010 5:25:01 PM
Author: dragonfly411
Indy - nope closer to UF
And thank you again everyone, please know I am taking everything you''ve said to heart.
Date: 5/19/2010 6:00:59 PM
Author: princesss
DF, I''m going to give you the exact same advice I gave my best friend a few weeks ago when we had a very similar conversation: just because you''ve got 4 years of good memories doesn''t mean this is the healthiest relationship for you to be in. 4 years is a long time, but if you''re not happy and you feel like you need to change yourself to make the realtionship work, you''re forcing a square peg in a round hole. Breaking up sucks. It really, really sucks. Nobody hear will lie to you about that. But the right relationship is like your own little miracle - everything clicks into place and you say, ''Oh. Oh wow. THIS is how things should be. This is easy!''
It sounds like you two just might not work anymore. That''s okay. It''s hard, but it''s okay. It means you''ve gotten 4 great years, and that''s something to be really proud of. But when you constantly have to work at a relationship it''s exhausting, and it wears you down, and you become resentful. Your quality of life goes down and life just plain sucks. And then there''s the complicated disentanglement that you have to go through because you let yourself commit more (because you''re really going to work at things and you force yourself to try to find a way to reconcile your irreconcilable differences because that''s what adults who love each other do) and put more into a relationship that just does not work.
Love isn''t always enough. It has to be backed up with shared interests, mutual respect, understanding, independence AND interdependence, and friendship. The conversations with your BF that you talk about here constantly make me feel like things just don''t fit - you''re different people, you want different things, you''re at different stages of life. That doesn''t make you bad people, or mean you have a bad relationship. It means it''s not right. We''ve all tried to make a bad relationship work, and we''ll all be here for you either way this works out.
During this break or step back or whatever you want to call it put yourself first. Not you as his GF, not you as a potential marriage partner, just plain you. Do what you want to do, go where you want to go, be who you want to be. Set yourself free for a little while, okay? It''ll feel great and help you realize what you really want. And honestly, the best way to do this is with at least separate bedrooms, but better with separate residences. Can you sublet for the summer? Having your own space without his presence and expectations is going to help you figure yourself out way more than if you''re still sharing a bed with him.