Sadness and GRR!!

[fisherofmengirly]

So, I was *totally* sure that my boy'd have my ring by this weekend, right? Wrong.

He called me just a bit ago, and told me that they'd set the ring, but that they sent it back to be re-done cause it wasn't right and didn't meet their standards. So I'm all down and stuff, and now I'm wondering what was wrong with it, and he forgot to ask.

Best scenario, they'll be able to fix it and mail it off on Friday. Worse scenario, they'll mail it late NEXT week.

Looks like I'm destined to be a July fiancee.

Today's the last day of Spring, too.

I was so excited for this season to be *the* season.

 

[RoseAngel04]

Aw...i''m sorry that it has to be sent back to be fixed!!

how dare they...hehe (only kidding) At least they caught onto it before your FF picked it up! As hard as it may be, be patient....you''re almost there!

 

[TravelingGal]

Hang in there Fisher...not much longer to wait.

And I prefer summer over spring anyway...always liked fruit over flowers!

 

[Mara]

girlfriend, chill! drop and give me 20!

What happened to letting him surprise you with it?!?!?!

Him telling you there is a glitch and you wanting to know what is not a surprise.

Just tell him you don't want to know anything else til it's on your finger and THEN go committ yourself. I can't take it anymore and I'm not even in your relationship!!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

That''s just it. I want to be surprised because I know he wants me to be surprised, but then he tells me all this stuff along the way. I''m by nature an analyzer. And when I get a bit of information, it just zooms around in my head.

Maybe I am commitable. I commited a client last week. Perhaps I need to be evaluated for similar *issues.*

 

[Mara]

Tell him to zip it OR that he is going to have to committ his new bride (and a few of us PS''ers) if he doesn''t quit it...

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 6/20/2006 9:14:35 PM
Author: Mara
Tell him to zip it OR that he is going to have to committ his new bride (and a few of us PS''ers) if he doesn''t quit it...

Lol. But so true. I''d ask him not to tell you any more details. Just let it happen. You know it''s going to happen, so get busy with other things....

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh I''m sorry. I *so* don''t want to make anyone crazy or anything.

I guess maybe I have been coming off psycho crazy odd. I''m just in love like crazy mad and I want to marry my future husband. NOW.

Maybe my time would be better spent doing pilates and scrapbooking than posting my every inkling of information my boy spills.

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Would you rather take it off your finger to have it fixed, or have it fixed and ready before it''s on your finger? And, maybe Paul finally got crafty and lied about it needing to be fixed so he finally CAN surprise you. Just a shot in the dark. BE PATIENT!!! Put it this way...you get to be a fiance soon, and I don''t. So you got that over me! Big smiles and be excited that it''s coming soon!

~Megan

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 6/20/2006 9:46:32 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Oh I''m sorry. I *so* don''t want to make anyone crazy or anything.

I guess maybe I have been coming off psycho crazy odd. I''m just in love like crazy mad and I want to marry my future husband. NOW.

No worries, Fisher... but I think many of us have been where you are now, so we''ve learned the value in letting things happen naturally without working yourself into a tizzy over circumstances you can''t control. We''re just trying to lend our perspectives to help keep you from going crazy!

From your online persona, I think it''s safe to assume you are a very passionate, committed, 150% kind of person... all great qualities in my opinion!

But we headstrong people sometimes have to remind ourselves that our intensity makes us drastically different from our more balanced counterparts... when you''re feeling crazy about all this, put yourself in Paul''s shoes and think about the bigger picture like he would do... you''ve found the person of your dreams and you WILL be a fiancee within a matter of weeks. Then think about how happy he would be to have the chance to surprise you with his perfect proposal... and hopefully that will lend you enough patience to get through it. That''s the beauty of forming a partnership with someone... you get to borrow their good qualities when you need them most!

Just my two cents!

 

[Mara]

Date: 6/20/2006 9:46:32 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Oh I'm sorry. I *so* don't want to make anyone crazy or anything.

I guess maybe I have been coming off psycho crazy odd. I'm just in love like crazy mad and I want to marry my future husband. NOW.

Maybe my time would be better spent doing pilates and scrapbooking than posting my every inkling of information my boy spills.

well yeah you come off a little psycho crazy

....but honestly we have ALL been there. back when i was waiting for my ring, there was no LIW section of PS. i had to content myself with ranting to one online friend (alj) who wouldn't think i was TOTALLY nutso because she was basically waiting too. but i knew it was going to happen, i just had to WAIT. well, waiting is hard. but i tried not to drive my future husband insane because let's face it, he could suddenly realize he was marrying a psycho and decide to NOT GIVE ME THE RING and therefore not marry me!! horror of horrors...i didn't even want to go there. because like you, i couldn't wait to be married to this amazing man. so, i don't think i was ever on my best behavior in my entire life as i was that month or so that the ring was being worked on.

he tried to extort all sorts of things from me too, like doing more dishes and/or laundry. hah!

also i remember being so impatient for it that i didn't even let him really have time to plan an amazing proposal, i was such an antsy-pants.... you do not want to be that person!! give him the time, tell him to shut his trap as you do want to be surprised and YES...every time you think you want to have a mini-freak out, go work out or do scrapbooking or volunteer your time or something other than obsessing over when when when. i know it's hard but every gal before you has gone through it and somehow you will make it through. (and us too!!) and have an amazing story to tell everyone later. without the 'and he had to commit me to an insane asylum' ending.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Haha, Ephemery. I need to borrow *all* of his patience. He has LOADS of it. No surprise, since he handles me so well and actually likes that I''m *Passionate* about things. He did comment tonight how I''d been doing so well and how much he was really enjoying this process and graduation toward our being married soon, and that he sure hoped I didn''t *his exact words* "freak out and get all intense and hyper-sensitive again." Hyper-sensitive? Me? Never!

I know I do get carried away. I just am so ready for this, and I''m eager to look for a new job, to plan on a move, to settle into a life with him. I''m close, I know I am. I wish setbacks didn''t happen, but I''m glad they did find it before they shipped it, because yeah, I do have this ideal picture in my head. Even though I still don''t know for sure what he chose. *I do have my ideas, of course.*

Thanks for commenting on how I''d rather it be fixed now than later. If a prong were loose or if it just didn''t look quite right, I''m glad someone noticed it. I want to be able to wear my ring just as soon as possible, without taking it off!

But I''m not TOO insane. Even I know the lines between the sane and the not-so-sane. I''ve not called any vendors trying to piece anything together. That would be commitable behavior, for sure.

 

[anchor31]

I''m so sorry about the setback! It really sucks. But just think about how PERFECT it will be when you''ll get it! Lots of hugs to you!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Haha. Mara. I had to tell Paul about that last post, and how you said you hope our story doesn't have a portion regarding my being committed to an insane asylum prior to our engagement. His response? *Said in the most loving voice, by the way* "Girl, given your work, you know the best institutions around, don't you? Push come to shove, I'll make sure you go to the best one." What a sweetie.

Then he wanted to know what in the world was I posting to make those "nice girls" think I'm crazy. Poor boy. He's not seen a bit of it on his own.

You know, my scrapbook was up to date and so pretty, up until March. When did I start flipping out over being a soon-to-be? March. Hmm. I see the correlation.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 6/20/2006 10:20:35 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Haha, Ephemery. I need to borrow *all* of his patience. He has LOADS of it. No surprise, since he handles me so well and actually likes that I''m *Passionate* about things. He did comment tonight how I''d been doing so well and how much he was really enjoying this process and graduation toward our being married soon, and that he sure hoped I didn''t *his exact words* ''freak out and get all intense and hyper-sensitive again.'' Hyper-sensitive? Me? Never!

Oh Fisher, trust me, I understand!

My FI''s endless supply of patience and stability never ceases to amaze me, especially when dealing with my daily hyper-sensitive, over-analytical, crazy-dramatic, beyond-passionate moments!! I''m one of those all-or-nothing, 150% people too... meaning when I get excited about something, I''m EXCITED... and when I make a decision about something, I want it NOW. But I''m sure I''ve bored all my friends and family at this point by constantly singing the virtues of C''s amazing ability to temper those qualities and balance me out a bit. I once dated somebody much more similar to me in personality, and it was disastrous... fun and intense and dramatic at times... but horribly unhealthy. While C may not totally share those aspects of my personality, he respects them nonetheless... and I LOVE that our differences help each other grow in ourselves and in our relationship.

Ok, I''m done... see what I mean about over-analytical? I try to write you a quick note of empathy... and all that happened instead!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Then he called and wanted to know who said that, because "she''s a smart lady." And, I "ought to heed her advice." Then he laughed and asked me to read it to him again. Silly man.

Night ladies!

 

[Mara]

Date: 6/20/2006 10:35:54 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Then he called and wanted to know who said that, because ''she''s a smart lady.'' And, I ''ought to heed her advice.'' Then he laughed and asked me to read it to him again. Silly man.

Night ladies!

LOL!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 6/20/2006 10:16:47 PM
Author: Mara

well yeah you come off a little psycho crazy

....but honestly we have ALL been there. back when i was waiting for my ring, there was no LIW section of PS. i had to content myself with ranting to one online friend (alj) who wouldn''t think i was TOTALLY nutso because she was basically waiting too.

Gosh, remember that? It seems like EONS ago........

I remember your impatience at wanting to hurry up and get the ring.....and then wishing you hadn''t been so hasty. And I remember thinking "dammit, wish *I* could be hasty too!"

And then we were shopping for my stone FINALLY (after nearly a year!). Gosh, what a long time ago that was.

Now we''re old married ladies. Hee hee.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Oh, wow! That''s so cool that you two met during the *crazy* phase of waiting for a proposal. And you''re still friends! Cuteness! Hey, you''re the one who Mara went and looked at 1/2 carat stones for your pendant, huh? I think it''s great you''ve become such good friends.

*Two old marrried ladies.* How old is this forum site? Can''t be THAT old.

I hope you got a diamond you love! Is the pendant done yet?

 

[Mannequin]

Fishie, Fishie, Fishie...

I just adore you. You seem to put all your enthusiasm and passion into everything you do, including waiting for your ring, and I love when people fully experience their lives like that.

This type of behavior can also lead to serious disappointment and meltdown, though. You don''t want to overwhelm poor Paul or anyone else you are close to with this crazy anticipation. Like the other Psers have suggested before me, I HIGHLY recommend that you find some kind of outlet for the nervous energy so that your thoughts don''t make your head explode.

Go back to your scrapping! Maybe even find some things and make a page that reminds you of what this time in your life feels like so that later you can look back and hopefully laugh. I also agree that you should tell Paul no more ring info until it is on your little paw! Knowing little tidbits and not the whole story is going to drive you nuts, so cut them off now and just relish the certainty that the man you love and want to be with for the rest of your life is going to ask you to marry him soon.

I can still remember my feelings before Chris gave me my ring, and I helped myself deal with the excitement by looking at wedding stuff. Seems like it would make for the opposite of calm, but it truly helped me to look at wedding magazines, surf websites, and view message boards and forums because I got lots of great ideas from them. I started building my mental picture file of what I wanted my wedding to be like, because I knew I would already have a head start on planning when I became engaged. I am so glad I did this because it has helped tremendously in the beginning stages of pulling this event together. Now, for you Fishie, this may not be a great idea, but if you can find some other similar way to channel all this excitement, you will be better off. And less likely to wake up one morning and find some men with a van and a little white jacket at your door ready to whisk you away!

 

[Blenheim]

Hang in there, it will happen soon enough. Wedding planning might be a good idea -- aren''t you planning on getting married in October? Or am I remembering that completely wrong? Anyway, if that''s at all the timeline, it might be nice to have a pretty good idea of things like venues and other things that book up quickly.

I''m not sure exactly how old PS is, but Mara and alj have both been members since 2002.

 

[Mara]

well i dont know about OLD married ladies

...but we joined in 2002, both got engaged in 2003, and married in 2004. in 2003 there wasn't much to PS, just a few forums ... definitely not what it's like now!

 

[sk8rjen]

Fisher -- I''m sorry that Paul has to tell you these things b/c I truly know what you are going through. I''m living it too -- and I know many others are! We''re all a little nutso in this particular waiting game, and I like the advice given to you -- to make HIM stop telling you stuff!

You know it''s on the way, and at least you know they are making it perfect.

Mine is still in a FEDEX box if you can believe it -- he doesn''t trust me not to peek

and so it sits right here on the shelf in my bedroom. At least it should be obvious if he takes it with us this weekend! Nonetheless, neither he nor I have inspected it (or even seen pics!)and I just have to pray that everything is ok with it so that once it''s on my hand, that''s where it stays. This makes me a total wreack right now! So, hang in, keep venting, and know that I don''t mind if you are a tad bit bonkers

(JK)!
jen

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I told Paul that maybe he shouldn''t tell me every time he hears from the ring people. He said, "but you said you liked details!" Then I told him about how it makes me think and wonder and hope and think some more and twist things, and yeah, it''s just a crazy place to be. He sort of paused, then said he just gets a little excited himself and that it''s hard for such a *big* thing to be going on that he can''t talk to his best friend about. What a cutiepie! He said he won''t tell me anything, if he can help it, and it''d help him if I don''t ask him if he''s *done anything or heard anything interesting today* which he knows is my catch phrase when I want to ask about it, but know I shouldn''t.

Heehee. Five hours into this deal, and I''m doing pretty good. So is he!

I''m glad your package got there safely, Sk8r. I would just *have to* tear into that box. Some restraint you must have. How long did it take to ship to you?

It''s the first day of summer! Enjoy the new season.

It''s hotter than hell-o here. whoo hoo for summertime!!

 

[sk8rjen]

Hotter than can be here, too. Close to 100 today. (Ugh, southern summers! I miss northern ones!)

My package was supposed to arrive last Friday, and after 2 delays, came in safely Monday. I just have this really strange feeling though, and I can''t do anything about it -- I had a really bad "ring" dream the other night that it came out ALL wrong (wrong stone, design, everything) and I know that is just my anxiety at work, but I HATE that he hasn''t opened it yet! I''m sure it''s perfect, but *still*...

I definitely cannot "sneak a peek" into a FEDEX box (I swear they are sealed in an adult-proof manner!) -- but staring at it has already made me CRAZY. You may as well add me to the "to be commited" list!

jen

ps good for paul to agree not to say anything .. and you not to ask...

 

[sk8rjen]

pps.. In case you haven''t seen my other updates.. we leave on Friday for my pre-birthday birthday trip (was supposed to be july 7th weekend and my boy backed it up to this weekend!) 2 days til we leave! I''m pretty hardcore hoping and praying -- now that we have the ring -- he''ll be using it then If not, I''ve set myself up for one more classic disaster of a letdown. But we''ll have fun anyway I''m sure.

I was reading your last post on the other thread and this reminded me to share this, b/c I am sure as soon as Paul has your ring in hand, he will want to hurry up and give it to you (and I''m hoping that''s why my boy backed up our trip)...

jen

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I hope you have a wonderful time on your trip. And I hope that box makes the journey, too.

On another note, I have some GRRRiness to share, sadly. I don''t know what''s going on, but I guess stress is getting to me, even though by saying that I feel like I''m making excuses. Anyway, I feel horrible. I''ve been snappy and irritated at work, but mostly with Paul. Tonight he called me on it, and instead of saying, "yeah, I''m sorry. I don''t know what''s my deal." And getting over it, I got pissier. He''s beyond patient, in case you hadn''t all figured that out purely by his ability to deal with, and love, my crazysillyemotionalanalytical self. But tonight I pushed it, too far. And he pretty much told me to knock it off, which is fine. Then he sort of decided to go full force, too, and sort of threw out this "I''ll have no more of it" thing, which just really came off as him being, I don''t know, all "You''re my little lady, and I''m the man, I''m the ruler here, so be quiet already." And I lost it. Completely lost it.

Heat of the moment is NOT a good thing. I used an expletive. I NEVER do that. Especially not THIS one, directed at him. I know it threw him for a loop. Now I feel foul, like I put my foot in my mouth, and I know I''ve crushed his spirit, because looking back *dang hindsight for being better than foresight* I know what he was saying was right, and that I wasn''t in the right, and I did need to listen to him.

I just hate that I can say something like that, and act like that, to a man whom I love so much, with all I am. He''s hurt, and I did it. And I don''t have a clue what''s happened in the past few days. I''m just so grry all the time.

Paul''s a very forgiving man, and I''m sure things will be fine. But I don''t know, it''s going to be hard to forgive myself.

 

[ephemery1]

Awww, Fisher, we all make mistakes... the trick is to forgive yourself and move past it... and rest assured that next time you''re feeling "grrry", you''ll be far more likely to think before you hurl any expletives!

I freak out at C too every once in a while... because, as I mentioned before, he''s the calm-patient one and I''m the dramatic-passionate one... and every once in a while something inside me just feels the need to stir up trouble I guess! Always over silly things... and then afterwards I feel like a petulant little girl. But just apologize to Paul (I''m sure you have already), tell him you had a crazy moment but it''s over now, and you''re not planning on letting it happen again. And then be happy about the fact that you''re with a guy who loves you even when you don''t quite love yourself.

We''re women... we''re allowed to have those moments... just like guys are allowed to have their "I''m the ruler here" moments. As long as both people know that neither of those moments really mean anything!

 

[TravelingGal]

I don''t know him, and I don''t know how he said it, but I don''t see "I''ll have no more of it" as I''m the macho ruler man guy. I just think it means ENOUGH ALREADY! Lord knows I''ve used it on my FI from time to time.

Don''t be too hard on yourself. Expletives happen.

However I would say again that you really need to relax a bit, and let up on your man. It sounds like to me you are making this whole pre-engagement thing a stressful experience for you both. I read his threads in the days when he was posting, and he sounded a bit like a stress/basket-case as it was...without you even involved in the project. Give the guy a break, and tell him to give you one too.

And speaking of breaks, maybe you should take a break from all things diamond related...including PS? How about going and baking yourself a lemon pie?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/21/2006 11:55:48 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly

I just hate that I can say something like that, and act like that, to a man whom I love so much, with all I am.

Just wanted to add: welcome to the jungle - no one else will be able to bring out the worst in you like the person you love because they know you best and where those hot buttons are. This is NORMAL! I''d be willing to bet my lovely cushion that it will happen many times during the course of your marriage. I''d also be willing to bet (although I may not bet my cushion

) that you will forgive one another, move on, and grow closer with every nasty argument you manage to survive.