Second Marriage - what to do about engagement ring?

[RingRingRingRingRing]

I had a relatively short first marriage over a decade ago. I am now engaged again and very excited about marrying my new partner. Both times I have gotten engaged the other person has done it without a ring and suggested I pick what I like after.

I really loved my engagement ring from my first marriage but haven't worn it since my divorce. Before getting engaged my new partner knew I liked my old ring, and after I suggested maybe reusing it, he said he was fine if I wanted to reuse it or if I wanted to get something new. (He is very practical and would only be weirded out if I wanted to reuse my old 7 stone wedding ring.)

Well, maybe no one else well be surprised, but after trying out the re-use it option I discovered I feel *really* weird about doing that in a way I didn't expect to. And now I don't know what to do.

The ring is a 1.25 radiant with .20-25 pear side stones (don't quite remember exactly there). When I try to look for new 3 stone rings, I feel like I'm mostly trying to replicate the ring I have (which I now figure will become a right hand ring--it's not that I feel weird wearing it period, it's that I feel weird using it as an "engagement ring" again). I'm concerned I won't find a new engagement ring that I like as much?

I have about zilch as far as really nice jewelry so I'm thinking I should avoid getting another 3 stone ring maybe? If I was going to get another 3 stone ring I think BGD's Diana setting is very pretty. I find solitaires to generally not be my thing but maybe I should try more on and give them a chance? I'm going around in circles a bit but have been most seriously considering a 5 stone ring. Maybe something like BGD's Sally or Nightingale? Or a 5 stone Trellis with slightly graduated stones?

So, advice needed...
1- If you have been married before, and got to pick your next engagement ring, what was your thought process? Did you try to go in a completely new direction or get something less traditional? Do you have any general advice?
2- Is it odd to get a 5 stone ring as an engagement ring and then something else as a wedding band? What would you wear as a wedding band with a 5 stone ring? Or is it better to just wear a 5 stone solo?

I've looked through a lot of the 5 stone ring threads on here for ideas. I know you all really know your stuff! So any thoughts are appreciated. And if it helps in some way, I have a size 5 finger and don't like the feeling of eternity bands/diamonds between my fingers (though they are beautiful on other people).

 

[Tourmaline]

My advice is to get something totally different! How about a round solitaire? We could help you find a great stone.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

if your keeping the 1st ring as a RHR (you could wear it every day) you are free to try something new for the engagement hand
go down the mall (if its safe) and have fun and try everything on to find a new shape to work towards
how about a coloured stone this time ?

and congradulations on the new engagement and upcoming nuptials

 

[Cerulean]

I totally understand why you want something else, I would too

I think if you like 3-stones and you don’t like solitaires, get a 3 stone but with really different shaped diamonds

are the 5 stones calling you or do you prefer the 3 stone overall?

also it’s easier to share images and examples of what you think you like so far, so people can start pointing you in the right direction

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

My advice is to get something totally different! How about a round solitaire? We could help you find a great stone.

Thank you so much. I would really love help with stones but think I maybe need more clarity on what I want first. I will be back for that help though!

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

if your keeping the 1st ring as a RHR (you could wear it every day) you are free to try something new for the engagement hand
go down the mall (if its safe) and have fun and try everything on to find a new shape to work towards
how about a coloured stone this time ?

and congradulations on the new engagement and upcoming nuptials

Thank you and really good point. I tried going to Brilliant Earth and two other local places a few weeks ago when I thought I was sticking with this ring and looked at wedding bands but I should go back with a fresh mindset and look at engagement rings. My mom (who is awesome!) actually suggested a ruby or emerald knowing that I have like those in the past. Will have to try stuff like that on, but right now lean towards diamonds.

My husband to be knows he would like rose gold as a part of his wedding band so I was planning on incorporating that somehow (maybe for my band and keep the e ring white gold?). That will definitely be new to me.

 

[MamaBee]

What about changing out the side stones to radiants to make another three stone ring? Your fiancé could buy those. It would be a totally new setting. You can set the pear side stones into studs.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Thank you and really good point. I tried going to Brilliant Earth and two other local places a few weeks ago when I thought I was sticking with this ring and looked at wedding bands but I should go back with a fresh mindset and look at engagement rings. My mom (who is awesome!) actually suggested a ruby or emerald knowing that I have like those in the past. Will have to try stuff like that on, but right now lean towards diamonds.

My husband to be knows he would like rose gold as a part of his wedding band so I was planning on incorporating that somehow (maybe for my band and keep the e ring white gold?). That will definitely be new to me.

its so excitting
just have some fun and ease back on the pressure and the perfect ring will be yours
i love rose gold

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

I totally understand why you want something else, I would too

I think if you like 3-stones and you don’t like solitaires, get a 3 stone but with really different shaped diamonds

are the 5 stones calling you or do you prefer the 3 stone overall?

also it’s easier to share images and examples of what you think you like so far, so people can start pointing you in the right direction

Good question. I think I need to try on some to really know?

First, to give an idea of my old ring, picture this with the center as a cushion, pears on the side, and no knife edge for the shank. My finger is small enough that the tips of the pears are pretty much at the side of my finger but don't feel any diamonds--extremely comfortable. Center stone set a bit higher than this.




Here are a few rings I have seen so far that I liked:

For 3 stone... not sure how I feel about 3 rounds though this setting is for rounds.

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

I totally understand why you want something else, I would too

I think if you like 3-stones and you don’t like solitaires, get a 3 stone but with really different shaped diamonds

are the 5 stones calling you or do you prefer the 3 stone overall?

also it’s easier to share images and examples of what you think you like so far, so people can start pointing you in the right direction

My last reply cut off before I got to the 5 stones!

Here are some I've seen that I liked (one note - I like the bezel on the side but don't like the melee on the side of the later picture) and I am thinking white gold or rose gold (or white gold with a rose gold element)...

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

What about changing out the side stones to radiants to make another three stone ring? Your fiancé could buy those. It would be a totally new setting. You can set the pear side stones into studs.

That's a nice idea. I don't have studs. But I like the original ring enough that I was leaning towards still wearing it sometimes as a right hand ring. I should probably figure out if I'm reading myself accurately in thinking that I will want to still do that later. Also, if I'm going to still wear it with my other rings... is it odd to wear a 3 stone ring on your right and a 3 stone engagement ring on your left?

 

[Cerulean]

FYI emeralds are quite soft for daily wear, I recommend against it anyways, and a great ruby is very tricky to find, and extremely cost prohibitive (much more than a diamond usually)

just wanted to add in case you didn’t realize , I see you are leaning towards diamond anyways

 

[Cerulean]

Good question. I think I need to try on some to really know?

First, to give an idea of my old ring, picture this with the center as a cushion, pears on the side, and no knife edge for the shank. My finger is small enough that the tips of the pears are pretty much at the side of my finger but don't feel any diamonds--extremely comfortable. Center stone set a bit higher than this.




Here are a few rings I have seen so far that I liked:

For 3 stone... not sure how I feel about 3 rounds though this setting is for rounds.

This bottom setting is so lovely, I’ve always really liked it

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for, but if you already have a 3-stone, would you be open to a halo setting if you’re not over-fond of solitaires?

I would personally keep the 3-stone as is for an RHR if you like it or repurpose into a pendant and a pair of earrings if you don’t. Your 7-stone band can be converted into a cluster ring (you’ll need a centre stone though), or a bar bracelet, or a DBTY bracelet; since you mentioned that is something your fiancé feels a bit weird about you wearing?

For your e-ring and wedding band I would go for a halo ring and 3/4 pave band; or a solitaire and 5-stone band. If you really want a 3-stone, perhaps one with completely different shapes to your existing ring.

 

[dk168]

Repurpose the old ER into a piece of jewellery that you would wear?

Had I kept mine, it would have been turned into a bangle bracelet or pendant.

DK

 

[Dancing Fire]

So, advice needed...
1- If you have been married before, and got to pick your next engagement ring, what was your thought process? Did you try to go in a completely new direction or get something less traditional? Do you have any general advice?

Yes, be sure the 2nd stone is at least 2X the size of your first stone.

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

FYI emeralds are quite soft for daily wear, I recommend against it anyways, and a great ruby is very tricky to find, and extremely cost prohibitive (much more than a diamond usually)

just wanted to add in case you didn’t realize , I see you are leaning towards diamond anyways

That's really helpful. I'm really a newbie on this stuff and know even less on gemstones!

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

Yes, be sure the 2nd stone is at least 2X the size of your first stone.

Haha. You may win for best reply. But not sure my budget or tiny fingers can handle it!

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for, but if you already have a 3-stone, would you be open to a halo setting if you’re not over-fond of solitaires?

I would personally keep the 3-stone as is for an RHR if you like it or repurpose into a pendant and a pair of earrings if you don’t. Your 7-stone band can be converted into a cluster ring (you’ll need a centre stone though), or a bar bracelet, or a DBTY bracelet; since you mentioned that is something your fiancé feels a bit weird about you wearing?

For your e-ring and wedding band I would go for a halo ring and 3/4 pave band; or a solitaire and 5-stone band. If you really want a 3-stone, perhaps one with completely different shapes to your existing ring.

The 7 stone band has fairly small stones. I'll have to look up your suggestions there! If I don't turn it into something else that one is definitely not getting worn.

Also considering now after thinking and talking with you all these options (will have to make a trip to some jewelry stores this weekend to try some stuff on and figure this out more):
1- solitaire (with 5 stone wedding band) -- this one may be cost prohibitive depending on sizes of stones? Not sure what proportions you need to make this look right? Though I'm sure there are threads on here about that!
2- five stone in white gold (with a plain rose gold wedding band)
3- three stone with different shaped stones (or maybe gemstone side stones? Though not sure what gemstones? Was reading about Alexandrite last night but that seems like it would be tricky/expensive to find nice quality ones? And want to make sure it's something I will like for a lonnngggg time)

 

[meely]

That's a nice idea. I don't have studs. But I like the original ring enough that I was leaning towards still wearing it sometimes as a right hand ring. I should probably figure out if I'm reading myself accurately in thinking that I will want to still do that later. Also, if I'm going to still wear it with my other rings... is it odd to wear a 3 stone ring on your right and a 3 stone engagement ring on your left?

Hey, interesting dilemma. I think I would be inclined to something quite different. The five stone idea could work or a halo as others have mentioned. Toi et moi or a coloured gemstone might be another idea.
Regarding wearing two three stones at the same time I don’t like the look, here are mine (excuse the odd photo) they are obviously a similar size, similar shape (the diamond is a cushion and the sapphire a fat oval) and feature coloured stones....having said all that I still think they would look wrong if they were all diamond and different shapes and sizes.

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

Hey, interesting dilemma. I think I would be inclined to something quite different. The five stone idea could work or a halo as others have mentioned. Toi et moi or a coloured gemstone might be another idea.
Regarding wearing two three stones at the same time I don’t like the look, here are mine (excuse the odd photo) they are obviously a similar size, similar shape (the diamond is a cushion and the sapphire a fat oval) and feature coloured stones....having said all that I still think they would look wrong if they were all diamond and different shapes and sizes.

Yeah, though I haven't tried it on my own hand, I think you are right on this. Appreciate you posting the photo! Everyone has been so wonderfully helpful. I really appreciate it!

 

[blingmeupscotty]

Don't keep it. Either repurpose the stones into something new or get a new ring entirely. You'll wish you did later on.

 

[RMOO]

If it were me, I would not keep my original wedding set in ring form of any type, left or right ring. Not knowing what shape stones are in your old 7 stone wedding band, what about converting it all into one oval hinged bangle bracelet, adding one small diamond, matching your old wedding band diamonds, to make it even? Radiant in the center, with pear sides, and 4 small diamonds on each side of the pears.

FWIW, I wear a 5 stone as an alternate engagement ring, with a similar width plain wedding band and absolutely love the look.

 

[winetime12]

I wanted to get something totally different but in the end I just love a simple round solitaire so that's what I got. My new one is 1.0ct instead of .5, 6 prong instead of 4 and platinum instead go WG; so it's still a bit different.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Haha. You may win for best reply. But not sure my budget or tiny fingers can handle it!

FYI, Diamonds will shrink about .15mm per yr.

 

[RingRingRingRingRing]

If it were me, I would not keep my original wedding set in ring form of any type, left or right ring. Not knowing what shape stones are in your old 7 stone wedding band, what about converting it all into one oval hinged bangle bracelet, adding one small diamond, matching your old wedding band diamonds, to make it even? Radiant in the center, with pear sides, and 4 small diamonds on each side of the pears.

FWIW, I wear a 5 stone as an alternate engagement ring, with a similar width plain wedding band and absolutely love the look.

Thanks! I'm going to look around again on here for some pictures of the 5 stone with a plain wedding band.

 

[RMOO]

Thanks! I'm going to look around again on here for some pictures of the 5 stone with a plain wedding band.

https://www.pricescope.com/communit...r-stone-with-plain-bands.218598/#post-3970847

The graduated 5 stone band of @Niel's is particularly pretty.

 

[Niel]

https://www.pricescope.com/communit...r-stone-with-plain-bands.218598/#post-3970847

The graduated 5 stone band of @Niel's is particularly pretty.

Thanks!
I wanted to point out that when I wore this I wore it with a plain gold band. My absolute favorite was the Cartier trinity.
It was extremely low key lux. Even after all of my engagement ring iterations rarely have any of my rings sparked as much as that one.

But also do you have any interest in colored stones? A colored diamond would really be different. But so could a ruby.

Mixinf a colored stone with big ol diamonds in a moi et toi can still look very engagementy.

What’s nice is a theee stone is a very specific look. There are lots of ways to avoid a three stone.

 

[Niel]

Hey, interesting dilemma. I think I would be inclined to something quite different. The five stone idea could work or a halo as others have mentioned. Toi et moi or a coloured gemstone might be another idea.
Regarding wearing two three stones at the same time I don’t like the look, here are mine (excuse the odd photo) they are obviously a similar size, similar shape (the diamond is a cushion and the sapphire a fat oval) and feature coloured stones....having said all that I still think they would look wrong if they were all diamond and different shapes and sizes.

You think they WOULD look wrong all different shapes and sizes? Hmm I don’t agree with that. Nothing wrong with overloading on white diamonds.

 

[meely]

You think they WOULD look wrong all different shapes and sizes? Hmm I don’t agree with that. Nothing wrong with overloading on white diamonds.

I don’t think two different three stones look great together even if the proportions are different that’s all. It’s an opinion and no doubt different folks will think differently.