Second time around...

[Eden]

Hi there,

I was just curious about how many of you ladies have been married before. If so, has your idea of what you would like your engagement ring and wedding to be like changed much?

I had a big traditional church wedding in 2000 which was fantastic and I loved it even though things did not work out between myself and my ex. However, I have started to think (mostly in secret!) about what sort of wedding bf and I might have. This time I am day dreaming about a small intimate ceremony which could range from just parents up to about 35-40 family and friends. I would prefer for us to write our own vows and would like to include the Bond version of Canon in D during the ceremony. I wouldn''t mind where it is held, I''m happy to go away or have it locally. I would prefer parents to be there, particularly his mum as I think she would be gutted to miss her son getting married.

I received a hint from bf at the weekend that it might be this year so it got me thinking. I''m interested to hear from others in a similar situation.
Love

Eden

 

[cbs102]

eden,
i have not been married before but my FI has. because he has already done the whole big traditional wedding we have both opted to get married in jamaica .. a really small intimate gathering and we both cannot wait. i think that its important to also really consider what your FI would want. being that this is my first wedding my fi was reallt insistant that we do what i wanted...it just so happens that i do not want the big to do at all.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think that if I were to get remarried I wouldn''t do the big production again. Sure weddings are wonderful, and fun to plan (for the most part) but -- and this is just my personal feelings -- a girl should only get one big, huge affair. I am not saying their new marriage shouldn''t be celebrated, because a wedding is a special event, but a marriage and a wedding are two different things...no one needs the big dog and pony show...it''s a want...

If I were to have another wedding, it would be done at a destination...small, intimate, yet super elegant and lavish in it''s own right. I might end up spending 100k but I''d cut my guest list and spare no expense.

My parents are both divorced, and when they married each other, it was a simple quiet wedding...and 30 some odd years later, they are still happy and have no regrets at all.

 

[Eden]

Hi there,

Thanks for your comments. At the moment these are more my own private daydreams. I don''t want to jinx anything by getting too ahead of myself and saying or asking too much to bf until (hopefully) we do get engaged!! Can''t help but let my mind wander occassionally though...

I read my post back and realised it could have sounded that it was all about the wedding and that wasn''t how I meant it.The reason for wanting to write vows is because I want to tell him in my own words how much he means to me etc. Of course anything he wants to do or not do is fine by me - jeans and a t-shirt if it makes him happy. I guess I just want him to know that just because I have done it before, it doesn''t mean that it will be any less special to me but I do feel as though I will go along with whatever he wants.

Italia - I love your comment about your parents. I think that is really beautiful.

Eden

 

[Winks_Elf]

The ex and I had a child together already, we were 31 when we got engaged, 32 when we married (basically eloped in the Episcopal church with the immediate family, no real wedding), engagement ring was a 1.52 carat radiant cut, I used a ring I had bought for myself before we even got back together as a wedding band.

Currently, my boyfriend was never married, so when we do get married we will be having a wedding with about 80 people. He''ll be proposing with his mom''s engagement ring. I have no say in the engagement ring or time frame.

I do know I would love a romantic candlelight ceremony, but there are going to be about 14 children (estimated) at the wedding...four of which are mine! I''ve called a few venues but in NJ, for a "small" wedding of only 80 people, good luck getting a Saturday night!

 

[cbs102]

Winks-where in NJ? i know a few small intimate places in Northern Jersey.

 

[Sha]

I was married before (at 23) - and had a fair-sized guest list = about 70. Pretty traditional wedding. This time around DH and I opted for a small destination wedding, just around 15 people. I didn''t wear a veil - we wanted it pretty informal and it was.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Date: 1/12/2009 11:32:39 AM
Author: cbs102
Winks-where in NJ? i know a few small intimate places in Northern Jersey.

Right now I'm in Warren County, but my family and his are all around Westwood, Hillsdale, Allendale and Rivervale. I would LOVE to do the Florentine Gardens, but they do one wedding at a time, want a minimum of like 175-200 guests for a Saturday (even the afternoon!), and I'm thinking we'll be budgeting about $8k for both the venue and music (I know, I'm cheap). We'll be moving in together in the summer, and so we'll need money for combining households (still to be determined if we buy, rent, or lease/purchase), and as much as I want to have a nice wedding, I just keep thinking of all we can be doing with that money. The big thing is that a lot of places won't let you do a wedding for only 80 people on a saturday. NJ venues suck that way!

BTW, he's never been married before. His family is Italian, so he wants to have a pretty traditional wedding other than the fact that it won't be in a church. We're going to have the ceremony at whatever venue we choose. I don't plan to wear bright white, but I may wear a veil in the back as an accent to my gown.

 

[cbs102]

Sorry for the threadjack! Winks...i grew up in Bergen County..(ramsey). Have you tried the Saddle River inn??? its small and adorable. i know someone that had their second wedding there and it was totally beautiful! http://saddleriverinn.com/

also, what about the stony hill inn? you should see if they do smaller weddings... http://www.stonyhillinn.com/


there are tons of restaurants in bergen... the women''s club in ridgewood is beautiful as well..i have been to a wedding there also! http://www.ridgewoodwomansclub.com/

 

[Eden]

No problem cbs102!

Winks - the candlelight sounds a really nice idea. My friend got married in a small castle in March and they had candles. It made it such a nice atmosphere.

 

[squee]

Date: 1/12/2009 2:29:41 PM
Author: Winks_Elf

Date: 1/12/2009 11:32:39 AM

Author: cbs102

Winks-where in NJ? i know a few small intimate places in Northern Jersey.

Right now I''m in Warren County, but my family and his are all around Westwood, Hillsdale, Allendale and Rivervale. I would LOVE to do the Florentine Gardens, but they do one wedding at a time, want a minimum of like 175-200 guests for a Saturday (even the afternoon!), and I''m thinking we''ll be budgeting about $8k for both the venue and music (I know, I''m cheap). We''ll be moving in together in the summer, and so we''ll need money for combining households (still to be determined if we buy, rent, or lease/purchase), and as much as I want to have a nice wedding, I just keep thinking of all we can be doing with that money. The big thing is that a lot of places won''t let you do a wedding for only 80 people on a saturday. NJ venues suck that way!


BTW, he''s never been married before. His family is Italian, so he wants to have a pretty traditional wedding other than the fact that it won''t be in a church. We''re going to have the ceremony at whatever venue we choose. I don''t plan to wear bright white, but I may wear a veil in the back as an accent to my gown.

Winks_elf - I''m in Northern NJ too, and grew up in Warren County, although I''m in Morris now. My sister got married about a year and a half ago at this place called Bello Giorno Catering. It was a small wedding, and we had it on a Saturday. From what she told me, it was also pretty inexpensive, so you might want to check them out. They''re in Belvidere, right along I believe the Pequest River. They did a little outdoor ceremony, and it made for a lot of pretty pics. I''ll see if I can dig some up and I''ll post them in a seperate thread. Sorry for the threadjack Eden!!!

 

[laurel25]

I was married before, and I totally want something much more casual and laid back than my first wedding. BUT, FI has never been married before and wants the big, traditional wedding & reception. While I agree with ItalianHairColor that second weddings should be lower-key, it''s also not fair to take away from the wishes/dreams of the other person in the relationship who hasn''t yet gotten their big day. So, we''re going to have a traditional wedding. Most of my family probably won''t be attending since I now live 13-16 hours away from all of them and that''s just too far for most of them to travel, so I''m not too worried about people spending money on travel & gifts who were also invited to the first wedding. Also, the area we live in now is MUCH more casual about weddings (think reception at the VFW & cash bars) then where I lived when I got married the first time, and I''ve had to become okay with so much that is par for the course here, but that too me has always seem tacky and/or poor manners that having a traditional wedding vs. small affair is the least of my issues this time around.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

I have never been married, but I was engaged before. I can''t speak for a second wedding, but for some reason, I just don''t know that I want the proposal to be a big deal.

I know when he pops the question I''ll be on PS screaming about my excitement, but I think I''ll be more low key around the people I knew when I was engaged before. Another thing is, I really don''t want anything to be too similar from what I had envisioned for my wedding before. My mom was just saying the other day "if you and S get married, are you still going to do a purple/champagne color theme?" I honestly don''t think I would. Even though it never happened, I had planned for it to be a certain way and I want to keep my "almost wedding" and my "real wedding" as separate as possible. If that makes sense...

 

[Winks_Elf]

Belvidere is where my church is, but its almost a 2 hour drive from B. County, and we have guests coming from NYC too. This area is too far. Besides, we''ll be living out there by the time the wedding comes around.

My future SIL suggested the Woman''s Club in Ridgewood, and I''ll have to check out the other spot. The Stony Hill Inn is gorgeous but pricey.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Date: 1/12/2009 2:40:01 PM
Author: cbs102
also, what about the stony hill inn? you should see if they do smaller weddings... http://www.stonyhillinn.com/

I can just KISS you right now!!! I had thought about that place when we first knew we were serious about October, but didn''t give it much thought because they only do one wedding at a time, and I thought they''d want a big crowd for a Saturday wedding too.

Long story short, I got in touch with the Stony Hill Inn, and we have been penciled in for a date in October! I''m not divulging more than that til the bf puts the ring on my hand! I''m so excited!!! I told him all about it, and he''s excited too.

 

[MishB]

I''ve never been married before (though I am now), but I was engaged in my early 20''s, big ring, romantic proposal, engagement party, planning big church wedding.

When I met my now husband I knew I couldn''t do that again, it would have just felt wrong. So we were never ''engaged'' (I wear a 5 stone ring as my wedding ring), we eloped, and I wore a white pants suit, no wedding dress.

I know plenty of women though who have gone through the whole elaborate shebang more than once, I''m not judging, it just seems inappropriate to my sensibilities.

 

[jfus]

Wink I am also in nJ. I was married at Bridgewater Manor in october. I had 99 people at my wedding, a Saturday night.. all that jazz. AMAzING FOOD there.. grounds are really pretty too!

bridgewatermanor.com

My coworker is getting married at this place this spring. I don''t know much about it.. but I it looks really pretty on the site..

http://www.oldemillinn.com/


On another note. I was engaged once before.. for about 6 months.. Ring was a 1 carat solitare in a tiffany novo style band.. the ex told me I had to have a ROUND STONE BECAUSE IT HELD IT''S VALUE BETTER! Obviously if i was being told what I was suppose to have I should have known it was a bad idea to begin with!

So I broke that off six months after it happened.. Met my now Husband not that long after and got my dream ring! Tiffany Legacy-ish cushion

 

[Hera]

I believe that people should be able to celebrate their union, 2nd and 3rd time around however they want. For some, that may mean a private, low key celebration and for others a large, formal wedding bash.

 

[Winks_Elf]

When I married #1, we had a private ceremony (no family, just a couple of his co-workers) down in Charlotte, NC. 9 months later we had a Catholic service for the family. Kinda took the wind out of the sails since we were already married, and the only thing I got to plan was my dress. Husband #2 (another cheater) and I got married with my parents, grandmother, and his mom and uncle. No reception, party, etc., just lunch at grandma''s.

I''ve never really gone through the big wedding production, and this time I am not some 23-year-old with no clue (no offense to the younger ladies here...I''m talking about trusting gut instincts, not really age). I know exactly what I want, and I''ll be 40 by the time we wed. We won''t be doing the bouquet toss, garter toss, and there definitely won''t be a chicken dance!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 1/13/2009 6:57:43 PM
Author: Winks_Elf

Date: 1/12/2009 2:40:01 PM
Author: cbs102
also, what about the stony hill inn? you should see if they do smaller weddings... http://www.stonyhillinn.com/

I can just KISS you right now!!! I had thought about that place when we first knew we were serious about October, but didn''t give it much thought because they only do one wedding at a time, and I thought they''d want a big crowd for a Saturday wedding too.

Long story short, I got in touch with the Stony Hill Inn, and we have been penciled in for a date in October! I''m not divulging more than that til the bf puts the ring on my hand! I''m so excited!!! I told him all about it, and he''s excited too.

Winks!!! i am so happy for you! and there is a hilton or something right down the street for the guests!!
Congrats! i can''t wait to see you over in BWW when you get that ring!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Yes, Bob was telling me about it!!! I''m thrilled because we have a lot of out of town guests (Wink may even come!), and we''ll need the hotel for the evening after the main party is overwith.

 

[chiapet]

Ex-husand & I eloped at City Hall and didn''t tell anyone except 2 close friends. His mother made us have a reception a year later for her family members, about 65 people in a country club. I hated the whole thing. It was her show and she took over 95% of the planning. Whatever, right?
If I ever get married again (still undecided), I''ll go for a small private affair... maybe in somebody''s backyard or destination

I just don''t like big weddings.