Seeking Opinions

[Haven]

A 23-year-old, first-year, unmarried high school teacher is pregnant. She has a boyfriend of less than a year, and now that she's pregnant, they are moving in together. They do not have plans to marry.

What is your reaction? Would your opinion change if you knew she worked in a school with a high rate of teenage pregnancy? Would your opinion change if you had a teenage son or daughter attending the school? In her class? On her sports team?

 

[Upgradable]

My reaction would be....... it''s none of my business.

 

[purselover]

Honestly no matter what the scenario I would be fine with it. In fact I think it''s even better they don''t have plans to get married, you shouldn''t get married just because you are having a baby. I also think her situation could be beneficial to a school with a high teen pregnancy rate, she can share how she is coping with pregnancy, what some of the struggles of being a young mom are for her, and not just show the glamorized Jamie Lynn Spear version many kids are exposed to.

Besides even if I did have a problem with it, you can''t fire someone for being an unwed mom.

 

[Haven]

I realized I just gave the scenario and no background info.

I work in a high school, and a colleague of mine is in this situation. The announcement of the unplanned pregnancy has brought out a whole slew of whispers and reactions among the faculty. I''ve been shocked by some of them, and I don''t want to fuel the fire by asking people why they feel certain ways, and thus encouraging them to talk about her even more.

I''m just curious, I''d love some insight into people''s reactions, especially those who might feel it is inappropriate for her to continue teaching.

Thanks!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/11/2009 7:16:32 PM
Author: Upgradable
My reaction would be....... it''s none of my business.

Ditto. And quite frankly I think it''s appalling that someone would even suggest that she should quit teaching. At 23 she is an adult, she''s college educated, and able to make her own decisions...quite a different scenario than a teenage pregnancy IMO...

 

[radiantquest]

i feel bad for her, it must be very stressful for her. her personal life is her business. they cannot fire her for getting pregnant.

i guess i will go ahead and give my opinon from a parents point of view even though i might offend. if i do i am sorry its just how i feel.

if i had a teenage daughter in her class i would think twice about what this teacher was showing to her. not that everyone has to be married or whatever. i just wouldnt want my daughter to think that it is easy. if my child were to get pregnant before she was married then that is the choice she made, but i would prefer that she be married and not encouraged otherwise

 

[April20]

Personally, I have a problem with it. I just do. Not that I would voice it. If she was working in a HS that had a high rate of teenage pregnancy, I would have a bigger issue, especially if I was a parent. I think that teachers are there to set an example. If I had a vulnerable teenager, I think I would be having conversations about it at home and finding out what my child thought about it. I would be VERY interested to see what their reaction and opinion of the situation was.

When I was in HS an unmarried teacher was pregnant with twins, no less. She was pregnant right along with several other unmarried teenagers. There was A LOT of conversation about it at the time. She had them and came back to teach. I don''t know how that other teachers and parents reacted, but as a student, I remember being disappointed to a degree. It didn''t change my opinion of her as a teacher (she was FANTASTIC), but I think I expected something more from her.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

She''s 23, NOT 16. She''s an adult, not a teenager. Whether she''s married or not doesn''t matter in the least and it''s no ones business, regardless of whether there''s a high rate of teen pregnancy at the school.

 

[EricaR]

Date: 1/11/2009 7:30:31 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
She''s 23, NOT 16. She''s an adult, not a teenager. Whether she''s married or not doesn''t matter in the least and it''s no ones business, regardless of whether there''s a high rate of teen pregnancy at the school.

Hudson Hawk summed up exactly what I was going to say.

 

[Haven]

Thanks for being honest with your opinions, everyone. I appreciate that it might be difficult to share that you would be disappointed because of the potential that has to anger other posters, and I can''t say how much I appreciate hearing your responses.

To share my own response, a good friend told me about the pregnancy, I looked up this teacher''s schedule online, and then (since we have the same prep period) I found her to congratulate her. It wasn''t even on my radar that people would have negative reactions, but as the day progressed it was all people could talk about.

I''m just really interested in hearing the range of opinions and emotions this brings up, because of course, I only know my own perspective, and as I''ve learned, the responses are wide and varied.

 

[Kaleigh]

That stinks that the faculty are reacting in this manner. She's 23, yes that's young. But she's an adult, making an adult decsion, no one has the right to question her. In fact, I applaud her for being brave and doing what is right for her and her baby. Perhaps she can teach something about all of this to her students, they might learn from her situation. If she loses her job over this, I would be angry. But I always see the other side, and am not a knee jerk reaction sort of person.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 1/11/2009 7:42:46 PM
Author: Kaleigh
That stinks that the faculty are reacting in this manner. She's 23, yes that's young. But she's an adult, making an adult decsion, no one has the right to question her. In fact, I applaud her for being brave and doing what is right for her and her baby. Perhaps she can teach something about all of this to her students, they might learn from her situation. If she loses her job over this, I would be angry. But I always see the other side, and am not a knee jerk reaction sort of person.

Ditto, I completely agree with Kaleigh on this.

 

[fatafelice]

I am a teacher as well, and I know the kind of gossiping that goes on. They would definitely be talking in my district. I believe, however, that she is an adult, not a teen, and her personal life is her own business. In addition, she can choose what information her students (or even the other teachers) are aware of. I lived with my BF/FI before we were married and managed to teach for three years without my students being aware of that fact. She obviously cannot hide a pregnancy, but she can go by Ms. instead of Miss. and wear a nondescipt ring on her left hand, if she feels the need to appear more ''respectable''. Let them wonder. She doesn''t owe them an explanation.

 

[coatimundi_org]

Date: 1/11/2009 7:24:59 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 1/11/2009 7:16:32 PM

Author: Upgradable

My reaction would be....... it''s none of my business.

Ditto. And quite frankly I think it''s appalling that someone would even suggest that she should quit teaching. At 23 she is an adult, she''s college educated, and able to make her own decisions...quite a different scenario than a teenage pregnancy IMO...

Big ditto.

 

[Tuckins1]

Nope. I wouldn''t have a problem with it. It''s her life and her decision. She is an adult and has a steady job... Not a teenager with no education and no job prospects.

 

[kittybean]

Ultimately, I would believe it was none of my business, and I would not think it inappropriate for her to continue teaching. However, in my eyes, it would be appreciated if she took this as an opportunity to educate her students about the difficulties of pregnancy, of being a young, unmarried pregnant woman, and eventually, of parenthood. It would be a great way to stop some of the speculation and gossip among the students and discuss frankly an issue that affects many of their peers.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

It's really none of my business. People will talk. To be honest, my sister is unmarried with a baby, but she is with the father and had just moved into their brand new house when they found out they were expecting.

Life often doesn't come at you on your schedule, and it's a shame more people don't understand that.

 

[Upgradable]

I just came back because I was feelng bad that my response might have been harsh, so I''m a little soothed by the agreements. Personally, I''d have a lot more of a problem with all of the other teachers gossiping about the situation and especially the suggestion that she should not be teaching!! PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY should be on the lesson plan, and may be a good topic for the next inservice day!

 

[Haven]

Thanks again for all of your responses. Keep them coming, please.

I think this whole experience has prompted me to think about what we expect from our teachers as role models, and how much those expectations are shaped by the majority''s values and beliefs, and whether we should allow those expectations to affect our lifestyle.

My colleagues'' responses have made me think about other things that we may choose to do/have/believe/wear/etc. that are not illegal, yet that bring scrutiny from the community because we have chosen to be teachers.

So, to further the question, would you have a negative reaction to a teacher who chooses to:
- smoke cigarettes and does not hide that from her students?
- lead an unhealthy lifestyle that causes her to be overweight?
- have piercings in unconventional places? (tongue, nose, etc.)
- have a tattoo, and not hide it from her students? (e.g. Wear skirts that show ankle tattoos)
- live with her boyfriend before marriage?
- use profane language?
- have cosmetic surgery? (And does the type of surgery matter--are breast implants more offensive than nose jobs, for example?)

I''m sure there are many more examples, but this is just the few that popped into my head.

I''m just curious, of course.

 

[WishfulThinking]

I would definitely think it was none of my business. I think it's rather appalling that anyone would suggest that she end her teaching career over it. I am sure many of the same people would have a slew of negative reactions if I were in the same profession, so I can relate. Teachers are there to teach, and while there is somewhat of an expectation that a teacher set a good example in the classroom, his or her personal life cannot be micromanaged as a result. Where exactly are we supposed to draw the line? She is an unmarried pregnant woman and some people object, I am a lesbian, which many people would object to, and others are in numerous other situations which may be objected to--of a certain religious or spiritual faith, interracial marriage or relationship, etc, etc. It seems *someone* will always have an objection and I see no reason to humor those reactions.

ETA: Haven, I didn't see your most recent post. I was going in the same direction with my thoughts, as I was trying to convey in my own post, though it might have been a bit more jumbled than yours!

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/11/2009 8:16:12 PM
Author: Upgradable
I just came back because I was feeling bad that my response might have been harsh, so I''m a little soothed by the agreements. Personally, I''d have a lot more of a problem with all of the other teachers gossiping about the situation and especially the suggestion that she should not be teaching!! PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY should be on the lesson plan, and may be a good topic for the next inservice day!

I agree, Upgradable, the gossip disappointed me. I wasn''t shocked, because, well, people gossiping isn''t exactly shocking, but it was disappointing.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/11/2009 7:24:59 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 1/11/2009 7:16:32 PM

Author: Upgradable

My reaction would be....... it's none of my business.

Ditto. And quite frankly I think it's appalling that someone would even suggest that she should quit teaching. At 23 she is an adult, she's college educated, and able to make her own decisions...quite a different scenario than a teenage pregnancy IMO...

agreed!

ETA: I am sure that many of the things you mentioned were obvious when she was hired right? Her teaching ability is the *only* thing that should be questions IMHO.

 

[Haven]

Wishful--I do work in a very Christian community. We have two gay male teachers, and they are generally well-loved by the community. Sadly, though, there have been instances where teachers asked that their students be put into other teachers' classrooms after they found out that their child's teacher was homosexual. And, unfortunately, my administration is scared of parents, so they always fold.

I had a parent ask me if I was "teaching Jewish stuff" in my English classroom last year, and he then said "my child doesn't want to convert, just so you know." You know, because I'm a Jew and all, I must be prosteletyzing in class every day. Please. I teach Hemingway with the rest of 'em.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 1/11/2009 8:19:06 PM
Author: Haven

I agree, Upgradable, the gossip disappointed me. I wasn''t shocked, because, well, people gossiping isn''t exactly shocking, but it was disappointing.

People will talk, especially because this involves [[**shudder**]] sex. But really, she''s and adult. Her living arrangements, marital status, how long she''s been with her boyfriend... is not their business.

April20 I understand where you''re coming from. Kid at that age take in life lessons from everything around them, not just what''s written on the whiteboard. But I also think you suggest the perfect response, which is to listen to how your teenager reacts, and engage them in conversation about the preganancy. I know not all kids have parents who are present and mature enough to do that... and maybe the school needs to take a similar approach, keeping an eye on students'' reactions to the pregnancy and reacting accordingly.

Haven: you post a series of good questions. I think ultimately teachers should be judged on their ability to teach and engage their students. Of course there will be exceptional cases, but as long as they keep their private lives out of the classroom, it shouldn''t have any bearing on how they are judged as teachers.

 

[WishfulThinking]

That's really too bad about the class-switching, Haven. Luckily the district folds by moving the children rather than imposing worse consequences. While I think it's illegal in your state to fire someone for being gay, in many [I think most, actually] states there is little if any protection from being fired based on sexual orientation, so that can be grounds for termination.

I can't believe a parent asked you that! Oh my! It's amazing what people think is appropriate behavior.

I really do think it's nearly impossible to please everybody. What one person thinks is acceptable is rarely going to pass muster if all people's opinions are taken into account. IMO it's just a bad direction to go toward in terms of community involvement in someone's personal life because of their job.

 

[purselover]

Date: 1/11/2009 8:32:42 PM
Author: Haven
Wishful--I do work in a very Christian community. We have two gay male teachers, and they are generally well-loved by the community. Sadly, though, there have been instances where teachers asked that their students be put into other teachers'' classrooms after they found out that their child''s teacher was homosexual. And, unfortunately, my administration is scared of parents, so they always fold.


I had a parent ask me if I was ''teaching Jewish stuff'' in my English classroom last year, and he then said ''my child doesn''t want to convert, just so you know.'' You know, because I''m a Jew and all, I must be prosteletyzing in class every day. Please. I teach Hemingway with the rest of ''em.

wow I wish I was totally surprised that parents do things like that, sadly intolerance is something often passed on

 

[Burk]

I''m a teacher. I found out I was preggo (and showing) before DH and I got married. We were engaged so I had a ring and I always used Ms. instead of Miss and had no intention of changing my last name (although I later changed my mind because having a different last name from your kid is a nightmare but that''s a whole other thread) anyway so it really was a non-issue! My colleagues were all happy for me (even threw me a shower) and I am pretty sure my kids didn''t even know I was pregnant before I got married. I think it''s very sad that this teacher isn''t getting the same respect I did!

 

[Elegant]

My opinion - I am a teacher.

It is nobody''s business what people do in their free time. If her contract stated that she needed to be married before she got pregnant, then there would be problems...but I don''t think that''s legal.

Nobody''s business...but hers...

 

[Haven]

Wishful--How awful that people can be fired for their sexual orientation. (I remember the Cracker Barrel case from years ago. Horrendous.) That has not happened in my school, and our administrators just do their best to walk the line between pleasing parents and respecting their faculty.

Burk--Your daughter''s pic in your avatar is awesome! I''m glad to hear you didn''t have a horrible experience, it sounds like you work with great people.

 

[princesss]

I really can''t fathom a world in which I thought it was my business to do anything but say, "Congratulations." So I find it difficult to imagine other people saying that she may not be the best person to teach teenagers. More than anybody, she''s in a position to show her students that life is what you make of it, and that it doesn''t have to stop you from doing the great things you want to achieve in life.

In a weird way, I feel the same way about this as I do about banning books -- the solution isn''t to ban a topic, it''s to inform your child about what''s going on and discuss what that could mean under a variety of circumstances. You can''t shelter a child from everything, so it seems better to me to have a relationship where you can discuss things with them instead of keep things from them. (Obviously this is more for middle/high school aged kids.)