Haven
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2007
- Messages
- 13,166
Seeking Opinions
- Thread starter Haven
- Start date
- Status
geckodani
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2008
- Messages
- 9,021
princesss
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2007
- Messages
- 8,035
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2006
- Messages
- 58,559
We currently have a pregnant unmarried teacher at my school, and we threw her a big baby shower! Her scum boyfriend of 6 years left her when she told him she was pregnant. I salute her for putting her baby first. (Year before last we had another one, and she later married the baby''s father.)
I feel like some of you are so young that you are not aware that teachers used to be held to the moral standards of the day. There was a time that it was unacceptable for unmarried couples to live together, believe it or not.
There was a time it was embarrassing to have a child before marriage. Apparently teachers did lose jobs over such things in the past, although I know of no examples. Now there is virtually no standard whatsoever, as long as the teacher doesn''t have sex with a student or drink or use drugs on the job (although we also actually have a no smoking on school property policy for everyone). I guess it all depends on where each person draws the line as to what influences they think are acceptable to expose their own children. I do think it is best when teachers keep their private life private as much as possible.
I feel like some of you are so young that you are not aware that teachers used to be held to the moral standards of the day. There was a time that it was unacceptable for unmarried couples to live together, believe it or not.
I cannot believe people feel they have the right to get into ANYONE''s personal business in this day and age, and in my mind, a pregnancy is PERSONAL business. What if this was a planned unmarried pregnancy. Would people be shocked and appalled then? I don''t think being unmarried and pregnant is a BAD example. Being pregnant and irresponsible would be!
Haven
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2007
- Messages
- 13,166
Date: 1/11/2009 9:45:41 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
We currently have a pregnant unmarried teacher at my school, and we threw her a big baby shower! Her scum boyfriend of 6 years left her when she told him she was pregnant. I salute her for putting her baby first. (Year before last we had another one, and she later married the baby''s father.)
I feel like some of you are so young that you are not aware that teachers used to be held to the moral standards of the day. There was a time that it was unacceptable for unmarried couples to live together, believe it or not.There was a time it was embarrassing to have a child before marriage. Apparently teachers did lose jobs over such things in the past, although I know of no examples. Now there is virtually no standard whatsoever, as long as the teacher doesn''t have sex with a student or drink or use drugs on the job (although we also actually have a no smoking on school property policy for everyone). I guess it all depends on where each person draws the line as to what influences they think are acceptable to expose their own children. I do think it is best when teachers keep their private life private as much as possible.
I''m confused--are you suggesting that teachers *should* be held to a certain higher standard, or that it is nobody''s business? The first lines of your post suggest the latter, but the bolded line seems to suggest the former.
And if there is a standard, what is it? That''s what I''m curious about.
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2006
- Messages
- 58,559
I don''t really think I expressed any opinion other than to say I like and support the teacher at my school currently in that situation. I just stated a frame of reference as to why the idea would have been mentioned that the teacher should lose her job (because it was true years ago), but that is no longer an issue in this society as far as public schools go. I don''t think there are any standards outside of the workplace. I would think that private schools can set up whatever criteria they want. I do think teachers are one of several role models in the lives of our students since we spend 30 hours a week with them. But as you said, we are to teach the curriculum we are assigned. We do have "character education" in our district, and regular teachers do teach generally accepted standards such as responsibility, honesty, etc. and hopefully model those in the classroom.Date: 1/11/2009 10:13:32 PM
Author: Haven
Date: 1/11/2009 9:45:41 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
We currently have a pregnant unmarried teacher at my school, and we threw her a big baby shower! Her scum boyfriend of 6 years left her when she told him she was pregnant. I salute her for putting her baby first. (Year before last we had another one, and she later married the baby''s father.)
I feel like some of you are so young that you are not aware that teachers used to be held to the moral standards of the day. There was a time that it was unacceptable for unmarried couples to live together, believe it or not.There was a time it was embarrassing to have a child before marriage. Apparently teachers did lose jobs over such things in the past, although I know of no examples. Now there is virtually no standard whatsoever, as long as the teacher doesn''t have sex with a student or drink or use drugs on the job (although we also actually have a no smoking on school property policy for everyone). I guess it all depends on where each person draws the line as to what influences they think are acceptable to expose their own children. I do think it is best when teachers keep their private life private as much as possible.
I''m confused--are you suggesting that teachers *should* be held to a certain higher standard, or that it is nobody''s business? The first lines of your post suggest the latter, but the bolded line seems to suggest the former.
And if there is a standard, what is it? That''s what I''m curious about.
Each person has to decide where they draw the line as far as what would be acceptable for their own child''s teacher. Would I want a former pedophile teaching my child? Umm, no. Most of us, no matter how liberal or conservative we are, have some sort of line that we would draw IF we knew such information.
Bliss
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2008
- Messages
- 3,016
My take on it is...
Life lessons come from the HOME, not so much teachers.
I do not know of any teens who got pregnant because their adult teacher had a baby before getting married. Teens who get pregnant do so because they often have NO strong family support or structure. Dad is missing somewhere or mom isn't around to spend the time to teach them about life. So they learn the hard way on their own.
And who knows? The single mom might get married next year to that boyfriend. She's not a scarlet woman. Maybe she suddenly got pregnant and moved in with her boyfriend to solidify the family unit. They could be married in 6 months. You never know. It can't be easy for her. I feel for her.
As for whether a teacher's overweight or living with her boyfriend or whatever... teachers aren't supposed to talk about their personal lives at school. I wouldn't want my children's teacher telling the kids about her boyfriend waking up next to her that morning and etc. Teachers are usually great about not crossing the line into the "TMI" too personal zone.
Although once in high school, we were watching the movie The French Lieutenant's Woman and there was a VERY short love scene. The teacher said, "Girls, that's exactly how long it lasts, too! Don't expect more than that!" And she laughed! I remember being pretty shocked and not knowing what she was talking about anyway. LOL.
Life lessons come from the HOME, not so much teachers.
I do not know of any teens who got pregnant because their adult teacher had a baby before getting married. Teens who get pregnant do so because they often have NO strong family support or structure. Dad is missing somewhere or mom isn't around to spend the time to teach them about life. So they learn the hard way on their own.
And who knows? The single mom might get married next year to that boyfriend. She's not a scarlet woman. Maybe she suddenly got pregnant and moved in with her boyfriend to solidify the family unit. They could be married in 6 months. You never know. It can't be easy for her. I feel for her.
As for whether a teacher's overweight or living with her boyfriend or whatever... teachers aren't supposed to talk about their personal lives at school. I wouldn't want my children's teacher telling the kids about her boyfriend waking up next to her that morning and etc. Teachers are usually great about not crossing the line into the "TMI" too personal zone.
Although once in high school, we were watching the movie The French Lieutenant's Woman and there was a VERY short love scene. The teacher said, "Girls, that's exactly how long it lasts, too! Don't expect more than that!" And she laughed! I remember being pretty shocked and not knowing what she was talking about anyway. LOL.
GossamerAngel
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- May 1, 2006
- Messages
- 295
Honestly, I feel very sorry for the people who are judging her.
My grandmother always said that the best we all could do was turn our messes into our messages. Everything for a reason. This woman is a teacher and therefore a role model to her younger students, some of whom may be "at risk" youths, but who on earth is under the delusion that by definition, role models have to be perfect creatures???
In my humble opinion, a role model is an individual who makes the best of every situation they find themselves in, leads their life not necessarily by example but by inspiration, if that makes sense. Someone whose path you wouldn''t necessary mirror with each step, but someone who you respect for the life they have led based on the situations life has presented them with. Being pregnant and unmarried, while not the ideal situation for most, is not the end of the world either, not an excuse to crumble or begin a downward spiral that leads to becoming just another statistic collecting a government check and barely making ends meet in life. Hopefully this young woman teacher will take the high road each step of the way, show her students and fellow teachers her strength and courage and tenacity.
My grandmother always said that the best we all could do was turn our messes into our messages. Everything for a reason. This woman is a teacher and therefore a role model to her younger students, some of whom may be "at risk" youths, but who on earth is under the delusion that by definition, role models have to be perfect creatures???
In my humble opinion, a role model is an individual who makes the best of every situation they find themselves in, leads their life not necessarily by example but by inspiration, if that makes sense. Someone whose path you wouldn''t necessary mirror with each step, but someone who you respect for the life they have led based on the situations life has presented them with. Being pregnant and unmarried, while not the ideal situation for most, is not the end of the world either, not an excuse to crumble or begin a downward spiral that leads to becoming just another statistic collecting a government check and barely making ends meet in life. Hopefully this young woman teacher will take the high road each step of the way, show her students and fellow teachers her strength and courage and tenacity.
Bliss
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2008
- Messages
- 3,016
WishfulThinking
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2007
- Messages
- 1,437
BlueSki231
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2008
- Messages
- 855
Hmm I''m kinda thinkin I''m SUPPOSED to be appalled at this??
Ha, but I''m not really.
How does an adult 23 year old who is moving in with her boyfriend with no plans to marry have anything to do with teen pregnancy..
She is an ADULT. The students don''t see her as a peer or fellow student, but as somewhat of an authority - a teacher. And I doubt they even know anything of her personal situation or love life.
I remember having a pregnant teacher in high school. Ok, yes, she was married and probably in her mid 30''s but in reality the students really didn''t know that much about the teachers personal lives... nor did they really care in most cases. I don''t see why this would be an issue.
Ha, but I''m not really.
How does an adult 23 year old who is moving in with her boyfriend with no plans to marry have anything to do with teen pregnancy..
She is an ADULT. The students don''t see her as a peer or fellow student, but as somewhat of an authority - a teacher. And I doubt they even know anything of her personal situation or love life.
I remember having a pregnant teacher in high school. Ok, yes, she was married and probably in her mid 30''s but in reality the students really didn''t know that much about the teachers personal lives... nor did they really care in most cases. I don''t see why this would be an issue.
AdiS
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2008
- Messages
- 1,337
First of all, I firmly believe that everyone''s sex life, marital status and all decisions regarding pregnancy and having kids are sacred and inviolable. I think that pretty much sums up my position on the original question.
As for the other cases you suggested, I''d only have a problem with the use of profane language. Smoking cigarettes, as long as she (he) is not doing it in front of the students or under the "No Smoking" signs, is their own business. Same goes for their lifestyle, healthy or not and cosmetic surgeries. Living with her boyfriend, her girlfriend or both at the same time for that matter (
In short, teachers are human beings. They''re not perfect and shouldn''t be expected to be perfect. Their competence, their skills and attitude towards children is what matters. That''s where they have to try and be flawless. As long as their personal life and preferences aren''t harming the children or directly influencing them in a bad way, then all is fine by me. I don''t see why the choices you make for you own body (tattoos, eating, surgeries, etc.) or personal life (marriage, pregnancy) have to be scrutinized and censured in your working environment, even if they have nothing to do with your performance and achievements. I agree that children are really receptive and you have to be careful around them, that''s why I''d say no cursing and smoking in front of them. I really don''t think however, that if a 10-year-old finds out her teacher is going to be a single mom, she''d say to herself "Ok, I want to be a single mom too. Now, let''s get down to business".
oobiecoo
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2007
- Messages
- 2,267
I''m going to be totally honest and say that yes, it would bother me if my child were in her classroom. I think life lessons and morals should be taught by parents but I still remember being VERY influenced by my favorite teachers in middle and high school. I still think of those teachers today so obviously their actions had an effect on me. I consider teachers to be somewhat like a parent to their students since they sometimes spend more time with the child than their actual mom and dad do. Having a health teacher that you know smokes when she isn''t at school really doesn''t help you learn that smoking is bad for you and can cause cancer, ya know? Students in my high school weren''t allowed to have tattoos or piercings that showed or wear spaghetti straps or use profanity... all for the sake of being modest and respectful. I think the teachers should be held to those standards as well.
I''m not saying that I am offended by or would shield my child from ALL people who smoke, have tattoos, have children out of wedlock, etc... but if you are in an authoratative/parental role with my child then you need to walk the straight and narrow.
This is my honest opinion but I hope I don''t get flamed for it... I often find it hard to say exactly how I feel on here because there is often alot of backlash.
I''m not saying that I am offended by or would shield my child from ALL people who smoke, have tattoos, have children out of wedlock, etc... but if you are in an authoratative/parental role with my child then you need to walk the straight and narrow.
This is my honest opinion but I hope I don''t get flamed for it... I often find it hard to say exactly how I feel on here because there is often alot of backlash.
Gayletmom
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2008
- Messages
- 735
My two cents from my parent role:
I also agree that a teacher''s private life is not anyone else''s business so, in a best case scenario, the kids wouldn''t know all the details. Just as it is none of their business if a teacher is in a living together/not married situation or is a gay/lesbian or any other private situation. Not my business and has no bearing on the teacher''s ability.
At the same time, as a mother of a 13 year old and a 10 year old, I would be somewhat disappointed if one of their unmarried teachers were pregnant and the kids were aware that she was unmarried. The kids, of course, look up to their teachers and may model their behavior after her and they don''t always understand the difference between what is okay for an adult and not for them. Being disappointed, however, doesn''t have to translate into gossiping, judging or removing your child. I think that the best course as a parent would be to discuss with your kids and explain to them why you hope they won''t be pregnant outside of marriage and the difficulties of that course or single parenthood as other posters have mentioned. As a friend of mine says-it''s a teaching moment.
I would also be disappointed in other people gossiping and hurting her feelings. I mean, obviously, the people most affected by the pregnancy are the teacher, her child and the father. Truthfully, it''s not really impt to everyone else.
I also agree that a teacher''s private life is not anyone else''s business so, in a best case scenario, the kids wouldn''t know all the details. Just as it is none of their business if a teacher is in a living together/not married situation or is a gay/lesbian or any other private situation. Not my business and has no bearing on the teacher''s ability.
At the same time, as a mother of a 13 year old and a 10 year old, I would be somewhat disappointed if one of their unmarried teachers were pregnant and the kids were aware that she was unmarried. The kids, of course, look up to their teachers and may model their behavior after her and they don''t always understand the difference between what is okay for an adult and not for them. Being disappointed, however, doesn''t have to translate into gossiping, judging or removing your child. I think that the best course as a parent would be to discuss with your kids and explain to them why you hope they won''t be pregnant outside of marriage and the difficulties of that course or single parenthood as other posters have mentioned. As a friend of mine says-it''s a teaching moment.
I would also be disappointed in other people gossiping and hurting her feelings. I mean, obviously, the people most affected by the pregnancy are the teacher, her child and the father. Truthfully, it''s not really impt to everyone else.
TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Messages
- 17,193
Octavia
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2007
- Messages
- 2,660
This may be slightly off-topic, but I think it comes around in the end...but things like this are one of many reasons I dislike the fact that most women are known by different titles before and after marriage. Someone before mentioned going by "Ms." as a teacher, but almost all of the female teachers I ever had before college went by "Miss" or "Mrs." While I fully agree with those who say that a teacher''s personal life (or anyone, for that matter) is their own business, just the fact of titles and name changes broadcast a woman''s marital status. So it can be very difficult for a female teacher to keep her marital status, and by extension, the fact of whether her pregnancy has occurred within a marital relationship or not, out of the public eye if she conforms to the social norm. I guess it''s just one more thing that unfairly penalizes women over men -- I can''t imagine that the whispers would be nearly so loud if it was this woman''s boyfriend who was the teacher.
Bia
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2008
- Messages
- 6,181
Ummm...23 is young but it's not THAT young. This woman has a college education, she's old enough to be in a relationship of her choosing, and she's working...I don't see why people should be spreading negative rumors, or comments, or whatever in this case--whether it was unplanned or not. And the fact that its a HS with a high teen pregnancy rate...I'm not sure I see what that has to do with anything.
My own parents had my brother and I at 20-21...granted it was the 80's but still (I'm sure there are quite a few people here who also were born to very young parents). I happen to know a few women (friends of my family) that had children at 18 or 19, were unmarried, and went on to raise happy, healthy children (all of these women eventually married as well, if it means anything). ETA: I say the last part because I also think that it's the parents job to teach morals, values, lessons and what-have-you to their kids...not the teacher's job.
My own parents had my brother and I at 20-21...granted it was the 80's but still (I'm sure there are quite a few people here who also were born to very young parents). I happen to know a few women (friends of my family) that had children at 18 or 19, were unmarried, and went on to raise happy, healthy children (all of these women eventually married as well, if it means anything). ETA: I say the last part because I also think that it's the parents job to teach morals, values, lessons and what-have-you to their kids...not the teacher's job.
NewEnglandLady
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2007
- Messages
- 6,299
Add me to the list of people who think that she is an adult who is capable of making adult decisions. I feel badly for her, as if she''s not dealing with enough. Now she has to have her personal life scrutinized by her colleages AND her students'' parents (who seem to forget that THEY are the most influential role models in their childrens'' lives).
Haven, I''m just curious: does the faculty think she''s a great teacher?
Haven, I''m just curious: does the faculty think she''s a great teacher?
Italiahaircolor
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2007
- Messages
- 5,184
I gave up on judging whose fit to be a parent and under what circumstances they should become a parent along time ago.
I think anyone is total capable of being a good mother or father...and being married, or "old enough" has nothing to do with it. Sure, it might be easier if you're in a "ideal" situation, but good parents come in many different forms.
If she's teaching, that mean's shes got a good job and her education is behind her so she can simply focus on mothering and working without spreading herself to thin...and if she's in a relationship with the father, that means she has support and that he has decided to stay involved. I mean, really, whats the difference between being a single mother from the start, and getting divorced into single motherhood later on? How many teachers at your school are divorced parents? Does that make them less fit? Less nuturing? Are they judged more harshly by their students or colleauges and put on a display as model of "what not to become"?
That is her personal life, and if it's working for her then that's wonderful. If that's to the ideal by which you messure yourself, there by the grace of God go you...
To answer the other questions you posed, in lump sum...
Everyone is entitled to a personal life during their "off hours". Careers are not supposed to define us...working to live, as opposed to living to work. I think a teacher having a breast agumentation, or smoking a cigarette, or dropping the f-bomb in his or her off time is fine, who cares...but at work, you're working--you dress modestly, speak modestly, and watch yourself and your habits.
I think anyone is total capable of being a good mother or father...and being married, or "old enough" has nothing to do with it. Sure, it might be easier if you're in a "ideal" situation, but good parents come in many different forms.
If she's teaching, that mean's shes got a good job and her education is behind her so she can simply focus on mothering and working without spreading herself to thin...and if she's in a relationship with the father, that means she has support and that he has decided to stay involved. I mean, really, whats the difference between being a single mother from the start, and getting divorced into single motherhood later on? How many teachers at your school are divorced parents? Does that make them less fit? Less nuturing? Are they judged more harshly by their students or colleauges and put on a display as model of "what not to become"?
That is her personal life, and if it's working for her then that's wonderful. If that's to the ideal by which you messure yourself, there by the grace of God go you...
To answer the other questions you posed, in lump sum...
Everyone is entitled to a personal life during their "off hours". Careers are not supposed to define us...working to live, as opposed to living to work. I think a teacher having a breast agumentation, or smoking a cigarette, or dropping the f-bomb in his or her off time is fine, who cares...but at work, you're working--you dress modestly, speak modestly, and watch yourself and your habits.
Elmorton
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2007
- Messages
- 3,998
I think this is such a tough question.
In regard to the specific teacher in the original question- her colleagues are acting like fools. I''ve always been appalled by how faculty gossip so closely mirrors high school gossip. And, Haven, the parent that asked you about your religious background -WTH?! That''s ridiculous. I can''t imagine what I would have said in response to a parent who asked me that...
But, I do think that students are impressionable when they see teachers as role models. My (amazing) high school English teacher had a tattoo on her foot. I thought it was brilliant, and when I was 18, I got a tattoo on my foot. Would I have done it if not for that teacher? Considering how my parents talked about tattoos (trashy, stupid, etc), probably not. So, if a student looks up to a teacher who openly smokes like a chimney...
Also, as a teacher, I know that I do share a lot of myself in classroom - and I do it on purpose. My students are more likely to warm up to me if they think I''m actually a human being. Granted, I''m very careful about what I share, but I think there cannot be an expectation that teachers keep every personal detail about themselves private, either. It''s not realistic and in my opinion, it doesn''t necessarily lead to good teaching or a good classroom environment.
But - I''m probably going to get flamed for this - I really don''t like going to an overweight doctor or having my blood taken from a nurse who smells like cigarettes. I find it very hard to take health advice from individuals who seem, via appearances, to not subscribe to it. Therefore, if a teacher acts in an unprofessional way, I think I do have a problem with it, since a great deal of teaching is modeling the behavior of a professional scholar.
I guess my stance on the individual questions is that if something is your private, personal life (with whom you''re sleeping) that should remain private and at home, like it should for any job. Something like body art/modification should be appropriately covered, simply because these things are still considered problematic for professional attire. For example, very rarely do I wear footwear where my tattoo is visible. Something like profane language shouldn''t be used in front of students if students are expected not to use such language. Cosmetic surgery - eh. It''s in the same realm as wearing a push-up bra or wearing makeup, which is completely acceptable fine in most professional situations.
As an instructor for students who are often 21 or older, the area where I get tangled in this debate is going out to a bar. I really don''t want to see my students out (esp if they happen to be under 21), nor do I assume they want to see their teacher at a bar. But, I''m in my mid-twenties, and going out with friends is commonplace behavior for someone my age. When I do go out in the area where I teach, I''m very, very conscious of my behavior, even though I wish I didn''t have to be. Frankly, I''m a little creeped out by photos I see on FB - I''m friends with a lot of teachers, and I''m shocked how many people I know still go out regularly. I have to be honest, I think I''d be a little put off if I saw my kid''s kindergarten teacher trashed at a bar making out with anybody who moved. But would I move my kid from his class? Probably not, though I might have lost a lot of respect for the teacher.
For me, what I suppose it comes down to is that parents just can''t expect teachers to do the job of a parent. It should be clear to your children what your values are. At the same time, I think teachers need to be aware that their behavior does influence the interactions they have with students and parents. Being professional is not just to maintain your stance with your students, but their parents as well. When there is a respectful relationship between parents/teachers/students, the environment is best for productive learning.
In regard to the specific teacher in the original question- her colleagues are acting like fools. I''ve always been appalled by how faculty gossip so closely mirrors high school gossip. And, Haven, the parent that asked you about your religious background -WTH?! That''s ridiculous. I can''t imagine what I would have said in response to a parent who asked me that...
But, I do think that students are impressionable when they see teachers as role models. My (amazing) high school English teacher had a tattoo on her foot. I thought it was brilliant, and when I was 18, I got a tattoo on my foot. Would I have done it if not for that teacher? Considering how my parents talked about tattoos (trashy, stupid, etc), probably not. So, if a student looks up to a teacher who openly smokes like a chimney...
Also, as a teacher, I know that I do share a lot of myself in classroom - and I do it on purpose. My students are more likely to warm up to me if they think I''m actually a human being. Granted, I''m very careful about what I share, but I think there cannot be an expectation that teachers keep every personal detail about themselves private, either. It''s not realistic and in my opinion, it doesn''t necessarily lead to good teaching or a good classroom environment.
But - I''m probably going to get flamed for this - I really don''t like going to an overweight doctor or having my blood taken from a nurse who smells like cigarettes. I find it very hard to take health advice from individuals who seem, via appearances, to not subscribe to it. Therefore, if a teacher acts in an unprofessional way, I think I do have a problem with it, since a great deal of teaching is modeling the behavior of a professional scholar.
I guess my stance on the individual questions is that if something is your private, personal life (with whom you''re sleeping) that should remain private and at home, like it should for any job. Something like body art/modification should be appropriately covered, simply because these things are still considered problematic for professional attire. For example, very rarely do I wear footwear where my tattoo is visible. Something like profane language shouldn''t be used in front of students if students are expected not to use such language. Cosmetic surgery - eh. It''s in the same realm as wearing a push-up bra or wearing makeup, which is completely acceptable fine in most professional situations.
As an instructor for students who are often 21 or older, the area where I get tangled in this debate is going out to a bar. I really don''t want to see my students out (esp if they happen to be under 21), nor do I assume they want to see their teacher at a bar. But, I''m in my mid-twenties, and going out with friends is commonplace behavior for someone my age. When I do go out in the area where I teach, I''m very, very conscious of my behavior, even though I wish I didn''t have to be. Frankly, I''m a little creeped out by photos I see on FB - I''m friends with a lot of teachers, and I''m shocked how many people I know still go out regularly. I have to be honest, I think I''d be a little put off if I saw my kid''s kindergarten teacher trashed at a bar making out with anybody who moved. But would I move my kid from his class? Probably not, though I might have lost a lot of respect for the teacher.
For me, what I suppose it comes down to is that parents just can''t expect teachers to do the job of a parent. It should be clear to your children what your values are. At the same time, I think teachers need to be aware that their behavior does influence the interactions they have with students and parents. Being professional is not just to maintain your stance with your students, but their parents as well. When there is a respectful relationship between parents/teachers/students, the environment is best for productive learning.
fieryred33143
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 18, 2008
- Messages
- 6,689
Well I can't comment on being pregnant and not married as I'm in that situation myself. Personally speaking, my heart goes out to her. I've been with FI for nearly 7 years now, I'm 27/he's 30, I have my Masters, have a great job...and I still cannot escape the whispers and the comments. I can't imagine how it must feel in her situation (being younger and with a boyfriend). I had to take a trip to HR recently because one coworker in particular would not stop with her comments that we should get married before the baby comes and we are awful parents if we don't do so
I think everyone is going to have their opinions and everyone is entitled to them. What bugs me is that while you have a right to your opinion, you should still consider the feelings of those you are passing your judgment on.
As for her moving in with him, I would hope that they both made the decision that they felt was right for them. If I had a child in that school. I can honestly say it wouldn't bother me. Students do not need to know of the personal lives of their teachers. If they know a teacher is having a baby, then that's all they need to know. If it gets out that she isn't married and it bothers some students, she can discuss it with them if she feels the need but other than that it really isn't anyone's business.
ETA: I also wanted to add that at 16/17 I never noticed whether a teacher was married or not. If they were "old" (at 16/17, mid 20s and up is old LOL) I just assumed they were married. I never looked for a ring and if by chance someone mentioned they didn't have a ring, I would assume they were at some point married and are probably now divorced. I remember we had one single teacher in her upper 20s. I always thought she was divorced. I didn't find out until a few years after bumping into her that she was never married. And the only teachers that I knew of that had children were the ones that either had children in the school or would mention the children for whatever reason.
I think everyone is going to have their opinions and everyone is entitled to them. What bugs me is that while you have a right to your opinion, you should still consider the feelings of those you are passing your judgment on.
As for her moving in with him, I would hope that they both made the decision that they felt was right for them. If I had a child in that school. I can honestly say it wouldn't bother me. Students do not need to know of the personal lives of their teachers. If they know a teacher is having a baby, then that's all they need to know. If it gets out that she isn't married and it bothers some students, she can discuss it with them if she feels the need but other than that it really isn't anyone's business.
ETA: I also wanted to add that at 16/17 I never noticed whether a teacher was married or not. If they were "old" (at 16/17, mid 20s and up is old LOL) I just assumed they were married. I never looked for a ring and if by chance someone mentioned they didn't have a ring, I would assume they were at some point married and are probably now divorced. I remember we had one single teacher in her upper 20s. I always thought she was divorced. I didn't find out until a few years after bumping into her that she was never married. And the only teachers that I knew of that had children were the ones that either had children in the school or would mention the children for whatever reason.
Elmorton
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2007
- Messages
- 3,998
And this is a little off-topic from my other post, but one of my friends recently told me that she wanted to get married before she started working in a school, because parents/colleagues "don''t have as much respect for a Miss B than a Mrs. B." In the conversation, I disagreed with her...but then later, when I started thinking about it, I wondered if she was right.
First reaction: that must be pretty stressful for her, and I hope that everything works out.
I don''t think my opinion would change based on the additional info. It''s a totally different situation from a teenage pregnancy. I can see how some worried parents might whisper, but I would personally have a sit-down with my kid over it rather than spread gossip.
I don''t think my opinion would change based on the additional info. It''s a totally different situation from a teenage pregnancy. I can see how some worried parents might whisper, but I would personally have a sit-down with my kid over it rather than spread gossip.
AmberGretchen
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2005
- Messages
- 7,770
bee*
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 14, 2006
- Messages
- 12,169
waxing lyrical
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2008
- Messages
- 404
- Status
300x240.png)