Serious Family Drama--long post, need help!!

[hairgirl95]

Here''s a little update:

Well, I have put the great advice you have all given to work already. I spoke with my sister who has kids, told her about my post here, and the advice you all gave. Her and I both spoke with our respective husbands, and all 4 of us are on board to talk with my mom. Both my sis and I are going to call my dad tomorrow and get him on board. I guess he was making some comments last weekend about this situation to my bro in law, so I know he feels the same as us. We are going to do a sit down with my mom, but not my sister. We all agree that for some reason the grieving sis is reaching out to my mom, and we don''t want her to stop, but my mom needs to keep a mentally healthy approach to the advice and reaching out. We all think the road to recovery centers around my mom and her attitude toward this whole situation. We are going to encourage counseling, and my sis has offered to go with her the first time to break her in and get her used to the idea. We think once she goes the one time, she will see the benefit and continue on her own. We are going to talk with the grieving sis'' husband about getting ahold of her doctor and getting her an appointment to either give her some medication, or recommend a good therapist for her. I forget who suggested that approach, but I mentioned it to the kid sis and we both thought it was a great idea. She really trusts her obgyn, and if anyone can reach her now, it would be him. We hope that will give a bridge to close the gap between my grieving sis and her husband. WHEW!! We are going to get mothers day out of the way, and then take my mom out to lunch the monday after (May 12) and meet back at their house for the "sit down" after lunch. Its not going to be an easy convo. I''ll keep you all posted on all this as the situation evolves. Thanks again for the terrific advice and help. I''ll add the updates to this post as they happen.

 

[AGSHF]

Hairgirl95,

I am sorry about your sister''s loss and for the situation in which your family members find themselves.

A thought occurred to me...please consider that while it''s been 1-1/2 months since the loss of her baby, your sister may be thinking about the lost baby in terms of the time of gestation the baby would be in had the pregnancy continued. At this time, your sister would have been approx. 28 weeks along. It''s possible that any time between now and the original due date would be fraught with meaning and emotion for her. There may yet be difficult days ahead, whether it be Mother''s Day or the original due date.

I agree with all the good advice that she and your mother need watchful compassion. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[hairgirl95]

Thank you agshf. That is a great point. I remember saying to my other sister a few weeks ago that there were going to be some really trying days for her ahead--mothers day, reaching the gestational point of viability, and of course her due date. I know memorial day will be hard too. I agree that she is probably still in the "week of pregnancy" mode right now, and I am sure I would be too. As the year goes on, it will be a hard holiday season too I am sure. Its always that first year after a death--theres so many firsts no matter if the death is a child or a 102 year old great grandma. Everyone has to grieve those year of firsts. Thanks for your support and kindness. I really appreciate it!

 

[FireGoddess]

Good luck. I hope your course of action works. It would be really great if she''d agree to just go talk to someone professionally.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 4/30/2008 2:46:15 AM
Author: hairgirl95
Thank you agshf. That is a great point. I remember saying to my other sister a few weeks ago that there were going to be some really trying days for her ahead--mothers day, reaching the gestational point of viability, and of course her due date. I know memorial day will be hard too. I agree that she is probably still in the ''week of pregnancy'' mode right now, and I am sure I would be too. As the year goes on, it will be a hard holiday season too I am sure. Its always that first year after a death--theres so many firsts no matter if the death is a child or a 102 year old great grandma. Everyone has to grieve those year of firsts. Thanks for your support and kindness. I really appreciate it!

And unfortunately the firsts never seem to end 100%. There''s always something to bring it back the anniversary of the death or a birthday. Graduations, weddings, etc.

Again, I am so sorry for your family''s losses I will pray for your family.