She asked how much!?!?

[Diamond*Dana]

I can''t remember anyone ever asking me how much my e-ring cost (I got it 12 years ago), but my DH bought it on his own so I don''t think that I really even know the exact amount he spent! As for my three stone that I got for our last anniversary...I can only remember one person asking me, and that was my neighbor (sho is also one of my closest friends) and really had no problem telling her. She worked in the jewelry market for a long time, so she could probably figure it out.

 

[nebe]

How much it costs is always one of the questions I think of immediately after the stats... I just don't say it out loud!!!!

No one has asked me personally how much any of my jewelry costs, that I can recall. Although my mother (when I was speaking with her still) asked me how much FH paid for my Tag when I first got it. I told her but I think it would depend on the person asking when it comes to my future-ER.

 

[dolphingirl22]

I''m still trying to recover from the part about 250K for the wedding

our house didnt cost 250k.

 

[Elmorton]

I really don''t think there is anything wrong with close friends knowing the costs of things. A couple of my close friends went on ring shopping trips with me, so they knew our budget - I didn''t blurt it out or anything, but anybody shopping with me probably got an idea if they were paying attention. Other friends have asked me for ring help or pointed out the rings they were eyeing, so again, I knew around the cost. Money can be a taboo topic, but I''m not sure it''s all that taboo for the twenty-something crowd (oh, and I''m a small-town girl, too - that might have something to do with it - often, our lifestyles don''t reflect what we grow up with, so we do the "uh, is this normal?" dance). My friends and I often compare what we pay in rent/cost of homes because my friends are spread out all over the country (and it seems like everyone loves to laugh about how much cheaper my 1600 sq ft house is compared to their 700 sq ft apts in major metro areas!). Several of my also twenty-something friends talk very, very openly about the costs of major purchases. While I prefer not to (typically - unless I got the deal of the century or something), I don''t bat an eyelash if my friends want to talk about that kind of thing. I think we''re all trying to figure out what''s reasonable, what''s a splurge, etc, since honestly, we''re not always used to being "adults." I really don''t think it''s a big deal to ask, especially if it''s about something we have limited experience with.

Esp. in your case - if you know the cost of her wedding, you''re probably close enough friends that she didn''t think that asking about your ring is rude.

Now...if it was a complete stranger? That would be a muuuuch different response.

 

[UCLABelle]

I have been asked a few times, and I usually dodge and then if asked again, answer----Perhaps it is from where I grew up, or how, but while the question is impolite (and I wouldn''t ask it), I answer and do not take too much offense.

 

[diamondfan]

I think if it is a total stranger, it is just a bit on the rude side and I would never answer, as it creeps me out a bit.

A close friend or family member is a different story. And the context and relationship is vital to it too. If someone I know well who is nasty and competitive with me asks just to ask, I am less likely to say what I know. If someone was getting engaged soon, or was just curious and asked in a more information gathering and not snarky manner, I would be more likely to tell what I know.

I was brought up to think it is rude to ask certain questions, and in general, asking people how much they spent is one of them. though I can see there are times and places where it is totally fine to do so.

 

[bem3231]

By and large, very few people have asked us how much my ring cost. Right after we got engaged my FI and I were at a professional conference where many of his friends were - all of whom would be considered very well off by most standards. I agree with previous posters comments that without proper diamond knowledge, a price tag can be very contextual. Interestingly, a couple of my FI''s colleages (male colleagues) asked him how much my ring cost when I wasn''t there. Whether they were in the market themselves or curious I''m not sure. Anyway, they said something like, "So, would a ring like that run about $XX?", and my fiance just smiled and said, "uh, not quite" (their estimates were way way under) then changed the subject.

For myself, I have a good sense of who within my family and friends would have a curiosity that stemmed from genuine interest and happiness for me, as opposed to those whose curiosity might stem from judgment and / or jealousy. I would have no problem sharing with the first category, not so with the second category. The few times that people have tried to inch towards the subject I just smile glowingly and say, "we did so much reasearch and FI did an amazing job of sourcing such a beautiful stone, which I love!". If that doesn''t work, I just switch the subject.

 

[sera]

When I was discussing with a co-worker about finding the diamond, she asked the normal questions about size and shape. Then she said, "Oh, a 1 carat- that should be around X or Y amount" and paused for my confirmation.

It didn''t bother me that she was curious because it wasn''t with bad intentions; it''s just something I don''t feel comfortable telling people. I also don''t feel comfortable telling them I don''t know, since I do know. So, I just said, "Yeah, a 1 carat can go for that, but we got a great deal on it." I had previously told her we bought it online, so I told her buying online can bring the price down a bit and that we wired the money, which also gives a discount.

She also asked about the cost of the custom setting. Again, not with ill intentions, just curious as she had a custom RHR done. I didn''t give her a dollar amount or range- just said it was over budget, quite a bit of $ but definitely a very reasonable price for a high quality, handmade, custom platinum setting.


Nobody else has asked. But like others, it depends why someone asks. If it''s for one-upping or something like that, I''m not even going to get into that. Also, if someone is asking because they are feeling defensive about their ring, I am not going to make someone feel bad (since generally, for a PS ring you pay less for better quality- though many nonPSers think bigger or more expensive = better). Now like in Pandora''s situation with the friend, a nonPSer is going to have NO idea what a quallity stone and setting would cost because typically, they are not going to be able to see similar things equal in quality at a B&M; in a similar situation I would not have an issue giving a pricerange.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Only FI's Grandmother asked because well..she always asks. Where I live it's considered pretty rude to ask questions like that, especially about money. People don't volunteer how much they make or how much they spent on something unless it was an awesome deal/sale, so it was relatively inexpensive.

ETA: I am not saying there aren't any rude people that ask money questions..there are, but I am usually pretty surprised when they do. For me it comes most often about handbags or shoes.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 3/21/2008 10:44:58 AM
Author: sumbride

And I think it's funny that people always say you shouldn't ask how much somebody's house cost because it is a matter of public record and DH and I are ALWAYS looking it up for neighbors and such to keep an eye on our value. It's in the tax records and deed records, almost all of which you'll find online for whatever city you're looking at.

Wow, I never knew that you weren't supposed to do that!

Here in London amongst my age group (mid-30's) we all talk house prices all the time. Probably because we have nothing else to talk about as all our $$$$ is going on the mortgage.

I don't think there is a single one of my friends where I don't know the size of their house, how much it cost and what the percentage increase has been since they bought it.

In the UK, you tend to talk $$ when you are talking about bargains - I will quite happily go into work and say I bought a brand new Mulberry jacket on Ebay for 99p and when it arrived the tag said it was £499.99 (True story there!

), but I would NEVER go in and say I spent £499.99 on a jacket this weekend.

I suppose it's because it's not showing off that you have lots of money - but showing that you have an eye for a bargain. People here can be very disapproving of paying hundreds of pounds for a designer handbag, but very approving of buying the same bag at a mega-bargain price in the sales/Ebay etc

 

[Haven]

My high school students ask me about the cost of my ring all the time, but that doesn''t offend me one bit. They also ask me how large it is, and if my fiance makes a lot of money. I always tell them that curiosity and questioning are their two greatest weapons as individuals, so I suppose I''m asking for it.

None of my friends has asked about the price, but my best friend and I are close enough that we talked about the cost of both of our rings and it was completely natural. If anyone else asked, though, I''d probably be taken aback.

As for house prices, we just signed a contract for a house and all of our friends know how much we paid for it. I know how much my friends paid for their homes, discussing real estate costs just never seemed to be an issue. My coworkers were all curious about the cost of our new home because we''re buying in a notoriously expensive location, so I think it was just a matter of curiosity.

 

[CrookedRock]

Sorry for not responding sooner, we took off for the holiday weekend...

Vespergirl~ I agree it depends on who is asking... Although, with this girl, it clearly wasn''t comparison shoping bc they are 2 different cuts, 2 different sizes, etc... She already has her ring.... Truthfully the biggest problem with sharing this info with her is that all of our parents flow in the same circle and I just didn''t want it to get to her MOm, then on to bf''s mom. Not bc it is a secret, its just that she really has no clue about these things, and isn''t into jewelry so she would probably be a little shocked...

Sumbride~ It make me laugh when people make generalities like that without any knowledge... Funny thing is I can remember when bf''s sis got engaged about 4+ years ago and her then fiance bought her a 2 ct rb that he supposedly paid 20k for. I remember the bf saying that he would never spend 20k on a ring! HEHE! man is he eating his words now! LOL
Oh! and looking up people''s houses and even mortgages is one of my favorite past times!

Legacygirl~ I agree that amongst best friends this is not an issue, and while Ido consider her one of mine, there are some strange issues bc of our parents all being friends. Not to mention that I don''t see her often. My bf that lives near me knows all the details and that doesn''t bother me one bit. (oh and I''m on my way over to your thread after this, bc that ring is TDF!)

Gypsy~ Totally agree with everything you said!

Part gypsy~ Vicarious ring shopping is always welcome... It just so happens that none of our freinds are really capable of it yet, but maybe down the road, and I will be happy to assist!!

Julybride~ How uncomfortable!!! I was kinda shocked when my friend asked the second time after I dodged the first time pretty obvioulsy...

Diamond Dana~ I will probably just tell people that don''t need the details exactly that: That is was a gift from him, and I had no say in it... What more could they possibly say?

Nebe~ I am just like you... always curious about the cost of things. Just that I never really ask at the fear of sounding tacky...

Dolphingirl~ Yah tell me about it! It is literally going to be the social event of the year where we come from. It will be absolutly fantastic in every way shape and form. With them money really isn''t an issue and this is def Daddy''s lil girl, so no doubt they will go all out! I can say though, that this is an extremely generous family who is always involved in giving, so if they chose to spend on something like this I think they deserve it!

Elmorton~ agreed that I don''t mind close friends knowing certain things regarding money. Am I am usually not shy. But in this situation the amount we spent on the ring is a truthfully a lot in almost any circle. And i am choosing not to share the details with many close friends bc I don''t want to make anyone feel like what they have is insignificant, bc it most certianly is not.

UCLAbelle~ I think I will have to become better at dodging... BUt like you people really don''t ask these q''s where I grew up, and nor would I, even though I may be curious...

Diamondfan~ A total stranger! NO way! Talk about a great way to assure you get mugged on your way to your car!

Bem~ It;s interesting bc I asked my bf if he would mind one of his friends asking hm the cost and he said yes, he would dodge the question. Or answer with something to do with the amount of research we have put into this...

Sera~ It really is all about the intentions of the one asking. If is someone trying to out do you, then forget it. But if someone is genuinely interested bc they may want something similar, I would be happy to discuss.

Sarah~ I know my grandma is wondering, but I don''t think she would never ask. And if she did I would pprobably lie bc that generation looks differently at how money is spent, and she is also unaware of my bf''s financials, and I don''t think it is important to get into it.

Pandora~ I never ask about what people paid for their house, but that is bc most people just say! But it''''s funny bc I have a friend whom I wonder about her house purchase, and for some reaon I can''t ask... I guess I should just look it up! But then again she flat out asked how much our ring budget was... hmmmm....

Haven~ That''s cute... You def set yourself up for those q''s then!! But I relly do agree that house prices are something that isn''t strange to discuss...

So I guess my question now is... What do you say if you don''t want to say in order to not make people feel bad about their own ring...? Like I said before, I am not one of those to one-up people, so I don''t ever want it to seem that way.

And also... I should add, that it surprises me that this being Pricescope, more people don''t ask the cost of pieces here. Being that I went through Leon, I would assume that somewhere down the line someone will ask, and for the sake of knowledge and research I would not have a problem sharing...

 

[Peepa]

I would just smile and say, "It''s a secret."

But you know, I''ve asked before but never to judge the person. I just wanted to know where they purchased their''s and what cost range I should be looking at. It''s more for a I don''t want to get ripped off and I''m looking for the same thing so what did you pay question.