She Peeves Me Off!

[sevens one]

I'm with Strmrdr. Best solution yet.
Hey I don't want to offend but if my SO proposed and I got a stinkin' bracelet? No, too risky. It shows you didn't put any effort into her ring design. She wants you to take the reigns so do so. But I like the 30 day return. I work with a B&M with lifetime upgrade on diamonds - no regrets.
Nan

 

[valeria101]

Under a slight disguise the mains issue seems to be "will this be big enough" ?

You mention co-workers' rings that were 'too big' - do you know what size or weight they were? Darn...

I must be living in a paralel universe with small and big gems that never get lined up on the office desk, but maybe I am blessed be

 

[verticalhorizon]

Size (and value) is definitely MY hangup. And I'm projecting that she will become hung up on it after she learns more about her ring and starts comparing to others. I'm basing my judgments on the averages being around 1-1.5ct rings.

We have a friend that has a 3ct round, but then her brother just proposed with a .8 round recently.

 

[valeria101]

This is ridiculous!

Either of the stones you had in mind would look like a one carat all day - plenty of room to compare whatever. I was starting to imagine that this would be the only ~1carat size at the Opera

.

Now that you are shopping for it and have those numbers in front, every corner and half a mm has a serious meaning - once on hand in a ring, this would mean very little indeed. Girls might be crazy about rings and what not, but I have yet to see anyone taking a precise measurements to really get down to the millimeter.

Besides, this would be an unusual and unusually brilliant stone. If, by good fortune, anyone has shopped for branded cuts among that crowd - they'd know what a treasure those are.


Gee !

 

[aljdewey]

What I REALLY think of this? Stop trying for the element of surprise, and just take her shopping with you.




BIG deal.....so she knows you're gonna ask. BELIEVE ME....there is nothing to a woman like hearing the words "will you marry me".....even if you're totally expecting it.




Surprise is waaaaaaay overrated. But, if you really want to surprise her, then propose to her with a candy ring or something and go shopping after the fact for the ring of her dreams.




Rich proposed to me one day - unexpectedly - with no ring, and we spent the next three weeks ring-shopping together. If I had it to do over again, I'd have him do it completely the same way.

 

[fire&ice]

The proposal is alot about the ring. If this is your first marriage & you are fairly young, I think the ring is part of the "ceremony" of the proposal.

 

[valeria101]

Verticalhorizon...

This thread is more confusing than your avatar !

You might as well get your diamond and RUN

(said after going through the length of it third coffe of the day in hand...)

 

[verticalhorizon]

Hey now, be nice... I wrote this post late last night after a somewhat frustrating phone convo.

 

[pyramid]

Nope, I would be disappointed in the bracelet idea too.

Here's a silly idea, draw out a round, square, pear, oval, radiant, emerald cut, flanders, jubilee, trilliant etc and cut out the shapes then give them to her and tell here she has a week say to decide which shape she would want for her engagement ring. This sorta makes it into a game

Maybe you could show here on the computer that website which lets you build your own ring so she can play around with it. It does not go into much detail though but lets you put on side stones of different shapes.

Maybe she would like the emerald cut if she doesn't like a lot of sparkle like a headlight.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

----------------

I'm just trying to make the best ring for her and get the best value for the money I'm spending. Is that so wrong? Why can't she realize that by NOT helping, it's going to probably waste money? ----------------

Sounds like you're NOT going to waste money and the ring, TO HER isn't the most important part of the proposal! Maybe she's just not neurotically obsessed with diamonds like us ladies here on this board are so I'm betting she's just wanting to marry you and the ring is secondary

Otherwise she'd have it ALL figured out by now.

I'd say either follow Al's advice and propose w/out the ring and make the backdrop for this proposal very romantic with flowers, chocolate, candles, etc., THEN go diamond shopping OR just go for the Jubilee as it has characteristics of both shapes your girlfriend seems to gravitate toward. You can't go wrong with this. Find a simple setting and let her pick a more permanent setting when she figures out what she's interested in.

Good luck!

Michelle

 

[pyramid]

----------------
On 4/27/2004 2:00:46 PM MichelleCarmen wrote:

----------------

Otherwise she'd have it ALL figured out by now.

----------------

I would say this is very true.

 

[Nicrez]

Get her a round stone, and choose it in a simple cheap WG setting that she can always change later. Why? Because you can't go wrong with the sparkle and brilliance of a round, and if you did go wrong, get it from a place that you can upgrade later.

So the upgrade can be a larger shaped stone if she truly wants, and if not, she can keep the round stone, and maybe get it set in a perfect solitaire she likes or even made into a three-stone if she REALLY wants...

That's my $.02. I am picky, but at some point, if I gave no hints (which I most CERTAINLY DID!) I would want my guy to make an executive decision, and own up to the fact that I didn't know what I wanted...

If I hadn't been clipping pictures of it and posting it all over the house, maybe I didn't know
what I wanted, so anything with max brilliance and fire will be best, and it's a classic shape!!!

Ok, don't tell anyone the Radiant-Girl just advocated a ROUND stone... Shhhhhhh...

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 4/27/2004 2:00:46 PM MichelleCarmen wrote:

----------------

I'm betting she's just wanting to marry you and the ring is secondary

Otherwise she'd have it ALL figured out by now.

----------------

Sure the ring is secondary; but, it's a key part of the proposal fan fare.

Maybe it shouldn't be. But one of the first things someone asks when young folk get engaged is "let me see the ring" - especially if the social circle is all receiving rings.

I'm still with the classic RB & a good 30 day return policy. Chances are she will like anything you give her for a long long time. Especially, since she doesn't seem to have a strong preference.

 

[Robyn12]

Just my opinion, but I really think your girlfriend wants a square. She has said square three times. If she does not know too much about diamonds, I think she has a princess in mind when she says square, and I think she'd be happy with that.

It can be awkward for some women to discuss their diamond ring preferences... And I think some women consider it demanding to tell their boyfriends exactly what they want for this "gift." I think a lot of women grow up thinking this is just something they will be surprised with, and something their future husband will take care of, and buy from his heart -- and that is why they will love it.

I understand that you are frustrated, but I think you should appreciate your gf for who she is, and not pressure her any more. She probably doesn't really have STRONG preferences either way (a lot of women don't), and I honestly think the message she is sending is that she will be happy with whatever you pick out for her (although she hopes you pick a square). Above all, I think she has made it clear that she wants the ring to be whatever you want it to be, and she will love it because it comes from you. So I say just go with your gut, and take it from here...

 

[verticalhorizon]

And with that I think I know what I must do...

Run for the hills...

No, really... I think I'm over my panic attack with the help of everyone on PS.com. Whew, what a ride.

I will let you know what I conclude... and of course, with plenty of pictures!

Thanks again everyone!

 

[hoorray]

----------------
On 4/27/2004 4:24:43 PM fire&ice wrote:

----------------
On 4/27/2004 2:00:46 PM MichelleCarmen wrote:

----------------

Sure the ring is secondary; but, it's a key part of the proposal fan fare.

Maybe it shouldn't be. But one of the first things someone asks when young folk get engaged is 'let me see the ring' - especially if the social circle is all receiving rings.

I'm still with the classic RB & a good 30 day return policy. Chances are she will like anything you give her for a long long time. Especially, since she doesn't seem to have a strong preference.
----------------

F&I can be very wise... I agree wiht the RB and a return policy. Then she can go looking in seriousness and decide what she really likes. I know before I get serious and try things on me, I can "like" lots of things. It doesn't mean that's really what I want.

 

[jenibear]

Wow vertical horizon. I feel for you. I've never known a girl who didn't know what she wants. This seems crazy to me, but maybe she's too afraid to tell you what she really wants concerned you can't afford it. That always drives me crazy, but that may be her thing. God bless you because guys and gals like that make my head explode.

I think, however, your girl likes the idea of a square. That being said I doubt she'd be disappointed with a round. And well, if she is it's through no one's fault but her own. She really can't complain if she gave you no information to go on.

I say just go with your gut and don't second guess yourself cause you'll go batty.

IMHO a square shape or that new gorgeous jubilee would be perfect.

I wish you all the best of luck cause you need it.

Jenibear

 

[winyan]

Err, hate to throw something new into the mix, but personally a Regent would also fit the 'square-round' quandry.

I think they are easier to get than the Jubilee, and just as lovely. They are especially impressive in a filigree, or pave setting.

win

 

[aljdewey]

Yanno, normally I would agree with F&I and say "go with a round".......but definitely not in this instance.




She's said THREE times she wants a square. In fact, one of the times, she said "square.....NOT round". Then she waffled a bit on that. I think the waffling was to make you feel better if you already bought her a round.




It sounds to me like she really *wants* a square, but she'll be *happy* with anything because it comes from you.

 

[squirerad]

VH, a different view on the matter: Just from reading your original post, my first impression is that she does NOT want to get married. Likely I'm missing something or read your posts too fast but to me if a gf has absolutely no opinion on an ering, has no positive reaction while window shopping for one, and can't decide what she wants while making your brain do flips by continuing to be vague... it may all be a sign that she doesn't want to get married. I apologize if this sounds harsh but just a different perspective.

But hey, I hope I'm totally wrong.

 

[verticalhorizon]

Squire,

I hope you're wrong too, then I can buy that motorcyle I've been coveting instead! Just kidding!

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 4/27/2004 12:08:23 AM verticalhorizon wrote:

Advice requested...

So I break down and even start a conversation about what she likes in a ring.

'Square,' she says, '... no round,' she interjects. 'I dunno, I try not to think about it,' she says dejectedly (is that a word?).

----------------

Al, I read this differenly than you. I didn't think she was saying *NOT* round. I interpreted VH read as "Burger.....no wait...Hotdog". I thought she was changing her mind from square to round.

VH, what was the correct read on this?

If she said NO round vs changing her mind to a round, then I'd stick w/ the square. If she was changing her mind to RB, then an RB it is.

Edited to add: VH if this is your only inability to read women speak then you are a genius.

 

[verticalhorizon]

F&I is correct... it was certainly MY interpretation that she was waffling from square to round.

PS: If I am a genius, then I fear for all humanity!

 

[Shay37]

VertH, maybe another perspective...she may be afraid that what she wants (truly, deeply, sincerely) is out of your budget. So, it's not that she has no opinion, it's that she doesn't want you to think she is being greedy. When my DH and I were looking at rings (this made me crazy), the people at the jewelry shops would write a number down on a piece of paper and show it to him (without me seeing) to see what was in the ball park for his budget. Then they'd turn to me and ask which diamond or ring I wanted to see. I had a good idea about what shape I wanted, but without a budget to work with, I was flying blind as to what size to request. I didn't know how much money he could afford to spend, or even what he was wanting to spend. I hate that! Not because I care about the money, but because I try to shop carefully and get the most value for my money. In the end, I ended up getting a stone just because I knew it was one that most anyone could afford, not because I particularly had to have that stone. If you have read the Show Me the ring portion, you'll see my upgrade there.

This is the type of diamond I would have picked the first time if I had any concrete evidence of what my FI had in mind for budget, (and this one fell under it, of course). So, long story short (too late LOL) maybe you're making her crazy, too. Possible?

Shay

 

[zmre2b]

VertH,

You are looking at this all wrong. You shouldn't be upset that your GF doesn't have an opinion about what manner of carbon to wear on her finger. Maybe she just actually doesn't have an opinion?

For instance, think of some crazy thing that you've heard that people collect but you aren't interested in.

What if someone asked you, "Here are a bunch of Hummel figurines, which one do you like best?" You would reply, "I don't know, I don't have an opinion." And what if they persisted: "No, but really what is your *true* *deep* *sincere* preference for Hummell figurines? Do you like the little dutch girl eating the lollipop? Or the little boy fishing? or what?"

Wouldn't that be an annoying conversation? You don't have an opinion on Hummell figurines just as your GF doesn't have an opinion on diamond e-rings.

Maybe she *really* *truly* *deeply* just doesn't really have an opinion. Maybe other things are much more important to her than what sort of diamond ring she has. I think that's great, personally. There are lots of other women like her that also don't have strong opinions on diamond rings, but they don't hang out on this forum so you won't be getting their views here.

This puts you in a great position: instead of spending lots of money on custom mountings and pave and melee and sidestones and hearts & darts and other stuff, save the money for a great honeymoon, or a new couch or yr kids education or any number of things that she might appreciate more.

I know one woman who was actually mad at her BF for spending a lot of money on a ring because she didn't think it was a wise use of their money. (and it is ultimately her $ in some sense -- whatever money you spend on the ring is money that you can't use for your joint house downpayment or family vacation etc.) Your GF might feel the same way.

If she had any preferences she'd make them clear to you by now. Get a square radiant just shy of 1ct with depth/table < 70% from a merchant on pricescope that can also put it in a simple white gold mounting and be done with it and spend your time on things she is more interested in.

Here's a good value from DCD: http://www.dirtcheapdiamonds.com/diamond_detail.cfm?did=2461631&ref=PS622

 

[verticalhorizon]

I do appreciate ZMRE's point, but to be truthful, if the tradition were to give the guy a Hummel figuring as an engagement present, I would have enough sense to indicate that I didn't want the little boy fishing.

Thank you all for your advice. I was able to make my choice. Please be on the lookout in the Show Me The Ring forum for updates.

 

[Nicrez]

Zmre2B, you had me laughing! Great post!

Actually, he could be right! One friend of mine hoenstly doesn't care WHAT she gets for an engagement as long as it's "pretty", and boy is that wide! I hounded her for a round, square or other...she waffled. I asked solitaire, three stones, sidestones, or pave...she said, "either..." So she's in that class of "whatever he wants to get me!"

Actually, it was between two stones when I shopped with my guy, and he wanted a bigger stone, and I wanted a cheaper stone. My first "estimate of what I'd be happy with" was literally HALF the size of what I have. He's Mr. Moneybags, I am the cheapo... We agreed to get the smaller, better cut stone, than the "bigger" and 5K more stone. That's going to pay off bills...

So I agree, save your time and money, and get her a ring you like, perhaps a nice classic round solitaire. Then maybe if she gets into it later, her wedding ring can be more intricate or pave?