She''s mad because I am not moving fast enough

[joker98]

Friday night is the big night! I asked her Father for his blessing in September but I talked again to him last week. I also told her mother as well since I really wanted both blessings. I only hope she can keep a secret for a week!

 

[Gale]

Good luck! I hope everything goes the way you dream of.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/20/2004 9:44:23 PM
Author: joker98

aljdewey - I have affirmed to her that I plan to marry her and in the not so distant future. The ONLY thing that I have not done is to put a ring on her finger, which I am intending to do.. in a little over 2 months. From what you are saying is that the only way that I can confirm this love that I have is with a ring. I totally disagree. I don''t think that a piece of rock and metal can confirm anything.

Sorry that I didn''t reply before to these comments; I missed them.

My reply is: Who said anything about the physical ring? I *never* said that a ring is the only way to confirm one''s love....I didn''t even say a ring was required at all. It''s not about the ring, Joker....it''s about asking her to marry you. That can be done without a ring, believe it or not.

As you''ve pointed out, she wanted to know why you haven''t proposed....not necessarily why she doesn''t have a ring. While they are typically closely related, the ring is merely a symbol....it''s the proposal that matters to women.

*You* knew (at the time of your posting) that you intended to ask her in two months....but *she* didn''t. What she heard was "someday" or "at some undefined point in the future".....which isn''t definitive. It may be implied, but it''s not factual until you ask.

What I said was very specific: you had told her how much you love her, how you wanted to spend the future together, all of it.....but you had stopped short of actually *asking* her to marry you.

My point was: talking about doing something isn''t the same as actually doing it....and until you do it, it is not confirmed. It''s possible....maybe even probable....but it isn''t a reality or a fact until the action follows the words.

Having said that, congratulations! Glad to hear that the day is nearly here for you, and hoping that it goes exactly as you hope.

 

[honeynut]

If I may interject, now that my comments are totally late and beside the point

, I think this whole discussion may be a result of differing definitions of what the term "ready" means.

Ready, to Joker98, means prepared, as in: "I have the ring, a blessing, a plan and a date. Operation Proposal is engaged for take-off!"

Ready, (or not, see example -->) to me as a woman, means maturely decided, as in: "I know I love this person and I do envision a future with them, but this does not feel like the right time of my life/our lives to take this permanent step".

Joker98, I presume you defined what you mean by "ready" for your fiancee to be, so she would be clear that it is not that you are not ready to permanently commit to your future together, but you are not yet fully equipped for the act of proposing.

I am a sociologist

This is probably obvious. "What do you mean by _____, exactly?" is the telltale mark of my kind!

Congrats on being ready and carrying out your plan at the time that felt right to you both. How did it go?

 

[confused one]

I am new here to the forum. I read down through some of the thoughts. There are so many different topics and good ones I must say.

But I will say if the guy does feel pushed. He will mostly likely run the other way or at least hold back big time! We had been dating 2 years. Designed the rings together 6 months ago.
so many people knew around us that it was going to happen. Well as time passed and it did not happen. I started questioning is it going to happen at all and he was with fear of when it was going to happen. This would be my second marriage as I am divorced. His second as his wife died a few years back.

We really did have a great thing going. Great loving guy! We had great times. I have a nice home, good job, wonderful children. Well that great guy is gone now due to his own fears and me not listening and letting impatience take over!

Word to the wise
Enjoy today for today,
Have faith If this is meant to be it will be

The other thing is don''t let so many folks around the two of you know. they alone will drive you crazy as to when it is going to happen.

I so much wish now for the old fashioned engagement. Total surprise.. they fall in love,
they want each other as husband and wife, and he totally suprprises her with a ring that he as the husband to be bought and picked out.
To many folks get caught up on the ring thing. There is so much more to it than that. I sure have learned alot in the last few weeks since he broke up with me.
Have a great day all and thanks for letting me just get some feelings out.

 

[joker98]

Everything went great! She said yes, no big surprise there. She still can''t believe that everyone knew but her. She got on the phone the next day and started calling friends and family and they are like "We know! Congratulations!" It went just as I planned. Thank you all for the support and great ideas! She was very happy with the timing although she didn''t think that it was going to happend for another few months. Looking back on all the clues she doesn''t know how she missed it all but in any case we have a wedding date set in October and all is well!