Silly question of the week...

[Stephanie]

Yes, it''s silly question part two. I am sure that therer will be more to follow. Many, many more..

Here''s the situation: The FI and I have several people that we would love to invite to our wedding, if it were possible to afford it! However, I still want these friends (most of which are out of towners) to know about our wedding. The question: has anyone done seperate wedding announcements and wedding invitations? How would you word the announcement? I plan on doing our own invitations, so I can do both on the announcement and the invitation. Any ideas?

 

[Independent Gal]

There is definitely such a thing as a wedding announcement. You could probably do something like "Mr. and Mrs. Stephanie''s Parents are please to announce the marriage of their daughter Stephanie to Steph''s FI, sone of S''s FI''s parents, on October 65th, 2008" etc.

But my understandind is that you would do this AFTER the wedding, so there''s no confusion about it being an invitation. People might get confused and assume they are invited if you send it before.

There''s also an issue of appearing to be asking for presents (not sure if it''s a real issue). Can you just mention it to them, say, in a friendly catch-up e-mail instead of announcing it formally? And when you do, be sure to mention that you are planning on a very small wedding. Know what I mean?

 

[Sha]

I like IG''s suggestion. I''ve read, though, that announcements do not carry the same ''expectation'' of gifts the way that invitations do. It''s more of a courteous way of informing other family, friends, and acquaintances of your recent nuptials. And yes, they''re usually sent after the wedding.

 

[Stephanie]

Here is the plan: I wanted to send something tangible, because I feel like that is more personal. I was thinking that I could order extra invitations and use these for announcements. Hence why I am asking now, instead of later. If I order them all at once, I can get better pricing for more. Instead of wedding information included, I might include a two or three pictures from the day. And of course, send them after and I would not include any kind of registry information (I don''t even know that I would include that on wedding invitations. Are you supposed to?). I just want to send a sign that I wish that they could have attended, but that they are still important to us. Does that sound okay for an announcement?

 

[Haven]

This is not a silly question at all, Stephanie!

I would advise against ordering extra invites and using them as announcements because this is likely to confuse and possibly hurt the people who receive the extra invites--they could think a number of things, including that their invite was lost in the mail, or that they were invited as second-tier guests and you sent those invites out too late.

There is a very specific wording traditionally used for wedding announcements, which are sent out after the wedding for the exact reason you stated. I'm not at home right now, but when I am I'll log in and post Emily Post's and Miss Manners' suggestions for wedding announcement wording. Always defer to the experts, I say, and I certainly am not one of them!

ETA: And I wouldn't worry about those receiving the invites thinking that you expect a wedding gift from them, as this is certainly not the case.

 

[Haven]

I forgot to ask if you are in the United States? I know that wedding announcements are not traditional in some European countries, so I just wanted to add that anything I pass along about "tradition" really only pertains to U.S. traditions.

In fact, over the years several people have sent in puzzled questions about what to do with wedding announcements, and they always state that such a thing does not exist in their home country.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 9/9/2007 4:45:46 PM
Author: Haven
This is not a silly question at all, Stephanie!

I would advise against ordering extra invites and using them as announcements because this is likely to confuse and possibly hurt the people who receive the extra invites--they could think a number of things, including that their invite was lost in the mail, or that they were invited as second-tier guests and you sent those invites out too late.

There is a very specific wording traditionally used for wedding announcements, which are sent out after the wedding for the exact reason you stated. I''m not at home right now, but when I am I''ll log in and post Emily Post''s and Miss Manners'' suggestions for wedding announcement wording. Always defer to the experts, I say, and I certainly am not one of them!

ETA: And I wouldn''t worry about those receiving the invites thinking that you expect a wedding gift from them, as this is certainly not the case.

Yeah, I agree. Could you order the same invitation, in terms of design style, but just have different wording for the announcement? That way, there''s not a chance that anyone would be confused.

 

[Independent Gal]

I agree that different wording would be a good idea! You should check with your printer about whether that costs extra. One of the reasons we went DIY with the invites is that we''re having a two-part wedding, and having them printed up two different ways was expensive. So this way, we just change the template, and print out a different set.

Oh, and re the registry, you are DEFINITELY not supposed to put that info anywhere in the invitation. At all times you''re supposed to be pretending that gifts would be a TOTAL SURPRISE! (ACtually, I have a couple of relatives from whom gifts WOULD be a total surprise!) I think it''s ok to put it on your website, though. It''s the sort of info that should be only provided when asked for, if you see what I mean, whether that''s visitnig your site and clicking a link, or calling your mom.

And these are NOT dumb questions! All of us knew very little about weddings before we started learning about them. In fact, I''ve always known very little about ANYTHING until I started learning about it.

Thank heavens for this site or I''d be loooooost.....

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 9/9/2007 6:25:59 PM
Author: zoebartlett
Yeah, I agree. Could you order the same invitation, in terms of design style, but just have different wording for the announcement? That way, there''s not a chance that anyone would be confused.

Yes, order the same style of invitation, but completely change the wording to some form of what was mentioned earlier. And instead of having the wedding information in the pockets, put a couple of pictures of the day in there as a little momento for those that couldn''t attend. So they would receive the announcement afterwards. Since I want to do our invitations/announcements, I figured that I could order enough to cover invitations and announcements so that they are the same style. Just in case the style invitation is discontinued or something..

 

[Independent Gal]

Sounds lovely!

 

[Haven]

Stephanie--I love your announcement idea, how perfect.

And I definitely second IndyGal''s post that any information pertaining to gifts or registries should be spread in the least formal means possible--word of mouth and your wedding website.

Okay, here is the announcement wording from Emily Post''s Etiquette:

(If bride''s parents host)

Mr. and Mrs. Frank Williamson
have the honour of
announcing the marriage of their daughter
Judith Elaine
to
Mr. Pierre Michael Dumas
Saturday, the seventeenth of January
two thousand and four
Oakland, California

(If both parents host)

Mr. and Mrs. Frank Williamson
and
Mr. and Mrs. Louis Dumas
announce the marriage of
Judith Elaine Michael Dumas . . . (wording is the same after this)

Here is the announcement wording from Judith Martin''s Miss Manners'' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior:

Mr. and Mrs. Jonathon Rhinehart Awful, 3rd
have the honor of announcing
the marriage of their daughter
Alexandrina Grace
to
Mr. Ian Fright
on Saturday, the first of April
Two thousand and five
Our Lady of Propriety Church
Brookdale, Connecticut

I hope this helps!

 

[withlove]

If your printer is going to charge you a large amount to have different wording you can print all your invitations as an announcement and have a insert that will go into the invitations that will give the information for the wedding (for the guests you are able to invite). Some invitations are set-up to have an insert, or you can customize your invitations by searching for something that will work ie. acetate paper

 

[Harleigh]

I believe Stephanie said she would be doing the printing herself, so I think she was considering using the same cards/paper that she was going to use for the invitation and also utilize it for the announcements...is that right, Stephanie?

I think ordering extra cards that match what you are sending out for invites would be lovely, and probably more cost-effective, as well!

 

[asscher_girl]

Hey Steph, this is what we did. We are having a small destination wedding (about 40) people but we still wanted to tell others that we were engaged/getting married (before we actually got married).

We designed our own invites/announcements had had them professionally printed at Swoozies (on the east coast)

We sent Invites to everyone that was invited. This package included the invite, the engagement announcement and the reply card. (we sent these out really early - 1 year prior, since it is a dw it will cost a good bit to get to Hawaii so we thought it would be better to give everyone plenty of notice)

Then the people who we can''t invite are getting the engagement announcement (we will be sending this out in about a month)

The Engagement announcement goes like this:

Mr. and Mrs. _____
are honored to announce the engagement
of thier daughter
_______
to
_______
A private ceremony will be held on
the twenty-ninth of April
Two thousand and eight
in
_____, Maui
Hawaii

Hope this helps. We thought and thought about this and we came up with this idea to inform everyone. It was a fairly easy decision to make to have a destination wedding but it was hard to make some people understand. I think everyone is ok with it now though.

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 9/10/2007 12:29:23 AM
Author: Harleigh
I believe Stephanie said she would be doing the printing herself, so I think she was considering using the same cards/paper that she was going to use for the invitation and also utilize it for the announcements...is that right, Stephanie?

I think ordering extra cards that match what you are sending out for invites would be lovely, and probably more cost-effective, as well!

Oh yes, I am doing the printing myself. I have come to the point in life where I am completely understanding of my OCD and don''t want to put anyone else through the torture of trying to figure me out. This is the invitation that I have ordered a sample of, just to start gathering samples. Instead of the response card/envelope, for the announcement, we could put a picture from the day in there.

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 9/10/2007 9:19:43 AM
Author: asscher_girl

We designed our own invites/announcements had had them professionally printed at Swoozies (on the east coast)

I love Swoozies! I totally forgot that they do printing.. I must make a mental note to go by there soon!

Thank you girls, for the wording examples - very helpful! I swear, I don''t know what I would do with out this forum...

 

[Pandora II]

In Europe, it is more normal for parents to put an announcement in one of the main papers, such as The Times.

For people you didn''t invite but would have liked to or who couldn''t attend, we have wedding cake boxes with an address and stamp bit. I got one recently from a friend who had a very small wedding - it was very good cake.

Obviously this only really works if you are having a traditional fruitcake with marzipan and royal icing as they don''t spoil in the post.

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 9/10/2007 12:53:33 PM
Author: Pandora II
In Europe, it is more normal for parents to put an announcement in one of the main papers, such as The Times.

For people you didn''t invite but would have liked to or who couldn''t attend, we have wedding cake boxes with an address and stamp bit. I got one recently from a friend who had a very small wedding - it was very good cake.

Obviously this only really works if you are having a traditional fruitcake with marzipan and royal icing as they don''t spoil in the post.

I have to try fruitcake with marzipan (we just have regular fruitcake with no frosting of any kind). What is royal icing? We are actually having cheesecakes and white cakes. I don''t think that I can mail those. I love that idea though..

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 9/10/2007 9:19:43 AM
Author: asscher_girl
Hey Steph, this is what we did. We are having a small destination wedding (about 40) people but we still wanted to tell others that we were engaged/getting married (before we actually got married).

We designed our own invites/announcements had had them professionally printed at Swoozies (on the east coast)

We sent Invites to everyone that was invited. This package included the invite, the engagement announcement and the reply card. (we sent these out really early - 1 year prior, since it is a dw it will cost a good bit to get to Hawaii so we thought it would be better to give everyone plenty of notice)

Then the people who we can''t invite are getting the engagement announcement (we will be sending this out in about a month)

The Engagement announcement goes like this:

Mr. and Mrs. _____
are honored to announce the engagement
of thier daughter
_______
to
_______
A private ceremony will be held on
the twenty-ninth of April
Two thousand and eight
in
_____, Maui
Hawaii

Hope this helps. We thought and thought about this and we came up with this idea to inform everyone. It was a fairly easy decision to make to have a destination wedding but it was hard to make some people understand. I think everyone is ok with it now though.

Hi asscher_girl...did you get your wedding on Maui all figured out? We are still trying to pin down a place as going through the hotels there is just too outrageously priced in July...have you found that everyone has their 2007 pricing and that they anticipate rates going up 3-4% for 2008 weddings!??! I''m getting so frustrated about it all...I''ll have to go check your other posts to see if you posted anything! Any info would be much appreciated!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 9/10/2007 9:40:13 AM
Author: Stephanie

Date: 9/10/2007 12:29:23 AM
Author: Harleigh
I believe Stephanie said she would be doing the printing herself, so I think she was considering using the same cards/paper that she was going to use for the invitation and also utilize it for the announcements...is that right, Stephanie?

I think ordering extra cards that match what you are sending out for invites would be lovely, and probably more cost-effective, as well!

Oh yes, I am doing the printing myself. I have come to the point in life where I am completely understanding of my OCD and don''t want to put anyone else through the torture of trying to figure me out. This is the invitation that I have ordered a sample of, just to start gathering samples. Instead of the response card/envelope, for the announcement, we could put a picture from the day in there.

I love those invites! Where did you end up getting them from? I think inserting a picture would be great for the announcements! Are those the colors you chose? They are very rich and elegant!

 

[Stephanie]

http://www.invitesite.com/

The one above is the Ivana in the Fall/Winter section. I am really anxious to get this and see how it is. I have been reading and reading past posts on DIY Invites and I like this site's colors/styles best.. We are doing a fall wedding (10/18/0 and it's outdoors on the side of a mountain, overlooking the valley. I think that my bms are wearing black dresses to make the fall colors pop, so this invite was perfect!

 

[Harleigh]

Thanks for the link, Stephanie...I''m off to check them out right now!

 

[asscher_girl]

Sorry to threadjack Steph

Hi Harleigh - yeah prices go up every year

We have almost everything done. We hired a wedding coordinator so she''s taking care of most of it. Luckily our site is free - it''s the property where my parents have their timeshare. The reception is costing us the most. We are having it at a great Mediterranean fusion restaurant, but it''s pricey. And they can''t guarantee pricing or the menu till 6-8 weeks out. Which we were kinda mad at first but now we''re over it. They can''t guarantee it because they want to have whatever''s fresh at the time, I can understand that. But w/ food, alcohol, tip and tax we will probably be spending about $125/person. The did say they could give me an estimate for the meal (w/out the alcohol, tip, and tax) and they said we could do what we wanted for $60-65/person. It''s the wine that''s expensive - restaurant pricing. It''s against the law to bring in alcohol, even if they charged a corking fee, they cant do it.

Other stuff though was pretty reasonable I thought, like flowers, cake, leis, reception table decor, stuff like that.

I am going to order the bm dress this week or next, so that''s one other thing to cross off the list.

Let me know if you have any questions. Did you decide what island you are getting married on?

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 9/10/2007 1:17:26 PM
Author: Stephanie

Date: 9/10/2007 12:53:33 PM
Author: Pandora II
In Europe, it is more normal for parents to put an announcement in one of the main papers, such as The Times.

For people you didn't invite but would have liked to or who couldn't attend, we have wedding cake boxes with an address and stamp bit. I got one recently from a friend who had a very small wedding - it was very good cake.

Obviously this only really works if you are having a traditional fruitcake with marzipan and royal icing as they don't spoil in the post.

I have to try fruitcake with marzipan (we just have regular fruitcake with no frosting of any kind). What is royal icing? We are actually having cheesecakes and white cakes. I don't think that I can mail those. I love that idea though..

The marzipan is the best bit - but it has to be real marzipan made with egg yolks, ground almonds and half caster (fine ground - but not powdery if you don't call it caster in the US), half icing sugar. I have a fab recipe from my great-grandmother. I hate the stuff that comes in blocks from shops that is just almond essence and is over sweet with a horrible texture. You need a good half inch layer over the top and sides of the cake with melted apricot jam underneath to make it stick. I'm such an addict I normally put a marzipan waistband into the cake when I'm making it (you stick half the mix in the cake tin - add a thick layer of marzipan and then the rest of the cake mix (the waistband is more traditional for Simnell cakes at easter - which just have marzipan on top, no icing and 11 marzipan balls to represent the 12 apostles minus Judas)

The fruit cake should be made 6 months in advance and stored wrapped in greaseproof paper in an airtight box. You open it every week, turn it and stick it all over the top with a skewer or knitting needle - then you pour a shot of the liquor of your choice into the holes. I have used rum, whiskey, cointreau, drambuie, brandy and grand marnier in the past - or a different one every week! You also soak all the dried fruit in 2 tablespoons of liquor and the juice of an orange overnight before you make the cake. It is amazing when you come to eat it! (And it preserves the cake really well for about 3 years - my mother makes 22 christmas puddings every 11 years and everyone looks forward to the last ones!)

Royal icing is made with stiff whipped eggwhites, icing sugar and a few drops of lemon juice. It sets rock hard and is beautifully white (you can colour it too). You must ice the cake at least a week after the marzipan goes on as otherwise the oils in the marzipan can discolour the icing.

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 9/10/2007 11:45:36 PM
Author: asscher_girl
Sorry to threadjack Steph

Hi Harleigh - yeah prices go up every year

We have almost everything done. We hired a wedding coordinator so she''s taking care of most of it. Luckily our site is free - it''s the property where my parents have their timeshare. The reception is costing us the most. We are having it at a great Mediterranean fusion restaurant, but it''s pricey. And they can''t guarantee pricing or the menu till 6-8 weeks out. Which we were kinda mad at first but now we''re over it. They can''t guarantee it because they want to have whatever''s fresh at the time, I can understand that. But w/ food, alcohol, tip and tax we will probably be spending about $125/person. The did say they could give me an estimate for the meal (w/out the alcohol, tip, and tax) and they said we could do what we wanted for $60-65/person. It''s the wine that''s expensive - restaurant pricing. It''s against the law to bring in alcohol, even if they charged a corking fee, they cant do it.

Other stuff though was pretty reasonable I thought, like flowers, cake, leis, reception table decor, stuff like that.

I am going to order the bm dress this week or next, so that''s one other thing to cross off the list.

Let me know if you have any questions. Did you decide what island you are getting married on?

Hi asscher_girl...thanks for the info! And sorry for the threadjack, too, Stephanie!

We are also getting married on Maui...I am now looking towards the Ka''anapali or Lahaina area, as Wailea is just too expensive. Do you mind sharing what coordinating company you went through and how you ended up deciding to go with them? After looking into going through one of the hotels, I decided the coordinators seemed fairly reasonable in comparison, but can''t decide who to go through! When is your wedding? We are aiming for July 22 or 24 of 2008, so we need to get a move on already! Thanks for your help!

 

[asscher_girl]

Hi Harleigh,

We went with Island Wedding Memories - Leah Robb. We called around to a couple different companies and I felt like she was the best. Also we are doing an a la carte menu w/ her instead of a traditional package http://www.islandweddingmemories.com/index.htm and some of the other companies didn''t like that. Also she has a relationship w/ the photog that we liked (George Wolf).

We were over to Maui in April and met w/ her then. We met for about 2 hours and planned everything. I brought my laptop w/ me and showed her all the pics I''ve saved and we discussed ideas and she gave me her opinions, it was really great. We really felt like her quote was reasonable too. I do feel however she is a little slow on responding to emails, but I think that is just "island time". I remember how I was when I lived in the Caribbean and the concept of island time is totally true

Our wedding is April 29, 2008

It is pretty expensive over there though. How many people do you plan on having? A beach wedding at a public beach is free, so there''s always that option and then you can head down to a restaurant for the reception, just an idea. The restaurant we are having it at has a lanai off to the side of the main lanai and it is pretty private and we are renting that whole space out and it''s right on the beach. So it''s pretty cool

Actually where we are getting married - part of the land is actually considered state park so people who are not guests can get married there and I''m pretty sure it''s free now that I think of it. Let me know if you want me to post some pics of the views from that location. The property is in Kihei but it''s at the end of S. Kiehi rd. so it''s almost in Wailea.

 

[Harleigh]

Hi a_g,

Thanks so much for the info...I think I may have some of their stuff printed out, so I will go back and look it over. I would love to see pictures of where you are doing things...I think it is so exciting that you got to go out beforehand and make some decisions with your planner...I would really like to be able to do that, but unfortunately, I don''t think we''ll be able to have that luxury before next summer.

We were originally planning on about 40-50 people, but now it looks like it may be closer to about 100, so keeping costs reasonable is a must. I am the most frugal girl out there, but rates in Hawaii are pretty much set, and FI just doesn''t seem to appreciate how much work all of this is!

Thanks again for your help...maybe we should start a new thread with some of your info and pix and stop hijacking poor Stephanie''s thread! (At least your thread keeps getting bumped, Steph, right?!!?)

 

[Stephanie]

Date: 9/12/2007 8:05:05 PM
Author: Harleigh
Hi a_g,

Thanks so much for the info...I think I may have some of their stuff printed out, so I will go back and look it over. I would love to see pictures of where you are doing things...I think it is so exciting that you got to go out beforehand and make some decisions with your planner...I would really like to be able to do that, but unfortunately, I don''t think we''ll be able to have that luxury before next summer.

We were originally planning on about 40-50 people, but now it looks like it may be closer to about 100, so keeping costs reasonable is a must. I am the most frugal girl out there, but rates in Hawaii are pretty much set, and FI just doesn''t seem to appreciate how much work all of this is!

Thanks again for your help...maybe we should start a new thread with some of your info and pix and stop hijacking poor Stephanie''s thread! (At least your thread keeps getting bumped, Steph, right?!!?)

Hey, I''m all about sharing information.. Whatever helps you out!

 

[Harleigh]

Thanks, Steph! You''re a doll!