Silver & crem dress - inappropriate for a wedding?

[musey]

Date: 2/8/2009 3:51:23 PM
Author: decodelighted
I''ve changed my mind. Wear it ... but ADD to the ensemble: a netting-type hair ornament & clutch fresh flower bouquet! THAT''ll turn some heads.

 

[musey]

Date: 2/9/2009 2:39:41 AM
Author: kittybean
The dress is gorgeous--it must have looked perfect for that reception!

May I also add that I think BCBG makes some of the most gorgeous dresses ever? You have excellent taste, Musey.

...

I''m sure you will look lovely whatever you pick.

Thanks, kitty

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 2/9/2009 3:19:56 PM
Author: musey
Thanks for all the posts, everyone!


I''ll be perusing eBay for another BCBG dress - a colored one

I have a pretty blue strapless BCBG from last summer - I''ll trade you! Does size 4 work?

Joking, of course. But it''s a shame it hasn''t gotten more use.

 

[tlh]

I voted INAPPROPRIATE. You never know (it is supposed to be a secret) if the bride is going to wear White, cream, silver, pink or some variation. I avoid Any extremely pale pastel combo of a SOLID COLOR (prints are okay) to ANY wedding I attend no matter the length.

I don''t care what people feel... it isn''t that hard to go to a WEDDING EVENT and wear another color. It is about how the bride MIGHT feel. Any chance it could upset her, I just don''t think it is worth it... find another dress/outfit. (And that goes for ANY of the bridal parties...because you never know.. the bride might wear white to any of her events... and she just might be offended... better safe than sorry. You can say "you only get one day" but why chance upsetting her? Planning a wedding is beautiful and fun... but as you can see here... can be stressful too.. and sometimes bring out the brides, colors, even if it isn''t in her wardrobe.)

 

[musey]

Date: 2/9/2009 3:47:35 PM
Author: tlh
I don''t care what people feel... it isn''t that hard to go to a WEDDING EVENT and wear another color. It is about how the bride MIGHT feel. Any chance it could upset her, I just don''t think it is worth it... find another dress/outfit.

While I certainly agree on principle, I do want to remind everyone that not every person has the luxury of filling out their wardrobe with a great variety of colors. I happen to currently only have this one dress that is appropriate for a semi-formal event like this, and what if I didn''t have the budget to accommodate a new one? Especially in this economy, when the purse strings are tight, it''s not entirely fair to say that it''s ''not that hard'' to just wear something else.

I happen to be lucky that I can afford to find something else (though hopefully something that is not expensive), but not everyone can. I have seen those threads before - the "I literally cannot afford to get something else, is this going to be okay?" threads.

TLH, I certainly don''t mean to offend or argue with your primary point, just wanted to throw that out there.

 

[musey]

Date: 2/9/2009 3:38:40 PM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 2/9/2009 3:19:56 PM
Author: musey
Thanks for all the posts, everyone!

I''ll be perusing eBay for another BCBG dress - a colored one

I have a pretty blue strapless BCBG from last summer - I''ll trade you! Does size 4 work?

Joking, of course. But it''s a shame it hasn''t gotten more use.

Actually, it would work! Except that I don''t want to trade - I wanna keep my white one for non-weddings

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/9/2009 4:09:46 PM
Author: musey

Date: 2/9/2009 3:47:35 PM
Author: tlh
I don''t care what people feel... it isn''t that hard to go to a WEDDING EVENT and wear another color. It is about how the bride MIGHT feel. Any chance it could upset her, I just don''t think it is worth it... find another dress/outfit.

While I certainly agree on principle, I do want to remind everyone that not every person has the luxury of filling out their wardrobe with a great variety of colors. I happen to currently only have this one dress that is appropriate for a semi-formal event like this, and what if I didn''t have the budget to accommodate a new one? Especially in this economy, when the purse strings are tight, it''s not entirely fair to say that it''s ''not that hard'' to just wear something else.

I happen to be lucky that I can afford to find something else (though hopefully something that is not expensive), but not everyone can. I have seen those threads before - the ''I literally cannot afford to get something else, is this going to be okay?'' threads.

TLH, I certainly don''t mean to offend or argue with your primary point, just wanted to throw that out there.

You know, I was in a situation very similar to this... and it was a formal event. I bought a dress and I gained a bit of weight due to stress, and I couldn''t fit into it any longer. I decided to wear a very nice simple carnation pink dress with a dressy shawl that I already had. It was NOT formal. I looked out of place because of all the black floor length evening wear. At the time I chose NOT to spend the money on a fancy gown, and instead used the money to get them a nice gift. (At the time my boyfriend and I were VERY poor, and it was embarrassing for me to be at a formal wedding in non-formal attire. Someone asked me if I knew it was formal, and I said, NO. Even though I lied. I felt horrible.) Now, when all this happened, I felt that I did the right thing because I spent the WEEKS SALARY on the new couple instead of on a dress I''d wear once.

Of course I was heartbroken when I didn''t even receive a thank you note from the couple. EVER. They just didn''t believe in them... they thought the thank you was implied. I really felt that my sacrifice was never noticed.... and I can honestly say, I would have stood out less, as a guest who DIDN''T give a gift, than a guest who showed up in an out of season non formal dress.

Now in their opinion, I may have been an eyesore because I wasn''t in a formal gown, and my BF was not in a tuxedo... but it was all we could afford. That said, I still didn''t know up in white...

I wasn''t trying to be harsh, I was just saying, somethings just detract from the event. I know my happiness for the couple during the ceremony was wonderful... but at the reception with the comments from the other guests, my bf and I left the party early. I was made to feel ashamed of what I was wearing, and I wouldn''t wish that onto anyone, ever. Color, or formality... but if you know certain things going in... why chance it?

 

[musey]

 

[musey]

Okay I was able to gather my thoughts, lol... This might be foggy sick girl brain talking, but I'm not sure which side you're arguing? That it would have been more important to 'fit in' at the wedding, or that it was more important to spend the money on a gift instead? I think that it would have been better to spend the money on a new dress?

Your specific situation aside, I don't think that the choice between buying an appropriate dress and giving a gift is really what's the issue here. To me, giving a gift is not optional. If it did come down to buying a new dress, or re-accessorizing my old one and being able to give a gift, I would unquestionably go for the latter. Especially given the fact that it technically is not a faux-pas anymore to wear white (as our lovely etiquette expert Haven and many others have pointed out), but it's still somewhat expected that people give gifts.


Now, even though I went in trying to use this thread to prove my case for a new dress, as a recent bride, I have to say I'd feel sad if I knew that someone didn't attend my wedding or left early because they "didn't have anything to wear."

I suppose that was a big part of why we had a relatively casual wedding.

I personally wouldn't have even noticed if someone had shown up wearing white. That doesn't mean I feel comfortable doing so myself, but I wouldn't condemn anyone else for doing so.

 

[Haven]

I think the key is to consider whether a reasonable bride would be offended if you wore this gorgeous dress. In my opinion, it would be petty and unreasonable for a bride to be upset over a guest who wore a short silver and white dress that is clearly NOT a bridal gown, ESPECIALLY if the dress is accessorized with some colorful pieces.

There is no accounting for unreasonable brides, and in my opinion, there certainly shouldn't be any accommodating done for them, either.

Honestly, the only guests' attire that I noticed at my own wedding was my SIL's gorgeous green dress (because I fell instantly in love with the color) and my grandfather's baseball cap and ratty outfit (because he stuck out amongst the sea of formal morning suits like a big, fat, wrinkly thumb.)

I just wish for every bride to be as caught up in the joy of her wedding day as I was that she only has time to care about the things that truly matter, such as getting married, and oh, I don't know, enjoying the reception and the time with her nearest and dearest.

 

[tlh]

Date: 2/9/2009 5:22:25 PM
Author: musey
Okay I was able to gather my thoughts, lol... This might be foggy sick girl brain talking, but I''m not sure which side you''re arguing? That it would have been more important to ''fit in'' at the wedding, or that it was more important to spend the money on a gift instead? I think that it would have been better to spend the money on a new dress?

Your specific situation aside, I don''t think that the choice between buying an appropriate dress and giving a gift is really what''s the issue here. To me, giving a gift is not optional. If it did come down to buying a new dress, or re-accessorizing my old one and being able to give a gift, I would unquestionably go for the latter. Especially given the fact that it technically is not a faux-pas anymore to wear white (as our lovely etiquette expert Haven and many others have pointed out), but it''s still somewhat expected that people give gifts.


Now, even though I went in trying to use this thread to prove my case for a new dress, as a recent bride, I have to say I''d feel sad if I knew that someone didn''t attend my wedding or left early because they ''didn''t have anything to wear.''

I suppose that was a big part of why we had a relatively casual wedding.

I personally wouldn''t have even noticed if someone had shown up wearing white. That doesn''t mean I feel comfortable doing so myself, but I wouldn''t condemn anyone else for doing so.

Ha! i don''t know what side I am arguing... I hate to argue. I am just saying, finances can come into play, and yes I do feel looking back that I should have spent the $$$ on the dress.. as I would have had a better time, and been more comfortable at the event... since you have a year to get the new couple a gift. But alas, I was young, and poor.

I just think if you have to ask... then it is probably because you shouldn''t wear it.

That said, I don''t remember much from my wedding, ESPECIALLY what my guests wore. It was a whirlwind of hugs, and photographs... and boy was I uptight, about EVERYTHING. So many things went wrong haha! So, no I didn''t focus on the guests attire. I am just saying, if there is a possibility of offending the bride, I wouldn''t chance it. If you have a nice suit, that isn''t a bridal color... wear that...But no, I would hate it if someone didn''t come because they didn''t have anything to wear! Also, it was the other guests, asking me and my date, didn''t you know this was formal - that made me - and since it was my cousin''s wedding, US, feel uncomfortable, and so we left. Maybe our leaving early offended them, or maybe they didn''t like that we "didn''t dress to the formality of the event" I don''t know. But OTHER GUESTS made me feel uncomfortable. If you wear a neutral color, and someone has some cocktails in them, there might be a snide comment, and it could hurt your feelings, just like it hurt mine.

If you have no other options, and really cannot afford another dress. Buy a nice shawl or shrug that would play to another color, that was less bridal.
Sorry if I offended you... wasn''t trying to.

 

[musey]

No you didn't offend me at all, I was just trying to say that we should be sensitive to those who really don't have other options. My husband is right in that it really shouldn't be necessary for me to buy another dress, and that the money would probably be better spent elsewhere... but for the sake of future wedding attire I should invest in less possibly-offensive dresses.

What it really boils down to in our case is that we don't really spend money on clothes. Ever. I buy a couple of really fabo jeans every couple of years, and other than that, my wardrobe is filled with the cheapest money can buy

we just don't care about clothes (now, handbags and jewelry? Totally different story!). So I can't say I blame him for questioning my wanting to go and buy a dress just for a wedding!

 

[newsboysgrl777]

I voted that it's inappropriate only because I wouldn't want it worn to my wedding. Why? I'm wearing an ivory dress...and, I think that having it be almost completely one color is too -- I don't know?? I agree with what someone on page 1 said: get an AWESOME sweater/cardigan (I'm thinking pink or dark purple for me personally, but really ANY color would be great!) and pair it with that and/or a matching belt (if it doesn't already have one, I can't remember...and that was only 2 seconds ago that I saw it! LOL

) and that'd be great!! Otherwise, it by itself?? I'd say is a NO-NO!!