Sit-down or Buffet??

[jcrow]

another question- if it''s seated, how many courses should we serve? is a salad and an entree enough?

 

[JCJD]

Don''t know if anyone on your guest list has food restrictions (allergies, etc), but as a vegetarian, I MUCH prefer to go to buffet receptions rather than sit-down dinners. At the last sit-down I was at, I told the waitress that I was vegetarian, so she had them fix me up a plate with just the veggie side and mashed potatoes, and then poured BEEF gravy ALL over it.....

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! Granted, I''m in beef country, but still... Also, in my experience, sit-down dinner receptions tend to take much longer than other types of receptions, so if you''re having a Sunday wedding, you might have people taking off in the middle of it.

However, if you provide a vegetarian option if you have vegetarian guests, you''ll get rid of my problem entirely.

I''m not sure about having a large meal at 2:30 in the afternoon... It seems more like a cake and punch or hors d''oeuvres reception time to me. I suppose you could serve just a light lunch, chicken or fish (plus a vegetarian!!), one side, and salad? Having a cocktail hour before the lunch would fill people up too though. And I don''t think you''ll want to stretch the reception out so much that you''re feeding people at dinner time either... How long is your ceremony going to be? How far is it between the ceremony and reception locations? If guests will be arriving at the reception at 2:30 (later could be better for my plan here), then you could have your cocktail hour, send them off into the dining area at 3:30, 4:00, do toasts, show a photo montage of the two of you, have your first dances, something, and then start salad at 4:30 or even 5..... Hope that rambling all helps!

 

[jcrow]

Date: 12/22/2005 9:36:57 AM
Author: JCJD
Don''t know if anyone on your guest list has food restrictions (allergies, etc), but as a vegetarian, I MUCH prefer to go to buffet receptions rather than sit-down dinners. At the last sit-down I was at, I told the waitress that I was vegetarian, so she had them fix me up a plate with just the veggie side and mashed potatoes, and then poured BEEF gravy ALL over it.....

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! Granted, I''m in beef country, but still... Also, in my experience, sit-down dinner receptions tend to take much longer than other types of receptions, so if you''re having a Sunday wedding, you might have people taking off in the middle of it.


However, if you provide a vegetarian option if you have vegetarian guests, you''ll get rid of my problem entirely.


I''m not sure about having a large meal at 2:30 in the afternoon... It seems more like a cake and punch or hors d''oeuvres reception time to me. I suppose you could serve just a light lunch, chicken or fish (plus a vegetarian!!), one side, and salad? Having a cocktail hour before the lunch would fill people up too though. And I don''t think you''ll want to stretch the reception out so much that you''re feeding people at dinner time either... How long is your ceremony going to be? How far is it between the ceremony and reception locations? If guests will be arriving at the reception at 2:30 (later could be better for my plan here), then you could have your cocktail hour, send them off into the dining area at 3:30, 4:00, do toasts, show a photo montage of the two of you, have your first dances, something, and then start salad at 4:30 or even 5..... Hope that rambling all helps!

as a veggie myself- I SOOO can relate!

our wedding ceremony will be saturday at 1:30. we aren''t having a mass (catholic wedding) so i don''t think it''ll be an hour.
the reception place probably will take 10 minutes to get too.
the reception will probably last for 4 hours.

does this help?

 

[JCJD]

Date: 12/22/2005 10:38:36 AM
Author: jcrow
as a veggie myself- I SOOO can relate!


our wedding ceremony will be saturday at 1:30. we aren''t having a mass (catholic wedding) so i don''t think it''ll be an hour.

the reception place probably will take 10 minutes to get too.

the reception will probably last for 4 hours.


does this help?

Yes, it does help - thanks for the details! Don''t mind my brainstorming now....

Hmmm... the Catholic weddings I''ve been to have all been an hour, and the one with a mass was 2 hours! Anyways, if your ceremony is shorter, the travel time is only 10 mins, and the reception will last 4 hours only, then I''d lean away from a meal. Let''s say you''re officially married by 2pm, guests arrive at the reception at 2:30 for cocktails, then you''ll have 3:30 to 6:30 for the rest of the reception. Unless you want to serve dinner at the end of the reception, I''d steer towards hors d''oeuvres instead of a dinner if I were you. Can you move the ceremony up at all? You could start the ceremony at noon, get to the reception hall by 1, skip cocktails and serve lunch right away. Dancing isn''t as common at early afternoon weddings, but not rare, and you could either use the tent/garden for a more casual reception or use the banquet hall to make the reception a bit more ritzy. Are you doing pics before or after the ceremony? I did before and recommend that, but it''s your wedding! HTH!

Cool that you''re a veggie too! A couple of our friends are also vegetarian (both from India), and when they told their friends and family back home that they''d had a good meal at an American wedding, they couldn''t believe it - until they told them the bride is a vegetarian!

 

[ellewoods]

Hi J Crow.

I''ve only been to 1 buffet dinner wedding, and about 10+ sit down dinner weddings. I definitely prefer a sit down dinner, everything works much smoother, there is not huge line for the food, it feels like a nice relaxed meal instead of having the race to the food etc. But I definitely understand that there are budget issues and a buffet can be a good way to go if a sit down is too expensive.

All that being said, I''ve never been to a wedding in the afternoon. All of the receptions I''ve been to have started around 6:30pm at the earliest. If you''re going to have your reception around 2:30pm, maybe a buffet makes more sense, since it will be more of a lunch meal than a dinner meal. The 1 wedding I went to with a buffet had really nice food, not typical buffet style food. They used a small catering company that didn''t usually do weddings, so they had lots of creative options like grilled vegetable platters, a pasta dish that was unusual (and delicious) as well as a carved roast, different salads, etc. I can''t remember all of it but I remember it being very good food. Also, we were all served a soup for the first course when everyone had sat down. I thought that was a great way to start the meal so that everyone was organized and sitting down and eating at the same time, and then one by one the tables would go up to the buffet. That way people had eaten the soup course and weren''t starving and clawing to get to the front of the buffet line.

Also, if you''re having your ceremony around 1:30pm, I wouldn''t wait too long after the ceremony to start the reception. I would think the majority of your guests will not eat lunch before hand, as they''ll be getting ready, making sure they''re not late, etc. If you wait to have the reception start much later than 2:30pm (for pictures or whatever) I think you''re going to have a group of hungry and irritated guests.

Last thing -- DEFINITELY have a seating chart and place cards no matter if it''s a sit down or buffet. Things will be chaotic an unorganized and messy if you don''t do this. Your family/close friends may end up getting the worst seat in the back of the room far away from you, guests who don''t know many people will for sure get shoved out of the way and won''t end up mingling....seating cards are standard at all of the weddings I''ve gone to. You can make nice cards with each couple or guest''s name on them, and then put their table # or table name on the front of the card or inside or on the back. Then have each table have some sort of sign with the table # on it, and your guests will know to sit at that specific table. Have the cards set out on a table in the entrance to the reception room so guests know to grab them when the enter. You definitely can do something fun and creative with the cards too, like you suggested about the french words, etc. At one wedding I went to the tables were named by different locations the bride and groom had visited or were special to them, such as "Bali," "Name of College Town," "Name of their Hometown," "Name of The Beach they Got Engaged At" etc. It was neat to read them and talk to other guests about what each name meant if they didn''t know the significance or we didn''t.

 

[jcrow]

hum- they have a 11 AM wedding time at the church- but i thought that was way too early. i''d be doing hair and makeup and all. i really don''t want to be rushed for that part you know?

if we skip the dinner because of the time- would you just serve cocktails and hor d''oeuvres? and food stations??

so complicated!!!!

i really appreciate everyone''s help!! thanks.

 

[jcrow]

it''s SO weird! i''ve never heard of anyone using placecard at any wedding around here... so bizarre!

what i have seen is a couple of tables marked reserved for the families.

 

[JCJD]

I went to a 1:30 wedding a few years ago and they just had cake and punch at the reception. Tall cocktail tables, no chairs, and lots of fun mingling.

Our wedding was at 7pm, so we had hors d''oeuvres and dessert, lots of chairs, only 3 tables, couches, and a dance floor for a "stand-up", "cocktail", "hors d''oeuvres" reception. If you want, just look up my wedding thread and there''s tons of pics of our reception. I''ve also heard of dessert receptions, mostly held late in the evening (ceremony at 8 or later), but I don''t think people would complain about having dessert in mid afternoon, especially if there''s only 2 kids who''d be spoiling their dinners

.

You could do heavy hors d''oeuvres, either stations or passed, cocktails, and cake easily, and relatively inexpensively too!

 

[jcrow]

hum sounds like a good idea.

think a live band would fit in to?

 

[JCJD]

Absolutely! Live music is always nice!

 

[selflove]

Date: 12/22/2005 11:57:22 AM
Author: JCJD
You could do heavy hors d''oeuvres, either stations or passed, cocktails, and cake easily, and relatively inexpensively too!

Jcrow--i think for the time of day you are having it, this is a good option.

You asked about what to serve for a plated meal: we are having a cocktail hour with passed hors d''oeuvres, then the meal will be a salad first followed by the main course. I didn''t want to have too many courses since there will be hors d''oeuvres right before dinner.

What does your fiance think?

 

[jcrow]

Date: 12/22/2005 12:41:39 PM
Author: selflove

Date: 12/22/2005 11:57:22 AM

Author: JCJD
You could do heavy hors d''oeuvres, either stations or passed, cocktails, and cake easily, and relatively inexpensively too!

Jcrow--i think for the time of day you are having it, this is a good option.

You asked about what to serve for a plated meal: we are having a cocktail hour with passed hors d''oeuvres, then the meal will be a salad first followed by the main course. I didn''t want to have too many courses since there will be hors d''oeuvres right before dinner.

What does your fiance think?

my fiance and i are in the same boat. we see pros and cons to both seated dinner and buffet.

 

[LollyBear]

I think the hors d''oeuvre/cocktail reception is a great idea given the time of day. My cousin did this and it was the most fun I''ve had at a wedding (besides my own that is

). She had stations for the cold hors d''oeuvres and had waiters pass around the hot ones. She was able to offer a great selection and there was enough food for people to make a meal out of it if they were really hungry.

 

[VuittonGal]

I''ve been to both types of weddings, but like sit-down much better. I think it''s much more elegant than a buffet. I''m having a sit-down dinner.

 

[jcrow]

when we met with the lady we started planning a menu- when it was a food station request.
we basically started with 2 main dishes (pasta, etouffee)
fried catfish
stuffed mushrooms
fruit & cheese tray
and maybe 3 other options- don''t remember

and then different 3 hor d''oeuvres.

i guess that''s too much given time of day?
maybe we can cut back?

 

[Munchkin]

Well, I think is depends on what your guests typically expect. For example, I''m from the Northeast and people expect a meal at a wedding, regardless of the time of day. People may even go so far as to say "I won''t worry about lunch since I''ll be having a meal at the wedding this afternoon." If your guests typically expect a full meal at a wedding, then I would offer passed hors plus appetizer when seated and an entree.

I have only been to two buffett weddings up here. One was chaotic because there was no assigned seating. It was at a gorgeous yacht club and older, distinguished people were stealing seats! My friends and I had put our drinks and purses at a table when we went to get the food, and we returned to find people had pushed them onto a chair and sat down! We ended up broken-up at tables with remaining seats. Not fun

The other was better controlled, with escort cards and the tables were released in turn. Regardless, the plated weddings I''ve attended just seem to have a bit more elegant feel to them. Although I loved the options in the buffet!

Also, I noticed that you don''t seen to factor in photos in your timeline. I have no idea if you aren''t taking any or are taking them before, but a 2:30 start could be tight.

Good luck!
Munchkin

 

[JCJD]

Date: 12/22/2005 10:05:16 PM
Author: Munchkin
Well, I think is depends on what your guests typically expect.

Good point. We took care of this by noting on the invites that an hors d''oeuvres and dessert reception would follow the ceremony. It was on our website and on the programs as well.

 

[monarch64]

I love, love, love the idea of doing cocktails and hors d''heuvres and cake...but there is that nagging little idea of your guests b*t*hing about not getting enough to eat, no matter what time of day/night. I think if someone wanted to go that route, they would have to make it crystal clear on the invites that it would be that type of reception.

Yay for vegetarians! I agree that it is more important than most people consider to have a vegetarian option on the menu for a sit-down dinner, or even when only serving hors d''heuvres. While I wasn''t a full blown veggie two + years ago when I got married, I did end up serving (again, Sunday wedding, meal served at 1:30) a dish called Vodka Pasta Pignoli, with a beautiful salad for starters, and a veggie side as well as a potato side and cake for dessert. At first we were going with a carmelized bourbon salmon, but a major news story about salmon containing PCB''s (potential cancer causing agents) caused me to make a last-minute change in the menu. We received so many compliments on the meal that any worries of not serving meat were forgotten.

 

[MINE!!]

Just to throw in another monkey wrench here Jcrow..

I refuse to have a seating chart. I suppose that we are all for the combining of two families. It really sucks when you get stuck at a table with people that you don''t want to sit with and it feels more casual to be able to sit and mingle with whom you please. I have freinds that have children.. some may want to sit closer to the bathroom others closer to the dancefloor so they can keep an eye on the kids etc. etc. I have been to both the buffet style and the sit down style.. I will admit we have been toirn on what we are going to do as well. In the end we are probably going to go with the buffet cause it gives people more options. ... and seems less uptight.

 

[Mara]

i have never been to an hors'duerves and cake reception....i guess it would be okay if we knew about it before hand so we could plan dinner after accordingly...but i think that the expectgation is to have a meal whether it's 30 hors'duerves and 2 slices of cake or something!! the only way that i think not having a meal would be acceptable to most guests would be if it was an early afternoon wedding, aka 1pm and then the reception was like 2-5pm. i think depending on the time you can kind of get around the meal thing if you want. personally i LOVE hors'duerves but when i say that i mean i like to eat TONS of them...hahahaa. that's why i love tapas food as well. lots of small plates with different tastes.

in terms of food with stations, the buffet ones we have been to where that is the case, the stations are usually pretty darn loaded. the most recent one we went to had three stations, one was asian with like 4-5 things on that table, then a pasta/italianish one with 2-3 pastas and breads and then there was a salad bar (full on salad bar) for the third one. so there was tons of food. i don't think what you listed so far (for the stations) is that much food at all.

food can be SUPER expensive...personally i don't like buffets but they can be nice. i prefer sit-down but they can be pricey...the ones we were looking at were about $100 per head when we were thinking of having the wedding locally. just for food, no alcohol. that was for 4 courses i think and then cake is the 5th. but if the buffets are going to be almost as pricey, i think that sit down is a more 'classy' way to go. but then again it really does depend too on your time of day and what kind of wedding you have.

in terms of mingling or not, i think that i always prefer a seating chart because then we just know where to sit and who to talk to and if you know people then you can mingle and most people do, but if you don't then you at least have a small comfort zone with the table you are at where typically you at least know a few other people. i think when you leave people to sit at tables on their own, it can create cliques of people who know each other and then what if there is not enough room at the table then they all squeeze in anyway and then there are empty tables with 1-3 people at etc....

just my two cents having been to lots of weddings and having our own (which was buffet on the island because it was not a 'formal' feel on the island, but it was sit down with a seating chart and it went off great...everyone mingled all night long!).

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Date: 12/22/2005 10:37:22 PM
Author: monarch64

Yay for vegetarians! I agree that it is more important than most people consider to have a vegetarian option on the menu for a sit-down dinner, or even when only serving hors d''heuvres. While I wasn''t a full blown veggie two + years ago when I got married, I did end up serving (again, Sunday wedding, meal served at 1:30) a dish called Vodka Pasta Pignoli, with a beautiful salad for starters, and a veggie side as well as a potato side and cake for dessert. At first we were going with a carmelized bourbon salmon, but a major news story about salmon containing PCB''s (potential cancer causing agents) caused me to make a last-minute change in the menu. We received so many compliments on the meal that any worries of not serving meat were forgotten.

A second yay for vegetarians! That was one of the attractive options about doing the food stations for us- since I''m a vegetarian and there were several others in attendance, we definitely had a very veggie-friendly reception. We started with passed hors d''oevres, which had plenty of vegetarian appetizers, and then a plated salad, and finally we had 4 food stations (carving- roast beef, turkey, etc- not vegetarian!,a "cakes" station- black bean and crab cakes with assorted sauces, a stir fry station, and I think our last one was a dessert station, with cookies, pastries, baked brie, and chocolate fondue. We also, of course, had a cake.

We saved money by not having a specific champagne toast. Since we had an open bar, we figured people could toast with whatever they had in their glass.

 

[icekid]

I''m nearly certain that we will have a sit down dinner; it seems more formal and elegant to me. I don''t really savor the idea of our guests standing around in lines waiting to get food.

We will definitely assign seats too!

A question for our numerous vegetarians- one of my college roommates is vegan. No eggs, no butter, no cheese! I''m not sure what the heck she eats

The only thing I can think that they could serve her at dinner is some pasta and vegetables. I guess I would have to make special arrangements for her with the caterer?

 

[jcrow]

Date: 12/22/2005 10:37:09 PM
Author: JCJD

Date: 12/22/2005 10:05:16 PM

Author: Munchkin

Well, I think is depends on what your guests typically expect.

Good point. We took care of this by noting on the invites that an hors d''oeuvres and dessert reception would follow the ceremony. It was on our website and on the programs as well.

well i guess i can say cocktails and hors d''oeuvres reception to follow...

 

[jcrow]

Date: 12/23/2005 12:30:05 AM
Author: MINE!!
Just to throw in another monkey wrench here Jcrow..

I refuse to have a seating chart. I suppose that we are all for the combining of two families. It really sucks when you get stuck at a table with people that you don''t want to sit with and it feels more casual to be able to sit and mingle with whom you please. I have freinds that have children.. some may want to sit closer to the bathroom others closer to the dancefloor so they can keep an eye on the kids etc. etc. I have been to both the buffet style and the sit down style.. I will admit we have been toirn on what we are going to do as well. In the end we are probably going to go with the buffet cause it gives people more options. ... and seems less uptight.

to be honest - of all the buffet receptions i''ve gone to, seating has never been an issue. i''ve always been able to sit with my party.i think if you put a couple extra tables, we should be fine. for whatever reason, it seems silly to me to do arranged seating if we are doing a buffet. like, if we go formal with the seating we should go formal with the meal and have a sit down dinner....

with that said- all is STILL up in the air... i just don''t know...

 

[jcrow]

Date: 12/22/2005 10:05:16 PM
Author: Munchkin

Also, I noticed that you don''t seen to factor in photos in your timeline. I have no idea if you aren''t taking any or are taking them before, but a 2:30 start could be tight.

Good luck!

Munchkin

the plan is to take pics before, but i don''t know if everyone will be ready... then, if we do that-- there''s less time for the quest cocktail hour...though i do dislike the idea of everyone just waiting on us.

gosh, can i make up my mind about anything?!!!?

 

[JCJD]

Date: 12/23/2005 9:25:05 AM
Author: jcrow

Date: 12/22/2005 10:05:16 PM
Author: Munchkin


Also, I noticed that you don''t seen to factor in photos in your timeline. I have no idea if you aren''t taking any or are taking them before, but a 2:30 start could be tight.


Good luck!


Munchkin

the plan is to take pics before, but i don''t know if everyone will be ready... then, if we do that-- there''s less time for the quest cocktail hour...though i do dislike the idea of everyone just waiting on us.


gosh, can i make up my mind about anything?!!!?

Honey, you''re the bride! Tell everyone to be ready 30 mins before they REALLY need to be, and throw a hissy fit if they complain!

And skip photos of just you with your family, or just FH with his family - they''re wedding photos, therefore you both should be in all the family pics. This tip alone saved us about 30 shots.

 

[jcrow]

did your finacé take pics with you before or just you?

 

[JCJD]

Date: 12/23/2005 9:35:43 AM
Author: jcrow
did your finacé take pics with you before or just you?

? I''m confused what you mean I guess... We took 30 mins after we were all ready and before formal photos started with the family, and just he and I spent some time alone with the photographers there. Then, we had our families come in (who had been told to arrive at the time we first saw each other, not when we actually needed them to be there) and started wedding party photos (me and girls, he and boys, us and wedding party) and then family photos (us and parents, us and parents and sibs, us and parents and grandparents, us and parents and grandparents and sibs, us and all family on that side who were there, repeat for 2 sets of divorced parents.....)

Does that answer your question?

 

[jcrow]

crystal clear- thanks.

 

[jcrow]

where did you take pics before the ceremony?
i was thinking the church- but i am sure guests would be arriving?