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Snooping???!!!?!!

peach_tea_for_me

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 22, 2010
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166
Ladies- I have a question... It's not one that most of you will want to fess up to, but I've been dying to ask for awhile. Do you snoop? I'm referring mostly to snooping for diamond related info or for the rock itself. But feel free to fess up to all your snoopings! 8)

Just so you feel safe, I will kick off the confessions (eek!):
I'll preface by saying, I know I shouldn't do this, but...I sometimes will check my email on my BF's computer and since we have the same email provider it will pull up his email first since he doesn't log out. I'll do a quick scan looking for anything related to said topic. More of a hope to catch him doing something right rather than something wrong. I will say that I completely trust him with our relationship so I'm not looking for tom foolery, JUST anything maybe from a jeweler saying "Order confirmation". I would be really disappointed with myself if I saw this and of course I wouldn't be able to resist opening the email. Since I don't want to rob my boyfriend of the surprised look on my face, I stopped "checking my email on his computer" once I was pretty sure he was working with a jeweler to avoid being in the "I can't resist" position. So I guess, I'm a semi-snooper in recovery.

With that said, I did peek into his wallet the other day and saw a card from a jeweler with some notes about diamonds on the back and pretended not to see anything, that was enough of a tease to quench my curiosity for the time being. And yes, I feel guilty about even finding that!

That is ALL the snooping I've done. I'm not so proud, but glad to get it in check and not jump to full snoop mode.

Please someone else confess and relieve me of my guilty conscience! I know you're out there snoopers!!! It's a safe space to share, no judgements.
 
LoL. Im not a snooper in nature, but i once did check the house of were it could be, if he had it. I never check his emails, just like he doesnt check mine. I have checked the house though and no luck.
 
Guilty......

He's already put 50% down on my ring/stone and I know exactly what they are and I know that it should take 4-6 weeks to be made from when that happened. But I still check his phone when he's in the shower to see if the jeweler has called to say that the ring is in (still have 2-4 weeks left).

I don't what I'll do if I see that the jeweler has called or even if my BF will keep that a secret from me. I could see him teasing me and showing me the ring once he has it but not actually proposing yet ;(

You are not alone, although we still probably shouldn't snoop (I can't help myself).
 
As a guy, I will give you my perspective. I use a separate e-mail account for jewelry related matters. I only log in to that account and browse jewelry related sites, including Pricescope, using "Private Browsing" mode so she won't have a clue. If I visit a jewelry store in person, I usually throw away the card afterward. So I'm paranoid about being snooped on (not that she would, but in case she accidentally stumbles on it).

ETA: And once I get it, the papers will go into a locked drawer in my office at work and the ring will go to my safe deposit box at the bank. All calls to online jewelers are made from the office.
 
I am such a snooper by nature, and my boyfriend definitely knows this! But we picked out our diamond and setting together, and I knew when he bought it and then picked it up. The proposal will be a complete surprise, and I am not trying to find any information on this - I know how important it is to him, and I want there to be some element of surprise as well. On the other hand, if he had not involved me in the process at all, I most likely would have snooped! I probably wouldn't have been able to resist the urge to try to find out whether or not he was looking, etc.
 
boredstiff said:
All calls to online jewelers are made from the office.
I know for us, we don't really keep secrets and so far he's been open about communication with the jeweler. I will, however, not spoil how he plans to propose, that's a secret he's allowed to keep to himself.
 
no, no snooping...the ring is in the apt and I haven't looked for it.

when we were working on our comps together he had his e-mail up and I saw an e-mail from BGD...but I wasn't looking for it, ya know?
 
I try really hard not to.. but SO is BAD about checking his email on my lap top and leaving it logged on. We also have the same theme for gmail, I think it's called Orca Island or something. Sometimes I'll open an email before I realize "uhhh this totally isn't mine." Then I feel really terrible and have to tell him.

One day he left it logged on, and the jeweler he purchased my ring from had emailed him... Oh did I want to read it, but I was good.

It took every freaking ounce of self restraint I possessed.
 
No. My SO and I have the passwords to each other's email accounts, facebook accounts etc, but I have never had the urge to snoop. I did have the urge to snoop with my ex though, and later found out that he had been contacting other women.
It just goes to show, trust your gut.
 
Haha I am a snooper at heart!! But for this we did it my way so I didnt have to be snoopy... thank goodness because its made it a lot easier on me
 
DON'T RUIN YOUR OWN SURPRISES, LADIES! Seriously, you so don't want to know when and how and where and with what he's going to propose! The surprise element is part of all the fun!
 
I wouldn't snoop. I really love surprises so I wouldn't want to ruin it for myself.
 
ditto...you can't want a surprise but then also want to snoop! plus snooping on your BF is never a good idea IMO
 
I was with SO when we bought the ring so no need to snoop on that matter. I'm curious to see if I stumble upon the ring in our house as it isn't that big... and he hides everything in his sock drawer...

I won't snoop about proposal related issues, however I have pretty good intuition and have figured out the only two big surprises in my life (2 surprise parties when I was younger - I didn't try to uncover them, it just happened) so I will actually be actively trying NOT to figure it out.
 
Ohhh please do not get me started! haha i am just kidding.

In my one post, which I am pretty sure you saw, I was REEEEEMED out by other PS'ers for taking a snoop through his phone looking for jewelery related information. We are very open people in our relationship and we do not care who goes who's phone. We have nothing, and i mean NOTHING to hide. I stumbled across a text from his mother about his purchasing the rest of the ring. When I posted it on PS, I was deemed to sound like I am a non-trustful girlfriend and "I would have been long gone from you if I were your boyfriend and knew you went through my phone!" Believe me, We all do it. Be it through texts, emails, rummaging through the house!

I personally have not looked for anything since that day. I simply just ask him :))
 
I also wanted to bring up the fact of everyone saying "Oh let it be a surprise! That is what engagement is about!" But honestly, this day in age, and the times changing, Does it really have to be a surprise? I am happy knowing that it is going to happen and that we are on the same page. If it didn't end up being a surprise, no biggie for me. It would be nice, but it is also nice to know your on the same page and you should be expecting it :))
 
nicole brings up a good point...the entire thing shouldn't be a surprise, but many BFs like planning a small surprise of how they will ask. But it is super important IMO that before a proposal happens that the couple is on the same page about GETTING MARRIED!
 
I love reading some of these. I have made a promise to myself not to snoop. I never snooped before on him or other boyfriends. We are very close and very open about things, and I trust him 110% (as I would never be in a relationship with some I don't trust) so I want to stress that it's really not your traditional girl snoops on boy to catch him. It's girl semi-snoops on boy to find hints of gifts for girl. I like thinking about how he will propose but I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW BEFORE and spoil my own surprise. We've talked about the ring and I've shown him pics of what I want, but we both want the rest to be a surprise. So surprise proposal it is. No more snooping. Slapping my own wrist.
 
nicoleben said:
I also wanted to bring up the fact of everyone saying "Oh let it be a surprise! That is what engagement is about!" But honestly, this day in age, and the times changing, Does it really have to be a surprise? I am happy knowing that it is going to happen and that we are on the same page. If it didn't end up being a surprise, no biggie for me. It would be nice, but it is also nice to know your on the same page and you should be expecting it :))
Obviously there is a HUGE difference between a surprise proposal that you didn't even see coming, as in "I didn't realize we were at THAT stage yet" (AKA: Scary proposal!) and a surprise proposal that your SO put together for your benefit after you had already had the necessary discussions about commitment and marriage.

And of course, if you have nothing to hide from each other and you share your passwords and whatnot, then it's not snooping. Snooping implies that you are looking for information to which you are not supposed to have access.

If you don't care about ruining a potential surprise proposal that your SO is planning for you, then snoop all you want. But before you do, consider how he would feel if he knew that you sought out that information behind his back, and how you will feel when you have to fake your "I'm so surprised!" face when he actually proposes.

This reminds me of the marshmallow experiment--can you delay gratification now for greater gratification later? ;)) http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer
 
I think everyone deserves the right to privacy. If I want to know something, I'll ask, and I know he'll be honest. I would hate for him to think I was snooping because I didn't trust him. Just like I would be annoyed if he was looking through my stuff...not because I have something to hide, but because I would prefer that he just talked to me about what was on his mind.
 
amc80 said:
I think everyone deserves the right to privacy. If I want to know something, I'll ask, and I know he'll be honest. I would hate for him to think I was snooping because I didn't trust him. Just like I would be annoyed if he was looking through my stuff...not because I have something to hide, but because I would prefer that he just talked to me about what was on his mind.

Your point is valid! Definitely! I just think, and this is my own opinion, every relationship is different as we all know. For example, the day I snooped through his phone, he handed me the phone to look at the text message between his mom and himself. I think he was just trying to show me that he was completely serious about us. I have not snooped through the house, although I know it is purchased. So YAY for me! I also haven't gone through his phone since that day of looking at the text :)) But everyone definitely has good points!
 
I'm not a snooper. As much as it kills me to have to wonder about things and not have a clue, it would kill me even more if I ruined a surprise. I want to be completely surprised about a proposal.
 
No snooping here. I already know everything about my ring and I get to see it when it arrives. After that, I'm leaving it all up to the bf. I think it's fun to have no idea when the proposal will be, so I'm not asking anything about it.
 
it is o.k. to snoop as long as you find something. ;))
 
I find it interesting that a majority of the people here equate snooping with lack of trust. While I feel that in some cases people do snoop to find out something about someone because they don't trust what they've been told, I do feel it is possible for them not to be related. In my case I just want to know that the ring/stone is safe and completed since I already know what it looks like. I'm not looking to ruin any surprises about how he plans to propose. I completely trust him and it was never a matter of lack of trust.
 
nicoleben said:
I also wanted to bring up the fact of everyone saying "Oh let it be a surprise! That is what engagement is about!" But honestly, this day in age, and the times changing, Does it really have to be a surprise? I am happy knowing that it is going to happen and that we are on the same page. If it didn't end up being a surprise, no biggie for me. It would be nice, but it is also nice to know your on the same page and you should be expecting it :))

Nicole, when you first posted that, you got so upset about wanting to know that your boyfriend was going to propose that he screamed out the date in frustration. Then you told him to change it because you wanted it to be a surprise. And then you told him you were hoping for something more intimate than what he had planned.

So don't say it's no biggie, dear! ;)) And don't make it sound like people went overboard in their responses!

I think everyone is entitled to their privacy. And if you don't want the proposal to be a surprise, just say so! Some people genuinely don't like surprise/suspense and that's OK!
 
Rose_Dust said:
I find it interesting that a majority of the people here equate snooping with lack of trust. While I feel that in some cases people do snoop to find out something about someone because they don't trust what they've been told, I do feel it is possible for them not to be related. In my case I just want to know that the ring/stone is safe and completed since I already know what it looks like. I'm not looking to ruin any surprises about how he plans to propose. I completely trust him and it was never a matter of lack of trust.


I agree. I trust my SO 110%, I know that sounds cheesy but I really do. We both have each others passwords to whatever we'd like and we both snoop on occasion, but never with the intent of uncovering some hidden secret. We're just nosy when it comes to the other person. Idk I can see how that sounds weird or controlling or something, but it really doesn't bother either of us.
 
Callisto said:
Rose_Dust said:
I find it interesting that a majority of the people here equate snooping with lack of trust. While I feel that in some cases people do snoop to find out something about someone because they don't trust what they've been told, I do feel it is possible for them not to be related. In my case I just want to know that the ring/stone is safe and completed since I already know what it looks like. I'm not looking to ruin any surprises about how he plans to propose. I completely trust him and it was never a matter of lack of trust.


I agree. I trust my SO 110%, I know that sounds cheesy but I really do. We both have each others passwords to whatever we'd like and we both snoop on occasion, but never with the intent of uncovering some hidden secret. We're just nosy when it comes to the other person. Idk I can see how that sounds weird or controlling or something, but it really doesn't bother either of us.


This is the same for us. We have all passwords for each others stuff and we freely look at one anothers emails, phones, etc. And everything we do is a joint decision. So I don't know what the proposal plan is (and he knows that I don't want to know) and I think ff created a separate email address that I don't know about for proposal plan related communications, but we discussed and designed the ring together. Every relationship is different and there is no right or wrong way to have a relationship. If it works for everyone involved and it's a healthy relationship, then it's right!
 
I agree that everyone is entitled to their privacy.

In a relationship where everything is an "open book" then there would be no need to snoop - you can openly say what you are about to do. Then it's not really even snooping.

To me snooping equals mistrust. I admit to doing it a few times, and had my reasons at the time, and I am not porud of it. Nor would I say it's something that is OK.

But of coarse, stuff happens! It's not really the end of the world! Nobody is perfect.....
 
Pushin40 said:
I agree that everyone is entitled to their privacy.

In a relationship where everything is an "open book" then there would be no need to snoop - you can openly say what you are about to do. Then it's not really even snooping.

To me snooping equals mistrust. I admit to doing it a few times, and had my reasons at the time, and I am not porud of it. Nor would I say it's something that is OK.

But of coarse, stuff happens! It's not really the end of the world! Nobody is perfect.....

I agree with all of this. If I have to snoop, then chances are it's none of my business.
 
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