Snoopy girlfriend makes proposal difficult....

[musey]

Date: 4/11/2008 11:35:20 AM
Author: rob09

No chance for the FF of any of the women on pricescope!!

Unless they choose to give them the option of involvement, or pay close attention when hints are dropped--which they almost ALWAYS are: "My friend just got engaged, her boyfriend gave her a simple solitaire. She loves it, but I would be so disappointed not to have a halo!"

I look at the purchase of an engagement ring like the purchase of a couple's first house together. You talk about each others likes/dislikes, ideals, etc. then you start house hunting. Your preferences change as you see your "likes" and "dislikes" in real life. And then when you find the right one... you just know.

Or, you hire an architect and have them help you design your own house

I'd no more want my fiance to choose a house for us, unbeknownst to myself, than to choose my engagement ring all by himself. While it would be a wonderful gesture... it would not have been the most thoughtful move on his part.

 

[sklingem]

"I''d no more want my fiance to choose a house for us, unbeknownst to myself, than to choose my engagement ring all by himself. While it would be a wonderful gesture... it would not have been the most thoughtful move on his part"

Sigh ... to each his/her own. Getting a house for me is not the same as getting an engagement ring. I have decided to get a ring (picking it up today!) for her as a surprise and probably have put more thoughts/work into it than MANY men out there who honestly (a) don''t care to get educated about diamonds and rings; (b) don''t want to put in the effort in buying a ring and (c) are more than happy to let their GF do everything but paying for it. Is that thoughtful? No. If YOU think that the most thoughtful way is to get you involved in the process, then so be it, I have nothing against it. If my GF turns out to hate the ring, stone or both, we can get another one and I would not be pi*d. The surprise effect and taking it into my own hands makes it worth it to ME. And fortunately I have a GF who would actually tell me if she likes/dislikes it and not lie to me just to spare my feelings. She is one of these modern independent women BTW.

 

[KCCutie]

Wow!

Okay I want my SO to choose my e-ring. I love him and trust him enough to pick something for me that I will love. If he knows enough about me to know he wants to spend the rest of his life with me I should trust him to pick out a ring, maybe that''s just me. I don''t think I''m the majority though. I''m not very picky and I totally understand that some ladies want to have some input or even help in buying the ring. On the other hand if my SO went out and looked and just couldn''t decide I wouldn''t be upset if he asked for a little help, but personally I would just give him ideas and I would want him him make the final decision.

What I can''t stand to see is when this all goes wrong. Example: I had a co-worker who came in all excited showing off her e-ring and everyone was ooohing and aahing over it. She went on to tell everyone that her FI had bought her another ring first but it wasn''t big enough so she made him return it

Sorry but that whole attitude totally turns me off and I couldn''t even consider being friends with her after that, I couldn''t even believe her SO actually went out and got another ring for her. To me it seems there''s something wrong with that relationship.

Guys you should know which kind of girl you are with by the time you know you want to propose. Either one who wants a surprise, one that wants to pick her own ring, or somewhere in between. If you are not sure which kind of girl she is then you don''t know her well enough to ask her to marry you. Once you''re sure what kind of girl she is then do it the way she would want it. I mean if you want her to LOVE it why not do it her way?

Before you all get upset. I''m not saying all the relationships where the girl is unhappy with her ring don''t work out... I''m sure it can work out, but come on who wants this kind of drama.

 

[sklingem]

Thanks KCCutie for bringing some sanity into this discussion!

 

[musey]

Date: 4/11/2008 12:08:36 PM
Author: rob09
Thanks KCCutie for bringing some sanity into this discussion!

Just because someone agrees with you within their first sentence, does not mean it's the only 'sane' argument. Unless you think anyone with an opinion that opposes your own is, by default, 'insane.' I do believe that is what we call bigoted.

KCCutie and I are making the same argument, I believe. As I said, I don't think every guy should always involve his girl in the process. But I do always think that she should have that option. Like KC said, it should be obvious which kind of girl you have (wants to be involved OR not), and a guy should respect her desires.

Everyone is different, and my only objection to a guy choosing the ring without allowing his girlfriend to have a 'say' is that she may not be happy with that. We get many boneheaded guys on here who seem to think that their bank account entitles them to force their own tastes on their girlfriend, many times knowing full well that what they're choosing does not line up with her own preferences. I find this unfortunate.

My one argument is that an important purchase like an engagement ring is one that deserves special consideration. Most people view it as a symbol of their relationship, so why wouldn't anyone want to make sure that both parties are happy with how it is chosen?

Date: 4/11/2008 12:05:11 PM
Author: rob09

MANY men out there who honestly (a) don't care to get educated about diamonds and rings; (b) don't want to put in the effort in buying a ring and (c) are more than happy to let their GF do everything but paying for it. Is that thoughtful? No. If YOU think that the most thoughtful way is to get you involved in the process, then so be it, I have nothing against it.

There is a great difference between "let's choose a ring together, I want it to be the ring of your dreams" and "here's my credit card, have fun!" Sure, the latter is a little dismissive, but the former is an ENTIRELY different suggestion and does not deserve to be lumped in with men who literally just pay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, either, but it has to be what both want.)

And please don't insinuate that a man (like my fiance) who includes his girlfriend in the selection process is somehow 'lesser' by not taking it entirely into his own hands, or that I am somehow 'lesser' for enjoying the fact that he chose to involve me in this important purchase. That is not your judgment to make, and I find it quite offensive.

I understand that you are trying to justify your own decisions, but you don't need to--if you're doing what you think will make your girlfriend happy, then you have nothing to defend. You certainly don't need to defend yourself by tearing down others.

 

[musey]

I'm not sure that this is a thread I should continue to read, so in case I don't show up again (ha) here's some reading material. Just a few of the many, many, MANY, MANY threads there have allllreeeaady been on this subject.

Did you let her choose her ring?

Did you have a say in your ring?

So I've decided... I'm not picking her ring for her

Don't like the ring husband gave me...

Did you pick it or did he?

And just for good measure: Get the ring, then find out what she wants

 

[sklingem]

This is what I was focusing on and where in my mind the "sanity" comes in (not the fact that somebody agrees with me):

"Guys you should know which kind of girl you are with by the time you know you want to propose. Either one who wants a surprise, one that wants to pick her own ring, or somewhere in between. If you are not sure which kind of girl she is then you don''t know her well enough to ask her to marry you. Once you''re sure what kind of girl she is then do it the way she would want it. I mean if you want her to LOVE it why not do it her way?"

What it means is that there are different ways to come to what we want, i.e. the e-ring and it depends on what both partners consider desirable and what their needs are.
What ticks me off are postings that are not differentiated and use absolute statements. And I will not assume that all postings here are "obviously" only subjective and only applicable to the person who expresses them (hell, I have some opinions that I think are "right"). It would make everybody''s lives easier if people included statements such as "IMHO", "in my case, though something else may work for others", "it depends on xyz" etc. if they truly believe that their posted opinion does or shoudl not apply to everybody.
I am not here to argue but to share my opinions, which also means acknowledging EXPLICITLY
the value of other people''s take on things whether those correspond to MY way of seeing/doing things or not.
Big differences:
"It is not considerate of a FF to pick out the ring without consulting his GF"
"I would find it inconsiderate if my FF picked out my ring without consulting me because I know exaclty what I want and he thinks that the first C stands for Coors Light"

Musey, my a-c list was (potentially)mutually exclusive and I did not mean to lump people together in all three categories. I have not been tearing anybody down but I have been extremely differentiated in saying that different ways (including mine BTW) can work depending on the situation. I have also said that getting your F involved in the process was a good thing for YOU to do, given what you wanted:

"If YOU think that the most thoughtful way is to get you involved in the process, then so be it, I have nothing against it"

Plus your fiance was in none of the categories I listed (you picked the ring out together), so I am not sure how I would have offended you or him in the first place. And I said "MANY" men and not "ALL" men for a good reason.

 

[MoonWater]

Wow, this subject again. I haven't even read every post but I'm sure I completely agree with musey.

I am extremely grateful that my FF and I chose my ring together. I'm not a very girly girl, I don't wear a lot of jewelry. There is no way he could have figured out what I wanted. In fact, I started looking at engagement rings about two years ago and realized I hated damn near everything. The only thing I saw that remotely came close to what I'd be willing to wear on my finger for the rest of my life was the Tiffany Legacy. It was too expensive IMO so I pretty much gave up. I kept telling him that we'd have to get married without an engagement ring because I couldn't find what I'd be willing to wear.

One day while in a store I tried on the Ritani endless love with a halo. My FF loved it on me and I did as well. This was just random, I had no intention of wanting that ring, I had seen it before and it didn't stick out the way the Legacy did. So we decided we'd eventually get that. Fast fwd to a few months later and I found a setting that had all of the elements of the Legacy I wanted but it was round (so it was a combo of the Legacy and the Ritani). We agreed to do a custom version of the ring instead. So, had we not worked together we may never have found what we both agreed looked good on me and I would not have gotten the Edwardian look I love about the Legacy. I think my FF would have bought a simple solitaire because he gave me an oval pink sapphire solitaire for our 1st year annivesary which I've worn every day for the last 4 years (and btw, I picked it out! LOL). But my god, I would have HATED a simple diamond solitaire. I absolutely do not care for them beause they bore me (altho now I know I can make them fun like coati!!). I love my sapphire ring because the color makes it more interesting.

Another reason I'm glad I'm involved is because I discovered this website. I got an amazing stone and I don't think we would have gotten one so great, within our budget, if it were not for this site. Is it possible my FF would have found this place on his own? Maybe. But considering the wacky schedule we both had over the last year, I highly doubt it. This has become a hobby for me where as it may have been very stressful for him with the amount of items on his plate at the time. I'm glad I could find things I like and bring them to him to discuss. In the end, if we both don't like it, I don't usually go for it. But I'm very glad we BOTH got to have a say.

But the proposal, that's all him. I have no idea what's going on with that and it's fine by me.

 

[Sharon101]

Hmmm, back to the original question, I could soo relate. I am very sneaky and its just how Im wired. I am not a bad person but I cant bare to wait for things. Suspense literally kills me and I HATE surprises when I know they are coming. I like to know everything that I feel is on a `need to know` basis, which includes all gifts!!!!

My h. of 15 years has largely been unfazed by all this, because at the end of the day....is it that important.

In your case, someone you love sneaked a look at her ring. Its more naughty or cheaky, something to tease her about and maybe tell the kids when they are older. Its more sitcome funny (I Dream of Lucy or Friends or even Sex in the City) than `lets wreck our relationship` serious.

Making her wait is beyond cruel and who wins!!! I always have to question a man getting into marriage who doesnt know that the secret to his happiness is keeping his wife happy. If you start your marriage off with you punishing her, she will return the favour, and so on. It could be the start to a pattern that never breaks. Really, start off on a possitive note. Get engaged on a high, not a low. Believe me, it will pay dividends, thats for sure!

My poor guy had no chance to even ask me. I told him that on our next trip, we would come back engaged or seperated. And I spent the whole trip looking at rings before the proposal!!!! He didnt care though, and despite my bossy tactics, we are still together with 3 kids and still having fun!!!! He never knows what surprise is going to greet him though because I am very sneaky, but never boring!!!!

 

[excitedmid40sgirl]

Merch: This is my first post, and I''m getting used to the board...Interesting discussion. I agree that, even though your beloved has snooped around, there''s no reason to make her wait. If you love each other and both know the "question" is coming, go ahead, and have fun and romance -- and humor -- with it. These current dimensions of your relationship will serve you well over the years of your togetherness. Is there any update, or have I just missed it?

I also agree with the person who said that a guy may be safest gathering some preference info from his woman -- including leading her to drop hints -- and then making a selection. My wonderful boyfriend has tried, somewhat surreptitiously, to find out what I like. Knowing he wouldn''t mind (and would appreciate the help, so I''d be pleased with his choice of gift) I''ve even printed some stuff out from Web. And I told him, "I would love any of these things, AND I''d like you to chose one you also like, and that you''d be happy and proud to have me wear."

This seemed like the perfect balance for a middle-aged couple like us (one divorced, one widowed) -- who wanted to make an important decision together BUT retain some element of surprise, as to ring choice and timing and manner of proposal.

One last comment...Even in a situation with women who don''t "love jewelry" or know a lot about it, I don''t think it''s safe to assume that most would "love" anything their man picked for them. Some would, for sure. But not all. Doing some kind of homework is best way to go.

This is fun! All the best to all here in this hopefully exciting time of life.

 

[elnino2783]

One thing you could do is say some financial situation has come up and you needed the money from the ring to hold you over until you could pay off your debt. Say maybe it's at a pawn shop or you had to return it and that the jeweler you bought it from has a return policy that makes it so, but you'd have to be sure that is true because if she's the gift snooping kind, she will check for the return policy on their web site.

You'd probablly have to get creative there for what economic reason you had to return it, but this would most likely trigger another snooping event in which you can have an email that says will you marry me with a picture of the ring in the box like someone else had suggested.

 

[ringshopper2008]

A lot of very strong opinion-based posts on this thread. Lots of "my way or the highway" types.

I want to surprise my g/f with the proposal. I also want to surprise her with the ring. Do I think that this is the only way to do it? Absolutely not. Will I sit here and insult/talk down to those who aren't using the "surprise" approach? Never.

Some of you need to get off your high horses.

If my g/f says "I'd like x, y, and z in a ring" ... and then I go shopping and pick one out that I think will blow her away... what's the harm in that? I, personally, would be a bit offended if she didn't happily take my ring and wear it proudly. The ring is a symbol of my commitment and my feelings for her - so to think that she would ignore that and criticize it because she may have picked out something a little different is absurd, and would actually make me want to throw the ring in the trash and move on with my life.

 

[ringshopper2008]

Date: 4/11/2008 11:43:39 AM
Author: musey

Date: 4/11/2008 11:35:20 AM
Author: rob09

No chance for the FF of any of the women on pricescope!!

Unless they choose to give them the option of involvement, or pay close attention when hints are dropped--which they almost ALWAYS are: ''My friend just got engaged, her boyfriend gave her a simple solitaire. She loves it, but I would be so disappointed not to have a halo!''

I look at the purchase of an engagement ring like the purchase of a couple''s first house together. You talk about each others likes/dislikes, ideals, etc. then you start house hunting. Your preferences change as you see your ''likes'' and ''dislikes'' in real life. And then when you find the right one... you just know.

Or, you hire an architect and have them help you design your own house

I''d no more want my fiance to choose a house for us, unbeknownst to myself, than to choose my engagement ring all by himself. While it would be a wonderful gesture... it would not have been the most thoughtful move on his part.

engagement ring = house

hysterical.

 

[dvsone]

Buying online with a email from Hotmail or one of the many free email services.

create a temp email account.. buy.. never use account again.
so simple. Personally, we know each other''s email passwords b/c it''s convenient, if we need to send an email on another''s behalf etc.. we''re getting married so we''re obviously not in it to screw the other person.

temp email.. end of problems.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 6/6/2008 2:11:35 PM
Author: ringshopper2008

Date: 4/11/2008 11:43:39 AM

Author: musey

Date: 4/11/2008 11:35:20 AM

Author: rob09


No chance for the FF of any of the women on pricescope!!

Unless they choose to give them the option of involvement, or pay close attention when hints are dropped--which they almost ALWAYS are: 'My friend just got engaged, her boyfriend gave her a simple solitaire. She loves it, but I would be so disappointed not to have a halo!'

I look at the purchase of an engagement ring like the purchase of a couple's first house together. You talk about each others likes/dislikes, ideals, etc. then you start house hunting. Your preferences change as you see your 'likes' and 'dislikes' in real life. And then when you find the right one... you just know.


Or, you hire an architect and have them help you design your own house

I'd no more want my fiance to choose a house for us, unbeknownst to myself, than to choose my engagement ring all by himself. While it would be a wonderful gesture... it would not have been the most thoughtful move on his part.

engagement ring = house


hysterical.

Engagement ring = worn every day for the rest of her life

house = lived in every day but only until you decide to move

Sorry, I just don't believe that there are as many women out there who don't have preferences about jewelery as there are men who think they can just pick whatever they want and their girlfriends will love it just because it's from them. It would be nice if life were like that, but I don't believe it is.

I have never met a woman who didn't have opinions about jewelery, and I'm from Canada where anything over a carat is considered quite large.

On the other hand, if guys are willing to accept changing the e-ring in 5 years as her first 'upgrade', go ahead and get whatever, because it's temporary.

I don't think women always need to be as involved as the ladies of PS often are if they don't have as strong a preference, but a guy needs to have a very clear picture of what kind of ring she wants.

If you can't relate to the house analogy, how about:

Engagement ring = tattoo.

 

[trillionaire]

LOL, I love the emphasis on surprise! I have sent my SO pics and links of beautiful rings, and I would be SHOCKED if he actually got me any one of them. I think he wants to feel like he is part of the process and not just the financier. Though I think that is sweet, I don''t know how much he is going to want to learn about diamonds, and I dying for a Trillion (solitaire or center stone), which seem a bit trickier than most to get in a well cut stone. (Plus I am a fabulous bargain hunter, and would hate to waste extra money on an overpriced ring! He is more of the type to pay more for convenience than to scour for details.) I LOVE the idea of being surprised, but if I pick it, and don''t know when he gets it or is going to give it to me, I can''t imagine NOT being surprised. And THRILLED!

A few years ago, before I knew anything about rings, I would have been happy with a standard princess solitaire, but now I am much more interested in something that reflects my personality and uniqueness. If I had no say in the process before, I would have preferred that, so that I could be surprised. However, I would like to think that after 5 years, I could just tell my SO what I like (he is a perfectionist, so he would be devastated if I hated my ring), to save him the headache & money! I can''t help but think he''s going to feel lucky if he buys the ring I am eyeing... it would save him thousands on what he would probably spend, and I would be the happiest FI!

I also don''t think that the expression of preference is a woman thing. PEOPLE want what they want, even if it is a gift. I wouldn''t buy a new sound card for my SO''s computer without consulting him, and I would trust him to know exactly what he likes best. One sound card might perform better than another, much like a meticulously selected ring may "perform" better than another. All of the same love is communicated in the gift giving, sans the anxiety and potential disappointments.

 

[musey]

Wow, this thread is REALLY old.

Ringshopper, if you don't understand the house analogy, then I suppose I can't help you much. My point was that it is a major purchase made in the interest of both parties, so both parties have the right to be involved if they want to be, in my opinion.

I think that the guys on here are (as usual) having a difficult time seeing the VAST grey area between choosing a ring entirely on their own, and having their girlfriend say "that one" then whipping out the credit card.

If my g/f says "I'd like x, y, and z in a ring" ... and then I go shopping and pick one out that I think will blow her away... what's the harm in that?

No harm, as long as you know she wouldn't like to be more involved than that.

I, personally, would be a bit offended if she didn't happily take my ring and wear it proudly.

The only time I've ever heard about this happening is a former PSer who came here incredibly stricken with guilt because she really disliked the ring her husband-to-be had picked out, which was the polar opposite of what she'd hinted at--she wanted antiquey and delicate, he'd custom-designed a chunky, modern, masculine, gypsy-set ring. It was a very nice ring, but style-wise quite a risk for any 'surprise' gift. She loved the sentiment, and the man--just not the ring. He'd never asked her what she liked, and ignored all volunteered hints, including that she would have liked to design a ring together. This is where problems arise which are quite easily avoided, if the guy pays a little bit of attention.

The ring is a symbol of my commitment and my feelings for her - so to think that she would ignore that and criticize it because she may have picked out something a little different is absurd, and would actually make me want to throw the ring in the trash and move on with my life.

Me too. I can't imagine any of the lovely PSers doing something so hurtful.

But again, there's a big difference between trashing a ring that has already been picked out vs. asking to be involved in the selection process beforehand. I'm really not sure where the connection can be drawn between the two, yet guys seem to keep finding a way...

 

[musey]

By the way, I love this mentality that a woman wanting to have some involvement in the selection of her own engagement ring (which she will be wearing on HER finger for, hopefully, the rest of her life) is somehow 'demanding' and 'insulting.' Yet, for a guy to want full power of decision over something that isn't even for his use is completely reasonable, and not only that, but somehow inherently and universally more romantic than any other possible approach to the process. Love it.

I'm really glad that my FI is not of this mindset, but I admit it continues to make for good reality TV.

And as for anyone being on a high horse, I sure hope that statement wasn't directed at me. Oh yes, quite a high horse... suggesting that a guy should do everything he reasonably can to make sure his girlfriend is as thrilled as he is with a major purchase that is intended for her, after all. How DARE I suggest such blasphemy?

And no, I don't mean that "everything he reasonably can" means always taking your girl to Tiffany's and letting her point out her fave ring for you to finance. I mean feeling her out, figuring out how she would be happiest with the process. Sometimes it's blind faith in her man's choice, sometimes it's dropping hints, sometimes it's sharing in the process together, sometimes it is, in fact, picking it out herself and having her guy plunk down the cash. If you're about to propose, then you know which girl you're with... and if you don't, then ask her. If her preference is somehow distasteful to you, then I'm sorry, you're with the wrong person.


Come on, people. It's not unreasonable: do your best to please the receiver of your gift. There are MANY different ways to go about this, and there is NO one-size-fits-all answer.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/6/2008 9:31:59 PM
Author: musey
By the way, I love this mentality that a woman wanting to have some involvement in the selection of her own engagement ring (which she will be wearing on HER finger for, hopefully, the rest of her life) is somehow 'demanding' and 'insulting.' Yet, for a guy to want full power of decision over something that isn't even for his use is completely reasonable, and not only that, but somehow inherently and universally more romantic than any other possible approach to the process. Love it.


I'm really glad that my FI is not of this mindset, but I admit it continues to make for good reality TV.


And as for anyone being on a high horse, I sure hope that statement wasn't directed at me. Oh yes, quite a high horse... suggesting that a guy should do everything he reasonably can to make sure his girlfriend is as thrilled as he is with a major purchase that is intended for her, after all. How DARE I suggest such blasphemy?


And no, I don't mean that 'everything he reasonably can' means always taking your girl to Tiffany's and letting her point out her fave ring for you to finance. I mean feeling her out, figuring out how she would be happiest with the process. Sometimes it's blind faith in her man's choice, sometimes it's dropping hints, sometimes it's sharing in the process together, sometimes it is, in fact, picking it out herself and having her guy plunk down the cash. If you're about to propose, then you know which girl you're with... and if you don't, then ask her. If her preference is somehow distasteful to you, then I'm sorry, you're with the wrong person.



Come on, people. It's not unreasonable: do your best to please the receiver of your gift. There are MANY different ways to go about this, and there is NO one-size-fits-all answer.

I agree with everything you've said, musey, but I just wanted to add that not all women even expect the man to pay for the whole thing. J and I have talked about the engagement ring a number of times, and what works for us (since I want to be very involved in the process and he feels relieved that he isn't expected to read my mind) is that we're doing everything together--including paying for it. For us, the whole thing symbolizes the two of us starting our life together, officially, and we do everything as a team.

So, the assumption that seems to be hinted at here, that women who are involved in the purchasing of the engagement ring are "demanding" this ring or the other while just waiting for the man to pick up the tab--I find that notion highly offensive. There are MANY ways to approach the purchase of an engagement ring, and I find it distasteful that some people seem to think they can judge others if the manner those other people choose to go about the process isn't *their* style. Who cares? If it works for the two people getting engaged, WHO CARES. There is no 'wrong' way to go about it, as long as the two people getting engaged are happy.

 

[dockman3]

Ok, I know this is an old thread, but I just read it all and feel like I have to weigh in on this. I agree that there is no "right" way to go about this purchase. What works for some won''t work for others. I do agree that it should be what the woman wants and not what the guy wants because she is the one wearing the ring her whole life. Now, with that being said, the guy should be able to like the ring too. The fact is that most guys today don''t know the first thing about diamonds or rings and some never care to get educated. There are others of us who want to give the perfect ring and get extremely educated by coming on sites like these. I have a feeling that any guy who''s on this site is putting more thought and effort into it than most guys out there. I just bought the engagement ring that I''m incredibly proud of and my gf a)doesn''t know and b)did have some input. She doesn''t wear a lot of jewelery and has no diamonds to speak of and at this point I know sooo much more than she does about jewelery. But she did know that she wanted a 3 stone ring and I wanted to get her a solitaire because I"m a bit more traditional. So what did I do? I got her a 3-stone with a larger center stone, but its what SHE wanted. I even asked her about metal choice and she said it didn''t matter because she thinks both go with her skin tone, so that was left up to me as well. So this was a case of involvement through questions, but those questions are the only way a guy is going to know what his girl likes. Any guy that buys a ring without asking her some of those questions runs the risk of getting something she won''t like, unless its exactly like another piece she wears. So to sum it all up, every couple needs to do this their own way and there is no right or wrong way to buy a ring, but the guys should know what their girls want, either through questions or careful observation. I feel its about the girl and this should be a selfless thing the guy does for her to show how much her loves her.