so called friends.

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 9:31:55 PM
Author: decodelighted
A bit off topic but it so reminded me of this thread ... on Jezebel & The Knot & The Nest a bunch of gals are discussing a husband who emailed his wife that he was angry he didn''t get sex on his birthday. Note: the wife worked 7am-4pm & spend the rest of the night AT THE HOSPITAL WITH THEIR PREMATURE BABY.

Married ''Nesters'' & Jezebel readers are WAY on the wife''s side -- saying the guy is a jerk.
Unmarried/engaged ''Knotties'' are all ... ''she shouldn''t be ignoring his needs'' etc.

But both sides agree: birthdays over 21 = no big deal anymore. *shrug*

lol. point taken!

 

[diamondfan]

I am not doubting you, but are you sure no one is planning anything? I know sometimes people like the element of surprise. Anyway, whatever happens, try to have a great day. Sorry your man cannot be with you!

 

[simplysplendid]

Hmmm... on the other hand, a good friend wouldn''t mind if a friend forgets his/her birthday or couldn''t make the celebrations...?

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 10/16/2007 11:00:02 PM
Author: simplysplendid
Hmmm... on the other hand, a good friend wouldn''t mind if a friend forgets his/her birthday or couldn''t make the celebrations...?

It wouldn''t necessarily bother me if anyone forgot... or couldn''t make it... but it''s that they are choosing not to attend because of where the get together is in relation to themselves.

 

[nytemist]

And happy birthday to you Sabine!

Bubbly, I''m gald you have some plans in motion. Enjoy!

P.S I''d love to be 23 again. Want to trade?

 

[laine]

Bubbly--I know how you feel. It isn''t really about the birthday (or whatever occasion). Its more about the fact that you put in all the effort and are always the one to work around the other person, but they can''t be bothered to go at all out of their way, even though you do it all the time.

I''ve had friends like this (I''m sure we all have) and alot of them have drifted away. Eventually, I gave up if they weren''t going to try. I do have one friend who used to be like this who has gotten so much better (I realize she got it from her mother, and since moving away from her mom, she can see how frustrating it is for others), so people can change. And you may decide some people are worth making the effort for (maybe they have a good reason to be inflexible), while others are not.

Its ok to let friendships fade. Choose the ones that are worth holding on to, and let the others drift apart.

PS. Happy Birthday!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Have you suggested meeting at a halfway point? Do you live someplace that is very inconvenient to get to? I have been known to skip out on a birthday celebration or two in my time because they were in the City and that is an hour drive, plus time on the subway and then I have to go and do it all over again just to get home. Thankfully my friends understand my situation, just as I understand the times when they can’t travel all the way to me for a party or night out.

You should absolutely tell your friends how you feel. Let them know that you are bothered by their inflexibility. The only way they are going to know how you are feeling is if you tell them. It sucks to feel the way you do, I know I went through this with my friends right around your age and as it happened I would become hurt and find that I was constantly looking for a reason for their decisions. Turns out they were just focusing on starting their lives just like I was my own.

Maybe they are planning a surprise for you, maybe they are not. I don’t want to get your hopes up. Once your birthday has passed and you’ve gotten the sour taste out of your mouth, you should try to talk to each friend individually and see if there’s a reason why s/he is not willing to make the 30 min drive to your neck of the woods. Communication is key in any relationship, including friendships.

 

[anchor31]

How about family? Birthdays are always more of a family thing for me. My siblings and I always get together at my parents'' with the SO''s and a couple of friends and have a nice dinner of the birthday-ee''s (

) choice. It''s really nice; the SO''s also get their birthday dinner at my parents''. I love my family.

Happy birthday!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I know how you feel!! My birthday is always over spring break (St. Patty''s Day!) and I usually only get to celebrate with one or two friends because everyone else is out of town, or packing, or hanging out with family/friends from high school. My birthday is usually forgotten by 90% of my friends. It used to reallllly bug me, especially because I''m only 20 and I''ve gone to plenty of huge birthday parties in the last few years. But, I''ve learned to take it in stride and I know that it''s not personal.

I agree with all of the others! Bake yourself a cake, drink a glass or two of champagne, and do something you love!

 

[perry]

Bubbly:

Well... Truth be told... It shows how much they are interested in you at the moment - period. Now perhaps they have a major crises at the moment that takes priority. But, most probably they are not that interested in you anymore.

Years ago I made a big thing about calling all of my "freinds and family" and talking every month. I''d visit them too...

Yet I noticed that almost none of them would call me - or visit me.

Then I cut down the calls to every other month, then quarterly, then 6 months... I stopped visiting too...

I have a brother who lives 45 miles from me who I have visited at least a half dozen times; yet, he has never visited me once (in almost 7 years).

I sent Xmass cards every year - and many of these people would not send me a card (or only send one after they got mine).

In the end I stopped worring about them and let them go... Almost none of these folks ever said that they missed me as I slowly cut off my efforts to communicate. If I happen to be traveling to where they live I might call when I''m in town and say hi; but, that is about it.

I also stopped wating on them to show for sharred activities and found that I could enjoy things on my own. Made life a lot simpler. That does not mean that I do not like to have company for many things - just that I am not going to go out of my way for someone who is not really interested in doing something together.

My advice... Time to make new freinds - and/or learn to go out and have a good time by yourself.

Have a great birthday !

Perry

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 10/18/2007 9:30:36 AM
Author: laine
Bubbly--I know how you feel. It isn''t really about the birthday (or whatever occasion). Its more about the fact that you put in all the effort and are always the one to work around the other person, but they can''t be bothered to go at all out of their way, even though you do it all the time.

I''ve had friends like this (I''m sure we all have) and alot of them have drifted away. Eventually, I gave up if they weren''t going to try. I do have one friend who used to be like this who has gotten so much better (I realize she got it from her mother, and since moving away from her mom, she can see how frustrating it is for others), so people can change. And you may decide some people are worth making the effort for (maybe they have a good reason to be inflexible), while others are not.

Its ok to let friendships fade. Choose the ones that are worth holding on to, and let the others drift apart.

PS. Happy Birthday!

I think you''ve hit the nail on the head with this one. Bubbly, I felt this way a lot while I was in college. I lived at home about 35 minutes from school and I always had to be the one to drive out to friends'' to go out, etc. I lived "too far away" for them to drive out to my place even though I actually lived closer to school/bars/hangouts than they did. Go figure

. Eventually I just stopped going out with them since it was obvious that I was the only one making an effort.

It is also true that sometimes friends drift away and that''s something I''m dealing with right now. A close friend of mine from college has a 1 year old son and is preggo with twins and seems to aviod me. I don''t know why but she is pretty distant lately and I''m just confused. I understand that she''s preggo and tired, stressed out, whatever, but how does that equal no lunches out/phone calls/emails more than one line? I just don''t know what to say to her anymore. She''s a great person and we''ve always gotten along so I don''t know - I think it''s just time to let go so to speak.

In the meantime enjoy the time you have by yourself and focus on the good friends that you do have and be thankful for your family. (((hugs))).

~Jess~

 

[rainydaze]

bubbly, i hope you got to enjoy your birthday!

i had a similar situation with my closest friend from college. once college was done, and we lived further apart (about an hour) we would get together to go into the city for nights out. well, it seemed i was always driving out WEST to meet at her HOUSE, get into her car, and drive back EAST to head into the city. when the night was over, and it was late and i was exhausted, i would have to drive all the way back to her house (an hour and a half), then back to my house (an hour). finally i''d had enough and asked if we could work something else out - either she could come by my place half the time (it would put her out about as much as it was putting me out, maybe a little less) or meet somewhere equal for both of us so that i wasn''t falling asleep on the ride home.

i overheard her discussing this with her father while i was on the phone waiting to determine a meeting place, and heard him say ''well, you don''t want to put YOURSELF out.''

gee, thanks. needless to say, our friendship did not survive. she just couldn''t bring herself to be more considerate, and i just couldn''t bring myself to be her doormat any longer. it''s too bad, for a bit there we really did have a special friendship and i still miss her from time to time. odd how people evolve sometimes..... (oh, and one time she had me sleep over her house, which was her parents house, and guess where she put me? in her 17-year-old brother''s bed!! who was there that night, mind you, and had to sleep on the couch. ummmm, THAT was awkward and i would have rather slept on the floor but she would NOT let me for the life of her. i don''t think his sheets had been washed for the occasion!!

).

i did try talking with her about how this was making me feel, twice, and unfortunately it didn''t go well (her parents really spoiled her, and about this time it really started to show. she would get very defensive and could not see my side of things). but at least i know i tried, and made the effort. i think it''s worth talking to your friends and hopefully at least one, and hopefully more, will be receptive and your friendships can grow from it.

 

[akw94]

Bubbly,
Happy Birthday! And also Happy Birthday to Sabine and Nytemist. I have a late October birthday ... lots of bdays around this time it seems.

I thought the idea of trying to make some new friends sounds like a good idea. Maybe there''s an event or something you can attend to meet other people or just something that you enjoy doing. That way you''re out and about and doing something you like. But I definitely agree w/pampering yourself on your bday. I think I''m going to take off work and get some needed relaxation. As a matter of fact, I''m looking fwd to it more and more as I think about it.
Hopefully you and your bf can celebrate on the next weekend or sometime during the week.

Enjoy your day!

 

[bubbly1126]

Thanks to everyone for contributing your stories and advice to help make me feel better!

I guess it it time to just let go of some of those friends who just seem to not want to be bothered anymore and make new friends!

I do plan to at least talk to them about it though and let them know how I feel. Maybe it''s just all a misunderstanding, who knows. But I do think I should at least try to talk to them.

Thanks again!!

 

[Skippy123]

Happy Birthday Bubbly, Sabine and Nytemist! I like the idea of a spa day. Happy Birthday!

 

[bubbly1126]

THANKS!!