so..first money question

[rainbowtrout]

I assumed an officiant only cost about 50 dollars or so? Since we still have to find a rabbi I hadn''t thought about it much.

 

[Mara]

RT sounds like you already got it all worked out but what i would do is give both families a list of who is invited on tier A or whatever and say 'this is what our budget covers in terms of attendees, we tried to get the most important people into this list, but this is how it stands.'...then they can draw their own conclusions. i think it would depend on my relationship with their family on if i would ask for money, but i probably wouldn't as i am not comfortable asking for money from my own parents/family at my age, so i probably wouldn't feel comfortable asking it from his family either, but that is just me! if i was younger or we were just starting out, i might feel more comfortable asking my own parents.

 

[enbcfsobe]

I don''t know how much an officiant costs, but since your breakdown was pretty detailed I thought I''d raise it. I''m not sure $50 will cover it, though, depending on whether it is someone you already have some relationship with and how far they have to travel.

I like Mara''s idea if you are going to try to use the list to prompt them -- maybe even have an "a" list and a "b" list, and you can explain that the "a" list is all the people you want to invite and can afford, but the "b" list is those you''d like to invite but won''t fit in the very modest and well-thought-out budget. you can even offer to send out invites to those on the "b" list as soon as you get any declines from the "a" list. (unless that is some sort of horrible faux pas -- i don''t know about that). this is a really simplistic version of the explanation, but you get the idea. just a thought.

 

[hikerchick]

I would send him the guest list with a note explaining that you have a limited number of guest spots due to budget reasons and have been working hard to ensure that the most important family members are included. Here is what you have come up with and can he (Dad) look it over.

We are in a similar situation but not so much due to budget as due to the seating/space limitations at our venue. We are running our list bu both sets of parents. His parents have given 1 or 2 suggestions and are not inviting any of their friends. My parents have been a bit more difficult but after some initial arguments, I jusr made it clear that for every person they add to the list, I am forced to remove someone I felt important enough to include. It took about 5 tries and some yelling to get the point across but they understood finally.

Make sure to stress that you cannot add any more people but need them to look and make sure you haven''t missed someone who is non-negotiable. If they try to add a bunch of people you have already had to cut, then that gives you a chance to tell them that you already considered so and so but cannot afford to keep them on the list. I wouldn''t come right out and ask for money but this method puts them in the position to offer. If they offer a certain amount then you can figure out how many more guests that new amount will allow and go from there.

Good Luck . . . money issues are the stickiest part of weddings by far.