So, how are we all?

[chocolatefudge]

Hi Ladies,

Well I haven''t posted properly in a while so though I''d start a thread to see how everyone is and where you are up to? I can''t believe how many ladies have gotten engaged lately!! I''m number 18 (or 19??) on the list and started in the 90s I''m sure!! It makes me fell excited, although I can see my self reaching number 1 and staying there forever!! Ha ha!!

I''ve tried not to mention engagements at all, and aside form a slight blip where SO told his sister and partner that he''s not getting married because he wants freedom (cue lots of grovelling from him as I was NOT impressed!!) things seem to be going ok. He''s mentioned the end of the year timeline a couple of times and I can''t believe it will happen this year!! I have no idea when it will happen but am not expecting it in the next month or so because as far as I''m aware he hasn''t got any money saved or even looked at rings. However, I know he''ll want it all to be a surprise so I suppose he could have lots of money hodden away!!
Dreamt last night that he porposed with this ugly jelly looking ring! I was trying to pretend to love it, although to be honest, I was so excited to be enagaged I didn''t care!

So how is everyone else progressing??

 

[KCCutie]

chocolatefudge

I was wondering where you had been just the other day. It''s good to see you around again!

The end of the year is sooner than you think it''s actually 5 months and counting which is just CRAZY. It''ll be here before you know it!

I''m stuck in a weird LIW limbo. LOL Our time line was to be engaged before we move into our house and we have a contract pending on a house, BUT it''s a short sale (ugh!) which means the current owners owe more on the house than it''s worth right now and the bank has to agree to take a small loss. Right now we''re waiting to see if the bank will agree, so we don''t even have a closing date yet. However when we do get one it''ll be like "alright we accept your offer but you have to close in 14 days." So I could have whirlwind of excitement if he waits until we get a closing date. However it could be another 30-60 days so I''m not holding my breath just yet.

 

[Mannequin]

CF - Maybe you'll get a special holiday proposal, with that kind of a timeline. Good luck!

KCC - I hope everything goes well with your closing. Some friends of mine just got a house through a bank and it took longer than expected, but they are finally preparing to move in. Come back and let us know when you need some dust.

As for me, well, I caved last night. I told myself I wasn't going to do it anymore, not until an engagement was obviously close, but my willpower gave out...

I...

bought...

*gasp*

...wedding ****! A huge Modern Brides issue and the ginormous new Knot with the yellow cover. I couldn't help myself!

LOL I guess I can rationalize that when I do get a proposal, I'll have magazines with ideas from various seasons.

I am almost into the top 10 on the list after all the recent engagements, and I am AMAZED at how fast a year has flown by since I added myself there. My FF and I now live together and manage a few rental properties together. He has stated many times that he is emotionally ready to be married to me and he wants to be with me forever. I love him to bits, and we had originally talked about getting engaged this summer. However, due to some financial issues with FF's job and the rentals in this troubled economic market, we will not be able to look at engagement rings until next year. I am okay with it because I would prefer to have a shorter engagement (1 yr or less), and I would prefer that he waits to propose until we are ready to financially commit to planning a wedding. So, it'll be a while for me. CF, I think I'll be #1 before you, hahaha.

 

[Lauren8211]

All I know is that FF has the diamond, we haven''t yet looked at settings (probably will within the next couple of weeks), and he has promised it will be within the next year. I am thinking early 2009, maybe our 3 year anniversary in January? Either way, I know that by the end of June 2009, I WILL be planning my wedding.

 

[FrekeChild]

Um. Well. I made a new "Sheet" detailing everything I want in a ring-this one made his input more important, and I''m planning on this one being the last one because, to be frank, I don''t want to worry or stress about it any more.

Buuuuuuttttt.....He also brought up the idea of getting married in Vegas about a week ago, and I''ve been researching it ever since then. And I''m really excited. He''s talked about budget, he''s looked at pictures of chapels, hotels, rooms, restaurants, and anything else I can come up with. Although he drew a line at specifically who to invite, he mentioned knowing that I want to keep it as small as possible, and he thought that Vegas would be a good way to justify doing that without hurting a lot of people''s feelings.

I actually started a thread in BWW about the subject, and I *gasp!* get a little sappy in it. (According to choro, she didn''t think it was possible that Freke could get sappy. Lol.) Anyway, if you''re bored, check it out! Las Vegas Weddings!

So different, but interesting progress....

 

[chocolatefudge]

Grrr!! Just wrote a massive (heartfelt, may I add!) response and the computer ate it!!
Just wanted to say that I''m glad things seem to be going so well for us all and I look forward to hearing the first engagement announcement!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Hi-

So I have some sad news for me this summer... My boyfriend was going to buy the diamond for the setting he had already bought me but we talked about it and we decided we didn''t want to spend the money since we are moving in together and have to pay rent and we just got kittens so we have a lot of vet bills for them. SO we postponed getting the diamond (

) not because I want the diamond but I want to be engaged!!!! So sad, but I do understand we don''t want to worry about money. GRRR!!!!

 

[chocolatefudge]

Oh no I totally see where you''re coming from. Me and my SO are looking at buying a house as the market seems to be becoming more favourable. I really don''t see how we will afford a house AND a ring AND a wedding!! I have had to stop thinking about it as it really stresses me out!!

 

[radiantquest]

kinda new to ps. i dont have a thread with my story, but i guess i am progressing. supposed to be by the end of the year. i dunno there have been so many times i almost had it that im not sure when i will get my ring anymore.

 

[gwendolyn]

Hey hey, chocolatefudge, great to hear from you! Things are going ok here--not amazing but that''s because we''re in the middle of preparing to move and trying to find a way to do stuff like rent a van and apartment shop in person when we have no money. Stressful! But it''s all leading up to settling down together in our own place in London, which is fab.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Oh girls!! I''m not feeling as calm today as I have been about the whole engagement thing. SO been in a bit of a grouchy mood because of work so that put me in a bad mood. Now I keep thinking about whether he IS doing anything towards getting engaged as I don''t think he has! He NEVER mentions a thing about it and I''m sure he hasn''t saved any money. The end of the year isn''t too far away and I just can''t see it happening. I have been very restrained and not mentioned it and I would hate to push him into it more than anything, but I''m fed up of waiting!! If a proposal doesn''t come within the next couple of weeks (which I am 99.9% sure it won''t) then it looks like a summer 2010 wedding for me, which seems ages away!! I want to get married in the summer as I''m a teacher and won''t be able to have enough time off for a honeymoon any other time of the year. But worse than that, if he doesn''t do it before the end of the year it means I seriously have to reconsider everything about our relationship and whether he ever does want to marry me. Scary!! I know I shouldn''t think these things until the end of the year arrives but I like to plan ahead!
Anyway just a bit of a rant, if I do it on here it stops me screaming it at him!! Hee hee! I will not mention it to him again, I will not, I will not!!

 

[Independent Gal]

He said he doesn''t want to get married because he wants freedom? Do you have a firm reason to think he was just joking around and that he didn''t mean it?

Please don''t buy a house with him until you really know what''s going on.

 

[littlelysser]

Date: 8/3/2008 1:15:04 PM
Author: Independent Gal
He said he doesn''t want to get married because he wants freedom? Do you have a firm reason to think he was just joking around and that he didn''t mean it?


Please don''t buy a house with him until you really know what''s going on.

Ditto, ditto, 1000 times ditto!

 

[FrekeChild]

Apparently FF is saving some $$$. He said something about wanting to buy a Xbox 360 or PS3 soon because he has extra money floating around. My response was very lackluster because I was thinking about getting him one of those for Christmas. But he mistook it for being upset because then there wouldn't be any $ going into "The Bling Fund". So then he looks at me and says, "Don't worry baby, I've got that in mind too. It's not all going to get spent on me."

Wohoo!

But man, I kind of hope he doesn't get one of those consoles, because then I'll have to start from scratch with Christmas presents...

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 8/3/2008 1:15:04 PM
Author: Independent Gal
He said he doesn''t want to get married because he wants freedom? Do you have a firm reason to think he was just joking around and that he didn''t mean it?

Please don''t buy a house with him until you really know what''s going on.

Ditto.

Did he say it in front of you, or just to his sister and her partner in private? Did he explain why he said it?

 

[Bia]

waiting...as usual

But things are good

 

[dragonfly411]

Well I am good. Just returned from a vacation. SO and I had a talksie recently and he mentioned that he just doesn''t feel ready for the big question yet, he wants to be a bit older and more financially stable and know that we will make it. I completely agree with him and told him that I didn''t want him to do it until he was ready, and I''d be here waiting the whole time, regardless. I pointed him in the *ahem* right directions for when he IS ready, and I have not mentioned it since, and I''m ok with it! I can look at ideas and what not and have fun, but I don''t need it right now the way I felt I did. We''re working on some fun things, like rebuilding my pig''s house, expanding the garden into gardenS, and just enjoying life. So that''s me.

 

[ash313]

Date: 8/1/2008 11:02:15 AM
Author: elledizzy5
All I know is that FF has the diamond, we haven''t yet looked at settings (probably will within the next couple of weeks), and he has promised it will be within the next year. I am thinking early 2009, maybe our 3 year anniversary in January? Either way, I know that by the end of June 2009, I WILL be planning my wedding.

Elle, I''ve heard you say before that he would propose before 11:59:59 on December 31, 2009. This is updated!!! Any new development along those lines??? Exciting!

As for me, just waiting. It''s definitely happening this fall, my guess is before November, but I suppose it could go later. I just doubt he would do it that close to exams.

I have picked out the style ring I want, and given him some generally preferred specs, and he has been researching...in the meantime, we''re loving life and enjoying the anticipation!

We have gone to two weddings in the past couple of months, and have two coming up within the next couple of months. All this wedding business makes us anxious, but also gives us "what not to do" or "what to do" ideas, so that''s kind of cool.

So, I''m hopeful I won''t be waiting any longer than the next three months - woo hoo!

 

[trillionaire]

Relationship wise, I am fantastic. SO and I just had the most incredible weekend doing nothing in particular. I also confirmed suspicions that he purchased my diamond

using a little detective work. The setting and everything else is still a surprise, but I am a happy girl! It was cute to hear him this weekend telling me "you should be here all the time," I just said, "I know!"

Personally wise, I need to get my life together

And I just took my car to the shop and was quoted 2K worth of work.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 8/4/2008 12:59:19 PM
Author: leeNY

Date: 8/1/2008 11:02:15 AM
Author: elledizzy5
All I know is that FF has the diamond, we haven''t yet looked at settings (probably will within the next couple of weeks), and he has promised it will be within the next year. I am thinking early 2009, maybe our 3 year anniversary in January? Either way, I know that by the end of June 2009, I WILL be planning my wedding.

Elle, I''ve heard you say before that he would propose before 11:59:59 on December 31, 2009. This is updated!!! Any new development along those lines??? Exciting!

As for me, just waiting. It''s definitely happening this fall, my guess is before November, but I suppose it could go later. I just doubt he would do it that close to exams.

I have picked out the style ring I want, and given him some generally preferred specs, and he has been researching...in the meantime, we''re loving life and enjoying the anticipation!

We have gone to two weddings in the past couple of months, and have two coming up within the next couple of months. All this wedding business makes us anxious, but also gives us ''what not to do'' or ''what to do'' ideas, so that''s kind of cool.

So, I''m hopeful I won''t be waiting any longer than the next three months - woo hoo!

Ha! Good point. I guess I kind of forgot that was our potential timeline. LOL. I''m an idiot.

I know it''ll be earlier than that because when we got the safe deposit box for the ring, she said it was $42/year for the box. I said "Well hopefully we''ll only be needing it one year." and FF said "It won''t be longer than a year."

So my first guess was our 3 year anniversary in January, but FF wants a surprise, so I don''t think he''ll do anything that predictable. He also leaned towards waiting until I''ve graduated, but again, I graduate at the end of April, and so that would only give him a 2 month window to propose, and again.. not much surprise there. Any time during that 2 month window that we go out to dinner somewhere nice, I''ll know. LOL

So he either has to do it REALLY soon here, or do it in a way that I''ll NEVER expect for it to be a surprise. Who knows what he has up his sleeve?

That''s awesome if you get it that soon, Lee!! I LOVE fall so, so much and would love a fall proposal. Something about the smell in the air is so romantic! *swoon* It''s good that you''re enjoying the wait! I''m really enjoying it right now, too. I''ve been very calm lately - no anxiety about proposals!

 

[ash313]

Date: 8/4/2008 2:23:42 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 8/4/2008 12:59:19 PM

Author: leeNY

Date: 8/1/2008 11:02:15 AM

Author: elledizzy5

All I know is that FF has the diamond, we haven''t yet looked at settings (probably will within the next couple of weeks), and he has promised it will be within the next year. I am thinking early 2009, maybe our 3 year anniversary in January? Either way, I know that by the end of June 2009, I WILL be planning my wedding.

Elle, I''ve heard you say before that he would propose before 11:59:59 on December 31, 2009. This is updated!!! Any new development along those lines??? Exciting!

As for me, just waiting. It''s definitely happening this fall, my guess is before November, but I suppose it could go later. I just doubt he would do it that close to exams.


I have picked out the style ring I want, and given him some generally preferred specs, and he has been researching...in the meantime, we''re loving life and enjoying the anticipation!


We have gone to two weddings in the past couple of months, and have two coming up within the next couple of months. All this wedding business makes us anxious, but also gives us ''what not to do'' or ''what to do'' ideas, so that''s kind of cool.


So, I''m hopeful I won''t be waiting any longer than the next three months - woo hoo!

Ha! Good point. I guess I kind of forgot that was our potential timeline. LOL. I''m an idiot.

I know it''ll be earlier than that because when we got the safe deposit box for the ring, she said it was $42/year for the box. I said ''Well hopefully we''ll only be needing it one year.'' and FF said ''It won''t be longer than a year.''


So my first guess was our 3 year anniversary in January, but FF wants a surprise, so I don''t think he''ll do anything that predictable. He also leaned towards waiting until I''ve graduated, but again, I graduate at the end of April, and so that would only give him a 2 month window to propose, and again.. not much surprise there. Any time during that 2 month window that we go out to dinner somewhere nice, I''ll know. LOL


So he either has to do it REALLY soon here, or do it in a way that I''ll NEVER expect for it to be a surprise. Who knows what he has up his sleeve?

That''s awesome if you get it that soon, Lee!! I LOVE fall so, so much and would love a fall proposal. Something about the smell in the air is so romantic! *swoon* It''s good that you''re enjoying the wait! I''m really enjoying it right now, too. I''ve been very calm lately - no anxiety about proposals!

I''m TOTALLY with you on the smell in the air. Fall is my fave time of the year, especially when there are football games to attend in the Big House - woo hoo!

Not to mention possible engagement pics during peak color season! Oh man, I am getting ahead of myself....

So glad you are not anxious. I really am not, either, right now, with so much going on in life. It''s like now that I know it''s coming, I don''t need to worry. Yay!

 

[chocolatefudge]

In response to the ''freedom'' comment....

We were at his parents for a bbq. Me and his sister were talking about getting married (obviously not to each other!! Ha ha!) and I asked her to try and find out if my boyfriend would be proposing soon. I went upstairs to the bathroom and when I came down she was in the kitchen with him and her partner. She said something to me about my boyfriend saying he wanted freedom, but he''d said it in a jokey way. Now I was annoyed and embarassed and he knew this straight away and started apologising. The thing is, it was stupid of me to ask his sister to talk to him and he would never tell her when it would happen and so made up this ''jokey'' comment.
On the way home I got upset about it and he got really mad and said that his sister had lied and it was HER partner who walked in part way through and said, "Leave him alone, let him enjoy his freedom."

And that''s the story, what d''you think?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/4/2008 3:45:20 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
In response to the 'freedom' comment....

We were at his parents for a bbq. Me and his sister were talking about getting married (obviously not to each other!! Ha ha!) and I asked her to try and find out if my boyfriend would be proposing soon. I went upstairs to the bathroom and when I came down she was in the kitchen with him and her partner. She said something to me about my boyfriend saying he wanted freedom, but he'd said it in a jokey way. Now I was annoyed and embarassed and he knew this straight away and started apologising. The thing is, it was stupid of me to ask his sister to talk to him and he would never tell her when it would happen and so made up this 'jokey' comment.
On the way home I got upset about it and he got really mad and said that his sister had lied and it was HER partner who walked in part way through and said, 'Leave him alone, let him enjoy his freedom.'

And that's the story, what d'you think?

Hi, Chocolatefudge! I had been thinking about you before you posted, so I'm glad you did.

I feel like your biggest issue when it comes to the engagement is that you two seem to have no real communication about it. Would you agree that you have had several short, usually emotional discussions about it where you probably both make some assumptions instead of just a few non-emotional, more lengthy conversations about your future as a couple that leave you both feeling that you're on the same page?

I only ask because I see several instances in you past where you both seemed to have different expectations. For instance:

1.) The timeline. Back in late 2007 he told you that the engagement would happen soon, so you expected it by the end of the year. Then on New Year's Eve, he told you it would happen in 2008. The problem is that he was intoxicated. Still, it seems that you guys talked it out since then and this has become a realistic timeline for you both. Several months after telling you the timeline, he told you that he had a plan in place. Since you both had a timeline, it seems logical that his "plan" would fall within it.

But it all seems so inconsistent: why did he say "soon" in 2007? Did "2008" just pop into his head when he was drunk because a year didn't seem too close or too far away? And what about the plan he had back in April? If he really has a plan, why is he procrastinating in the savings department? I really get the impression that he wants to make you happy--that he wants to tell you what you want to hear, but when it comes to pulling through, there isn't anything solid in place because he feels he still has 5 months. I feel like this puts the onus on you to have some discussions to get to the bottom of this (in a nice way, not a confrontational way), but for now he's just giving vague comments.

2.) The house issue. This is a big deal. Your priority is first engagement, then wedding and house. His priority is house. You both know that you can't financially do it all at once, so there has to be a compromise. If you buy a house, then do the engagement/wedding, it's not a compromise. Why not get married at a courthouse, then buy a house, then have a bigger party in a year or so when you can afford it? That's a compromise. Remember when you told him that you wanted an engagement first and put the breaks on house hunting? And he said "Okay". What happened to that? Now the house has become the bigger priority again...in fact, I get the impression that he knows you'll cave on this because it makes you feel there is more commitment even though it pushes the engagement timeline back.

Also, you've been wanting to get engaged since your second year of dating. It's your seventh now, so you've spent 5 (!!) years patiently waiting. I wonder if over the years his feeling that you will wait for him no matter what has grown?

I'm rooting for you and wish you the best! But please don't buy a house with him...not under these circumstances (simply based on what has been posted here).

ETA: About the freedom comment--it could have been harmless, who knows. In general, though, I tend to take what men say at face value. If they joke about needing freedom, it's usually because it's partly true.

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 8/4/2008 3:45:20 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
In response to the ''freedom'' comment....


We were at his parents for a bbq. Me and his sister were talking about getting married (obviously not to each other!! Ha ha!) and I asked her to try and find out if my boyfriend would be proposing soon. I went upstairs to the bathroom and when I came down she was in the kitchen with him and her partner. She said something to me about my boyfriend saying he wanted freedom, but he''d said it in a jokey way. Now I was annoyed and embarassed and he knew this straight away and started apologising. The thing is, it was stupid of me to ask his sister to talk to him and he would never tell her when it would happen and so made up this ''jokey'' comment.

On the way home I got upset about it and he got really mad and said that his sister had lied and it was HER partner who walked in part way through and said, ''Leave him alone, let him enjoy his freedom.''


And that''s the story, what d''you think?

I think that''s just the way some guys joke around. Of course I don''t think it''s funny but it''s very common. It seems like your SO didn''t say it or if he did he said it in a joking manor to another guy. He apologized for it. I don''t think you need to worry about that. However it does sound like your sister''s partner said it and you just walked into the conversation at a bad time.

My so does the same thing making comments to guy friends about their life "ending when they get married"

. He knows I don''t think it''s funny so he doesn''t do it around me anymore but I doubt he stopped altogether. On the other hand he also tell his friends that he''s going to marry me (and had a very in depth conversation about rings with his cousin''s fiance this weekend) so I know he''s serious about me and about marrying me. I think those comments are just a way to get a laugh out of his guy friends.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 8/4/2008 5:06:05 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 8/4/2008 3:45:20 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
In response to the ''freedom'' comment....

We were at his parents for a bbq. Me and his sister were talking about getting married (obviously not to each other!! Ha ha!) and I asked her to try and find out if my boyfriend would be proposing soon. I went upstairs to the bathroom and when I came down she was in the kitchen with him and her partner. She said something to me about my boyfriend saying he wanted freedom, but he''d said it in a jokey way. Now I was annoyed and embarassed and he knew this straight away and started apologising. The thing is, it was stupid of me to ask his sister to talk to him and he would never tell her when it would happen and so made up this ''jokey'' comment.
On the way home I got upset about it and he got really mad and said that his sister had lied and it was HER partner who walked in part way through and said, ''Leave him alone, let him enjoy his freedom.''

And that''s the story, what d''you think?

Hi, Chocolatefudge! I had been thinking about you before you posted, so I''m glad you did.

I feel like your biggest issue when it comes to the engagement is that you two seem to have no real communication about it. Would you agree that you have had several short, usually emotional discussions about it where you probably both make some assumptions instead of just a few non-emotional, more lengthy conversations about your future as a couple that leave you both feeling that you''re on the same page?

I only ask because I see several instances in you past where you both seemed to have different expectations. For instance:

1.) The timeline. Back in late 2007 he told you that the engagement would happen soon, so you expected it by the end of the year. Then on New Year''s Eve, he told you it would happen in 2008. The problem is that he was intoxicated. Still, it seems that you guys talked it out since then and this has become a realistic timeline for you both. Several months after telling you the timeline, he told you that he had a plan in place. Since you both had a timeline, it seems logical that his ''plan'' would fall within it.

But it all seems so inconsistent: why did he say ''soon'' in 2007? Did ''2008'' just pop into his head when he was drunk because a year didn''t seem too close or too far away? And what about the plan he had back in April? If he really has a plan, why is he procrastinating in the savings department? I really get the impression that he wants to make you happy--that he wants to tell you what you want to hear, but when it comes to pulling through, there isn''t anything solid in place because he feels he still has 5 months. I feel like this puts the onus on you to have some discussions to get to the bottom of this (in a nice way, not a confrontational way), but for now he''s just giving vague comments.

2.) The house issue. This is a big deal. Your priority is first engagement, then wedding and house. His priority is house. You both know that you can''t financially do it all at once, so there has to be a compromise. If you buy a house, then do the engagement/wedding, it''s not a compromise. Why not get married at a courthouse, then buy a house, then have a bigger party in a year or so when you can afford it? That''s a compromise. Remember when you told him that you wanted an engagement first and put the breaks on house hunting? And he said ''Okay''. What happened to that? Now the house has become the bigger priority again...in fact, I get the impression that he knows you''ll cave on this because it makes you feel there is more commitment even though it pushes the engagement timeline back.

Also, you''ve been wanting to get engaged since your second year of dating. It''s your seventh now, so you''ve spent 5 (!!) years patiently waiting. I wonder if over the years his feeling that you will wait for him no matter what has grown?

I''m rooting for you and wish you the best! But please don''t buy a house with him...not under these circumstances (simply based on what has been posted here).

ETA: About the freedom comment--it could have been harmless, who knows. In general, though, I tend to take what men say at face value. If they joke about needing freedom, it''s usually because it''s partly true.

I think NEL has said some very wise things here.

Obviously this is just going on what you have posted here, but I have often felt reading your posts that you are hoping for commitment based on your SO''s comments rather than knowing 100% that it is there because of the conversations that you have had together.

I would be very wary of putting any money into a property when you aren''t married. It worries me that his number one priority seems to be the house, and I am guessing that he is hoping that the two of you buying a house together will be enough commitment to keep you happy for the timebeing.

After the length of time you have been together, it''s time for him to step up to the mark and stop messing about. You deserve to know exactly what his intentions are. And by that I mean that he needs to sit down with you and have an adult conversation about everything without getting annoyed or making you feel like you are putting pressure on him. If he''s not prepared to do that then you need to consider if you want to be with someone who isn''t making YOU his priority.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/4/2008 5:21:29 PM
Author: KCCutie

Date: 8/4/2008 3:45:20 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
In response to the ''freedom'' comment....


We were at his parents for a bbq. Me and his sister were talking about getting married (obviously not to each other!! Ha ha!) and I asked her to try and find out if my boyfriend would be proposing soon. I went upstairs to the bathroom and when I came down she was in the kitchen with him and her partner. She said something to me about my boyfriend saying he wanted freedom, but he''d said it in a jokey way. Now I was annoyed and embarassed and he knew this straight away and started apologising. The thing is, it was stupid of me to ask his sister to talk to him and he would never tell her when it would happen and so made up this ''jokey'' comment.

On the way home I got upset about it and he got really mad and said that his sister had lied and it was HER partner who walked in part way through and said, ''Leave him alone, let him enjoy his freedom.''


And that''s the story, what d''you think?

I think that''s just the way some guys joke around. Of course I don''t think it''s funny but it''s very common. It seems like your SO didn''t say it or if he did he said it in a joking manor to another guy. He apologized for it. I don''t think you need to worry about that. However it does sound like your sister''s partner said it and you just walked into the conversation at a bad time.

My so does the same thing making comments to guy friends about their life ''ending when they get married''

. He knows I don''t think it''s funny so he doesn''t do it around me anymore but I doubt he stopped altogether. On the other hand he also tell his friends that he''s going to marry me (and had a very in depth conversation about rings with his cousin''s fiance this weekend) so I know he''s serious about me and about marrying me. I think those comments are just a way to get a laugh out of his guy friends.

SO and I both joked like this for years, but he also knew that I wasn''t ready to get married. I was the one talking about getting shirts like This one. (I still think it''s funny!) Even though I didn''t want to get married, it still did embarrass me a little when he acted "anti marriage" when people would ask about us, but I am sure I have said an equal number of things that sent him reeling.

At any rate, we are coming up on year five now, and as soon as I said I was ready (May) he practically ran out and got a ring! (less than 2 mos) So you might want to chat with your boyfriend about concrete timelines, but as we have seen on here, there are a lot of really long relationships that end up quite happily engaged! I would also take into consideration how old you were when you started to date. I was 20 and SO was 21, but at 25/26, it seems like a realistic step to take whereas it did not before. Good luck with everything, I would not be concerned about the comment, just make sure your communication is STRONG!

 

[KCCutie]

Alright I have to comment again after going back and reading NEL''s post I agree.

Talk to your guy. If this is something you really want he needs to know and you need to stick with it. I know this can be a great time to buy a house but if it''s not the right time for you don''t push it. You''ll find a great house you can afford no matter when you decide to look for it the market won''t swing way up again for several years. His actions in the past make me a little worried that your buying a house together will stretch out your time-line even further and there will surely be some resentment if that happens.

I know how you feel. I know this feels like a big step and a great deal of commitment from him but if it''s not what you want deep down then don''t settle.

If you have always wanted to be at least engaged before you buy a house then don''t give in on that. That was one thing I really wanted and my SO knew it and yes we do have a contract on a house (short sale so he has plenty of time

) but he knows I will not move into the house until he says those 4 little words and there''s a ring on my finger. I''ve seen many of my friends move in with SOs and I just don''t like how it turned out for them so I want the commitment first especially since we''re buying a house. I told my SO that I wanted to be engaged first and that if we had to buy a band from wal-mart or a CZ (we called it a "stunt double")and replace it later with the real thing that I didn''t care I just wanted to be engaged with a wedding date in mind before we moved in together. Now we''re just waiting to close and we both feel like we''re already engaged b/c we made the decision to do it and are moving forward. I don''t have a ring yet but I trust him to get that part done before moving day.

 

[EmptyLeftHand]

Just a small point, which has probably been made already- it does sound as though you and your boyfriend need to sit and have a good chat, and the one thing you said which emphasizes this is that you have been talking to his sister about getting married! I can completely understand this. Whenever I get a bit panicky about a pending engagement I want to talk to his sister as she''s pretty keen on our getting together -but it is not as though she is going to drag him down onto one knee! It is easier to talk to someone else about this kind of stuff (where would PS be without it!?) so I hope all goes well if you do decide to have a talk. (BTW- I''m maybe a bit of a geek, but if these conversations have got a bit emotional in the past, is it worth jotting down some of the points you want to make? Apologies if I am overstepping the mark here.)

 

[chocolatefudge]

Hi Ladies,
Thanks for your advice
I have had conversations with my SO. He knows that I want to get engaged more than anything and we have spoken about it alot. The problem is, most times, the conversations seem to go the same way.

Me: Can we talk?
Him: Let me guess, about getting married again!
Me: Well, i just want to talk about where things are going.
Him: I''ve told you already, it will happen, I''m not telling you when, I don''t want to spoil the surprise.
Me: But I feel like it''s never going to happen.
Him: Why do you always want to argue about this?

Now I''m not a pushover, I''m really not. I can hold my own in an argument and do often get my own way. But when it comes to engagement talk, I am weak I really don''t want to push him into something he doesn''t want. My fear is that he will ask me when he isn''t ready and then spend the whole wedding planning process trying to get out of it!
I know he loves me, and he''ll sometimes say things about getting married to me, but most of the time he doesn''t mention it. He''s made it clear that he''s told me it will be before the end of this year and he doesn''t want me to bring it up again.
I also worry that he is planning a big surprise and I will spoil it with my pestering! I''m going to give him the four months (gosh, didn''t realise that was all that was left!!) and if it hasn''t happened then i know that he''s lying to me and I will have to make some big decisions.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/6/2008 5:19:13 AM
Author: chocolatefudge
Hi Ladies,
Thanks for your advice
I have had conversations with my SO. He knows that I want to get engaged more than anything and we have spoken about it alot. The problem is, most times, the conversations seem to go the same way.

Me: Can we talk?
Him: Let me guess, about getting married again!
Me: Well, i just want to talk about where things are going.
Him: I''ve told you already, it will happen, I''m not telling you when, I don''t want to spoil the surprise.
Me: But I feel like it''s never going to happen.
Him: Why do you always want to argue about this?

Now I''m not a pushover, I''m really not. I can hold my own in an argument and do often get my own way. But when it comes to engagement talk, I am weak I really don''t want to push him into something he doesn''t want. My fear is that he will ask me when he isn''t ready and then spend the whole wedding planning process trying to get out of it!
I know he loves me, and he''ll sometimes say things about getting married to me, but most of the time he doesn''t mention it. He''s made it clear that he''s told me it will be before the end of this year and he doesn''t want me to bring it up again.
I also worry that he is planning a big surprise and I will spoil it with my pestering! I''m going to give him the four months (gosh, didn''t realise that was all that was left!!) and if it hasn''t happened then i know that he''s lying to me and I will have to make some big decisions.

Chocolate, you didn''t ask for my two cents, so feel free to ignore the following. It''s okay that you both want the engagement to be a suprise, if you guys are truly on the same page, but have you guys discussed what marriage and a future together means to both of you? What your hopes, dreams, expectations are? You know, the grit of every day marriage that comes after the big day. Getting engaged can be scary, because you''re one step closer to committing to spend your life with another human being, but along with that shouldn''t come the fear that it might not be what your partner wants. It should be exciting and heart warming, along with a tiny bit scary, perhaps, for both of you; and it should be something you talk about, because you''re partners who want to make your relationship the best you possibly can. Of course you want him to be ready, but if he''s not and you are you should have an understanding about why he isn''t, so that you aren''t feeling like the nag and he''s not frustrated with you for feeling pushed. I really wish you the best.