So, how are we all?

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/6/2008 5:19:13 AM
Author: chocolatefudge
Hi Ladies,
Thanks for your advice
I have had conversations with my SO. He knows that I want to get engaged more than anything and we have spoken about it alot. The problem is, most times, the conversations seem to go the same way.

Me: Can we talk?
Him: Let me guess, about getting married again!
Me: Well, i just want to talk about where things are going.
Him: I''ve told you already, it will happen, I''m not telling you when, I don''t want to spoil the surprise.
Me: But I feel like it''s never going to happen.
Him: Why do you always want to argue about this?

Now I''m not a pushover, I''m really not. I can hold my own in an argument and do often get my own way. But when it comes to engagement talk, I am weak I really don''t want to push him into something he doesn''t want. My fear is that he will ask me when he isn''t ready and then spend the whole wedding planning process trying to get out of it!
I know he loves me, and he''ll sometimes say things about getting married to me, but most of the time he doesn''t mention it. He''s made it clear that he''s told me it will be before the end of this year and he doesn''t want me to bring it up again.
I also worry that he is planning a big surprise and I will spoil it with my pestering! I''m going to give him the four months (gosh, didn''t realise that was all that was left!!) and if it hasn''t happened then i know that he''s lying to me and I will have to make some big decisions.

I think this is a very good plan, Chocolate--you''ve agreed on the 2008 timeline, so give him the remainder of the year and if it doesn''t happen, then you''ll know you need to reassess the relationship and figure out what to do. But try not to worry about that right now--for now he''s assuring you that it will happen, you have a timeline in place and as HARD as it is to try to let it go, just try to do that for a few more months.

In the meantime, you can have "marriage" conversations without asking when it''s going to happen. As Kimberly H said, having conversations about what marriage means to you is more important. So next time you want to talk about marriage, try not to ask when/if it''s going to happen and instead bring up some other topics like how to raise the kids, where you want to live, how finances are going to work, etc. Those are good conversations to have so that you can both talk about the future in a way that prepares you.

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 8/6/2008 5:19:13 AM
Author: chocolatefudge
Hi Ladies,

Thanks for your advice

I have had conversations with my SO. He knows that I want to get engaged more than anything and we have spoken about it alot. The problem is, most times, the conversations seem to go the same way.


Me: Can we talk?

Him: Let me guess, about getting married again!

Me: Well, i just want to talk about where things are going.

Him: I''ve told you already, it will happen, I''m not telling you when, I don''t want to spoil the surprise.

Me: But I feel like it''s never going to happen.

Him: Why do you always want to argue about this?


Now I''m not a pushover, I''m really not. I can hold my own in an argument and do often get my own way. But when it comes to engagement talk, I am weak I really don''t want to push him into something he doesn''t want. My fear is that he will ask me when he isn''t ready and then spend the whole wedding planning process trying to get out of it!

I know he loves me, and he''ll sometimes say things about getting married to me, but most of the time he doesn''t mention it. He''s made it clear that he''s told me it will be before the end of this year and he doesn''t want me to bring it up again.

I also worry that he is planning a big surprise and I will spoil it with my pestering! I''m going to give him the four months (gosh, didn''t realise that was all that was left!!) and if it hasn''t happened then i know that he''s lying to me and I will have to make some big decisions.

I totally understand and in your case I think you''re right you shouldn''t push him. It sounds like he does have a plan so just give him the 4 months to bring his plan to fruition.

Are you still going to buy a house? If you''re saying you''re not 100% sure he has a plan and in 4 months if nothing has changed you''ll want to re-evaluate then I think buying a house together should wait until you''re absolutely sure. Legally buying a house together can be a big mess if re-evaluation becomes an issue. Of course everyone hopes it won''t be an issue, but it should factor in to your decision.

 

[chocolatefudge]

The house is on hold at the moment. SO keeps telling me that we need to wait about a year for prices to drop, which is fine with me as we should be engaged by then!

 

[KCCutie]

Well, then that sounds about right. I guess I was thinking you were already looking.

Sounds like your sweetie has a time-line in mind, try to let him just go with it and come here any time your LIWitis flares up. I think he just needs some time to plan.