Speaking of names, how about your first + SO's last?

[Phdecorate]

So we talked baby names, how do you feel about changing your name? Are you planning to? Will you hyphenate? Use your last as your middle? Do you LIKE how it sounds?

I did not like my ex husband's name paired with my name. I made my last name my middle name but after a year or so I stopped using imy middle name other than in writing on paper, etc. and I never said my name with both names. It was easier to just use my new last name by itself. Then, I had to go back and change everything again when I got divorced. Now, that was a bit of a pain!

This time around, I will probably do the same. Take SO's name (unfortunately it is a pretty popular name but it's better then the first one! ) make my last my middle again and use it on paper but socially use the new name. I like my last name better, but oh well!

Personally, I like the tradition of taking the guy's name... what about you ladies?

 

[pandabee]

I would take his last name. I work in the healthcare field so I have seen my share of hyphenated names and it's annoying when the doctor's office has it hyphenated one way, then the pharmacy has it the other way around, or they will send it with one last name and not the other...the list goes on lol. So I highly dislike hyphenated last names for that reason.

SO's last name is fairly common but I wouldn't mind. I like how my name would sound with it. I don't know what I would do with my middle name...currently it is my Chinese name, but it's ridiculously unpronounceable and when I was younger I wanted so bad to change it to the name that my dad almost wanted to name me. So when I change my last name I guess it would be a good time to change my middle too but then I feel like I would be losing part of my culture so then maybe I shouldn't. meh. I haven't decided, we'll see how it goes when the time comes

 

[audball]

I will most definitely be changing my name to FF's! I have no attachment to my current last name and I'm not close to my Dad. My last name is 9 letters long and I don't care for it. I love my middle name though and would be sad to lose it so it's staying! FFs last name is short and common, but I'm okay with that. It also sounds great with my name. Bonus! My initials won't change.

So I will be Sabrina CurrentMIddleName FFLastName after we get married. Bye bye maiden last name. Bye bye.

I also don't care for hyphenated names. They end up being long, don't fit on most forms, most people end up dropping part of it after so much time anyway which seems counter productive. I also like the idea of it giving family unity by sharing a family name, especially if you plan to have children.

 

[madelise]

There has been multiple threads on this topic and they've all gotten heated, so here's to hoping the LIWs this time around are more tolerant of each other's choices.

I'm keeping my last name. It's my identity. It's who I am. It's who I always will be. I have no ties with my father, and don't care about THAT. But it's MY legacy. My kids will have my last name. If I'm carrying them for 9 months, they WILL have my last name.

I'll only agree to do a combined last name if SO changes his as well. I refuse to be a Smith-Williams, if he's still just Williams. I honestly hate the hyphen, so maybe just SmithWilliams or Smith Williams. I'm lucky that both our last names are very short, so it's not going to be 20 letters long when combined together. I love my middle name, so I won't be doing that whole change of middle name thing.

My SO is understanding. I've even cooled it a bit with my stubbornness. When I was with my ex, I insisted that he change HIS last name if he ever wanted to marry. LOL. Yeah, I'm bull headed.

But, to each their own. I don't care if others like to follow traditions or not. It's their choice, and this is mine.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

I would love to take his last name (as it's shorter), but i am leaning towards keeping MY name because its a PITA to change certifications and everything else. So maybe formally on certs i'll use my maiden and use his in public? Hmm, that might get confusing too...LOL

According to HIM, i am taking his name...LOL he said no questions about it i'm not allowed to keep mine! hmph!

 

[audball]

There has been multiple threads on this topic and they've all gotten heated, so here's to hoping the LIWs this time around are more tolerant of each other's choices.

I'm keeping my last name. It's my identity. It's who I am. It's who I always will be. I have no ties with my father, and don't care about THAT. But it's MY legacy. My kids will have my last name. If I'm carrying them for 9 months, they WILL have my last name.

I'll only agree to do a combined last name if SO changes his as well. I refuse to be a Smith-Williams, if he's still just Williams. I honestly hate the hyphen, so maybe just SmithWilliams or Smith Williams. I'm lucky that both our last names are very short, so it's not going to be 20 letters long when combined together. I love my middle name, so I won't be doing that whole change of middle name thing.

My SO is understanding. I've even cooled it a bit with my stubbornness. When I was with my ex, I insisted that he change HIS last name if he ever wanted to marry. LOL. Yeah, I'm bull headed.

But, to each their own. I don't care if others like to follow traditions or not. It's their choice, and this is mine.

I don't think there is anything wrong with this. It's a personal decision between you and your intended. If your FF is okay with it, yay!

I really like your last name and it goes with your first name really well. I don't blame you for not wanting to change it! I also like your FF last name. If he's insistent, I'm sure a combined name for you both would be quite possible and would actually sound nice!

 

[audball]

I would love to take his last name (as it's shorter), but i am leaning towards keeping MY name because its a PITA to change certifications and everything else. So maybe formally on certs i'll use my maiden and use his in public? Hmm, that might get confusing too...LOL

According to HIM, i am taking his name...LOL he said no questions about it i'm not allowed to keep mine! hmph!

He's not giving you a choice? That tends to be where things get messy. I think ultimately for the name decision to be successful, you need to be in agreement with your partner about it, but I feel like you should get slightly more say in the matter since it is in fact YOUR name that is changing.

 

[Phdecorate]

There has been multiple threads on this topic and they've all gotten heated, so here's to hoping the LIWs this time around are more tolerant of each other's choices.

I'm keeping my last name. It's my identity. It's who I am. It's who I always will be. I have no ties with my father, and don't care about THAT. But it's MY legacy. My kids will have my last name. If I'm carrying them for 9 months, they WILL have my last name.

I'll only agree to do a combined last name if SO changes his as well. I refuse to be a Smith-Williams, if he's still just Williams. I honestly hate the hyphen, so maybe just SmithWilliams or Smith Williams. I'm lucky that both our last names are very short, so it's not going to be 20 letters long when combined together. I love my middle name, so I won't be doing that whole change of middle name thing.

My SO is understanding. I've even cooled it a bit with my stubbornness. When I was with my ex, I insisted that he change HIS last name if he ever wanted to marry. LOL. Yeah, I'm bull headed.

But, to each their own. I don't care if others like to follow traditions or not. It's their choice, and this is mine.

Too bad about the previous disagreements. That is silly. To each his own, IMO. So many factors play a role into this decision as well as a million other decisions that a LIW, or any individual for that matter, may make!

So, I am dying to know, Madelise, is your SO considering the double name thing? I think that is a great idea if you both like it, even if it is not for me.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

I would love to take his last name (as it's shorter), but i am leaning towards keeping MY name because its a PITA to change certifications and everything else. So maybe formally on certs i'll use my maiden and use his in public? Hmm, that might get confusing too...LOL

According to HIM, i am taking his name...LOL he said no questions about it i'm not allowed to keep mine! hmph!

He's not giving you a choice? That tends to be where things get messy. I think ultimately for the name decision to be successful, you need to be in agreement with your partner about it, but I feel like you should get slightly more say in the matter since it is in fact YOUR name that is changing.

I think he thinks it would be too confusing. I guess in the long run it WOULD be, and changing my certs wouldn't be THAT bad...so i'm not revisiting it until it comes. Then i can really think about the repercussions of both choices.

on a side note, we used to bust on my brother...when he got married to my sis in law who is a Dr, we asked him if he was taking HER name! hahaha It was all in good fun and professionally she DID keep her last name as her and her brothers have a practice and she wanted to keep the last name of the practice.

@madelise : You go girl!

 

[Phdecorate]

I would love to take his last name (as it's shorter), but i am leaning towards keeping MY name because its a PITA to change certifications and everything else. So maybe formally on certs i'll use my maiden and use his in public? Hmm, that might get confusing too...LOL

According to HIM, i am taking his name...LOL he said no questions about it i'm not allowed to keep mine! hmph!

He's not giving you a choice? That tends to be where things get messy. I think ultimately for the name decision to be successful, you need to be in agreement with your partner about it, but I feel like you should get slightly more say in the matter since it is in fact YOUR name that is changing.

I kind of agree here, it may be more or less important to some....but ultimately you should do what you want. And I can vouch for the name change paperwork being a PITA, especially as I have done it twice...

However, I do think that some things are important to you, some to your SO, when you are in love, sometimes compromise can be in order. Not on everything, not all the time, and not one-sided......just sometimes!

 

[madelise]

I would love to take his last name (as it's shorter), but i am leaning towards keeping MY name because its a PITA to change certifications and everything else. So maybe formally on certs i'll use my maiden and use his in public? Hmm, that might get confusing too...LOL

According to HIM, i am taking his name...LOL he said no questions about it i'm not allowed to keep mine! hmph!

He's not giving you a choice? That tends to be where things get messy. I think ultimately for the name decision to be successful, you need to be in agreement with your partner about it, but I feel like you should get slightly more say in the matter since it is in fact YOUR name that is changing.

I kind of agree here, it may be more or less important to some....but ultimately you should do what you want. And I can vouch for the name change paperwork being a PITA, especially as I have done it twice...

However, I do think that some things are important to you, some to your SO, when you are in love, sometimes compromise can be in order. Not on everything, not all the time, and not one-sided......just sometimes!

^ I believe this is where all the previous threads got heated. So I'm staying out of it.

Thanks for the compliments, Aud. Haha, I actually DON'T like SO's last name because it's so common! There's even a FB group dedicated to all of them. I haven't met anyone else with that last name, but I don't like common names! LOL. And, if you noticed my recent FB change, my last name can be condensed into 2 letters (yes it's totally phonetically correct in spelling, too!). SO's last name can be condensed into 1 letter and 1 number. I'd LOVEEEEE it if we can legally change it to Letter-#-letter-letter. HAHA. And drive people nuts trying to figure it out. We'd be like robots or something.

PhD- He totally is on board. I want him to make his decision though.. like incorporating his parents' feelings if he wants to. He hasn't talked to them about it. I don't care what they think, though. They can get upset all they want, but I am my own individual self, and I have achieved and accomplished everything on my own, so I'm keeping my name, and my kids are having mine. If they want a symbolic name "unity" thing for the family, it WILL be SmithWilliams. And in that case, he's changing his, too. There's going to be no double standard of the patriarchal rules in my family. and yes, I am SOOO lucky SO is onboard with it. He's very supportive of celebrating the "individual", and that's a huge reason why we get along so well.

I know that it seems very "controversial", but it's not. It's a "Western" thing to change your last name to your husband's. Most women in my family still have their maiden names. SO's Mom has her maiden name legally. Just the kids take the dad's last name. Meh. I'd rather not give you any children (or grandchildren) if anyone wants to put pressure on me for something so miniscule. SO has mentioned maybe 1 kid having his last, and 1 kid having mine.. But what if we end up having an odd # of children? What if we stop at #1? And I'd hate to make it feel like as if one is more "mine" than "his, and the other way around.

 

[pandabee]

I know that it seems very "controversial", but it's not. It's a "Western" thing to change your last name to your husband's. Most women in my family still have their maiden names. SO's Mom has her maiden name legally. Just the kids take the dad's last name. Meh. I'd rather not give you any children (or grandchildren) if anyone wants to put pressure on me for something so miniscule. SO has mentioned maybe 1 kid having his last, and 1 kid having mine.. But what if we end up having an odd # of children? What if we stop at #1? And I'd hate to make it feel like as if one is more "mine" than "his, and the other way around.

hmm that is true. my mom's parents did it this way because both of her parents were only children so they each wanted to have children to keep the family name going. luckily they ended up with 3 girls and 3 boys so it actually worked out perfectly. I think having both of you change your name to the double name makes sense. one of my friends now has a hyphenated last name with his now wife's maiden name.

 

[Phdecorate]

I would love to take his last name (as it's shorter), but i am leaning towards keeping MY name because its a PITA to change certifications and everything else. So maybe formally on certs i'll use my maiden and use his in public? Hmm, that might get confusing too...LOL

According to HIM, i am taking his name...LOL he said no questions about it i'm not allowed to keep mine! hmph!

He's not giving you a choice? That tends to be where things get messy. I think ultimately for the name decision to be successful, you need to be in agreement with your partner about it, but I feel like you should get slightly more say in the matter since it is in fact YOUR name that is changing.

I kind of agree here, it may be more or less important to some....but ultimately you should do what you want. And I can vouch for the name change paperwork being a PITA, especially as I have done it twice...

However, I do think that some things are important to you, some to your SO, when you are in love, sometimes compromise can be in order. Not on everything, not all the time, and not one-sided......just sometimes!

^ I believe this is where all the previous threads got heated. So I'm staying out of it.

Thanks for the compliments, Aud. Haha, I actually DON'T like SO's last name because it's so common! There's even a FB group dedicated to all of them. I haven't met anyone else with that last name, but I don't like common names! LOL. And, if you noticed my recent FB change, my last name can be condensed into 2 letters (yes it's totally phonetically correct in spelling, too!). SO's last name can be condensed into 1 letter and 1 number. I'd LOVEEEEE it if we can legally change it to Letter-#-letter-letter. HAHA. And drive people nuts trying to figure it out. We'd be like robots or something.

PhD- He totally is on board. I want him to make his decision though.. like incorporating his parents' feelings if he wants to. He hasn't talked to them about it. I don't care what they think, though. They can get upset all they want, but I am my own individual self, and I have achieved and accomplished everything on my own, so I'm keeping my name, and my kids are having mine. If they want a symbolic name "unity" thing for the family, it WILL be SmithWilliams. And in that case, he's changing his, too. There's going to be no double standard of the patriarchal rules in my family. and yes, I am SOOO lucky SO is onboard with it. He's very supportive of celebrating the "individual", and that's a huge reason why we get along so well.

I know that it seems very "controversial", but it's not. It's a "Western" thing to change your last name to your husband's. Most women in my family still have their maiden names. SO's Mom has her maiden name legally. Just the kids take the dad's last name. Meh. I'd rather not give you any children (or grandchildren) if anyone wants to put pressure on me for something so miniscule. SO has mentioned maybe 1 kid having his last, and 1 kid having mine.. But what if we end up having an odd # of children? What if we stop at #1? And I'd hate to make it feel like as if one is more "mine" than "his, and the other way around.

FWIW, it isn't controversial to me.....I say anything goes. Anyway, sorry, just posting a question for fun, not trying to start any trouble or bring back bad memories of other previous LIWs...

 

[madelise]

FWIW, it isn't controversial to me.....I say anything goes. Anyway, sorry, just posting a question for fun, not trying to start any trouble or bring back bad memories of other previous LIWs...

Lol no!! Don't apologize! This is a fun topic to share everyone's preferences. Just touchy for some people because some don't agree with others I don't mind sharing my crazy thought process! And I don't mind if anyone thinks it's stupid. That's why I'm totally willing to spill the beans and go deeper into this topic. And thanks For not thinking it's odd. I'll take whatever support I can get because I know I'll get a lot of weird looks when the time comes! Hah!

 

[peonia]

i've considered all the options, so i don't judge anyone with what they decide! because my dad only has a sister, our family name is hanging on my sister and i, unfortunately both girls. so i always thought i would want to keep my last name. but in the end, i want to take SO's name, and i want to have the same surname as my children. i will be keeping my last name professionally though (in the arts).

funnily enough, my first name is japanese and SO is french, but my name and his last name actually go really well together in my opinion!

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

So far I think this thread is pretty tame! And to be honest, why get so heated? Whoever disagrees with your opinion doesn't have to marry you, so it works out

I don't know how my bf feels about changing my last name, but I plan on keeping my maiden name for my profession, license, legal documents, etc, but socially I would not mind using my bf's last name. I am Chinese and my boyfriend is Caucasian, and funny enough we both carry one of the most common last names for our respect backgrounds.

I don't think bf would have a problem with it - his mother kept her maiden name and he and his brothers all have their mother's maiden name as their middle name.

 

[Sun-Shine]

I feel the same way as you girls, I don't care what anyone else does, but personally I will be keeping my surname. He doesn't mind at all, if we adopt some kiddies we'll cross that bridge when we get to it most likely we'd hyphenate formally, but otherwise go by SO's last name or mine or whatever they chose, especially if they are older when we adopt them.

 

[CaprineSun]

As a professional, as someone who is close to my dad, and takes pride in my family name... I plan on keeping my last name.

My maiden name will become my middle name. I will take my SO's last name as mine. His name is weird and different culturally than mine, but it is very important to him.

However, I plan to try my best to keep my maiden name for professional/work reasons.

 

[audball]

I agree. It doesn't have to be heated. Not everyone is going to feel the same way. As long as nobody gets judgy about other's decisions, it doesn't need to be messy. If I liked my last name more than I do, I'd consider keeping it. I just don't want to! I can't wait to be his Mrs. ....and then eventually Dr. (me) and Mr. (him) HisLastName.

 

[star sparkle]

I absolutely cannot WAIT to take FF's last name! I was given a hyphenated last name at birth and have been living with it for over 27 years, and I'm SO FREAKING TIRED OF IT! For me, it's way more hassle than it's worth and I just cannot wait for the day when I can have a simple, single last name. Plus I like FF's last name and think it goes well with my name. I'm not one who views my name as my identity, so the change will certainly be a welcome one.

 

[Magpie09]

I will be taking my SO's last name. Whilst his isn't overly common it is much easier to pronounce than mine! I am quite attached to my last name as it is a traditional name from where my family and I are from originally. I am a little disappointed to be giving up that link.

 

[audball]

I absolutely cannot WAIT to take FF's last name! I was given a hyphenated last name at birth and have been living with it for over 27 years, and I'm SO FREAKING TIRED OF IT! For me, it's way more hassle than it's worth and I just cannot wait for the day when I can have a simple, single last name. Plus I like FF's last name and think it goes well with my name. I'm not one who views my name as my identity, so the change will certainly be a welcome one.

Agreed! Your first name will sound lovely with his last

 

[audball]

I will be taking my SO's last name. Whilst his isn't overly common it is much easier to pronounce than mine! I am quite attached to my last name as it is a traditional name from where my family and I are from originally. I am a little disappointed to be giving up that link.

If you feel at all unsure about it, maybe wait awhile to make the decision. There are a lot of threads about name changes on PS and the consensus seems to be that if you're not 100%, you may end up regretting it later.

What about taking your current last name as your middle name or as your second middle name?

 

[Magpie09]

I will be taking my SO's last name. Whilst his isn't overly common it is much easier to pronounce than mine! I am quite attached to my last name as it is a traditional name from where my family and I are from originally. I am a little disappointed to be giving up that link.

If you feel at all unsure about it, maybe wait awhile to make the decision. There are a lot of threads about name changes on PS and the consensus seems to be that if you're not 100%, you may end up regretting it later.

What about taking your current last name as your middle name or as your second middle name?

I'm sure I want to take on SO's name and it means a lot to him that I change my name. The last name ends with my sister. If I had a brother/other family to continue the name I think I would feel differently KWIM.

My last name is too last namish to work as a middle name. Interesting work-around though. I hadn't heard of that option until this thread.

 

[audball]

I will be taking my SO's last name. Whilst his isn't overly common it is much easier to pronounce than mine! I am quite attached to my last name as it is a traditional name from where my family and I are from originally. I am a little disappointed to be giving up that link.

If you feel at all unsure about it, maybe wait awhile to make the decision. There are a lot of threads about name changes on PS and the consensus seems to be that if you're not 100%, you may end up regretting it later.

What about taking your current last name as your middle name or as your second middle name?

I'm sure I want to take on SO's name and it means a lot to him that I change my name. The last name ends with my sister. If I had a brother/other family to continue the name I think I would feel differently KWIM.

My last name is too last namish to work as a middle name. Interesting work-around though. I hadn't heard of that option until this thread.

It's okay. Most people's last names are last namish, lol. I have a friend who just took her maiden as her middle. So if her name was Mary Jane Smith before she got married, she'd now be Mary Smith Jones (if you drop your real middle) or Mary Jane Smith Jones (if you take your maiden as a second middle). It's quite a popular option. She chose to drop her current middle and is along the lines of Mary Smith Jones now.

 

[Phdecorate]

I will be taking my SO's last name. Whilst his isn't overly common it is much easier to pronounce than mine! I am quite attached to my last name as it is a traditional name from where my family and I are from originally. I am a little disappointed to be giving up that link.

If you feel at all unsure about it, maybe wait awhile to make the decision. There are a lot of threads about name changes on PS and the consensus seems to be that if you're not 100%, you may end up regretting it later.

What about taking your current last name as your middle name or as your second middle name?

I'm sure I want to take on SO's name and it means a lot to him that I change my name. The last name ends with my sister. If I had a brother/other family to continue the name I think I would feel differently KWIM.

My last name is too last namish to work as a middle name. Interesting work-around though. I hadn't heard of that option until this thread.

It's okay. Most people's last names are last namish, lol. I have a friend who just took her maiden as her middle. So if her name was Mary Jane Smith before she got married, she'd now be Mary Smith Jones (if you drop your real middle) or Mary Jane Smith Jones (if you take your maiden as a second middle). It's quite a popular option. She chose to drop her current middle and is along the lines of Mary Smith Jones now.

Agree. The last name becomes middle is very common with a lot of people I know. Your last name might be last name-ish but what is wrong with that?

 

[maebelle]

It's funny, I love both my last name and my middle name (although my middle name is common - Mae) but I'm much more attached to my middle than my last. It is my middle name, my mother's middle name, and my grandmother's middle name, so It's a bit like passing a maternal name along the generations.

My SO's last name is fine, a little hard to spell but so is mine. I *don't* like that my nickname, that I go by almost exclusively ends in an EE sound and so does SO's last name, But I will be taking it, and any time someone is going to formally say my full name their going to say my full first name, which isn't so rhyme-y

 

[MayFlowers]

I am going to take SO's last name. His name isn't common, but is soo much easier to pronounce than my last name. I don't think anyone I have ever met has said my last name the correct way on their first try. It really gets annoying.

I have considered keeping my current last name as my middle name though. My dad only has sisters (who took their DH's last names) and I only have one brother (who doesn't look to be getting married, at least not any time soon). So, if my brother doesn't marry or have kids, our last name will die out with us. That makes me a little sad, but I'm also very traditional and really want to take SO's name.

 

[audball]

It's funny, I love both my last name and my middle name (although my middle name is common - Mae) but I'm much more attached to my middle than my last. It is my middle name, my mother's middle name, and my grandmother's middle name, so It's a bit like passing a maternal name along the generations.

My SO's last name is fine, a little hard to spell but so is mine. I *don't* like that my nickname, that I go by almost exclusively ends in an EE sound and so does SO's last name, But I will be taking it, and any time someone is going to formally say my full name their going to say my full first name, which isn't so rhyme-y

That's sweet! You have to keep your middle name after that story!

I wouldn't worry about being too rhyme-y, I know lots of people whose names are that way and it usually makes them sound catchy!

 

[Magpie09]

I am going to take SO's last name. His name isn't common, but is soo much easier to pronounce than my last name. I don't think anyone I have ever met has said my last name the correct way on their first try. It really gets annoying.

I have considered keeping my current last name as my middle name though. My dad only has sisters (who took their DH's last names) and I only have one brother (who doesn't look to be getting married, at least not any time soon). So, if my brother doesn't marry or have kids, our last name will die out with us. That makes me a little sad, but I'm also very traditional and really want to take SO's name.

I know how you feel. We changed the pronounciation of our last name so people could say it (somewhat) correctly.