Stoopid question about engagement party

[Lanie]

My friend and her fiance are throwing an engagement party. Is it customary to bring a gift to an engagement party? They JUST got engaged, are not registered anywhere, and I don''t want to do the cliche bottle of wine. But if I can''t think of anything else, I guess that''s what I''ll do. Neither me nor my fiance are that close to her to ask what she would like.

 

[jcarlylew]

the last one i went to, i just brought a card wishing them well. Sounds lame but i wasnt bff with the couple. however for my bestf i took them out to dinner. ohhh and helped planned their wedding

 

[Haven]

It depends on your social circle, but traditionally engagement parties do not entail gift-giving because a proper engagement party is a social gathering where the father of the bride-to-be announces his daughter''s engagement, so the guests wouldn''t know to bring a gift until after they''ve arrived. SO, a couple should NOT expect gifts at their engagement party, but there''s no accounting for manners.

This whole tradition of throwing a party after everyone knows is very odd to me, but this is what we do: we always bring a gift to these parties and leave it in the car so we can see what the expectation is. I know it''s not helpful, but about half of the parties we''ve been to have been gift-giving parties, and half have not.

It depends on how close I am to the couple, but I''ve given things like a mani/pedi to the BTB (a new BTB can never have enough manicures!) and a good bottle of the GTB''s favorite liquor, that sort of thing.

At the very least write a lovely, heartfelt card. I kept all of the notes we received after our engagement because they were all so sweet.

 

[Livinthedream]

At CVS (and prob other drug stores depending where you live) they have a little section with engagement/ wedding-y stuff. They have a cute ''Bling Bling I got the Ring!'' picture frame. I usually give people something small like this, or at minimum a card. Someone gave me the frame when we got engaged and I love it! I thought others would like it too! I don''t think you ''have'' to bring anything depending on your realtionship, but I personally like to show up with just a a lil something (any kind of pic frame or something like that) or a card.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/23/2008 3:29:54 PM
Author: Livinthedream
At CVS (and prob other drug stores depending where you live) they have a little section with engagement/ wedding-y stuff. They have a cute ''Bling Bling I got the Ring!'' picture frame. I usually give people something small like this, or at minimum a card. Someone gave me the frame when we got engaged and I love it! I thought others would like it too! I don''t think you ''have'' to bring anything depending on your realtionship, but I personally like to show up with just a a lil something (any kind of pic frame or something like that) or a card.

That''s cute!!

My daughter had two engagement parties. One that her friends planned at the place her and Fi met, but they got only cards. I think one or two had a gift card in it.

The second one was more formal at someone''s home..her officiant actually, and a few people brought gifts.

But for most general engagement parties, I don''t think they are expected. But again, I suppose it depends on your social circle. I certainly don''t think gifts are expected.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

As far as I understand it, no, it''s not customary. Every time someone asked us we told them no it''s not necessary, please don''t bring one actually since we already told other people it was totally not necessary.

 

[Munchkin]

Etiquette gurus state that an E-party is not a mandatory gift giving occasion. Many people gave us small gifts, though.

A couple cute ones we received: a nice bottle of champagne with two flutes which we used on the "pre-aversary" of our wedding (we had a long engagement so we celebrated when we were officially one year until our wedding day), tickets to a show, a frame with a photo of us in it, an engraved silver key holder to be mounted on a wall with our future last name on it, framed irish wedding blessing, irish wedding handkerchief, wedding planning book/binder, irish pence for my shoe, etc

What if you went to a wine store and bought them a good bottle of wine that will be at it''s best around their one or fifth year wedding anniversary with a note explaining that?

 

[Gypsy]

If I'm close the couple. Gift. If I'm not... card. If I'm gifting, I almost always give toasting flutes at engagement parties, unless I know that the couple doesn't drink, in which case-- card or something personal if I can think of something that will work. It's not mandatory to give a gift. I received two engagement gifts, which I appreciated. And to those who gave me engagement gifts, I made sure to give gifts to when they announced.

 

[Deelight]

Over here it is (well as far as I know) to give an engagement gift so for me I would never go to party without one.

 

[Lynnie]

I don''t think it''s customary or mandatory, but I do think it''s nice and thoughtful to bring a small gift.
At our engagement party, most of his family gave cash/gift cards. Not huge amounts or anything (like $25/$50), but his family is very Italian, and I guess this is a cultural thing? I wasn''t expecting it at all. My family gave cards/small gifts. Flutes, picture frames, bottles of wine/champagne, etc. My aunt and uncle gave us a really cute ceramic piggybank in the shape of a suitcase and it says "Honeymoon Fund" on it. The card said something like "Ten dollars a week can really add up. The first 2 weeks are already covered". After the family party, we brought the leftover food and beer back to our place and hosted a little informal "friends" party (younger crowd). FSIL decided to prance around with the piggybank (once everyone was good and tipsy... she''s a sneaky one) unbeknownst to us, and presented it to us at the end of the collection. There was almost $100 in it! That little bank turned out to be pretty lucrative!

Sorry to go off on a tangent there. Haven has a good idea about stashing the gift in the car. I am gonna go out on a limb and suggest a gift card. I know people think they''re impersonal, but you can always make them personal with the message. Heck, I think anyone these days would be happy with a gas gift card. "fill your tank as you''ve filled each other''s hearts with love".... I know it''s cheesy, but hey, if you stash it in your car and it turns out to be a non-gift giving party, you''ve got a tank of gas waiting!

 

[claireabelle]

Date: 7/24/2008 9:23:57 AM
Author: Deelight
Over here it is (well as far as I know) to give an engagement gift so for me I would never go to party without one.

It''s true, I''m also in Australia and had ''engagement drinks'' the other weekend and I''d say 75% of people gave gifts and everyone gave a card. I always take a gift... but then again, I''ve only been invited to close friends celebrations - and similarly, I only invited close friends to my own.

 

[sap483]

My parents threw us an engagement party and almost everyone gave us a gift. I had thought that perhaps some of my parents friends might give us gifts as that is the norm in their social circle. My parents have given their children many gifts for various occasions including engagements. However, I did not expect it from anyone, and was very grateful for everyone''s generous gifts. We got several checks and gift cards and a few people gave us wine and picture frames. We had registered by then too so we got several items off of our registry.

I have been to several more engagement parties since then and have always brought a gift, even if it''s just something small. Again though, I think it varies as other have said based on your social circle, your geography and your culture.

 

[Lanie]

Thanks for all the input ladies. I certainly don''t mind giving a gift. We are in Texas, where southern hospitality reigns. I like the champagne with flutes route.