Stupid Argument - who is right and who is wrong?

[Lilac]

I found myself laughing as I read this. I''ve had this same fight with DH - and when I say same fight, I mean LITERALLY the same fight. Sometimes I leave my blowdryer and hair straightener out when I do my hair in our bedroom because he''s in the bathroom, and I don''t always put them away immediately. He''s pointed it out, and I''ve pointed out all the stuff he leaves out. And guess what he says? That stuff he doesn''t notice, but my blowdryer/hair straightener he does so I should try to put it away. It''s so hypocritical it''s almost funny

Obviously, being that I''ve been there and felt I was right, I think you''re right too LOL. But the important thing is you''ve come to a resolution! (and as much as they say women are irrational, I guess guys can be a little hypocritical/irrational too sometimes

)

 

[Lauren8211]

Jcar: I thought of the house fire thing. LOL. They were unplugged, and I did note that in my post... somewhere... just for that reason. He can be paranoid about potential house hazards.

Tgal: Thanks for your response. I KNOW in my head that its over and that I should just let it go. We came to an agreement, and I won''t be bringing it up with him unless the issue rears its ugly head again. It''s just one of those things... like... yanno when someone is so unbelievably rude to you, that you freeze? And then the rest of the day you think of all the awesome, rude things you could have or should have said? Thats what I feel like right now. I know its water under the bridge, and we did come to a conclusion, but its gnawing at me. I do like to pick my battles, and this is too stupid of an argument to bring up again. Unfortunately, since I''m pretty sure I''m right.

I guess I can just be satisfied knowing that pretty much everyone on PS agrees with me. THAT is saying something!

 

[purrfectpear]

No one has clean hands in that disagreement IMO (but you came closest).

Either you both clean up your shite, and admit ya''ll are OCD...or, you ignore the mess and admit it''s no big deal.

The option of him picking it up and putting it away would drive me nuts. I was married to someone like that and I never knew where anything of mine was

I''m pretty good about not leaving things laying around so he wasn''t picking up after a mess, he just decided that he knew better than I where things "belonged". Mind you, this was an idiot that took it upon himself to alphabetize my spice rack

 

[Lauren8211]

Lilac.. you have to be kidding.

There is NO WAY in h-e-double hockey sticks that two couples had that EXACT same argument.

 

[jcarlylew]

oh, i know they were unplugged. E does the same thing. and I say the same thing too
"hellloooo, your TV will start a house fire faster than my blow dryer that hasnt been used in months will!!!"

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:41:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
No one has clean hands in that disagreement IMO (but you came closest).


Either you both clean up your shite, and admit ya''ll are OCD...or, you ignore the mess and admit it''s no big deal.


The option of him picking it up and putting it away would drive me nuts. I was married to someone like that and I never knew where anything of mine was

I''m pretty good about not leaving things laying around so he wasn''t picking up after a mess, he just decided that he knew better than I where things ''belonged''. Mind you, this was an idiot that took it upon himself to alphabetize my spice rack

He admitted his OCD about my flat iron!

And I agree with you.. we should either both clean up, or both ignore. In no way does he deserve preferential treatment due to his apparent disdain towards flat irons.

I would absolutely be overwhelmed and irritated by an alphabetized spice rack.

 

[misskitty]

Oh, man. Is it bad that the first thing I thought when I read this was, Elle is right, not just because of the hypocrisy of FF telling her to clean when he had also left a mess, but because her mess could remain indefinitely with no consequences and his mess would turn moldy and create further problems if not removed ?

 

[jcarlylew]

actually, come to think about it, we almost got in an argument about the toilet seat. until his mom chirped in one day
"you know if you flush with the toilet lid open, millions of the same germs can get all over the WHOLE TOILET and bathroom"

we now both put the lid down at all times.

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:41:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
alphabetize my spice rack

lol you should''ve told him that you prefer them organized by color in rainbow order with ties being alphabetically by height

that would''ve thrown him for a loop

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:40:14 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Jcar: I thought of the house fire thing. LOL. They were unplugged, and I did note that in my post... somewhere... just for that reason. He can be paranoid about potential house hazards.

Tgal: Thanks for your response. I KNOW in my head that its over and that I should just let it go. We came to an agreement, and I won''t be bringing it up with him unless the issue rears its ugly head again. It''s just one of those things... like... yanno when someone is so unbelievably rude to you, that you freeze? And then the rest of the day you think of all the awesome, rude things you could have or should have said? Thats what I feel like right now. I know its water under the bridge, and we did come to a conclusion, but its gnawing at me. I do like to pick my battles, and this is too stupid of an argument to bring up again. Unfortunately, since I''m pretty sure I''m right.

I guess I can just be satisfied knowing that pretty much everyone on PS agrees with me. THAT is saying something!

Yes, it does.

Trust me, I KNOW I am right all the time. My husband openly admits (when we''re having a lighthearted conversation) that he can be irrational and that generally I am the voice of reason. He will NEVER admit than in an argument and as Deco said, do everything to save face. So I''ve learned how to argue with him (which is usually to walk away and let him cool down - VERY difficult to do for me as I like to reason with people.)

If I posted my story 5 months ago, I am quite sure everyone would have told me I was right. And in the situation I mentioned, there was not really a need because I was POSITIVE that it is unreasonable to ask someone who does most (if not all) of the cleaning to do it MORE. People would have probably screamed to leave the guy. But my goal was to figure out a way for us both to do more with a more giving heart.

Besides, I have ways of getting my own satisfaction. I just said I would make sure something is better at the end of the day. On a few occasions, that simply meant piling up a stack of papers neater.

 

[TravelingGal]

PP married my dream man!!

 

[Lilac]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:41:15 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Lilac.. you have to be kidding.


There is NO WAY in h-e-double hockey sticks that two couples had that EXACT same argument.

Nope, not kidding. Mainly it''s his shoes vs. my blowdryer/straightener - He leaves his shoes ALL OVER the apartment and I trip on them practically every day, and I leave my blowdryer/straightener on the floor next to our bed (on my side) and for some reason that just bothers him. Even though he doesn''t really see it or even have to step over them (unlike his shoes which i actually trip over), he gets annoyed by the fact that I haven''t put them away.

He''s never mean about it, he usually asks nicely, but when I point out the hypocrisy he says the same thing your FF said - his shoes aren''t really a bother, but my blowdryer on the floor is. I don''t think it''s ever turned into a FIGHT, but disagreement, definitely. So it''s funny for me (and sort of comforting in a way LOL) to be reading your story and realizing my DH isn''t the only one like this.

 

[Dreamgirl]

lol! Elle, this is funny to me.

Silly boys and their WEIRD thinking. I''d get upset too if he has junk all over the place. Plus, who does he think he is telling you to put YOUR stuff away when he''s the one who''s a pig? lol

Your right, he''s just a silly boy.

 

[misskitty]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:41:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Mind you, this was an idiot that took it upon himself to alphabetize my spice rack

Confession: I alphabetized my own spice rack, and I freak out when it''s out of order.

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:50:24 PM
Author: misskitty

Date: 5/19/2009 5:41:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Mind you, this was an idiot that took it upon himself to alphabetize my spice rack

Confession: I alphabetized my own spice rack, and I freak out when it''s out of order.

Do you want my ex''s contact info? It could be a match made in heaven

 

[decodelighted]

You know what just occurred to me ... the flat iron thing. Maybe it gets to these guys because the view them as "dangerous" ... might burn down the house kinda things. Whereas shoes & bowls & newspapers & towels are all "harmless".

Some guys get very OCD about "is the stove on?" "are the windows locked?" (girls too really) -- maybe those objects stick out as DANGER DANGER ... where we have more intimate knowledge over whether they''re plugged in or not etc.

Just a thought - since other dudes seem to have the same phobia.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:54:53 PM
Author: decodelighted
You know what just occurred to me ... the flat iron thing. Maybe it gets to these guys because the view them as ''dangerous'' ... might burn down the house kinda things. Whereas shoes & bowls & newspapers & towels are all ''harmless''.

Some guys get very OCD about ''is the stove on?'' ''are the windows locked?'' (girls too really) -- maybe those objects stick out as DANGER DANGER ... where we have more intimate knowledge over whether they''re plugged in or not etc.

Just a thought - since other dudes seem to have the same phobia.

That could be...

But he should have at least acknowledged that he has crap all over the place and that too is a problem. lol

 

[Lauren8211]

He really does fear the flat iron. It''s weird. He complains that mine doesn''t have auto shut off.

He also gets upset when I leave a drawer open, not because its messy, but because it may topple the dresser and fall on a cat.

But... I fear his nasty socks!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:56:46 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 5/19/2009 5:54:53 PM

Author: decodelighted

You know what just occurred to me ... the flat iron thing. Maybe it gets to these guys because the view them as ''dangerous'' ... might burn down the house kinda things. Whereas shoes & bowls & newspapers & towels are all ''harmless''.


Some guys get very OCD about ''is the stove on?'' ''are the windows locked?'' (girls too really) -- maybe those objects stick out as DANGER DANGER ... where we have more intimate knowledge over whether they''re plugged in or not etc.


Just a thought - since other dudes seem to have the same phobia.

That could be...


But he should have at least acknowledged that he has crap all over the place and that too is a problem. lol

Well, we all know that he was a hypocrite, and totally out of line in demanding that I clean when he didn''t. However, I really am trying to get some perspective about WHY my stuff was such a big deal to him.

It may just be the fire hazard thing that was bugging him.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Yeah, maybe it was the fire hazard thing.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/19/2009 6:01:05 PM
Author: elledizzy5
It may just be the fire hazard thing that was bugging him.

I realize now that Jcarlyview mentioned that earlier too ... sorry J! ... but yeah, now that you mention the cat/drawer thing too ... I wonder if the silver lining of these little disagreements/complaints is that you''ve got a really good guy who is protective of your home & pets. Sometimes it takes seeing past people''s irrationality to get to their motivations.

Now, his motivation could be "control freak". I notice those arguments happening when one person has moved into another person''s space. (Nytemist, wanna weigh in on that?!) I fear that I did some of those things to DH when he moved into a house I''d been living in by myself for five years. My stuff was "decoration" .. his stuff belonged in the basement in storage. It took awhile for it to seem like "our" place & for me to release my grip on "how things should look". Right now there''s an unframed color xerox photograph just propped on our mantle. His friend sent it to him and he put it there. It goes with nothing. It looks so out of place just leaning there. But, so help me, there it stays. He has a right to "decorate" too gddamit.

 

[jcarlylew]

no worries deco - you put it a much more reasonable explanation. i just rolled my eyes to the worry, lol. The danger thing, TOTALLY makes sense. but still!!!

socks catch on fire, stinky shoes breed mold and mold gives people allergies.

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 5/19/2009 5:59:40 PM
Author: elledizzy5
He also gets upset when I leave a drawer open, not because its messy, but because it may topple the dresser and fall on a cat.

perhaps he''s played too many games of mousetrap and sees unlikely chains of reactions?

i tend to think in odd manners but unless i''d seen a dresser topple on a cat before i doubt i''d be worried about this, though it''s definitely an interesting thing to sit here and ponder

 

[tyty333]

I would say that he has some nerve and you are totally right

!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Well, I think that you should work together...if something is where it doesn''t belong and you can see it...then you can just put it away.

 

[Dancing Fire]

elle...just pick the blowdryer and hit him over the head.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/19/2009 3:44:39 PM
Author: princesss
I don''t think it matters who is right, as long as you guys have come to a resolution on how it''ll be handled.

That said, the hypocracy of making a mess and then saying his mess doesn''t count but your mess does and ought to be cleaned up (because he only ''sees'' your mess) would irk me a little.

ETA: I don''t know how to spell hypoc...hipoc...hypocris...screw it.

Ditto.

But I''m also a slightly messy person and would be annoyed by any boyfriend/husband/fiance/whatever telling me what to do with my stuff

 

[Squirrly]

okies i asked my boy and he said the best reason he could come up with is that people tend to notice others'' messes and not their own because they''re used to it, just like people notice others'' flaws and not their own ones.

but he can''t argue from your FF''s side since my boy''s a very tidy person, so his thought is that is comes down to a basic difference in how you two regard cleaning and that''s why your FF still thinks that he is right and why you are having issues seeing it from his perspective.

as a most probable slob (though i would NEVER leave dirty dishes lying around nor leave my piles of clothing anywhere other than my room) i''d have to say that it''s probably a difference in how cleaning was done in your houses as a child/people you lived with in college. though since my FF does pick up after me, i feel bad and try to be neater when with him, and i wouldn''t think twice about telling him to pick up something especially if i wasn''t in the process of cleaning my junk or had done so already.

oh and to satisfy my darling boy, he says the answer is "Q" and i''m putting that in here just like i told him i would

 

[Mediterranean]

I asked my guy too and here is what he said:

"Bowls and socks? Cost like $5....but your blow-dryer and flat iron? Those freaking things are moe than a hundred dollars! besides, there''s tons of socks and bowls and if those get screwed up or broken, you can run down to CVS and get more. If one of your fancy hair things breaks, it''s a big-deal trip to a special store, or an expensive internet order.."

So maybe he''s trying (in his weird, boy way) trying to take care of your stuff, or he''s afraid to ruin something you spent a lot of money on, that you only have one of, which isn''t a 5 minute easy thing to replace.

 

[ckrickett]

you are right... and my SO is EXACTLY the same way, it's super frustrating sometimes.
We got into a heated argument where I almost moved out over glue, and not even glue (we play warhammer 40k...dork I know) and it was model glue, the glue dried over the tip and I didnt have the pointy thing to fix it so I took an exacto knife and tried to shave off the glue really carefully. Alas I did it at a slight angle that cut off a very small tip of the top of the glue. it still worked FINE tho. His reaction. He couldnt "understand" what was going through my head, I was an idiot for doing it, I never respect his stuff....blahblahblah. He apologized later but that was after the hour long scream fest we had that BLEW up, it was bad.... over glue! and we have alot of arguments over stupid stuff, all the time.

so yeah men can be irrational, I know mine can be