Stupid Fight with BF - Need Perspective

[golden]

Sometimes I have trouble getting my boyfriend on his cell phone (I don''t bother calling his office number because it is not that important) BUT I always say " WHAT IF this was an emergency?! you should ALWAYS pick up when you see I am calling". Obviously that is not always possible. So I can definitely see where your boyfriend got annoyed, if I could not get in touch with my boyfriend and I had to walk ANY amount home at night, I would be really pissed and take the conversation to the same level "what if this was an emergency".
The fact that you said "I am NOT available 24/7 on an electronic leash" could have done it too. (btw, I often say defensive things like that when I really should just be sympathetic for my boyfriend, instead of trying to defend myself). If I was in your boyfriends position last night and my significant other said that to me, I would be really pissed. I think it is really important that you don''t turn your ringer off- God forbid there is an emergency...every time I go into a meeting and I should turn my phone off, I don''t, I keep it on vibrate and make sure I can see who is calling, as I go to turn it off, I think "what if"...the only time I turn my cell phone off is when I am driving, but as soon as I get home, I put it on. I really think your boyfriend was just looking for some sympathy.
Why didnt he call you at home???

 

[Dreamgirl]

Silly boys. I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like he was just taking it out on you.

And the part where he said he was more mad at you than about the car sounds more like he was thinking the car broke down, but then you didn't answer your phone, he had to walk home so this is now about being mad at you because he had to walk home cause you didn't answer your phone. He got some exercise. He will get over it. lol

 

[Rhea]

He''s the one who is over-reacting. I hope the lunch time chat goes well. No one is reachable all the time and shouldn''t be expected to be.

 

[HollyS]

After you both calm down, you can talk more clearly about the real issues, if indeed you even have any.

I have had moments of anger ( and they were mere moments which I kept to myself) at not being able to reach DH when he was a BF. He never had the ringer on on his home phone, and if the cell phone was off I could just lump it. It did piss me off more than once. And if I had had an emergency or even a major inconvenience like the car dying, I would have chewed his butt.

But these are not ''deal-breaking'' issues. They aren''t character flaws. And when your BF has completely cooled from his ''pain in the neck'' evening magnified by your temporary unavailability, he will be able to apologize and you can both move on to more important things in your life.

 

[beebrisk]

Honestly, he probably was more mad at you than the car...After all, he feels after the mess with the car that you let him down.
However, it sounds just like a heat of the moment sort of thing and it will blow over...Just talk about it when he cools off. If he really feels that you are ''unavailable'' a lot of the time, talk it out and see how it goes.
That said, if this is the worst fight you guys ever had, you''re in great shape!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I think he was just in a super bad mood from his car breaking down and having to walk home and just took it out on you to let out his frustrations...

 

[KimberlyH]

Full disclosure: I detest my cell phone and as a result I leave it turned off, don''t answer it, forget it, etc. all of the time. It has been broken for months (I swear it''s posessed, it drops calls, loses voicemals, and on and on) and I don''t care enough to replace it. I wouldn''t own one except DH''s computer runs on dial-ip and he works from home so our land line is occupied more often than not.

Now that I''ve shared that, yes, he''s overreacting. Big time. I hope the talk went well and he realizes that it''s ridiculous that he expect you answer every time he calls.

 

[Lauren8211]

So we ended up having a chat last night, and everything went really well. It was a LOGICAL chat (Yay! My REAL boyfriend is back!).

Basically he said he realizes I can''t always be available, and he''s not actually mad about the phone. He just feels that if HE were the one who forgot to turn his ringer on and missed an important call of mine, he would go balls-to-the-wall and really make every effort to change his behavior. While I told him, I WILL make every effort to keep my ringer on when I''m available, his unsolicited advice on how I can "change" is not appreciated, and comes across as condescending. He also said he doesnt think that I don''t care about him, and he knows that I would drop anything for him at any moment.

Basically we decided on we both have things that each other does that is annoying, and we need to learn to tolerate them, as opposed to forcing people to change. Also, that unsolicited advice is never welcome.

I also mentioned that due to the fact that we''re closer and closer to getting engaged, we put more pressure on one another (I forget which PS''er mentioned that -- but credit for you!) and expect more out of each other. I said that we have to remember that no one is perfect, and we have to accomodate each other''s idiosyncrasies(SP?).

It was a good talk. All better. The fact that we can have discussions like that is one of the reasons why I want to marry him soon.

Thanks for all of your support, ladies!