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Tacky or neat idea?

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pebbles

pebbles

Brilliant_Rock
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Oct 8, 2005
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953
Well, I''m an old married fart, but I figured I''d ask all you brides-to-be this question...(acutally, I''m not that old, but after being married for 6+ years, I feel old
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Last year when one of my girlfriends that I had known since high school got married, she sent out what I consider unusual thank you cards. She had a candid of her and her husband together and she had those cards made where the printing is on the side of the card. I''m not explaining it well, but I get a lot of cards like it for christmas. The photograph is on the one side, then the names of the people are pre-printed next to it. Her cards said something like "thank you for sharing our special day, Love Jen and John". All she had to do was address the envelopes, and she didn''t even do that - she had labels from the printer for it. There was no mention of what we specifically gave her (geez, did she even know?) or any other personal note in there. Heck, our names weren''t even written on the card itself.

When I got married 6 years ago, I had read it was extremely tacky to have anything but hand-written thank you notes. I had over 300 people at my wedding, so you can imagine how long it took me to do them. I wrote each person''s name inside the card along with a note thanking them for their specific gift and hand addressed the envelopes. And I got them all out within 1 month of our wedding.

Has anyone else ever received a thank you like the one I got from my friend? I just thought it was kind of on the tacky side, and so did a lot of our other friends.

What do you think? I don''t mean to offend anyone that has done it; it was the first time I had seen it and I was a bit surprised, that''s all.

Thanks.
 
Yes, it''s very tacky and rude. Thank you notes are not only supposed to be handwritten but personalized too. We had a pretty small wedding so it didn''t take us very long to get all the cards out but even friends who''ve had huge 300+ people weddings made each thank you card personal and handwritten. I guess etiquette is not your friend''s strong point.
 
At least you got something. When my SIL got married she never sent anything out. I think it is a dying tradition unfortuneately. I remember hand writing every one of mine with personalized notations.
 
Yes, it''s pretty cheesy. Thank-you cards should still be handwritten and personalized, so the person knows you really did appreciate the specific gift they gave you.
But I will say this, it is better than what someone I know did, which is not send thank-you cards at all. Better to get a pre-printed card than none I think.
 
I think it''s rude most of all. She should have at least written a personl not inside thanking you for the gift and making mention of what you actually gave her. Geez.
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I think it''s a cute idea, but really ought to be personalized to each recipient... I''ve seen cute ones w/a pic of the couple at the wedding holding cards that say ''Thank you'' and inside you can write a note...

but, like the others said, better than nothing!
 
Tacky. Thank you notes should be handwritten. Period. If they want to enclose a photo.. thats a great idea.. but at least write your own note!
 
Very tacky and rude. Like others have said, it''s a cute idea to have a picture of the couple but they really should have personalized each one. I''m very anal about that stuff. My shower was last week and I sent my thank yous out within 3 days and wrote something different and personal in each one. Granted there were only 25 but I think it''s the right way to do it. I also plan on doing that for my wedding. It''s the proper thing to do and it really makes people feel good to get a personal, handwritten note.

By the way, I''ve received 2 thank yous from couples and although they were personalized, they were not handwritten but printed on the computer using like a calligraphy font. I''m not ok with that either. Hand write your own thank yous!
 
I agree that it''s very rude and tasteless. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer, and I received a PLAIN 3 x 2 card with a typed photocopied note that said "Your gift has been receieved. A thank you will follow." And guess what? I''m still waiting for that thank-you. And on top of that, she never gave her attendants a gift. She said she lost the necklaces she bought for us. She didn''t even try to find them, or send us anything after that fact...it was ALL about HER, as if we should be kssing her feet to be a part of her wedding! The funniest part is that she lives in a very wealthy ritzy community that prides itself on being proper all the time. What a JOKE! Sorry, I''m venting. Haha.
 
Okay, hands down we all agree that the thank you''s should be hand written...

BUT...do the addresses on the outside of the envelope need to be hand written? My question goes for the thank-you''s and the invitations. [We did pre-printed labels for the save-the-date postcards which I hope wasn''t tacky, it certainly didn''t look tacky.] But give me your honest opinion about the thank-you''s and invitations.
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Date: 12/12/2005 7:48:39 PM
Author: selflove
Okay, hands down we all agree that the thank you''s should be hand written...

BUT...do the addresses on the outside of the envelope need to be hand written? My question goes for the thank-you''s and the invitations. [We did pre-printed labels for the save-the-date postcards which I hope wasn''t tacky, it certainly didn''t look tacky.] But give me your honest opinion about the thank-you''s and invitations.
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I would say its not rude to type the addresses...it''s the card that matters, IMO, and I never notice if someone typed out the envelope, I just rip it open to see the card, plus it''ll save you more time to write thoughtful thank you notes ; ) But the note inside should be hand written.
 
When we got married, in the back of our proof album was a page from which you could order those cards. I don''t recall seeing a "thank-you note" example, but there were Christmas designs, and several other ideas for sending out your favorite wedding picture to your loved ones/guests. I agree with everyone, I would not use pre-printed designs for thank-you''s.

My husband''s cousin is a graphic designer...she sent me some samples from her wedding to inspire me when I couldn''t decide on invites and programs. One she included was a thank you note. It was a single fold card, about 4" by 5", with a black and white photo of the wedding party and most of her 100+ wedding guests taken from above. It made a lovely thank you card. She obviously hand-wrote her notes, but this card made a wonderful souvenir for her guests as well. If you can get your photographer to coordinate something like this, and maybe sacrifice favors (I opted not to give out favors) it makes a fabulous memento.
 
Forgive me, I know this is not the exact subject...but I have just received two Christmas cards....well my husband won''t allow me to count them in my yearly bounty...because they are not signed.

Just like you described, the photo with the printing on the side...granted the photo is really nice, but the back is all blank. I think I would a least sign something...but not. The second card is a traditional folded card, beautiful picture on the front, touching sentiment contained within...but THERE IS NOTHING ADDED. Hmmmm....now that I think of it...it is actually a wonderful gift, as I can use this card for someone on my list! Those on my list get some ink work on the inside, old fashioned? Ok. Business cards from corporations, I understand there is no personal stuff added...but friends and family...WRITE SOMETHING!

Back to your subject, you are not an OLD FOAGIE....age or generation does not surpass etiquette. A thank you is a must. Those of you reading this that haven''t sent them...do it now. It is sure nice and thoughful of you that get them out as soon as possible, but if you failed, write one now and tell them how much you enjoy the cake pan and think of them everytime you use it.

DKS
 
Thank you notes should be hand written in my opinion. I personally think the labels can be printed, because it is not the envelope that people are looking at, it''s the card and note inside. Just my 0.02.
 
I am handwriting my thank you''s....but everyone gave us money....so each message says (handwritten) "thank you for the generous gift. We are both so glad you could celebrate our special day with us"
 
TACKY! I hand wrote and addressed over 200 wedding thank you notes and 100 shower gift thank yous. Each were personalized with the gift, how we were using it or planned on using, and a comment specific to each guest of how they helped to make the day special for us. No two were the same. The only thing pre-printed were the return address labels, placed on the back of the envelope, which i did on my home printer using the clear labels. I didnt have the envelopes pre-printed in case we moved... i got nice monogramed notes that we can use anytime.

Selflove - Personally, I think it should all be hand written, but if you had to cut a corner, i would do it on the thank yous, not the wedding invitations. Hand writting wedding invitations i think adds to the elegance and excitment of getting the invite. The only way i would do not handwritting the addresses would be to print directly onto the envelopes (did this with our save the dates)... its the address label i find EXTREMLY tacky no matter what it is for!
 
Date: 12/12/2005 7:48:39 PM
Author: selflove
Okay, hands down we all agree that the thank you's should be hand written...

BUT...do the addresses on the outside of the envelope need to be hand written? My question goes for the thank-you's and the invitations. [We did pre-printed labels for the save-the-date postcards which I hope wasn't tacky, it certainly didn't look tacky.] But give me your honest opinion about the thank-you's and invitations.
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Selflove, I think it really depends on who you are inviting and their expectation level. For example, in my circle of friends, people have done it both ways. Honestly, I never notice who did what, but I'm sure I've gotten some labels. Personally, I don't give a flip.
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It's the envelope. Other people are much more into presentation and whatnot. If your group of friends and family are big etiquette types, hand-written is best. If they are less into that, use the labels. It's probably helpful to think about the invites and thanks-you's you've received.
 
It seems a little on the lazy side, but at least some effort was made...?

I was a bridesmaid once before (whom the bride knew was strapped for cash) and it cost me thousands of dollars between travel expenses (destination wedding), the dress, shoes, hair, make-up, nails (all required by the bride), multiple parties and all the gifts for the multiple parties (all, again, required by the bride). Not to mention the MOH was pretty useless, so a lot of time went into everything on my part as well. I never even received a verbal thank you. It''s been almost 2 years. Now there is a lack of etiquette for ya! I still love her to death, but...
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Looks like I''m in the minority here. Although, I wouldn''t do my ''thank-you notes'' this way, I don''t think it''s tacky. I mean, I do think a handwritten thank you would definitly be more meaningful.

I don''t think it''s at all tacky to have a printed label for the envelope...I''d do that!
 
Wow, that is tacky! See, I think it's nice to be personally thanked for things. Now, I don't care if they sit down and write a note, say it in person, or call me up on the telephone. It's the thought that counts. Of course, I know others disagree about that (must have handwritten note!
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So for your friend not to even SAY anything, which is a lot less work than writing, that's pretty bad!

(this is in reference to the girl who didn't thank the BM)
 
Wow, I agree, that''s very tacky. She took the easy road to skip writing out all those thank yous. I''ve never received such a thank you card, but would be offended if I did.
 
Date: 12/13/2005 10:24:15 AM
Author: njc

The only way i would do not handwritting the addresses would be to print directly onto the envelopes
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I got an e-mail wedding thank you once, sent to a distribution list of guests. I would definitely say that''s better than no thank you at all, but not the best method IMHO.
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Our wedding invitations came from a company that actually had instructions for addressing the envelopes and it said that addresses should be hand written onto the envelopes (referring to etiquette rules, etc.). We had 2 separate receptions, so for the first reception I addressed everything by hand...

For the second reception, my DH said that he wanted to print the addresses because he liked how that looked better, so I did that directly onto the envelope like njc said. I also printed the addresses and our return address directly onto the envelopes for all our thank you cards. It''s actually a ton of work printing the addresses directly on the envelopes...making sure everything is spaced right and that the envelopes feed into the printer ok...I would say it''s just as much work as handwriting the addresses.
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Inside the thank you cards, everything was hand written and personalized.

Some people care about these things more than others...the funny thing was that I actually stressed out so much about how to do it, and I could easily pick out which of our guests might have "criticized" whether or not we followed the proper "rules". Ho hum
 
I think it''s very impersonal not to mention the specific gift at least. I will probably have their addresses printed on the envelopes with my printer just for the sake of neatness. I just think if you don''t mention their specific names and gifts in the thank you note itself, it''s a little rude. It''s kind of like getting a "form letter" from a company or something.
 
Date: 12/14/2005 12:44:27 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae
I think it's very impersonal not to mention the specific gift at least. I will probably have their addresses printed on the envelopes with my printer just for the sake of neatness. I just think if you don't mention their specific names and gifts in the thank you note itself, it's a little rude. It's kind of like getting a 'form letter' from a company or something.
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Glad to hear the vast majority think so too!
My honey and I attended his cousin's wedding this summer, and got a form thank you note with no mention of our gift. We went out of our way to give them a nice gift. I thought it was rude, and very impersonal. The rest of our family got the same card, and felt the same. Glad to hear I'm not out of line for being put off.

Glad to hear good manners prevail.
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Scintillating...
 
Date: 12/13/2005 9:47:56 PM
Author: rms



Date: 12/13/2005 10:24:15 AM
Author: njc

The only way i would do not handwritting the addresses would be to print directly onto the envelopes
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For the second reception, my DH said that he wanted to print the addresses because he liked how that looked better, so I did that directly onto the envelope like njc said. I also printed the addresses and our return address directly onto the envelopes for all our thank you cards. It's actually a ton of work printing the addresses directly on the envelopes...making sure everything is spaced right and that the envelopes feed into the printer ok...I would say it's just as much work as handwriting the addresses.
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Inside the thank you cards, everything was hand written and personalized.

Some people care about these things more than others...the funny thing was that I actually stressed out so much about how to do it, and I could easily pick out which of our guests might have 'criticized' whether or not we followed the proper 'rules'. Ho hum
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rms, I agree about the printing onto the envelopes. We did our own wedding envelopes on the computer because we gave our printer a special font for the invites and we wanted the font on the envelopes to match. What a nightmare. Every single envelope--inner and outer--jammed the printer. Every single time we fed one in, it jammed. But that's ok, it still printed. Then we realized the ink was smudging so we left them all spread out overnight so they would dry. The next day, still not dry, smudges all over if we touched them. Fortunately, we have an art supply store near us so we went there for help. We bought a special spray that people who work with pastels use to set the color into the paper. So we had to spray this stuff on to the printing we had done in order for it to set the ink and we nearly passed out from the fumes! All of our envelopes smelled like spray paint after but we didn't care! We came to find out that our envelope stock was not compatible with laser jet printers. Who knew? Anyway, my point is just to let that be a warning to anyone who wants to print directly onto the envelopes from the computer!

But I still haven't changed my mind! I think it's ok for the wedding invitation envelopes to be printed on the computer rather than hand calligraphy but I still think the thank you notes and thank you envelopes should be hand written! Ok, I'm done babbling now!!
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Hmmm.. I printed directly on the envelopes for my save-the-date cards and didn''t have a single problem. Were your envelopes very slick?

Another idea would be to buy labels and print them from your computer. Less chance of jamming and you can do a lot at one time rather than feeding each envelope in.
 
whoa curlygirl, what a crazy experience you had. But at least it makes for a good story right!?
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I didn''t have trouble with the ink smudging, but I ended up tucking in the flap of absolutely every inner and outer envelope before I sent it through the printer. Some of inner envelopes crinkled a bit because of it but I got better at it over time. Oh well, I guess nothing is perfect. I didn''t have a laser printer, just a desk jet. I would sit there and feed each envelope one at a time and give each one a little push as the printer grabbed it.

For an occasion as formal as a wedding and showers I absolutely think thank you notes are a must. But this thread makes me also wonder about when you truly have to sed a thank you note for gifts that you receive for other occasions. For example, for a kid''s birthday party, or when my friend''s kids are sick, I might bring them a little something. I personally do not think that a thank you note is necessary for that kind of stuff, especially if the gift was given in person. Maybe if you send the gift to someone far away, a thank you note is more in order so that you know that indeed they received your gift. What do you all think?
 
Date: 12/14/2005 6:02:27 PM
Author: rms
whoa curlygirl, what a crazy experience you had. But at least it makes for a good story right!?
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I didn''t have trouble with the ink smudging, but I ended up tucking in the flap of absolutely every inner and outer envelope before I sent it through the printer. Some of inner envelopes crinkled a bit because of it but I got better at it over time. Oh well, I guess nothing is perfect. I didn''t have a laser printer, just a desk jet. I would sit there and feed each envelope one at a time and give each one a little push as the printer grabbed it.

For an occasion as formal as a wedding and showers I absolutely think thank you notes are a must. But this thread makes me also wonder about when you truly have to sed a thank you note for gifts that you receive for other occasions. For example, for a kid''s birthday party, or when my friend''s kids are sick, I might bring them a little something. I personally do not think that a thank you note is necessary for that kind of stuff, especially if the gift was given in person. Maybe if you send the gift to someone far away, a thank you note is more in order so that you know that indeed they received your gift. What do you all think?
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Well, like I said earlier, I''m not a huge etiquette hound, so I agree with you. If I give a person a gift in person, they open it up and thank me right there, I don''t worry one bit about getting a written card. That goes for showers, too. I actually think the verbal thank you often sounds more geniune and natural. For example, if I give a toaster (not really!) at a shower, a "Gee thanks!" is enough for me. But then I usually get a thank you note about a week later, it''s something like "Thank you for the lovely toaster. We''ll think of you every time we make breakfast." I don''t know, thank you cards always seem to follow the script and I don''t understand why that''s more "geniune" than any other thank you.

All that said, I''m certainly planning to send out thank you''s to stay on Emily Post''s good side.
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I think the card with the candid picture is a cute idea, but it''s only okay if there is a handwritten note in the envelope as well thanking you specifically for the items that you gave her as gifts. It just shows appreciation for your thought as well as your gift. The way she sent the cards, it''s not clear whether she even remembers who gave her what.
 
TACKY !!!

I had our thank you notes out, indivdually written to each person, within 3 weeks of our wedding...and we had a 2 week HM

klr
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