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Tell me how you survived raising small children

“I had to let go of what I thought it would look like and embrace what it was.”

@MMtwo this is a brilliant comment and describes parenting exactly, however you are doing it!
 
diamondyes said:
It’s like you’re a kind fairy godmother or a ghost from Christmas future, come to give me a warm hug and a cup of tea, telling me everything is going to be ok. Your words were a balm for my heart. Thank you for taking the time to share this. I keep rereading it.
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Please know that these years get easier. I'm glad the words help. There is no instruction book on how to do this right or well, especially with additional health challenges. Consider yourself hugged. Your words could have been mine in 1994.
 
Snowdrop13 said:
“I had to let go of what I thought it would look like and embrace what it was.”

@MMtwo this is a brilliant comment and describes parenting exactly, however you are doing it!
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Yes- such good advice. It really resonates.
 
They are only young for a short time and the house will need cleaning for a lifetime.
 
I worked full time and had a per diem job when my kids were younger and I’ll be honest, sometimes work was like a vacation for me. I could go to work and yes it was hard and challenging at times (NICU nurse here), but it gave me a much needed break away from the kids.

We never used a babysitter for our kids either. Even though we had family nearby we never received help from them. I worked nights or my husband worked nights and we would switch days on and off. Sometimes it would be 8:30 am and I would get home and just see my husband for 30 minutes or less and he would be off to work. Then he would come home at 6 pm and off to work I would go again.
Nowadays my husband sometimes looks at me and me at him and he says “we did it on our own and our way!” Of course then I remind him we still have four kids.
I don’t have much advice to add but I can tell you it gets better as they age. Raising kids is hard and so challenging but you are doing a good job. Just remember that.
If I could hug you I would. Hang in there.
 
Thanks for all the hugs everyone. We are all sick AGAIN and it’s just insane. I cannot believe how often me and/or the kids are sick. Daycare germs!!!
 
diamondyes said:
Thanks for all the hugs everyone. We are all sick AGAIN and it’s just insane. I cannot believe how often me and/or the kids are sick. Daycare germs!!!
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Ughh. I feel you. It was consistently 3 weeks daycare, one week sick for the first year for my first three children in daycare.
I ran out of sick days. Them I ran out of days off. Than my DH ran out. Then my momcane to the rescue. Horribly stressful!!!

Crossing my fingers for you!!
 
MaisOuiMadame said:
Ughh. I feel you. It was consistently 3 weeks daycare, one week sick for the first year for my first three children in daycare.
I ran out of sick days. Them I ran out of days off. Than my DH ran out. Then my momcane to the rescue. Horribly stressful!!!

Crossing my fingers for you!!
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Oh my god. I can just picture it. That must’ve been so hard.

My parents were here and we got them sick, I feel so bad. It’s especially hard to have help over when it’s a pandemic :(

One day at a time though. And I’ve missed so much work due to being sick, I’m seriously considering quitting one job. I’m going to decide in two months.
 
I can’t offer any advice because I my husband was the more hands on parent because he had a more flexible job at the time and was more hands-on than I was. All I can offer is encouragement and hugs. Doctors say that in that first year of daycare your child will catch every single cold and transmittable germ there is, but their immunity will also be building and by year 2, they’ll be immune to most thing. Hang in there, your kids will stop getting sick soon!
 
AprilBaby said:
What got me through 4 small children? I started at 23 and was done at 31. Youth.
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Ditto with 4, but I started at 21 and was done at 27! :loopy:
 
I am re-reading the sage wisdom in here. Thank you everyone. I am drowning.
 
Hang in there @diamondyes. My only advice, is that when it gets chaotic, try to focus only on the things that are absolutely necessary for survival of your family, not what outsiders or extended family will think. It will get better.
 
Is it holiday related? Parents of young kids often tend to overdo the holidays. It isn't really necessary to do so much. Little kids don't expect it! And we don't have to meet the expectations of other family members, either. Do what works for you.
 
diamondyes said:
I am re-reading the sage wisdom in here. Thank you everyone. I am drowning.
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Can’t believe I never replied to your thread! I remember reading it last spring but I must have decided I didn’t have anything more helpful to add than had already been said.

I only have one child who is now 10. The early years were tough, and I never felt like I was doing anything right. I often found myself feeling very alone and guilty that somehow I wasn’t a perfect parent. I was 35 when I had my daughter and I thought since I was older I should know everything.

It strikes me that everyone had advice for me but no one really said what I desperately needed to hear: that I was doing just fine and that I was a Good Mother.

@diamondyes you are a Great Mom! Of course you feel like you’re drowning; you’re overwhelmed with two small humans and a big one, and you’re doing it the majority of it by yourself while working outside the home. That’s a lot to carry. But you’re doing it, and you have kept everyone afloat for this long. That alone makes you a fantastic parent and worthy of the highest praise.

If I knew you in real life I would come and help you do all the things and make sure you got to spend quality time with your babies for an entire weekend and that your house was clean and everything was ready for your Monday morning. It sounds like you could really use that kind of support and I’m sorry you’re not getting it. Wish there was something more I could do than just typing words on the internet. Hugs!!!
 
Young kids are tough. Maintaining normal life with young kids is reeeaaallly tough. Day by day is the best plan. Pick your battles. Don’t worry about perfect cleaning or perfect meals or being a perfect mum; just keep them safe and loved and keep yourself sane - that’s plenty. Ask for help if you can.

It does get better. They do get less time consuming, you do get less exhausted, but it’s a matter of time.
 
Do you need to be smuggled off Ban Island for a breather @diamondyes? I’ll bet we could sneak an inflatable kayak out :lol:
 
lissyflo said:
Young kids are tough. Maintaining normal life with young kids is reeeaaallly tough. Day by day is the best plan. Pick your battles. Don’t worry about perfect cleaning or perfect meals or being a perfect mum; just keep them safe and loved and keep yourself sane - that’s plenty. Ask for help if you can.

It does get better. They do get less time consuming, you do get less exhausted, but it’s a matter of time.
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Thank you <3
 
yssie said:
Do you need to be smuggled off Ban Island for a breather @diamondyes? I’ll bet we could sneak an inflatable kayak out :lol:
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Oooooh Yssie, you are a kind soul indeed!!! I’m actually OFF the island!!! But I haven’t bought my special piece yet because I feel sad thinking about adding to the holiday delivery chaos for something that can really truly wait for January. I’m also revelling in the anticipation, and dragging it out. Stay tuned! :)
 
pearlsngems said:
Is it holiday related? Parents of young kids often tend to overdo the holidays. It isn't really necessary to do so much. Little kids don't expect it! And we don't have to meet the expectations of other family members, either. Do what works for you.
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Naw it’s sleep-related :)
I need more sleep!!
 
monarch64 said:
Can’t believe I never replied to your thread! I remember reading it last spring but I must have decided I didn’t have anything more helpful to add than had already been said.

I only have one child who is now 10. The early years were tough, and I never felt like I was doing anything right. I often found myself feeling very alone and guilty that somehow I wasn’t a perfect parent. I was 35 when I had my daughter and I thought since I was older I should know everything.

It strikes me that everyone had advice for me but no one really said what I desperately needed to hear: that I was doing just fine and that I was a Good Mother.

@diamondyes you are a Great Mom! Of course you feel like you’re drowning; you’re overwhelmed with two small humans and a big one, and you’re doing it the majority of it by yourself while working outside the home. That’s a lot to carry. But you’re doing it, and you have kept everyone afloat for this long. That alone makes you a fantastic parent and worthy of the highest praise.

If I knew you in real life I would come and help you do all the things and make sure you got to spend quality time with your babies for an entire weekend and that your house was clean and everything was ready for your Monday morning. It sounds like you could really use that kind of support and I’m sorry you’re not getting it. Wish there was something more I could do than just typing words on the internet. Hugs!!!
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This is such a hug! Thank you!
 
DH and I are planning to buy some frozen meals, hire the cleaners to come more often, and I’ve messaged five potential babysitters as I’m trying to find someone with more availability. Wish me luck! And thanks for the hugs everyone. It’s just a very sleepy exhausting time. I need my babies to sleep in til 8am, please and thanks!
 
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