TEMP Marriages??

[Mara]

And the idea of REcommitting periodically appeals to me...

Actually I like this idea too. I already am planning our 10 year recommittment ceremony. I'd love to do it every 10 years in a different spot around the world. How fun would that be.

I guess I view something like this proposal differently, like instead of getting all outraged at how dare someone think about something like that, I kind of have to laugh, at as deco put it, the crazy practicality of it in today's day and age. And I just think that is flat out being realistic about it. I confess I kind of like it when someone tries to shake up the die-hard 'way it always was' establishment. You go girl!

And quite honestly, I think that those who would be super interested in the 'oh we're in love, let's try marriage' would be the same ones who would be divorced within 7 years anyway with that blase attitude, so what is the real difference there between then and now? My feeling is that those who enter into it with a realization of the seriousness of it and really what it DOES and DOES NOT entail would not be those tempted to see if the grass is greener at year 7 anyway.

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 9/21/2007 6:25:18 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I do believe marriage is about commitment and forever.
I don''t think that everyone does, even though they don''t admit it.

HI:

And yet, I believe just the opposite. I''ve always subscribed to the idea that people truely believe in the "forever and ever" at the time of the verbal committment, but then life gets in the way. Variables vary.

Fraility, thy name is human. (hey, even diamond vendors have a "trade up policy"!!!!!!!!!!)

cheers--Sharon

 

[crown1]

marriage is an old concept. it is a sacrament of the church. i think that it can stand as is for those who wish to enter into it of their own accord. the marriage sacrament is between a man and a woman. usually they promise forever. this is what i believe marriage to be.

i think if someone or a group wants to change that they would be better off to make a new commitment ceremony and not call it marriage but whatever other name they wish to assign their arrangement. i think that when two people make a commitment they can commit to what they want but marriage should remain as it is for those who wish to become married.

i have said more times than i can count "how many times can you say forever and expect anyone to believe you". if you don''t want to be married forever just get a seven year renewable contract but don'' try to mess up something that others still wish to be a part of. why fool with marriage just make a legal contract renewable in seven years if you don''t wish to be bound forever.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 9/21/2007 7:11:03 PM
Author: perry
And here I thought you were referencing the practices in Iran on Temporary Marriage. There, if you are of marrigable age and meet someone you like... and feel a little amorous... You can get married for the weekend (or the week) so that you may have a nice weekend together - and if pregnancy occurs you are legally covered.

Many of the younger generation get married every weekend or so... so they can have sex; and there are people who have been married dozens of times now. All nice and legal. No sex out of wedlock.

Perry

It''s Islam that allows this, not just one country. And where are you getting your information. I''m finding your statements overbroad and frankly, a little offensive.

 

[perry]

Date: 9/21/2007 10:03:00 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 9/21/2007 7:11:03 PM
Author: perry
And here I thought you were referencing the practices in Iran on Temporary Marriage. There, if you are of marrigable age and meet someone you like... and feel a little amorous... You can get married for the weekend (or the week) so that you may have a nice weekend together - and if pregnancy occurs you are legally covered.

Many of the younger generation get married every weekend or so... so they can have sex; and there are people who have been married dozens of times now. All nice and legal. No sex out of wedlock.

Perry

It''s Islam that allows this, not just one country. And where are you getting your information. I''m finding your statements overbroad and frankly, a little offensive.

60 Minutes did a story on Iran several years ago and about this practice - complete with interviews with the Imans that developed the policy with their explaination for it.

There have been articles that pop up in various international news orginizations every year of so about this as well.

Here is a link to one that I found with an easy search...

www.library.cornell.edu/colldev/mideast/tmpmrig.htm


I am not so sure that I''d claim that this practice is only about Islam; and I do not believe that it is commonly practiced in other Islamic countries. If I am wrong on that - let me know. I also believe that other african/3rd world (non-islamic) cultures do allow something similar (in fact - in some of them it used to be, and may still be, that a gal cannot marry until she has proven that you can have a baby).

In the end it just goes to show that countries and cultures can and do adopt completely different meanings and terms for marriages.

Perry

 

[Tacori E-ring]

This is so silly! Marriage takes commitment and work. I agree with whoever said this is an easy escape clause. I am not anti-divorice. If your marriage isn''t working for whatever reason and your *tried* to make it work it is a good option BUT to have your marriage expire?!?

That is unacceptable.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 9/21/2007 11:15:03 PM
Author: perry

Date: 9/21/2007 10:03:00 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 9/21/2007 7:11:03 PM
Author: perry
And here I thought you were referencing the practices in Iran on Temporary Marriage. There, if you are of marrigable age and meet someone you like... and feel a little amorous... You can get married for the weekend (or the week) so that you may have a nice weekend together - and if pregnancy occurs you are legally covered.

Many of the younger generation get married every weekend or so... so they can have sex; and there are people who have been married dozens of times now. All nice and legal. No sex out of wedlock.

Perry

It's Islam that allows this, not just one country. And where are you getting your information. I'm finding your statements overbroad and frankly, a little offensive.

60 Minutes did a story on Iran several years ago and about this practice - complete with interviews with the Imans that developed the policy with their explaination for it.

There have been articles that pop up in various international news orginizations every year of so about this as well.

Here is a link to one that I found with an easy search...

www.library.cornell.edu/colldev/mideast/tmpmrig.htm


I am not so sure that I'd claim that this practice is only about Islam; and I do not believe that it is commonly practiced in other Islamic countries. If I am wrong on that - let me know. I also believe that other african/3rd world (non-islamic) cultures do allow something similar (in fact - in some of them it used to be, and may still be, that a gal cannot marry until she has proven that you can have a baby).

In the end it just goes to show that countries and cultures can and do adopt completely different meanings and terms for marriages.

Perry

I think it's probably accurate that it's a practice in Iran. It makes sense from my knowledge of the county and it's evolving youth culture. But the root of it is Islamic law that makes this possible. Too tired to explain-- will if you want me to later. But basically Islamic law make divorce easy, and 'quicky' marriages easy too. There are two types of marriage, quick ones, and formal ones. Of course, divorce is fairly easy with either. For the man, anyway. I would say that it's exagerrated regarding how prevelant this practice is among youth. Virginity is still highly prized for women in Iran. I have many cousins there, (100's no joke) and have never heard that any of FEMALES wouold consider this as a possibility, at least, not before their first REAL (formal) marriage-- after I suppose it hardly matters. One or five, there's no proof. It's also not a new practice. It is one many Islamic men have taken advantage of for centuries, to get around the no sex without marriage prohibition. It is my understanding that prostitutes are some of the most oft 'married' women around-- and have been for some time. What I can't speak to is whether this is a result of a the SH/SUN interpretation split, so that it is less prevalent in Sunni cultures. I know very little about Sunni religious beliefs. And only know this (I an not muslim, though my family is) bit because the incredible loop hole that it presents has always interested me. But thank you for the links, I will have to look into them. And talk to my cousins about the information, when I have the chance. It's interesting.

 

[Eva17]

I know all the stats say at least 50 % of marriages end in divorce, but I have been married for 21 years, and we really don''t have any close friends who have gotten a divorce.

Most people don''t usually walk away from a marriage too easily. I know priorities change once children come along, and making it work for the sake of the children, isn''t always bad thing.


Most single female parent households are living below middle income status. It is often a struggle to make ends meet.

So it can be a struggle to keep a marriage going and it could be a struggle to keep food on the table as a single parent. Not to mention the logistics of childcare, so one can work to put the food on the table.


If the choice is to marry, them bring children into the home, then make it work.

If not, then don''t call it marriage, and choose to live together. And if need be, 7 years later, see if you still want to live together.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 9/22/2007 12:01:34 AM
Author: Eva17
I know all the stats say at least 50 % of marriages end in divorce, but I have been married for 21 years, and we really don''t have any close friends who have gotten a divorce.

I *think* that stat is for ALL marriage not first marriages. DH''s uncle alone is on #3. Both our parents have been married for 35+ years. I am sure not all of those years have been easy but they make it work!

Besides isn''t what she is saying the same as common law marriage? I guess they could be less "messy."

 

[ljmorgan]

How sad. What''s the point of a 7 year marriage -- just to say you''re married, and to enjoy the status? If you can''t commit your life to someone, and you''re not sure, or you want to test things out... do yourself a favor and don''t get married.

 

[pearcrazy]

This thread has made me think of something my dad said to me last week. He and my mom''s 50th wedding anniversary is coming up in May and my sister and I are trying to plan something special for them to celebrate. I asked him if he and my mother would be interested in renewing their vows and he said, "Why? Do the original ones expire after 50 years?"

 

[Haven]

Date: 9/21/2007 6:25:18 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I do believe marriage is about commitment and forever.


I don''t think that everyone does, even though they don''t admit it.


For some, it''s already a ''let''s see if this works out...if it doesn''t, it doesn''t'' kind of thing from the get-go.


For some, it''s about planning fairy tale weddings and getting married because everyone else is doing it and it''s the thing to do.


And the list goes on and on.


And although on the whole, I see where Mara is coming from and agree to a point, I wouldn''t vote for someone who wants to make marriage easier to get out of...


I''d vote for the person who wanted to make marriage harder to get INTO.

I completely agree, TGal. I was literally thinking the same thing when I got to your post.

I don''t know anything about how difficult it is to get a divorce in Germany, or if Pauli is proposing this as a means of getting around strict Catholic laws regarding divorce (of which I''m also quite ignorant,) HOWEVER, why change the meaning of "marriage" and make it easier to get out of? Wouldn''t it be more effective to make it something that is much more difficult to enter into?

For example, why not propose a formalized trial period before two people can legally marry, something that includes counseling and some sort of reflective assessment process. THEN if the couple makes it through the trial period and still wants to marry, Great. THEN, if they find themselves wanting a divorce later, the fact that they took the proper precautions before entering into the marriage could somehow absolve them (in the eyes of the government or church in question here) of any guilt or stigma that might be attached to divorce. But for crying out loud--if the PROBLEM here is divorce, why spread the cause (hasty marriages?) around even more?

Pauli''s whole proposal completely defies logic and reason, IMHO.

The good news: Regardless of how any governing body or religion or state chooses to define marriage, we each have the opportunity to create our own definitions ourselves. I certainly refuse to allow statutory changes to affect the way I approach my own future marriage, I promise you that.

Great thread, Deco!

 

[ice_princess]

Date: 9/21/2007 2:29:42 PM
Author: Sha
Is this what marriage has come to? From a lifetime to seven years...?

I think we should still be striving for the ideal. It''s true it sometimes doesn''t work out... but is the answer to revise our expectations downwards?

Think of how a 7-year marriage would affect the children.. Marriage is about commitment. I think it would be sad if this is the modern version of it.

ditto Sha. While divorce is in ample supply these days I just can''t agree with the 7 year thing. What if you wanted to stay married for longer and every 7 years you had to renew it like a car MOT? It''s just horrible...