The amount of $$$ for register wedding gifts...

[Dancing Fire]

IYO...where should the wedding couple draw the line? $100,$500 > $1000?

 

[House Cat]

There should be a range of price points. Sometimes more than one group of people like to combine gifts for the more expensive gifts. Sometimes family members (parents, grandparents) want to buy the more expensive gifts for the newlyweds. I don't think there are any rules as far as $$$ limit. I also don't think it is gauche to have a wide range of price points for your guests.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't put a house on my registry... So, I guess there IS a limit.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Depends on their guests, local culture, etc. In some places, a $100 present is a keepsake. In others, very generous.

The couple should have a wide range of prices, including some very inexpensive stuff, and use their common sense for the most expensive items.

 

[zoebartlett]

Yes, have a wide range of price points to accomodate people's budgets.

I don't really care about this one way or another, but I do find it somewhat amusing when I see furniture on a registry. Asking for a new bedroom, living room, or dining room set seems a bit much.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I worked as a registry consultant for years. There is def a range that is appropriate depending on your social circle and family members. You should know what most of them are comfortable spending on a gift and aim for that as a majority and do some above and below. Like a bell curve. I worked on Long Island at Macy's. Midrange store, not Walmart and not Barney's either. Most shower gifts people wanted to spend around $50 but sometimes you got a group or someone really close to the couple that would buy the $700 all clad set. I also think furniture is a bit much and usually if someone is going to purchase that for you they arrange it with you before hand so you don't need it on your registry. Either way, more options is always better than not enough. When there's not enough on the list that's when you get mystery gifts

 

[Sparklelu]

I'm at the age now when I am being asked to my children's friends weddings as well as nieces and nephews. I am amazed at the sheer money grab of some ( not all) of these kids. They want us to fund their house : honey fund.com
And another a down payment on a house. Www.hatchmyhouse.com!! Not only that but apparently today's generation only sleeps on 800 count sheets on a king size bed!!
I would love to see a very wide range of gifts from 25.00 up to 250. If they want cash most couples seem to register for very little and think the guests will get the hint.
We almost always give cash anyway so I'm not sure why the directed donations bother me lol.
As a side note I have gone to two showers recently of young brides who made sure to tell us that dinner was 175.& $250. A plate, I guess so we knew how to " cover our plate" for our gift.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

There should be a range, obviously, but I think $500 would be the upper limit regardless of the guests' income level. I was looking through the gift registry of a VERY well off person who's invited me to an event and you know what? Her and her SO have asked for many items, but the most expensive is just under $500 and the more expensive items she wants, she purchased herself. She can afford to and isn't trying to make everyone pay for her and her SO's lifestyle. I appauled that. If I want to spend $500 on her, I can easily do so by purchasing an assortment of items on her list or by giving her a gift card. It's a lot more flexible.

I actually like when people put "little" things on their registries, like in the $10-$20 range, along with $50-100 items because it's kind of fun to have my kids give the little items as gifts. It makes them feel like their apart of the celebration and it's not odd for a child to give a small item, but would be odd for them to give a $100 wine goblet.

 

[packrat]

My mom helped me register for our wedding, and she had me pick out a lot of little things, b/c she knows some people like to get a bunch of them together, like a basket type deal. Like someone got us those corn on the cob poker things and items for our bbq grill. My gramma got us a hamper and filled it w/laundry stuff. We didn't register for expensive things. The most costly thing I registered for was a comforter from Kmart-and in the grand scheme of things, wasn't that bad really..but my mom had a cow. "$80 for a comforter???!!! $26 for a sheet set????!!!! It wasn't even a bed-in-a-bag Missi, OMG who is going to spend that kind of money??

My SIL on the other hand...lawn mower, patio furniture, a grill, bedroom/living room/kitchen/dining room sets, curio cabinet, tv, entertainment center...yeah. I had people calling me and asking if she was registered at "normal" places for "normal" things...I'm like heck, maybe this is normal for where she's from, how do I know?

 

[Dancing Fire]

We almost always give cash anyway so I'm not sure why the directed donations bother me lol.
As a side note I have gone to two showers recently of young brides who made sure to tell us that dinner was 175.& $250. A plate, I guess so we knew how to " cover our plate" for our gift.

that's what most Chinese people do,so what would you do in this situation give them $500 cash?

 

[Sparklelu]

We almost always give cash anyway so I'm not sure why the directed donations bother me lol.
As a side note I have gone to two showers recently of young brides who made sure to tell us that dinner was 175.& $250. A plate, I guess so we knew how to " cover our plate" for our gift.

that's what most Chinese people do,so what would you do in this situation give them $500 cash?

We RSVP'd not coming and will send a check for $200. Then they are ahead of the game.
Most of their 20something friends can't cover the plate. Mom and dad are footing the bill so they should be very happy.
I'm originally from NYC and that's how we always figured the wedding gift, I remember being at weddings where the guys didn't break out the checkbook until after they saw the meal!!
When we moved to Florida the first wedding I was invited to I found out the dinner was under 25 per. So I gave her 2 place settings of her china, it was like 35. a place setting and she was dying for it and other coworkers said we made them look cheap cause they only bought serving pieces!

 

[distracts]

I'm at the age now when I am being asked to my children's friends weddings as well as nieces and nephews. I am amazed at the sheer money grab of some ( not all) of these kids. They want us to fund their house : honey fund.com
And another a down payment on a house. Www.hatchmyhouse.com!!! Not only that but apparently today's generation only sleeps on 800 count sheets on a king size bed!!
I would love to see a very wide range of gifts from 25.00 up to 250. If they want cash most couples seem to register for very little and think the guests will get the hint.
We almost always give cash anyway so I'm not sure why the directed donations bother me lol.

With the sheets... it could be that they already have regular sheets and people kept telling them to register for sheets, so they registered for the kind of sheets they usually wouldn't buy but would like to have. Speaking from experience on this one. We have plenty of regular sheets but lots of people want to buy us new ones. We don't need a zillion different colors of sheets (have no place to put more than the three sets we have anyway) so we just registered for ones that would totally replace our old ones. In fact, absolutely EVERYTHING on our registry is an "upgrade" of stuff we already have.

I don't mind honeyfund/hatchmyhouse/whatever... I'd rather know they're planning on using my money for something useful to start their married life than going to buy some Louboutins with it, or whatever. I really don't see funding their house with a monetary gift as substantially different than stocking their house with new plates, or whatever. In both cases you are giving things to help them set up their lives as adults.

Most of the things on my registry are between $45-$150. There were a few more expensive things but they've all already been bought and given. I had a bunch of $20 items but they got all bought up in groups, like people gifting me 5 $20 things, and I can't find more that I want to put on the registry which is horrible because I know several of the people who are more likely to get small gifts have yet to buy them! (There are still plenty of $30 gifts though, since like a single plate is $30. And honestly we don't mind receiving a single plate as a gift - that's why we registered for them individually and not just as place settings. Plus the place settings came with mugs and who REALLY needs 16 mugs? Where on earth would you put them?)

 

[aviastar]

I think it depends on individual store policy, but if I recall correctly (I didn't do a registry at a store, I did an online one where you could add items from anywhere. If Home Depot had a registry that's where we would have registered) some places have a policy that you get a price break on anything not purchased off your registry for up to a year after your wedding date. Pottery Barn does this maybe? So some might be adding bigger ticket items, not because they expect other people to purchase them but because they intend to purchase them and want the discount!

In general for registries- traditional, house, honeymoon, cash funds- I try to view them in light of how I knew the couple to be personality wise. Are they normally selfish/practical/clueless? If they are normally nice, generous people then I take that at face value; maybe they have relatives who have offered for the big ticket things, or have had many people offer to help with a down payment instead and need a centralized location to keep track. If I don't know the couple well enough to judge, the I am probably RSVP'ing 'NO' anyway

But I'm probably not the best person to ask- I registered for flower bulbs, garden hoses, and a Princess Bride print- not exactly traditional!

 

[erinl]

I think it depends on individual store policy, but if I recall correctly (I didn't do a registry at a store, I did an online one where you could add items from anywhere. If Home Depot had a registry that's where we would have registered) some places have a policy that you get a price break on anything not purchased off your registry for up to a year after your wedding date. Pottery Barn does this maybe? So some might be adding bigger ticket items, not because they expect other people to purchase them but because they intend to purchase them and want the discount!

In general for registries- traditional, house, honeymoon, cash funds- I try to view them in light of how I knew the couple to be personality wise. Are they normally selfish/practical/clueless? If they are normally nice, generous people then I take that at face value; maybe they have relatives who have offered for the big ticket things, or have had many people offer to help with a down payment instead and need a centralized location to keep track. If I don't know the couple well enough to judge, the I am probably RSVP'ing 'NO' anyway

But I'm probably not the best person to ask- I registered for flower bulbs, garden hoses, and a Princess Bride print- not exactly traditional!

This is completely true. We registered for some larger items, like a very nice knife set and a full set of calphalon, never expecting anyone to buy them for us. We received quite a bit of cash from some of my husband's family, and we used that to buy the item we had registered for--with a registry completion discount, opening a store credit card as well, so that we got a doubled up discount.

I had a wide variety of items on my registry and was registered at a couple stores. I had a set of china that I really wanted to get, it was 300 a place or 250 (I don't remember now). I remember my mother in law being very vocal about how I couldn't register for a china setting that was much more than what each dinner per guest cost--I guess the place setting was code for the dinner in her mind???. She was adamant about it, and I am still pissed that I went along with her--I had enough other items that I cannot imagine that I would have pushed people in spending too much. Husband's side of family there were some very interesting rules about wedding gifts and registries. His great aunt called the restaurant to find out how much each dinner cost, which I found kind of crazy. But in fairness, they were much more generous than my father's partners, who I thought should have anted up more since in my opinion my father had done so much for each of their careers! I am not being greedy or shallow, they were actually really cheap in the gifts they gave.

 

[Sparklelu]

I have to say I did not know about the registry completion discount offered by stores, that makes way more sense now. I'm all for giving cash, I figure they can use it how they see fit. I rarely go off registry if not giving cash, for showers for example. I figure if they registered for it, who am I to tell them they need to get something I would rather get? I had a friend years ago who gave Waterford salt and pepper shakers no matter what the couple requested!!!

 

[distracts]

I figure if they registered for it, who am I to tell them they need to get something I would rather get? I had a friend years ago who gave Waterford salt and pepper shakers no matter what the couple requested!!!

Yes... I am a list-gifter. Why would I give them something they probably don't want when I could give them something I know they DO want? Makes no sense to me. (At our shower, the only off-registry gifts we actually liked were given by bff-level friends. My mother's friends (whom she insisted on inviting) in particular missed the mark most, including gifting us things I'm allergic to and food I can't eat for medical reasons. I appreciate their effort, but it's kind of sad that they spent their money on stuff we can't use - seems like a waste.)

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I try to always get a shower gift off the registry. I sometimes give a wedding gift off the registry or give a check or to the honeymoon fund. I will say that I have never been to a $175 a plate reception and probably never will! But I would in no way feel obligated to "pay for my plate" unless the couple was paying for the wedding themselves. Our pricing for things is really different in most of the southeast!

 

[PintoBean]

We normally give cash, but for a recent wedding, the couple registered at bed bath and beyond. We had 20% off coupon, free shipping, and gift cards, so I ordered the dollar amount we would have given in cash (item cost+tax), but paid less out of pocket BC of the applied coupon and gift card.

 

[Sparklelu]

I try to always get a shower gift off the registry. I sometimes give a wedding gift off the registry or give a check or to the honeymoon fund. I will say that I have never been to a $175 a plate reception and probably never will! But I would in no way feel obligated to "pay for my plate" unless the couple was paying for the wedding themselves. Our pricing for things is really different in most of the southeast!

I'm from a NY Italian family and good or bad I've been to several way more than $150.00 a plate weddings. A close relative was married at St. Patricks Cathedral main altar and reception at the Plaza. Vera Wang couture dress that Vera herself worked on and 75,000 worth of flowers!
Her brother gets married in May. Can't wait.
I've also been to $125,000 christenings!
Crazy in my mind but fun,fun,fun to go to

 

[CaprineSun]

Yes, in the northeast, going to $175+ pp weddings/events is very easy.

 

[madelise]

From what I've heard from my Chinese family, and my Chinese friends, the usual "hongbao" or "laisee" amount is $100/person attending. I don't think that's enough to even cover their meals considering how much weddings cost nowadays!

As for a registry, I think it's fair game to put whatever you wish for. My friends registered for items ranging from $15-$1000+. Sometimes friends will pool $ together to get you that expensive ticket item for a gift. Sometimes friends are on a budget, and to make a more "full" looking gift with $100, they can buy you multiple pieces of your $15-25 items.

What I do think is rude is to blatantly tell guests on your invitations that you do not want gifts, but want cash instead.

 

[erinl]

What I do think is rude is to blatantly tell guests on your invitations that you do not want gifts, but want cash instead.

My cousin did that and it was so tacky-- she included a sheet of paper in the invitation saying they wanted only cash to fund buying a house. Then she had this thing called "a wishing well" that sat at the door as you entered the reception hall. You were supposed to deposit the envelop into the well as you walked in. Additionally, the food was HORRIBLE-- seriously, my husband and I count that as one of our top five worst meals ever, quality and taste wise. We should have known that we were in for something special when we went to a bar between the ceremony and the reception and the bartender told us she always eats before she goes to receptions at this particular venue!

I would have so much preferred being asked to bring a dish in for a potluck than be asked to sit down and eat that food. Worse than the worst hospital food. I understand being on a budget etc etc, but the whole wedding was geared towards maximizing profit and minimizing outlying cost. It was the opposite of celebratory. And this was the cousin who gave me grief for limiting my guest list due to expenses! I guess people vary, I wanted to have a nice classy dinner and to do so I made my wedding small, which cut down on what I received for gifts of course.

 

[madelise]

What I do think is rude is to blatantly tell guests on your invitations that you do not want gifts, but want cash instead.

My cousin did that and it was so tacky-- she included a sheet of paper in the invitation saying they wanted only cash to fund buying a house. Then she had this thing called "a wishing well" that sat at the door as you entered the reception hall. You were supposed to deposit the envelop into the well as you walked in. Additionally, the food was HORRIBLE-- seriously, my husband and I count that as one of our top five worst meals ever, quality and taste wise. We should have known that we were in for something special when we went to a bar between the ceremony and the reception and the bartender told us she always eats before she goes to receptions at this particular venue!

I would have so much preferred being asked to bring a dish in for a potluck than be asked to sit down and eat that food. Worse than the worst hospital food. I understand being on a budget etc etc, but the whole wedding was geared towards maximizing profit and minimizing outlying cost. It was the opposite of celebratory. And this was the cousin who gave me grief for limiting my guest list due to expenses! I guess people vary, I wanted to have a nice classy dinner and to do so I made my wedding small, which cut down on what I received for gifts of course.

Yes, those stupid wishing wells and money trees are RIDICULOUS. It's a trend, so all of a sudden it's acceptable? WTF?

People give gifts of money ANYWAY, either because of culture (Chinese and Indians do this… I think Italians? What else?) and sometime just because it's easier to give money in a card than go out shopping. I just think it's flipping rude as hell to be so outright obvious about your wish for money > gifts. I also think it's rude to place that in an invitation. It should be one of those word-by-mouth things, like when your uncle that hasn't seen you in years calls your mom to ask what would be a good gift, she can tell them that you'd appreciate any gift and be thankful, but that you'd really need money to fund your honeymoon/house or whatnot.

 

[Rhea]

I think it depends on individual store policy, but if I recall correctly Pottery Barn does this maybe? So some might be adding bigger ticket items, not because they expect other people to purchase them but because they intend to purchase them and want the discount!

We did this! I didn't think we asked for anything particularly expensive, but it was more than what most of our friends wanted to spend. Each set of cutlery was around $40 and the dinnerware was about $14-$30 per plate, bowl, cup, etc. Both places gave us a "complete your registry" discount. We mostly did it for ourselves! I think only a couple of people bought items off it and a couple of people gave cash. The rest of our guests gave gifts that they wanted us to have. We found that while we tried to keep it on what we thought was the low end, a $40 cutlery set was too much for most of our guests and they didn't want to just buy us a plate so I'd say a wide range is good. I'm glad that we did register for the sets even though it's not what people bought because the discount was very helpful to us in the months after the wedding!

 

[Gypsy]

I think there needs to be a range.

I had $10 items (and several of them), $20, $30...

I also a few 250-400 range items and had two $500 items. Many of which were purchased for us.

I also had several piece of furniture on the registry -- NOT because I expected any one to buy them, but rather because I wanted the 10% off registry completion discount that you get after your wedding date passes.

It really depends on your circle. For us, my side of the family doesn't really give cash, so having high ticket items is expected and appreciated by our guest. His family does cash only and and 'cover your plate,' so they bought nothing off our registry, except for the bridal shower.

Honestly though. I returned the majority of the lower priced items, got store credit and bought furniture. That's why I registered at Crate and Barrel. They had the furniture I wanted, a great registry return policy, offered you 10% of completion on all registry items (no restrictions), and had lots of 'lower priced' or 'budget friendly' items that I could list in the under $50 range.

 

[House Cat]

I registered for some really nice items too, items that I wouldn't necessarily purchase for myself. You know what? I got them, and that is what truly makes the items a gift.

It wasn't the $$$ amount of the item that mattered. It was the fact that the item might have been a frivolous purchase to me on a normal day.

So, if money is a factor, and you don't want to spend $500 on a gift, look for the items that the couple registered for that they might not normally purchase for themselves on a regular day. These items might be the most cherished of all.

 

[Sparklelu]

Actually this last post made me recall when DD got married 6 years ago she put a $100.00 trash can on her registry!! She wanted the stainless steel one that opens with a wave of your hand ! Her 3 best friends got together and got it as a shower gift but all three said they hated the idea of buying a garbage pail! But if the bride wanted it so be it. 3 moves later and it's still with her.