The Conscious Bride

[v!v!]

I was just wondering if any other brides to be have read The Conscious Bride: Women Unveil Their True Feelings About Getting Hitched by Sheryl Paul? I''ve found it to be a really interesting read. It explains the different emotions/stages that a bride goes through starting with the proposal all the way through to the actual wedding day. Here''s an excerpt from the publisher:

"Those blushing brides deal with plenty of complex emotions before they make their way down the aisle. Anxiety over the planning of the wedding and stressful family issues, not to mention concerns about marriage itself, can make an engagement as much a trial as a pleasure. This frank look at a bride''s inner life provides advance warning, support, and understanding for women getting married. Led by a counselor specializing in the issues of brides-to-be, a diverse group of brides share their true feelings about such issues as being given away, wearing a veil, changing their name, and closing the hotel room door only to find themselves suddenly - married. The author unravels the psychology behind common difficulties and offers practical advice for handling the fears and doubts that so often run amok as wedding bells take their toll."

Anyway, just wanted to say that I highly recommend this book and if anyone has read it, I''d love to hear their thoughts on it!

 

[Independent Gal]

I read that. It was recommended on here a few times. Even better was a book called "Emotionally Engaged". Went over much of the same territory, but in a far less cheesy way. Better written overall. GREAT chapters on things like "Why your mom is freaking out over LASAGNA."

It helped me SO MUCH! I highly recommend it. It sparked a few great conversations with my parents too, which pre-emptively headed off a lot of craziness, I think.

 

[v!v!]

Thanks IndyGal! I probably should have done a search for old posts before I started this one! Oops!
Thanks for the recommendation for Emotionally Engaged. I actually had been to that author''s website pre-engagement and read about how some brides have anxiety, sadness, confusion during their engagement and I thought no way would that be me, I''d have nothing but pure excitement the entire engagement. Boy was I wrong!

 

[sumbride]

I''m a fan of The Conscious Bride, but I actually read it BEFORE I got engaged because I was a "Lady in Waiting", knowing it was coming and starting to flip out... but nobody else knew, really, and I couldn''t share how I was feeling (except here at PS). I think it''s a great book and a great look at what we go through. Engagement is a happy time, yes, but it''s also sorrowful, stressful, manic, depressive, and just plain crazy. It''s good to know you aren''t alone in your feelings.

 

[v!v!]

hey sumbride! you''re so smart for reading that pre-engagement. i wish i had done that! i had been with my boyfriend for 4 years before he proposed and i was so focused on getting engaged that i didn''t think about anything else. i think it''s so true that society projects this image that the engagement period is just one big happy time and if you feel anything else something is wrong with you. i''m so glad that i''m not alone in feeling this way.

 

[mia1181]

Hey, Do you guys recommend these books for someone who is eloping and who has been living with their Fiance for almost 8 years?

I mean is it more about planning the big wedding and dealing with the changes (ie. moving in together). I''d like to read something like this, but I''m wondering if it could even apply to me.

 

[v!v!]

hi mia! i definitely think this is worth reading, even though you''ve been living with your fiance for 8 years. The Conscious Bride isn''t about planning the wedding, it''s more about coming to terms with some losses (ie, single life, your last name if you''re taking his) and preparing yourself for the new chapter in your life, becoming a wife. i haven''t read emotionally engaged yet, so i don''t know which one would be better suited for you but i think either would be worth reading if you are interested in it.

 

[Rhea]

I couldn''t get through The CB. I found the writing style patronizing. It came highly recommended by everyone, it seemed so I was pretty disappointed. I never made it past about 1/4 of the way through it.

 

[v!v!]

hi addy! i didn''t really get that feeling reading this book, but everyone is different. independent gal mentioned that emotionally engaged was better written, so that book might be the better way to go.

 

[Rhea]

I did see that. But seeing as how I''ve been married over two years now I think I''m good to go.

I''m glad you liked the book. I wish I could have found something better at the time. Thinking back, my friends who recommended the CB were in a totally different place and state of mind than I was/am as well. It''s good that bookstores tend to provide more than one book, I guess

 

[violet02]

I read the summaries on both the CB and Emotionally Engaged. I decided to order a copy of EE on amazon tonight. I''ve been in such a crazed / stressed state that it might just help me out right now. I''m definitely really overwhelmed and emtional at times so I''m glad I caught this thread!

 

[Elmorton]

I loved The Conscious Bride so much that I even bought copies on Amazon and sent it to engaged friends as an engagement gift - with a disclaimer to keep reading even when it seems a little off-kilter.

The writing IS cheesy, and sometimes the whole mythology theme feels goofy, but it was a pioneering book and I''m so glad I read it before getting married (or before getting too much into the planning process). When I was a LIW and then engaged, I didn''t really understand the feelings of anxiety, anger, and sadness that were going on with the time. Understanding that marriage was a rite of passage and rites of passage involve mourning (shedding of a past life) before taking on the new was a really big theme. It also helped me understand how my relationships with my parents were changing. And, I loved the idea of planning a wedding with love rather than angst or social pressure - in the front of my wedding binder, I taped a photo of DH to remind me that if I wasn''t planning a detail out of love for him or my family, then it wasn''t a detail that mattered. I think it''s a wonderful book for LIWs as well as brides, since it does talk about the proposal and anxiety leading up to that, if I remember correctly. Oh - and it''s also excellent for starting conversations with your FI - DH and I read together before bed, so often I''d share passages with him and we''d talk about them.

I also suggest Altared for some good just-engaged or just-about-to-be-married reading - I read it the week or two before my wedding. It''s short stories by women from different cultures and ages (mostly professional writers - many names you''ll recognize) describing how they got married and what they encountered as they married or on their wedding day. It was excellent to read right before because it reminded me not to have ridiculous expectations of the wedding and to enjoy the unexpected. The book was very thoughtful and like therapy to me - I actually borrowed part of my vows from a passage in that book.

And, if narratives are more your thing, A More Perfect Union was the first non-traditional wedding book I read - I even had my mom and MIL read it - it''s well thought out, funny, very real and a great read. And then there''s I Do But I Don''t which is a little more scattered (and the part where she decides to put her 5 ct EC engagement ring in a safe deposit box is pretty much heartbreaking to any PSer) but also a really good narrative of what it''s like to go through the engaged process. Both of those brides were New Yorkers, Jewish, and uh loaded, so there were parts where their stories seemed very different than my Midwestern, Civil/Episcopal wedding (gee, how frustrating to try on a bunch of dresses at Vera Wang! Such a shame they missed out on trying dresses on at Krystle''s Bridal Boutique with the patriotic themed bridal party mannequins in the display window), but I still recommend both as good reading and good writing.