The Official TTC Thread!

[snlee]

peonygirl, I am so sorry to hear this sad news. Hugs.

 

[nycbkgirl]

Oh peony, so sorry to hear...stay strong and positive and jump back in the game as soon as you are ready. Hugs.

 

[sunkist]

I''m so sorry Peony. *Big hugs*

 

[Kaleigh]

Peony,
So sorry, sending you a big hug.

 

[vizsla]

peony - my thoughts are with you -- and your husband sounds so sweet... i may have shed a little tear on the thought of him carrying you thru the snow... so very sweet.

 

[littlelysser]

I am so sorry to hear that Peony.

You and your DH will be in my thoughts!

 

[Blenheim]

I''m so sorry Peony. Hugs. Your hubby sounds amazing.

 

[peonygirl]

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE!!! Your sympathy means the world to me. My husband has been amazing although he is so sad too. We''re trying to lean on each other as much as possible. Things are very up and down right now; sometimes I feel okay and sometimes I''m crying. Robbie, I saw that you posted this on the pregnancy thread, which was very sweet.

There is a certain amount of unreality to this, as I am not bleeding yet and the slight cramping has stopped. Temp is still up, and I think I''ll keep charting for now just to see what happens.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Keep the hope, Peony.

I sure have it for you!!

And can I just say, "Awww!!" to your sweet posts about your hubby? Luck are girls like us who have men in our lives who try their best to make even the scary stuff a little better, just by being there for us.

Prayers, thoughts, and lots of love to you!!!

 

[tiffanytwisted]

Peony, I''m so sorry. You two sound like an amazing couple. I''ll keep you in my thoughts.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 12/20/2008 10:47:48 PM
Author: peonygirl

Robbie, I saw that you posted this on the pregnancy thread, which was very sweet.

There is a certain amount of unreality to this, as I am not bleeding yet and the slight cramping has stopped. Temp is still up, and I think I''ll keep charting for now just to see what happens.

I remember dreading posting about my cp on the pregnancy thread when I found out what was going on and I couldn''t bring myself to read any of it for a while. I thought you might be feeling the same way even though you''re still kind of stuck in limbo right now. It was a tough time, but the support from everyone on here definitely helped so I wanted to make sure that you have as much as possible no matter what''s going on. ::hugs::

 

[Pandora II]

Peony, I''m so sorry.

It doesn''t help much, but keep hold of the fact that you CAN get pg.

Hugs.

 

[dani13]

I''m so sorry to hear this sad news, Peony. Sending you a big hug.

 

[mela lu]

oh peony. My heart just broke reading your posts. I''m so so so sorry.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Peony I am so sorry honey, but my fingers are still crossed! As you know, there are quite a few others here who have been through the same experience, so you have lots of people to lean on if you need to... {{HUGS}}

 

[drk]

Peony - I was really happy to see that BFP from you, and am now so sorry to see that it was a chemical. It sucks (as I well know). At least now you know that even on a long cycle, you can make an egg that can fertilize and implant. And at least one tube is good, and the boys can swim. I''ve anecdotally seen lots of people get a sticky BFP the month after a chemical, so let''s hope that''s the case for you!

I''m 13dpo now, BFN this am, and when I put in my progesterone suppositories just now, the CM is turning brownish, so I''m certain I''m out this month. Again. Grr. I''ll be seeing the recurrent loss guy on Jan 5th, and should be able to complete the testing then. I hope I haven''t screwed up the immune stuff by taking a little dexamethasone (steroid) for immunosuppression this cycle. I hope things should be back to baseline in 2-3 weeks if I stop it now that I know I''ve got a BFN.

Anyhow, I''d better eat lunch and go do my consult (on call for 24h, the last shift I have to do till the 31st!).

Hope the rest of you are well.
Kate

 

[peonygirl]

Thank you everyone SO, SO MUCH!! I am reading all of your posts and checking the boards frequently. Sorry for taking over the board with my miscarriage talk, and I won't be offended if you start talking about your cycles again as long as I can still keep venting.

I'm still not experiencing any bleeding yet and haven't had a precipitous temp dip, so I keep hoping for a miracle. Like maybe the first digital was the most sensitive digi in the history of the universe. Even the dr. I talked on the phone said that if I hadn't had the negative test after the positive he might think it was a viable pregnancy. I know that DH has given up because he is being rational, but I think that I am in denial even though I keep crying. I HATE that this is so drawn out. I HATE that if I hadn't taken those other tests I'd be getting ready to light the Hanukkah candles tonight with no reason to believe that I wasn't still pregnant. I want the joy of DH putting his hand on my belly and talking to the baby. Yet, I do think it's good to have this information because if it's going to happen, it's going to happen.

You guys are still the only people who know what's going on since we haven't told our families. It's not that I think miscarriages should be shrouded in secrecy, but my mom has a tendency to criticize and blame me for stuff that goes wrong in my life and I just know that she'll make a hurtful comment to me. Usually her comments are so ridiculous (in this case she'd probably say something like I wasn't drinking enough water and the baby got dehydrated or I let the house get too cold). She did have a few miscarriages, but they were in her mid-40s (a few yrs before menopause) after my parents got divorced. Whenever I think about telling my sibs or my dad (my dad doesn't know that we're trying) I just start crying because I don't want them to experience any of the pain that I'm going through now.

We are going to see the in-laws in 4 days, and I may tell my MIL before I get there in case I'm a mess. She's always been super, super supportive of me. I don't want to cry in front of his brothers, but I probably will. I will probably tell a few of my closest friends soon, especially the people who know I'm trying. My due date (August 29th) was the same day as the wedding of one of my friends, so I will want to tell her in case I'm a mess that day. Hopefully I will be pregnant again and fairly far along by that date though. It's too hard to think of the alternative.

I am thinking that it's good that I was able to get pregnant like Pandora said, since it rules out blocked tubes (well, at least one is open!) and to an extent CM and sperm issues. Like Robbie, I do want to try again as soon as I'm able and DH is on board with that. When I called to cancel the RE appointment on Wednesday they gave me the option to reschedule it for this coming Tuesday and I accepted the appointment knowing that I could cancel again or that if something went wrong with the pregnancy I would appreciate having the appointment. At that point I didn't want to mention that I was pregnant because I hadn't even told DH yet. My next blood test is supposed to be on Tuesday, but I will have it done on Monday because I need to find out my levels before the appointment, plus I need answers as soon as I can get them.

We've decided to go to the appointment because I want to talk to someone about my long cycles and miscarriage and either be reassured that everything is fine or find out whether I need to do something differently next time. When I was reading that long cycles have a lower chance of pregnancy because of the age of the egg and endometrium, I also read that they have a higher chance of miscarriage. However, it's hard to know what's true on the Internet sometimes. I doubt that there have been any good studies on this subject.

I would love to hear more about how people felt when they found out about their miscarriage and how they coped. If you want, I will post an email address because I know that this board doesn't have a PM feature.

I thought that having a miscarriage would be at least 10x worse than not getting pregnant on a cycle, but I think it's only twice as bad, as least for me.

It's just. . . different. Like when I'm 85 and thinking back on my life, I probably won't be thinking "gosh, cycle #2 was just awful," but I probably will remember this. I just hope that it doesn't take me another 5 months to get pregnant again.

 

[peonygirl]

I''m REALLY sorry to hear that DrK. *hugs* Man, I don''t know how you are able to keep doing this month after month, but I know that I would keep trying too, no matter what. It''s not that I didn''t think that struggling to get pregnant wouldn''t be horrible, but I just never thought it would happen to me. I doubt that any of us did.

 

[Festy]

Peony, I''m so sorry to hear this news. Your story about DH carrying you home made me cry. You two sound like you have a great relationship. And please don''t feel bad for taking up space on this thread. Your story is so valuable to everyone TTC and it is very generous of you to share it.

 

[robbie3982]

Peony, when I started bleeding, I was devastated even though I''d only known I was pregnant for a week. With how heavy the bleeding was, I really didn''t even need the betas to tell me what was going on. I called in sick to work for 2 days and just stayed in bed and slept and cried. I''ve only dealt with loss a handful of times in my life and it had been years since the last so until it happened I didn''t remember that my way of dealing is retreating into myself. It made me really regret that we''d told our parents since I didn''t want to talk to them about it. My parents were actually great in the sense that after I told them I didn''t want to talk about it, they left me alone and (to this day) never brought it up again. DH''s parents, however, felt the need to try to make me feel better and ended up making me feel a lot worse. DH was his usual great self, but I could tell that he really wasn''t experiencing the loss like I was (he was sad, but seemed to be over it in about a day) and we got into a huge fight about it. I started bleeding on a Tuesday and went back to work on Friday. I was terrified that I would burst into tears at work and have to explain to people what had happened, but being at work actually made me feel a lot better. I was distracted and at times was even able to forget for a few minutes about what had happened. There were definitely times when I was reminded and had to close my office door though.

I think I cried every day for at least a little bit for the first few weeks. Eventually it became every few days and now it''s just when something reminds me of it (reading loss posts on thebump.com for example). One thing that surprised me was that I went through the full range of stages that you hear about being associated with grief. I didn''t expect that since I''d been pregnant for such a short time.

I think that getting pregnant again quickly definitely helped me to move forward, though obviously you can''t really control that. TTC again was scary. I kept thinking about how awful it would be if it happened again, but thinking of the baby in heaven looking out for DH and I (I realize this isn''t a traditional Jewish belief, so this might not help you) helped me to go on.

::hugs:: I''m praying for a miracle for you.

 

[nycbkgirl]

Peony- your post also made me cry but don''t ever feel like u can''t post your feelings bc that''s what we are here for..support and help. I too understand ..I haven''t been in your exact situation but I''ve dealt with years of infertility and bfn''s...and my lived through the same with my sister''s years of the same happening. So I know where you are coming from and I just know you have to move on quickly even through this tough time...I took strength from my sister whose been through so much and is soo strong..I feed off her energy so im glad you have a great dh to be your strength. Please be strong and enjoy your holidays as much as possible just knowing it WILL happen. Same goes for everyone here ttc..it WILL happen. Happy Hanukah.

 

[trishy]

i just want to say to all ladies ttc....

you are in my thoughts

. may all your dreams and wishes come true.
stay healthy. oh and happy humping

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Hi everyone!

Happy Monday! It really doesn't feel like Monday, since we slept late and didn't have to go to work. I love Christmastime!!! (I mean, not just for that reason, of course, but it's a definite perk!)

Today's temp is still high (yay) and I was looking through my temp log (I write my temp down after I take it, in case my therm. loses it somehow), and I realized I didn't put in 12/15/2008's temp. It was below the coverline, so I think I left it out in case it took my beloved crosshairs away again. But, since I have a consistent line of 98 range temps, I put it in today. The crosshairs didn't budge. Whoo hoo!! I wish our BD line was stronger, but well, we started BD on the 10th of one month and I didn't ovulate until the 10th of the following month.

Last night was Paul's side of the family's Christmas get together. I was a little nervous about it because of the questions relating to babies, but thankfully it was to a minimum. Get this, though: Paul's dad wants my children to call him "Pappy." Pappy? No way, buddy. Paul's mom has always wanted to be called "Grammy," which I think is cute. But I think it will just have to be Grammy and Grandpa, because Pappy is not happening. Anyway, for whatever reason, Paul's dad decided to bring this up to everyone at the gathering. I don't know if anyone thinks we're pregnant or not, but no questions were asked, so I'm thinking not. Good, because I didn't want to cry at a Christmas celebration!

***
Peony,

I've been thinking about you, sweetie. Lots of hope still flowing to you!!

***
Amber,

Have you been working on that book you were talking about? How's it coming?

 

[blushingbride]

Oh gosh - Peony, sweetie, you are in my thoughts. I can imagine that something like that this has taken a toll on you emotionally, but it sounds like you are taking the necessary steps to get you back on the path to TTC again. You and your DH are extremely strong and supportive of one another - you are one very lucky lady!

Just a quick note on my status - I am on 5 DPO (ovulated on Dec. 17th). I believe that Lovely is my 2ww buddy since we are on the same schedule. We timed things perfectly this cycle so, fingers crossed for us. I am supposed to test on the 29th, but might try and sneak one in around X-mass just to see. Although, I say that now...I''ll probably wuss out when the time comes.

Baby dust to all - I truly hope we are all blessed with babies this upcoming new year!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Date: 12/22/2008 9:12:23 AM
Author: blushingbride
Oh gosh - Peony, sweetie, you are in my thoughts. I can imagine that something like that this has taken a toll on you emotionally, but it sounds like you are taking the necessary steps to get you back on the path to TTC again. You and your DH are extremely strong and supportive of one another - you are one very lucky lady!

Just a quick note on my status - I am on 5 DPO (ovulated on Dec. 17th). I believe that Lovely is my 2ww buddy since we are on the same schedule. We timed things perfectly this cycle so, fingers crossed for us. I am supposed to test on the 29th, but might try and sneak one in around X-mass just to see. Although, I say that now...I''ll probably wuss out when the time comes.

Baby dust to all - I truly hope we are all blessed with babies this upcoming new year!

Amen to that!

Wishing this is the cycle for you, Blushing. If this process grows patience, you are a VERY patient person, indeed. (I must say, patience is so not a virtue of mine, though).

Luck, luck, to you!!

 

[blushingbride]

Lol...well, patience may not be a virtue of yours, but you bring such light and positive energy to this thread - it''s been an honor to know you (in a cyber kind of way)!

 

[Festy]

Blushing - we have the same test date, although I am at 8 DPO today...I am going to try and wait to test but I''m not making any promises! Glad you are feeling good about your BDing.

Peony - I''m glad your holiday with DH''s family was painless. I am sort of dreading questions from my MIL.

 

[InLuv101]

Good Monday Morning everyone!

Peony -- I''m so so so so sorry. Man, I didn''t expect to log in this morning to see bad news. I''m still praying for a miracle for you since you haven''t had any bleeding or anythng. How are you feeling today? Your DH sounds incredible and sensitive and I hope you two find comfort in each other during this rough time.

Fisher -- Glad to hear the holiday with your DH''s family wasn''t too bad and I''m so glad your crosshairs stayed put!!

Blushing -- Yay for well timed BDing!! I''m 5DPO also so we are 2ww buddies! I''m holding out to test until New Years Eve at midnight if AFF hasn''t shown up.

Festy, Lulu, LL, November, Sha, Sunkist, Vizsla, Amber, Drk -- Thinking of all you ladies!! Baby dust to all and here''s to hoping that 2009 is all of our year!!

***********************************************

5DPO here... my LP is 13 days so 14 DPO (the day AFF should arrive) is on New Years Eve. If AFF hasn''t shown up, I''ll be hoping for a BFP at midnight! The timing would be perfect! Fingers crossed for this cycle.

 

[Sha]

Date: 12/22/2008 11:07:01 AM
Author: InLuv101
Good Monday Morning everyone!

Peony -- I''m so so so so sorry. Man, I didn''t expect to log in this morning to see bad news. I''m still praying for a miracle for you since you haven''t had any bleeding or anythng. How are you feeling today? Your DH sounds incredible and sensitive and I hope you two find comfort in each other during this rough time.

Fisher -- Glad to hear the holiday with your DH''s family wasn''t too bad and I''m so glad your crosshairs stayed put!!

Blushing -- Yay for well timed BDing!! I''m 5DPO also so we are 2ww buddies! I''m holding out to test until New Years Eve at midnight if AFF hasn''t shown up.

Festy, Lulu, LL, November, Sha, Sunkist, Vizsla, Amber, Drk -- Thinking of all you ladies!! Baby dust to all and here''s to hoping that 2009 is all of our year!!

***********************************************

5DPO here... my LP is 13 days so 14 DPO (the day AFF should arrive) is on New Years Eve. If AFF hasn''t shown up, I''ll be hoping for a BFP at midnight! The timing would be perfect! Fingers crossed for this cycle.

Thanks for the good vibes, InLuv.

It do hope you get a BFP as your New Year''s surpise too. What a perfect way to start the year! For you and blushing, do you think it''ll be difficult being in the tww at Christmastime? Or will you be distracted by the Christmas festivities? Fingers crossed for both of you!


Fisher, sounds like you still have a good chance this cycle, even though your BDing might not be as strong as you hoped.

Peony, how are you doing today?

Today looks like CD1 for me. I started spotting yesterday but it looks like it''s turning red today. I''m actually happy because I need to go into the CD3 labwork this week - if today is CD1 then I get possibly get it done on Wednesday, Christmas Eve. If today is not CD1, then the Office will be closed on my CD3, Christmas day. So we''ll see. I am starting to think that I may have PCOS after all because my chin has been breaking out with pimples for the past couple days (

), and I''m seeing some fine black hairs sprouting around my lip area. (Waaahhhh!!!...where''s the crying icon?

). Anyway, I guess the bloodwork will confirm...

I''m excited though because I got Clomid for next cycle! The doc almost didn''t give it to me because he was saying, Oh, "you have to go in for bloodwork on CD3 so you won''t be able to take Clomid this cycle". Thankfully I had done my research and told him I had read I could also take Clomid on CDs 4 and 5. ( I''m realizing more and more that you really have to be quite assertive/proactive with doctors sometimes. They operate as if most women don''t know anything about their fertility, and the truth is a lot of us are quite informed.) So anyway, he finally wrote me a prescription. Hopefully it will help me O on time. One interesting thing the doc said was that he considers my cycles ''irregular'' because they''re long...every 35 days or so, instead of every 28 or so days. He said that a ''regular'' cycle implies having a period every month, and I go some months without having a period. I was thinking before that regular meant having your period come every "xxx'' days - I didn''t think it mattered whether it was 28 or 32 or 35 days.

Do most women on this board have 28 day or so cycles? Just curious..

 

[NovemberBride]

Peony, I am thinking of you and your DH, I am so sorry for what you are going through and praying for a miracle.

InLuv, how cool that you get to test at midnight on New Year''s - what a great start that would be to a New Year. DH and I actually met and had our first kiss at midnight on New Year''s Eve, so that''s a special day for us - hopefully it will soon be for you too!

Sounds like there are a bunch of people who aren''t out for 2008 yet, so I wish all of you the best of luck, and for the rest of us - I am looking forward to a BFP-filled 2009. DH and I head down to VA to see my family tomorrow. I have a sneaking suspicion that two of my friends are going to announce that they are pregnant. I know I''ll be a little sad for myself if they do, but so excited for them. One friend in particular (she''s actually my oldest friend, we met when we were 3 and are still in touch) had leukemia when she was a little girl and wasn''t sure if she''d be able to conceive. They have had a lot of difficulty and have been trying for over a year and a half and started fertility treatments a few months ago. I know they want a baby very badly and will be so thrilled for them if my suspicions are correct.

A funny story about them that I think you''ll appreciate- as I mentioned above, they had been trying (she was temping and they were timing bd, etc for a number of months before they got the fertility testing done). At their first appt. with the RE, the RE asks, how long have you been trying? Her DH says "Well, we haven''t really been trying". She was mortified and looked at him like he was crazy while trying to explain that, yes, they had been trying unsuccessfully, that''s why they were there. Finally her DH explains to my friend and the RE that he meant he himself hadn''t been trying - i.e. he wasn''t doing anything differently than he always had when bd''ing. I thought this was hilarious - since of course almost everything related to TTC is on the woman (temping, checking CM, etc). Not sure what he thought he could be doing differently to be consider trying! It''s so easy to be a man.