The Stress Factor

[Calliecake]

@nala, I’m so sorry you are experiencing this level of anxiety. I agree with @MissGotRocks that some degree of anxiety about your DD now living in a large city is normal if you tend to be a worrier. What you stated here is this is impacting your life and your relationship with her in a negative way. A therapist can help you deal with this. I think what you went thru losing your brother is playing a huge part in how you are feeling now. Even if you think you have dealt with your feelings about the loss and are in a good place, something can trigger you and bring all that anxiety right back to the surface.

Please think about this and consider therapy. A good therapist can help you deal with your feelings so it doesn’t negatively impact your relationship with your daughter. It is obvious in your posts how much you love you daughter and how important this relationship is to both of you. @nala therapy helped me immensely with trauma.


@caf, I’m so sorry for what your your daughter and you have been through. I know it’s pure hell and a very rough road to navigate. I hope your daughter is doing better and getting the help and support she needs to get thru this and have a wonderful life. My thoughts are with you both.

 

[Calliecake]

@nala, I apologize for overstepping. I’ve asked @Ella to delete my post.

 

[caf]

@nala, I’m so sorry you are experiencing this level of anxiety. I agree with @MissGotRocks that some degree of anxiety about your DD now living in a large city is normal if you tend to be a worrier. What you stated here is this is impacting your life and your relationship with her in a negative way. A therapist can help you deal with this. I think what you went thru losing your brother is playing a huge part in how you are feeling now. Even if you think you have dealt with your feelings about the loss and are in a good place, something can trigger you and bring all that anxiety right back to the surface.

Please think about this and consider therapy. A good therapist can help you deal with your feelings so it doesn’t negatively impact your relationship with your daughter. It is obvious in your posts how much you love you daughter and how important this relationship is to both of you. @nala therapy helped me immensely with trauma.


@caf, I’m so sorry for what your your daughter and you have been through. I know it’s pure hell and a very rough road to navigate. I hope your daughter is doing better and getting the help and support she needs to get thru this and have a wonderful life. My thoughts are with you both.

@Calliecake - thank you. She has gotten a lot of therapy. She is doing well but it has been a long, hard road. She now works pt (as she finishes her BA) for her current university as a Thrive (nationally) certified peer educator. She teaches a mandatory course on assault, alcohol, drugs, mental health, etc. I learned, through her experience, that 25% of college freshman report having been sexually assaulted. Unreported incidents are probably 35-40%. So very sad! My daughter also reported the rape to her school which then commenced a Title IX investigation which morphed into a proceeding. The panel found against the rapist (surprisingly, he admitted sexually and physically assaulting her.) Her rapist was expelled from the college. The college had knowledge of him acting similarly, the year before, with at least one other enrolled female student - and it did nothing about it. The Dean of Students knew and brushed it aside. The rapist’s participation in collegiate sports (think star of a team) was a disincentive to the college handling the prior assault allegations. That prior female student submitted evidence in the Title IX proceeding. And my daughter also brought a claim against her college- which resulted in a “resolution.” But it has been a long period of heartbreak, hurt, lost years of college, depression, anxiety, etc. I wanted @nala to know, at least from my perspective, that her feelings, fears, anxieties, etc. after her brother’s murder were not unusual or unwarranted. We think our world is safe until we find out that it isn’t. Fortunately, my daughter understands my concerns and works with them. And I understand and respect her need for privacy, trust and social growth. It sounds like @nala ’s daughter gets why she worries. My other suggestion to them would be that they do a few therapy sessions together and make a plan to handle what they each need. Sorry if I upset anyone with my post.

 

[nala]

@nala, I apologize for overstepping. I’ve asked @Ella to delete my post.

I didn’t take it that way. I’m open to suggestions.

 

[nala]

@Calliecake - thank you. She has gotten a lot of therapy. She is doing well but it has been a long, hard road. She now works pt (as she finishes her BA) for her current university as a Thrive (nationally) certified peer educator. She teaches a mandatory course on assault, alcohol, drugs, mental health, etc. I learned, through her experience, that 25% of college freshman report having been sexually assaulted. Unreported incidents are probably 35-40%. So very sad! My daughter also reported the rape to her school which then commenced a Title IX investigation which morphed into a proceeding. The panel found against the rapist (surprisingly, he admitted sexually and physically assaulting her.) Her rapist was expelled from the college. The college had knowledge of him acting similarly, the year before, with at least one other enrolled female student - and it did nothing about it. The Dean of Students knew and brushed it aside. The rapist’s participation in collegiate sports (think star of a team) was a disincentive to the college handling the prior assault allegations. That prior female student submitted evidence in the Title IX proceeding. And my daughter also brought a claim against her college- which resulted in a “resolution.” But it has been a long period of heartbreak, hurt, lost years of college, depression, anxiety, etc. I wanted @nala to know, at least from my perspective, that her feelings, fears, anxieties, etc. after her brother’s murder were not unusual or unwarranted. We think our world is safe until we find out that it isn’t. Fortunately, my daughter understands my concerns and works with them. And I understand and respect her need for privacy, trust and social growth. It sounds like @nala ’s daughter gets why she worries. My other suggestion to them would be that they do a few therapy sessions together and make a plan to handle what they each need. Sorry if I upset anyone with my post.

I really appreciate your perspective. I think those of us who have been touched by violence have a different perspective—Before and After. It’s hard to hear and read about it, but necessary for some.