The worst parenting EVER

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 2/14/2009 11:05:54 AM
Author: risingsun

Date: 2/14/2009 10:36:27 AM
Author: Sha
How are children getting into an R-rated movie, anyway? Doesn''t the cinema has restrictions on who it allows to see certain movies? This is an issue we''re dealign with at our local cinema - because parents are bringing in babies and other young children to see very explicit movies filled with violence and sexual content. A lot of these parents are single mothers who, I guess, can''t afford or don''t want to get a babysitter for the night, so they make their children tag along. People are saying that if parents don''t have any standards, then the cinema has to set standards for them - and that the children should be refused entry to certain movies, even if they come along with their parents. I''m sure a lot of parents would get the message if that happened a few times.

Well said!

Ditto! If this was an R movie and the theater let them in, then write a letter to the editor. I think that is really unacceptable that the theater did not stop this.

Do we not get a connection that exposing kids to all this extreme violence results in some kids who end up so desensitized to it that they resort to violence themselves? And others, as Marian mentioned, may have emotional problems because of it. I honestly think people have lost their minds. I wouldn''t even take my 13 year old to an R rated movie. In fact, I see very few myself!

 

[CJ2008]

There is no easy way to know how these kinds of movies affect children in the long run...so I think it's a really dangerous assumption to think that because you used to watch them when you were little, and turned out OK, it must be OK...or that it's no big deal because kids will "live." I also think it's dangerous to think that "all children are different" and therefore it's fine to expose some kids to more - I agree that some kids may be tougher than others, less sensitive, you name it - obviously we all have different personalities - but in my opinion it is irresponsible to expose any child to anything that is clearly adult in nature.

I also think that if for whatever reason your kid is exposed to these kinds of things, the very least you should do is have a discussion with them to talk about what they just saw.

People "get through" all kinds of things - doesn't mean it doesn't affect them on some level.

I agree that this is not the "worst case of parenting ever" but it is just the title of the post...I am sure Italia agrees there are far worse things than this - but yeah, it's not great parenting to 1. let your your children go alone anywhere (they can get kidnapped, molested, lost, you name it) 2. expose them to things that are clearly adult in nature.

I remember one time talking with DH's cousin about her young daughter (who had been molested by the cousin's boyfriend) - when I asked her if she had sent her to therapy, she said something to the effect of "oh, no...she's fine...kids are so resilient." Of course we cannot AT ALL compare the severity of this to the what we're talking about in this post...but how ignorant could you be?

 

[platinumrock]

What would have been more shocking? The parents watching an R-rated DVD movie at home with the kids or taking the kids out to the theaters to see an R-rated movie? We''re shocked because this has been done publicly where people can observe and make judgements. But if this had been done in the privacy of their own home on a daily basis, would we even know about it?

I agree that theater employees should not have allowed these kids to watch the movie. But that would have caused a scene with the Dad, who probably felt entitled to do whatever he wants with his own children. I''m sorry, but people foam at the mouth when someone makes judgements about their parenting. I don''t know, but there seems to be a "don''t insult the way I manage my genes" chip that goes off when it comes to the way people act with their children. It''s definitely the wrong button to push. If you push it, you''re asking for trouble.

Biology has granted the human species the ability to procreate. Unfortunately, everyone and anyone can procreate, not just mature, sensible, educated and wise people who have some type of common sense. There are a lot of dumb people in this world. Yes, they are reproducing. And yes, there are more of them than us. And yes, they are also allowed to have cars and enter the streets.

People do all kinds of inhumane, heinous, stupid, illegal, disgusting and bizzare things all the time. They''re just not always out in public to be caught and judged. And if they get caught, they might go to prison.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 2/14/2009 12:32:18 PM
Author: platinumrock
What would have been more shocking? The parents watching an R-rated DVD movie at home with the kids or taking the kids out to the theaters to see an R-rated movie? We''re shocked because this has been done publicly where people can observe and make judgements. But if this had been done in the privacy of their own home on a daily basis, would we even know about it?

I agree that theater employees should not have allowed these kids to watch the movie. But that would have caused a scene with the Dad, who probably felt entitled to do whatever he wants with his own children. I''m sorry, but people foam at the mouth when someone makes judgements about their parenting. I don''t know, but there seems to be a ''don''t insult the way I manage my genes'' chip that goes off when it comes to the way people act with their children. It''s definitely the wrong button to push. If you push it, you''re asking for trouble.

Biology has granted the human species the ability to procreate. Unfortunately, everyone and anyone can procreate, not just mature, sensible, educated and wise people who have some type of common sense. There are a lot of dumb people in this world. Yes, they are reproducing. And yes, there are more of them than us. And yes, they are also allowed to have cars and enter the streets.

People do all kinds of inhumane, heinous, stupid, illegal, disgusting and bizzare things all the time. They''re just not always out in public to be caught and judged. And if they get caught, they might go to prison.

But isn''t that what the R rating is for? It''s not a "judgment" the employees are making on the parents - they''re following the guidelines...

 

[rainydaze]

seeing movies like that, with such graphic and horrific violence, can have lasting effects on some children whether they are 3, 5, 10 or 15. it depends upon the individual. with so many other options out there, why take the chance? don''t even get me started on leaving them alone and the chances he took with that. makes me ill.

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/14/2009 12:32:18 PM
Author: platinumrock
What would have been more shocking? The parents watching an R-rated DVD movie at home with the kids or taking the kids out to the theaters to see an R-rated movie? We're shocked because this has been done publicly where people can observe and make judgements. But if this had been done in the privacy of their own home on a daily basis, would we even know about it?

I agree that theater employees should not have allowed these kids to watch the movie. But that would have caused a scene with the Dad, who probably felt entitled to do whatever he wants with his own children. I'm sorry, but people foam at the mouth when someone makes judgements about their parenting. I don't know, but there seems to be a 'don't insult the way I manage my genes' chip that goes off when it comes to the way people act with their children. It's definitely the wrong button to push. If you push it, you're asking for trouble.

Biology has granted the human species the ability to procreate. Unfortunately, everyone and anyone can procreate, not just mature, sensible, educated and wise people who have some type of common sense. There are a lot of dumb people in this world. Yes, they are reproducing. And yes, there are more of them than us. And yes, they are also allowed to have cars and enter the streets.

People do all kinds of inhumane, heinous, stupid, illegal, disgusting and bizzare things all the time. They're just not always out in public to be caught and judged. And if they get caught, they might go to prison.

Sorry about the spelling mistakes in the last post....I didn't go back to edit.

Platinum, I hear what you're saying. No, you can't control or make judgements about what people do in their own homes, because you can't control what you don't know or see. But if it something that seems not to be in a child's best interest happens in public, and you are aware of it, then I would think that you would use the opportunity to do or say something about it. Because you now KNOW. It's just like physical abuse... if a child is being abused in her home you might not know, so you can't stop it. But if you see a child being beaten badly in public - would you ignore it simply because it probably happens at home as well? No!

Theaters can set guidelines/policies for their customers. One of those policies can be an age-limit for customers attending certain movies. If you want to patronize that theater, then you have to abide by the theater's guidelines. End of story. If not, go to another theater. Who cares if the Dad makes a scene? We can't be afraid of offending people when it comes to protecting children. A friend of mine once witnessed a mother swearing and shouting at her 5 -year old daughter in public, and she spoke up and told the mother that she was wrong to speak that way to her child. And of course the mother was upset, and shouted at her"not to tell her anything about how she disciplines her child"! etc, along with a host of other "unsavoury" comments. Does it mean that my friend was wrong to speak up? Absolutely not!

Yes, there are a lot of irresponsible parents in the world. Just because there are irresponsible parents doesn't mean we shouldn't try to stop some of the "irresponsibility" from occuring, IMO.

 

[platinumrock]

Date: 2/14/2009 12:49:46 PM
Author: Sha

Date: 2/14/2009 12:32:18 PM
Author: platinumrock
What would have been more shocking? The parents watching an R-rated DVD movie at home with the kids or taking the kids out to the theaters to see an R-rated movie? We''re shocked because this has been done publicly where people can observe and make judgements. But if this had been done in the privacy of their own home on a daily basis, would we even know about it?

I agree that theater employees should not have allowed these kids to watch the movie. But that would have caused a scene with the Dad, who probably felt entitled to do whatever he wants with his own children. I''m sorry, but people foam at the mouth when someone makes judgements about their parenting. I don''t know, but there seems to be a ''don''t insult the way I manage my genes'' chip that goes off when it comes to the way people act with their children. It''s definitely the wrong button to push. If you push it, you''re asking for trouble.

Biology has granted the human species the ability to procreate. Unfortunately, everyone and anyone can procreate, not just mature, sensible, educated and wise people who have some type of common sense. There are a lot of dumb people in this world. Yes, they are reproducing. And yes, there are more of them than us. And yes, they are also allowed to have cars and enter the streets.

People do all kinds of inhumane, heinous, stupid, illegal, disgusting and bizzare things all the time. They''re just not always out in public to be caught and judged. And if they get caught, they might go to prison.

Sorry about the spelling mistakes in the last post....I didn''t go back to edit.

Platinum, I hear what you''re saying. No, you can''t control or make judgements about what people do in their own homes, because you can''t control what you don''t know or see. But if it something that seems not to be in a child''s best interest happens in public, and you are aware of it, then I would think that you would use the opportunity to do or say something about it. Because you now KNOW. It''s just like physical abuse... if a child is being abused in her home you might not know, so you can''t stop it. But if you see a child being beaten badly in public - would you ignore it simply because it probably happens at home as well? No!

Theaters can set guidelines/policies for their customers. One of those policies can be an age-limit for customers attending certain movies. If you want to patronize that theater, then you have to abide by the theater''s guidelines. End of story. If not, go to another theater. Who cares if the Dad makes a scene? We can''t be afraid of offending people when it comes to protecting children. A friend of mine once witnessed a mother swearing and shouting at her 5 -year old daughter in public, and she spoke up and told the mother that she was wrong to speak that way to her child. And of course the mother was upset, and shouted at her''not to tell her anything about how she disciplines her child''! etc, along with a host of other ''unsavoury'' comments. Does it mean that my friend was wrong to speak up? Absolutely not!

Yes, there are a lot of irresponsible parents in the world. Just because there are irresponsible parents doesn''t mean we shouldn''t try to stop some of the ''irresponsibility'' from occuring, IMO.

I totally understand what you are saying. If I witnessed a child being physically or psychologically harmed by a parent to the point where I felt necessary to call the police, then I would do the noble thing. But interfering with a parent''s personal choices over what language they use or movie they allow their child to watch, I don''t have the energy for. You can chastise them in public all you want and get a verbal beat-down, but are you going to follow them home so you can chastise them about how they live their lives? And are you prepared to follow home thousands of unsavory parents who live unsavory lifestyles?

I admire your tenacity for wanting to do the right thing and telling people where they need to stuff it. We need more people like you. Then maybe, just maybe, you will get through one of these unsavory parents. And you will have made a difference.

Just because I don''t get involved in every situation doesn''t mean I''ve being passive or I''m condoning it to happen. But if people are not bothering me directly and their unsavory behavior has nothing to do with me, then what''s the big deal? I learned early in life to choose my battles carefully. I save my "ethics" cards when a situation truly warrants it and if it is affecting me directly.

Sometimes, people need to see for themselves how foolish they are acting.

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 2/14/2009 12:24:59 PM
Author: CJ2008
There is no easy way to know how these kinds of movies affect children in the long run...so I think it's a really dangerous assumption to think that because you used to watch them when you were little, and turned out OK, it must be OK...or that it's no big deal because kids will 'live.' I also think it's dangerous to think that 'all children are different' and therefore it's fine to expose some kids to more - I agree that some kids may be tougher than others, less sensitive, you name it - obviously we all have different personalities - but in my opinion it is irresponsible to expose any child to anything that is clearly adult in nature.

I also think that if for whatever reason your kid is exposed to these kinds of things, the very least you should do is have a discussion with them to talk about what they just saw.

People 'get through' all kinds of things - doesn't mean it doesn't affect them on some level.

I agree that this is not the 'worst case of parenting ever' but it is just the title of the post...I am sure Italia agrees there are far worse things than this - but yeah, it's not great parenting to 1. let your your children go alone anywhere (they can get kidnapped, molested, lost, you name it) 2. expose them to things that are clearly adult in nature.

I remember one time talking with DH's cousin about her young daughter (who had been molested by the cousin's boyfriend) - when I asked her if she had sent her to therapy, she said something to the effect of 'oh, no...she's fine...kids are so resilient.' Of course we cannot AT ALL compare the severity of this to the what we're talking about in this post...but how ignorant could you be?

If a child develops issues in the long run, I deeply doubt that the sole reason was seeing R rated films as a kid. Yes, every child is different. Some get scared, others don't. Some understand the difference between reality and fiction, some don't. I still think it's up to the parents to decide. Not the rest of us. They're not your kids, and what you "think" is best for them solely on your brief observation for a few minutes or hours is probably way off. Kids are exposed to things adult in nature everyday. Be it on TV, in school, outside and through their friends. We can't change that unless we isolate them from the world.

Also, Since when did we becomes so judgmental towards other people? Really, I'm sure no one's the perfect parent and some may look at your decisions and criticize them as well.

In fact, I've noticed some serious nastiness on PS lately. Threads where people tend to go off on others who's beliefs differ from their own. This used to be such a nice place. Even those that disagreed did it respectfully. It's like all bets are off now, say whatever you want and who cares if you insult others.
What happened?

 

[platinumrock]

Date: 2/14/2009 1:14:30 PM
Author: elle_chris

Date: 2/14/2009 12:24:59 PM
Author: CJ2008
There is no easy way to know how these kinds of movies affect children in the long run...so I think it's a really dangerous assumption to think that because you used to watch them when you were little, and turned out OK, it must be OK...or that it's no big deal because kids will 'live.' I also think it's dangerous to think that 'all children are different' and therefore it's fine to expose some kids to more - I agree that some kids may be tougher than others, less sensitive, you name it - obviously we all have different personalities - but in my opinion it is irresponsible to expose any child to anything that is clearly adult in nature.

I also think that if for whatever reason your kid is exposed to these kinds of things, the very least you should do is have a discussion with them to talk about what they just saw.

People 'get through' all kinds of things - doesn't mean it doesn't affect them on some level.

I agree that this is not the 'worst case of parenting ever' but it is just the title of the post...I am sure Italia agrees there are far worse things than this - but yeah, it's not great parenting to 1. let your your children go alone anywhere (they can get kidnapped, molested, lost, you name it) 2. expose them to things that are clearly adult in nature.

I remember one time talking with DH's cousin about her young daughter (who had been molested by the cousin's boyfriend) - when I asked her if she had sent her to therapy, she said something to the effect of 'oh, no...she's fine...kids are so resilient.' Of course we cannot AT ALL compare the severity of this to the what we're talking about in this post...but how ignorant could you be?

If a child develops issues in the long run, I deeply doubt that the sole reason was seeing R rated films as a kid. Yes, every child is different. Some get scared, others don't. Some understand the difference between reality and fiction, some don't. I still think it's up to the parents to decide. Not the rest of us. They're not your kids, and what you 'think' is best for them solely on your brief observation for a few minutes or hours is probably way off. Kids are exposed to things adult in nature everyday. Be it on TV, in school, outside and through their friends. We can't change that unless we isolate them from the world.

Also, Since when did we becomes so judgmental towards other people? Really, I'm sure no one's the perfect parent and some may look at your decisions and criticize them as well.

In fact, I've noticed some serious nastiness on PS lately. Threads where people tend to go off on others who's beliefs differ from their own. This used to be such a nice place. Even those that disagreed did it respectfully. It's like all bets are off now, say whatever you want and who cares if you insult others.
What happened?

Thank you for pointing that out. I thought I was the only one seeing a lot of judgemental people on this forum. It seems that people are so quick to judge others and tell them how to live their lives, but when the tables are turned, they are the first to get defensive. Well, hello, that's how it feels to be judged. Nobody likes to feel the need to justify their choices.

I am not a parent, but I am a 2nd grade teacher. I deal with irresponsible parents all the time. And guess what? Their children spend half of their time with me. They bring all of their emotional mess in my classroom. I'm the one that has to teach them manners when they don't have any. Right from wrong. I'm the one that gives them encouragement and affection when they don't get it at home. I'm also the one that corrects their foul mouths. And when I see the positive changes in these children, I feel so proud of them. I feel so hopeful for their future. They cannot change their unsavory parents, but at least the next generation has some type of chance.

I focus on my own students, and I do my best to ensure that my students are well-mannered, productive citizens. Do I see other students acting wild? Yes. Do I see other teachers not doing squat but gossiping and sitting on their behinds? Yes. Trust me, teachers can be downright nasty, to the point of verbally abusive to their students. Do I feel the need to tell them where to shove it? Of course! But I bite my tongue because it's none of my business. It's that particular teacher's responsibility to manage their own classroom and to make sure their own students are learning. And if it's not happening, then the principal and parents will deal with them.

I just worry about myself and doing my own job. And if I'm making progress with my own students, then I'm happy.

Let people see their own mess and let them figure out how to clean it up.

 

[steph72276]

That is so disgusting of him to take them to that type of movie. Just shows you how selfish people can be. My husband and I used to go to the movies every weekend before we had our son. Now if we don't have a babysitter, we either wait until the movie comes out on DVD and watch it when our son is in bed or we go to a kid friendly animated movie. The father was just being selfish by seeing the movie he wanted to see without thinking about the affect it would have on the children. And leaving them to go to the bathroom was just total neglect....leaving my 4 year old in the theater while I went to the bathroom would never have even crossed my mind. Some people shouldn't pro-create.

ETA: I don't care if I'm being judgemental or not, taking a 3 and 5 year old child to sit through 2 hours of nonstop sex and violence is WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope I wasn't unclear...

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 2/14/2009 1:14:30 PM
Author: elle_chris

Date: 2/14/2009 12:24:59 PM
Author: CJ2008
There is no easy way to know how these kinds of movies affect children in the long run...so I think it''s a really dangerous assumption to think that because you used to watch them when you were little, and turned out OK, it must be OK...or that it''s no big deal because kids will ''live.'' I also think it''s dangerous to think that ''all children are different'' and therefore it''s fine to expose some kids to more - I agree that some kids may be tougher than others, less sensitive, you name it - obviously we all have different personalities - but in my opinion it is irresponsible to expose any child to anything that is clearly adult in nature.

I also think that if for whatever reason your kid is exposed to these kinds of things, the very least you should do is have a discussion with them to talk about what they just saw.

People ''get through'' all kinds of things - doesn''t mean it doesn''t affect them on some level.

I agree that this is not the ''worst case of parenting ever'' but it is just the title of the post...I am sure Italia agrees there are far worse things than this - but yeah, it''s not great parenting to 1. let your your children go alone anywhere (they can get kidnapped, molested, lost, you name it) 2. expose them to things that are clearly adult in nature.

I remember one time talking with DH''s cousin about her young daughter (who had been molested by the cousin''s boyfriend) - when I asked her if she had sent her to therapy, she said something to the effect of ''oh, no...she''s fine...kids are so resilient.'' Of course we cannot AT ALL compare the severity of this to the what we''re talking about in this post...but how ignorant could you be?

If a child develops issues in the long run, I deeply doubt that the sole reason was seeing R rated films as a kid. Yes, every child is different. Some get scared, others don''t. Some understand the difference between reality and fiction, some don''t. I still think it''s up to the parents to decide. Not the rest of us. They''re not your kids, and what you ''think'' is best for them solely on your brief observation for a few minutes or hours is probably way off. Kids are exposed to things adult in nature everyday. Be it on TV, in school, outside and through their friends. We can''t change that unless we isolate them from the world.

Also, Since when did we becomes so judgmental towards other people? Really, I''m sure no one''s the perfect parent and some may look at your decisions and criticize them as well.

In fact, I''ve noticed some serious nastiness on PS lately. Threads where people tend to go off on others who''s beliefs differ from their own. This used to be such a nice place. Even those that disagreed did it respectfully. It''s like all bets are off now, say whatever you want and who cares if you insult others.
What happened?

Of course...I don''t think I would say that would be the sole reason...but I also think just because it isn''t the sole reason it doesn''t make it any better to do it.

I also agree that each parent should do what he/she thinks as far as those things go - but I have my opinion about it - if that means I''m being judgmental, I''m OK with that. I saw this as being more of a discussion between us - nobody is being put on the spot...and I think it''s OK to disagree.

And although I can''t keep my child from being exposed to things I can control what part I, as the parent, play...

 

[platinumrock]

Date: 2/14/2009 12:36:38 PM
Author: CJ2008

Date: 2/14/2009 12:32:18 PM
Author: platinumrock
What would have been more shocking? The parents watching an R-rated DVD movie at home with the kids or taking the kids out to the theaters to see an R-rated movie? We''re shocked because this has been done publicly where people can observe and make judgements. But if this had been done in the privacy of their own home on a daily basis, would we even know about it?

I agree that theater employees should not have allowed these kids to watch the movie. But that would have caused a scene with the Dad, who probably felt entitled to do whatever he wants with his own children. I''m sorry, but people foam at the mouth when someone makes judgements about their parenting. I don''t know, but there seems to be a ''don''t insult the way I manage my genes'' chip that goes off when it comes to the way people act with their children. It''s definitely the wrong button to push. If you push it, you''re asking for trouble.

Biology has granted the human species the ability to procreate. Unfortunately, everyone and anyone can procreate, not just mature, sensible, educated and wise people who have some type of common sense. There are a lot of dumb people in this world. Yes, they are reproducing. And yes, there are more of them than us. And yes, they are also allowed to have cars and enter the streets.

People do all kinds of inhumane, heinous, stupid, illegal, disgusting and bizzare things all the time. They''re just not always out in public to be caught and judged. And if they get caught, they might go to prison.

But isn''t that what the R rating is for? It''s not a ''judgment'' the employees are making on the parents - they''re following the guidelines...

Absolutely! I agree with you about the purpose of the R rating. It''s meant to restrict certain audiences. But just because we have rules (or laws), it doesn''t mean people follow them. And just because employees are supposed to enforce certain rules to their customers, it doesn''t mean they do their job. A lot of employees don''t care. Neither do a lot of customers. And they will throw a fit until they get what they want (or get escorted out).

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 2/14/2009 1:59:03 PM
Author: platinumrock

Date: 2/14/2009 12:36:38 PM
Author: CJ2008

Date: 2/14/2009 12:32:18 PM
Author: platinumrock
What would have been more shocking? The parents watching an R-rated DVD movie at home with the kids or taking the kids out to the theaters to see an R-rated movie? We''re shocked because this has been done publicly where people can observe and make judgements. But if this had been done in the privacy of their own home on a daily basis, would we even know about it?

I agree that theater employees should not have allowed these kids to watch the movie. But that would have caused a scene with the Dad, who probably felt entitled to do whatever he wants with his own children. I''m sorry, but people foam at the mouth when someone makes judgements about their parenting. I don''t know, but there seems to be a ''don''t insult the way I manage my genes'' chip that goes off when it comes to the way people act with their children. It''s definitely the wrong button to push. If you push it, you''re asking for trouble.

Biology has granted the human species the ability to procreate. Unfortunately, everyone and anyone can procreate, not just mature, sensible, educated and wise people who have some type of common sense. There are a lot of dumb people in this world. Yes, they are reproducing. And yes, there are more of them than us. And yes, they are also allowed to have cars and enter the streets.

People do all kinds of inhumane, heinous, stupid, illegal, disgusting and bizzare things all the time. They''re just not always out in public to be caught and judged. And if they get caught, they might go to prison.

But isn''t that what the R rating is for? It''s not a ''judgment'' the employees are making on the parents - they''re following the guidelines...

Absolutely! I agree with you about the purpose of the R rating. It''s meant to restrict certain audiences. But just because we have rules (or laws), it doesn''t mean people follow them. And just because employees are supposed to enforce certain rules to their customers, it doesn''t mean they do their job. A lot of employees don''t care. Neither do a lot of customers. And they will throw a fit until they get what they want (or get escorted out).

True, PR...I wouldn''t want to be THAT employee that has to tell a father "no, you can''t go in and see that movie with your kids." But if I were the manager or whatever I''d probably be strict with training employees to enforce those kinds of guidelines - not only because I happen to agree that the ratings are there for a reason, but also because of the potential for kids to cry or be disruptive, and disturb the rest of that audience.

 

[elle_chris]

CJ2008- What offended me personally was the title of this thread after reading the content. If I agreed with the harsh tone of some of the posters, then my mom, who''s one of the best and kindest people I know- was also the most irresponsible parent that never should of had kids because she took me to horror movies.

Friday the 13th is rated R. Children under 17 not allowed in without a parent or guardian. The father was well within his rights to take his kids. Now, should he have let his child go to the bathroom alone, no. Am I going to crucify him and say he shouldn''t procreate because of it, no. Again, People make dumb decisions everyday with their kids. Imagine someone saw you make one and then want to take your kids because of it. (This last part wasn''t directed at you CJ, just speaking in general terms.)

 

[steph72276]

Date: 2/14/2009 2:27:00 PM
Author: elle_chris
CJ2008- What offended me personally was the title of this thread after reading the content. If I agreed with the harsh tone of some of the posters, then my mom, who''s one of the best and kindest people I know- was also the most irresponsible parent that never should of had kids because she took me to horror movies.


Friday the 13th is rated R. Children under 17 not allowed in without a parent or guardian. The father was well within his rights to take his kids. Now, should he have let his child go to the bathroom alone, no. Am I going to crucify him and say he shouldn''t procreate because of it, no. Again, People make dumb decisions everyday with their kids. Imagine someone saw you make one and then want to take your kids because of it. (This last part wasn''t directed at you CJ, just speaking in general terms.)

Sorry, but I have to disagree here. Leaving them in the theater by themselves shows that he doesn''t care about the safety of his children. Everyone knows there are weirdos out there who would kidnap/harm a child if they were left unattended. If you can''t put your child''s safety and well-being before your own selfishness, then no, I don''t think you should have children.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 2/14/2009 2:27:00 PM
Author: elle_chris
CJ2008- What offended me personally was the title of this thread after reading the content. If I agreed with the harsh tone of some of the posters, then my mom, who''s one of the best and kindest people I know- was also the most irresponsible parent that never should of had kids because she took me to horror movies.

Friday the 13th is rated R. Children under 17 not allowed in without a parent or guardian. The father was well within his rights to take his kids. Now, should he have let his child go to the bathroom alone, no. Am I going to crucify him and say he shouldn''t procreate because of it, no. Again, People make dumb decisions everyday with their kids. Imagine someone saw you make one and then want to take your kids because of it. (This last part wasn''t directed at you CJ, just speaking in general terms.)

I hear you elle - it certainly is NOT the worst parenting ever. And I''m sure your mom is a wonderful person.

Also, I didn''t realize the "rule" was under 17 not allowed w/o parent or guardian...if that is the case, I retract EVERYTHING I said about that. It might not be MY choice to take my children to these movies if they''re under 17, but if other parents choose to they''re within their right. Do I like it? No...but they''re within their right.

And I agreed with what you said earlier that it is hard to know the whole "picture" based on just a couple of minutes...but I think it''s more about having an opinion based on what we did see...it may have been a lapse of judgement just for that day on the part of the parent, for whatever reason, but I don''t like it. Meaning that, say I befriended that person, I''d be on the "lookout" for more things like that so I could get an accurate picture. That might not be fair because I AM prejudging based on just one incident, but I guess for me it''s pretty high on the scale of irresponsibility to let your 5 year-old go anywhere alone...so for example, I might not trust that person to take my kids to the movies - just because it doesn''t align with what I would do.

 

[elle_chris]

Yes, they''re allowed in with parents. I believe the rating is "NR" for no one under 17 allowed. But this particular film is just R.

CJ, I really appreciate what you''re saying and how you''re saying it. Thanks. And that''s exactly it, they''re your kids and no one has a right to tell you (provided you''re acting within the law), what your kids should or shouldn''t be exposed to.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/14/2009 1:14:30 PM
Author: elle_chris
If a child develops issues in the long run, I deeply doubt that the sole reason was seeing R rated films as a kid. Yes, every child is different. Some get scared, others don''t. Some understand the difference between reality and fiction, some don''t. I still think it''s up to the parents to decide. Not the rest of us. They''re not your kids, and what you ''think'' is best for them solely on your brief observation for a few minutes or hours is probably way off. Kids are exposed to things adult in nature everyday. Be it on TV, in school, outside and through their friends. We can''t change that unless we isolate them from the world.

Also, Since when did we becomes so judgmental towards other people? Really, I''m sure no one''s the perfect parent and some may look at your decisions and criticize them as well.

In fact, I''ve noticed some serious nastiness on PS lately. Threads where people tend to go off on others who''s beliefs differ from their own. This used to be such a nice place. Even those that disagreed did it respectfully. It''s like all bets are off now, say whatever you want and who cares if you insult others.
What happened?

First of all, I''d be the first to say that parents, especially moms, are some of the most judgmental people in the world. That''s usually because at some point THEIR parenting skills affect MY kids through their children and vice versa. I can''t help but judge, but I also try and mind my own business most of the time.

On the mommy thread, Jas12 told us the story about how her son (now only 10 months old) started crying when he saw a pic of a certain dog in a book. Why was he crying? We don''t know. But somewhere in those little minds, wheels are turning. If a child cries at the sight of an innocuous dog in a children''s book, I am going to err on the safe side and not take him to a horror movie.

Just because this guy took his kids to a horror movie does not make him the worst parent of the year. Yes, it was within his "right" to take them in because chlidren under 17 can go in with someone over 17 and older. However WHY is it children under 17 and not 5? Because the movie might be too much for a 15 or 16 year old to see by themselves. That''s the idea anyway.

I don''t know how old you were when you were taken to horror movies, but in my opinion it is irresponsible and in this instance it is putting our needs and wants as an adult above the needs of our children. If I really wanted to watch this movie, I''d wait until it was out on video and watch it when my kids were asleep. Yes, every parent needs a break, but taking young children to a horror movie, IMHO is ridiculous. There is no good reason for it other than Mom/Dad wants to watch the movie and figure the kids will survive.

Again, this does not make one a bad parent, but it is an instance of bad PARENTING.

 

[iluvcarats]

Unfortunately the sperm and the egg don''t do a background check...

You can''t vote until your 18, or drink until your 21, but any two fertile people can become parents.

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/14/2009 11:43:43 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 2/14/2009 10:24:58 AM

Author: princesss

Date: 2/14/2009 4:37:42 AM

Author: Circe

Date: 2/13/2009 11:23:21 PM


Author: Italiahaircolor


Okay...first of all...the boy''s were about 3 and 5 years not...not 13. I''d expect 13 year olds to want to see FT13...but with a multitude of kid-friendly movies out there, FT13 is by far, far, far an incredibly inappropriate choice.




The father left his children alone three times...once when he let the 5 year old go to the bathroom alone, the second time when he went to the bathroom and left the boys alone together, and third time when he left the 3 year old alone to go find the 5 year old .... I don''t care what anyone else says or other experiences you''re are weighing against this one, this father was completely ignorant.




Secondly, for anyone has not seen the new Friday The 13th...let me tell you, it is intensely graphic...there is lots of nudity...and lots of sex. These are not things you should willingly expose children too...nope, no way. I would sooner let my child have a sip of soda before I''d expose him/her to a man having his throat punctured with a screwdriver, or set on fire in a sleeping bag...let alone let him/her watch two people ''doing it'' while showing full frontal.




I understand that children are exposed to many different things in mainstream media...however, I also believe that parents should protect their children when they are given the opportunity to do so.




Is this the worst parenting ever...probably not, no. However, in my opinion, I do believe what this man exposed these children to is boarder line abusive....not to mention that at any time during his frequent absences either boy could have been hurt or worse....




Oh...and when I was posting, it was the pre-show...not even the previews yet...no worries, I am a polite movie goer.

Italia, I agree with you that the dad in this situation was behaving inappropriately ... but, seriously, you think homicidal violence is more acceptable than nudity? This is one of the things that puzzles me most about American culture, the divide in the attitudes concerning violence and sex. One is an aberration, the other, a part of life. One is more severely stigmatized than the other ... and it''s not the one that''s most common. I remain confused ....

Ditto.

Ummm...I am not sure what I didn''t make clear? I thought the movie selection--as a whole--was wrong. Nudity and violence as equal evils.

The phrasing you used made it so that soda is not as bad as violence which is not as bad as sex.

I guess I don''t see sex as an "equal evil" to murder. One has a place in civilized society, and is part of healthy, adult relationships, and the other is not. I agree with you that the children should not have been taken to the movie, and that leaving them alone in the theater was downright dangerous, but I disagree that sex is on the same playing field as violence and murder.

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 2/14/2009 4:27:14 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/14/2009 1:14:30 PM
Author: elle_chris
If a child develops issues in the long run, I deeply doubt that the sole reason was seeing R rated films as a kid. Yes, every child is different. Some get scared, others don''t. Some understand the difference between reality and fiction, some don''t. I still think it''s up to the parents to decide. Not the rest of us. They''re not your kids, and what you ''think'' is best for them solely on your brief observation for a few minutes or hours is probably way off. Kids are exposed to things adult in nature everyday. Be it on TV, in school, outside and through their friends. We can''t change that unless we isolate them from the world.

Also, Since when did we becomes so judgmental towards other people? Really, I''m sure no one''s the perfect parent and some may look at your decisions and criticize them as well.

In fact, I''ve noticed some serious nastiness on PS lately. Threads where people tend to go off on others who''s beliefs differ from their own. This used to be such a nice place. Even those that disagreed did it respectfully. It''s like all bets are off now, say whatever you want and who cares if you insult others.
What happened?

First of all, I''d be the first to say that parents, especially moms, are some of the most judgmental people in the world. That''s usually because at some point THEIR parenting skills affect MY kids through their children and vice versa. I can''t help but judge, but I also try and mind my own business most of the time.

On the mommy thread, Jas12 told us the story about how her son (now only 10 months old) started crying when he saw a pic of a certain dog in a book. Why was he crying? We don''t know. But somewhere in those little minds, wheels are turning. If a child cries at the sight of an innocuous dog in a children''s book, I am going to err on the safe side and not take him to a horror movie.

Just because this guy took his kids to a horror movie does not make him the worst parent of the year. Yes, it was within his ''right'' to take them in because chlidren under 17 can go in with someone over 17 and older. However WHY is it children under 17 and not 5? Because the movie might be too much for a 15 or 16 year old to see by themselves. That''s the idea anyway.

I don''t know how old you were when you were taken to horror movies, but in my opinion it is irresponsible and in this instance it is putting our needs and wants as an adult above the needs of our children. If I really wanted to watch this movie, I''d wait until it was out on video and watch it when my kids were asleep. Yes, every parent needs a break, but taking young children to a horror movie, IMHO is ridiculous. There is no good reason for it other than Mom/Dad wants to watch the movie and figure the kids will survive.

Again, this does not make one a bad parent, but it is an instance of bad PARENTING.

I was taken at 8,9,10. Don''t exactly recall but it was because I wanted to go, not my mom. Horror movies didn''t scare me or keep me up at night. I''ve always like them just like some people like romance films.

I''m not going to assume that every kid that sees a horror film is going to have nightmares. I''ll aslo give the parents the benefit of the doubt and think they know whether or not their kids can handle it. As far as an instance of bad parenting, man, there''s a ton of them. Everytime I''m out shopping and see parents looking at things while they''re kids are 10,15 feet away running around. Everytime a parent allows their kids to scream in restaurants. Everytime a parent let''s go of a small childs hand and that child falls. I''ll be sure to to think to myself "bad parenting."
Most parents are all guilty of some form of "bad parenting", I just wouldn''t judge them for one particular instance without at least knowing all the facts.

 

[platinumrock]

Date: 2/14/2009 4:49:08 PM
Author: iluvcarats
Unfortunately the sperm and the egg don''t do a background check...

You can''t vote until your 18, or drink until your 21, but any two fertile people can become parents.

I know, seriously. You need a license to drive and get married. Why isn''t there a pregnancy license?

Procreation should be a privilege, not a right!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/14/2009 5:01:12 PM
Author: elle_chris

Date: 2/14/2009 4:27:14 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/14/2009 1:14:30 PM
Author: elle_chris
If a child develops issues in the long run, I deeply doubt that the sole reason was seeing R rated films as a kid. Yes, every child is different. Some get scared, others don''t. Some understand the difference between reality and fiction, some don''t. I still think it''s up to the parents to decide. Not the rest of us. They''re not your kids, and what you ''think'' is best for them solely on your brief observation for a few minutes or hours is probably way off. Kids are exposed to things adult in nature everyday. Be it on TV, in school, outside and through their friends. We can''t change that unless we isolate them from the world.

Also, Since when did we becomes so judgmental towards other people? Really, I''m sure no one''s the perfect parent and some may look at your decisions and criticize them as well.

In fact, I''ve noticed some serious nastiness on PS lately. Threads where people tend to go off on others who''s beliefs differ from their own. This used to be such a nice place. Even those that disagreed did it respectfully. It''s like all bets are off now, say whatever you want and who cares if you insult others.
What happened?

First of all, I''d be the first to say that parents, especially moms, are some of the most judgmental people in the world. That''s usually because at some point THEIR parenting skills affect MY kids through their children and vice versa. I can''t help but judge, but I also try and mind my own business most of the time.

On the mommy thread, Jas12 told us the story about how her son (now only 10 months old) started crying when he saw a pic of a certain dog in a book. Why was he crying? We don''t know. But somewhere in those little minds, wheels are turning. If a child cries at the sight of an innocuous dog in a children''s book, I am going to err on the safe side and not take him to a horror movie.

Just because this guy took his kids to a horror movie does not make him the worst parent of the year. Yes, it was within his ''right'' to take them in because chlidren under 17 can go in with someone over 17 and older. However WHY is it children under 17 and not 5? Because the movie might be too much for a 15 or 16 year old to see by themselves. That''s the idea anyway.

I don''t know how old you were when you were taken to horror movies, but in my opinion it is irresponsible and in this instance it is putting our needs and wants as an adult above the needs of our children. If I really wanted to watch this movie, I''d wait until it was out on video and watch it when my kids were asleep. Yes, every parent needs a break, but taking young children to a horror movie, IMHO is ridiculous. There is no good reason for it other than Mom/Dad wants to watch the movie and figure the kids will survive.

Again, this does not make one a bad parent, but it is an instance of bad PARENTING.

I was taken at 8,9,10. Don''t exactly recall but it was because I wanted to go, not my mom. Horror movies didn''t scare me or keep me up at night. I''ve always like them just like some people like romance films.

I''m not going to assume that every kid that sees a horror film is going to have nightmares. I''ll aslo give the parents the benefit of the doubt and think they know whether or not their kids can handle it. As far as an instance of bad parenting, man, there''s a ton of them. Everytime I''m out shopping and see parents looking at things while they''re kids are 10,15 feet away running around. Everytime a parent allows their kids to scream in restaurants. Everytime a parent let''s go of a small childs hand and that child falls. I''ll be sure to to think to myself ''bad parenting.''
Most parents are all guilty of some form of ''bad parenting'', I just wouldn''t judge them for one particular instance without at least knowing all the facts.

ElleChris, ALL parents are guilty at some point or another of bad parenting. Every single one that I know, including myself.

There are some things that aren''t preventable. Last I checked, by the time a kid screams, the scream is out. Would I let my kid scream continuously in a restaurant, probably not. Can I hold my kid''s hand ALL of the time? Nope. Will she fall? Yes.

Controlling your kids is always a hot topic parenting issue. You do the best you can and some kids are better behaved naturally than others. Some parents are more diligent than others. But taking a 3 year old to a horror movie is not about controlling your kids. It''s about not having enough judgment and putting them in a inappropriate situation in the first place. It''s about putting yourself FIRST over what is in the best interest of your kids.

Now, perhaps I''m totally wrong and this guy thought it was in the best interest for his kids to see this stuff...maybe to toughen them not to have nightmares or something, I don''t know. But I doubt it. Since I don''t have all the facts, I wouldn''t say anything to the guy...not my business. But as a parent, I could tolerate all of those things you mentioned much better than the guy who takes his 3 year old to a horror movie in the evening.

As a mother, it is MY JOB to determine what is best for my kid. My kid is going to WANT a lot of things, but the chick does not rule the roost. That''s just ME. *I* would not take my kid to a horror movie just because she wanted to go, regardless of whether it scares her or not. Likewise I would not take her to see a much full of sex or violent action. Do I want to shelter her for the rest of her life? No. But my personal view is she''s gonna see enough of that later. She does not need to see it as a child.

And for the record, while I would not take my child to see a horror movie at 8, 9 or 10, that is a FAR improvement over taking a 3-5 year old.

 

[mia1181]

I don''t think a rated R movie is at all appropriate for children that age, but if the kids made it through the movie without screaming and crying, I''m sure they''re fine. They are probably very desensitized to this because they are watching similar things at home. Not something I would ever do with my children, but I wouldn''t rush to judge that these kids will become serial killers because of it. They are just going to probably be the kids that tell the other kids about sex, etc. on the playground. It is annoying to know that your children will be exposed to it, however (as T-Gal said).

The leaving them alone is very disturbing to me however. But I do see parents doing stupid things like that all the time.

I try really hard not to judge other parents because I know how hard it is when you take your children out in public and everyone is judging you. I was in the grocery store once with my toddler charge who was probably around a year old. She was getting fussy in the checkout line and became interested in a plastic bag I was holding so I handed it to her. She started shaking the bag and became very happy playing with the bag. Then a woman came up to me and said "don''t you know you shouldn''t let young children play with plastic bags?" I''m pretty sure she thought I was the worst parent/caregiver ever, putting my charge at risk! Of course I explained that I was right there and of course if she were to put it over her head or in her mouth, I would take it away at once. But this woman just rolled her eyes and walked away. I''m sure if it were up to her, I would never be allowed to have children of my own!

Also you might not know the whole story (not really applying this to this movie situation, but in general). My other charge is a severly brain damaged little girl. She has had some issues that we have had to work on in public, despite dirty looks from others. She used to get upset being out in public at all. She would scream and cy in the grocery store until we would take her out and then she would become instantly happy. It was a behavioral problem that we had to work through, but the only way to work through it was to take her out in public and let her cry it out. So yeah, we got a lot of dirty looks. People would look at her and think she was just being a brat, or look at me like I was cruel to ignore her crying. People would ask "Is she okay?" in a very condescending tone like, "um don''t you notice her crying?"

But I will tell you that now she is so happy to go shopping and ride in a grocery cart or eat out at a restaurant, and I don''t regret making myself look bad to give that to her. But none of those people will know that.

 

[mia1181]

Oh and while we are on the subject.... what about babies in the movie theater?

Why do people do that? Why do theaters allow baby carriers in the theater? It must be against the law to deny them...

I see it all the time. And even though they usually sleep right through it, or the parents take them out right away if they cry, it is so odd to me.

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/14/2009 1:12:27 PM
Author: platinumrock

Date: 2/14/2009 12:49:46 PM
Author: Sha

Date: 2/14/2009 12:32:18 PM
Author: platinumrock
What would have been more shocking? The parents watching an R-rated DVD movie at home with the kids or taking the kids out to the theaters to see an R-rated movie? We're shocked because this has been done publicly where people can observe and make judgements. But if this had been done in the privacy of their own home on a daily basis, would we even know about it?

I agree that theater employees should not have allowed these kids to watch the movie. But that would have caused a scene with the Dad, who probably felt entitled to do whatever he wants with his own children. I'm sorry, but people foam at the mouth when someone makes judgements about their parenting. I don't know, but there seems to be a 'don't insult the way I manage my genes' chip that goes off when it comes to the way people act with their children. It's definitely the wrong button to push. If you push it, you're asking for trouble.

Biology has granted the human species the ability to procreate. Unfortunately, everyone and anyone can procreate, not just mature, sensible, educated and wise people who have some type of common sense. There are a lot of dumb people in this world. Yes, they are reproducing. And yes, there are more of them than us. And yes, they are also allowed to have cars and enter the streets.

People do all kinds of inhumane, heinous, stupid, illegal, disgusting and bizzare things all the time. They're just not always out in public to be caught and judged. And if they get caught, they might go to prison.

Sorry about the spelling mistakes in the last post....I didn't go back to edit.

Platinum, I hear what you're saying. No, you can't control or make judgements about what people do in their own homes, because you can't control what you don't know or see. But if it something that seems not to be in a child's best interest happens in public, and you are aware of it, then I would think that you would use the opportunity to do or say something about it. Because you now KNOW. It's just like physical abuse... if a child is being abused in her home you might not know, so you can't stop it. But if you see a child being beaten badly in public - would you ignore it simply because it probably happens at home as well? No!

Theaters can set guidelines/policies for their customers. One of those policies can be an age-limit for customers attending certain movies. If you want to patronize that theater, then you have to abide by the theater's guidelines. End of story. If not, go to another theater. Who cares if the Dad makes a scene? We can't be afraid of offending people when it comes to protecting children. A friend of mine once witnessed a mother swearing and shouting at her 5 -year old daughter in public, and she spoke up and told the mother that she was wrong to speak that way to her child. And of course the mother was upset, and shouted at her'not to tell her anything about how she disciplines her child'! etc, along with a host of other 'unsavoury' comments. Does it mean that my friend was wrong to speak up? Absolutely not!

Yes, there are a lot of irresponsible parents in the world. Just because there are irresponsible parents doesn't mean we shouldn't try to stop some of the 'irresponsibility' from occuring, IMO.

I totally understand what you are saying. If I witnessed a child being physically or psychologically harmed by a parent to the point where I felt necessary to call the police, then I would do the noble thing. But interfering with a parent's personal choices over what language they use or movie they allow their child to watch, I don't have the energy for. You can chastise them in public all you want and get a verbal beat-down, but are you going to follow them home so you can chastise them about how they live their lives? And are you prepared to follow home thousands of unsavory parents who live unsavory lifestyles?

I admire your tenacity for wanting to do the right thing and telling people where they need to stuff it. We need more people like you. Then maybe, just maybe, you will get through one of these unsavory parents. And you will have made a difference.

Just because I don't get involved in every situation doesn't mean I've being passive or I'm condoning it to happen. But if people are not bothering me directly and their unsavory behavior has nothing to do with me, then what's the big deal? I learned early in life to choose my battles carefully. I save my 'ethics' cards when a situation truly warrants it and if it is affecting me directly.

Sometimes, people need to see for themselves how foolish they are acting.

I understand what you're saying, plantinum, and I agree with you that calling out a parent on a one-time basis might not have much of an effect, when the behaviour likely continues at home, anyway.

That one time conversation probably won't be enough for them to change, unfortunately. And you're right, oftentimes the parents don't even listen to the person who might have an issue with their behaviour. But still, I think that sometimes parents need to know when their actions might be crossing the line of 'acceptable' norms. I think my line of work (Counselling) probably makes me even more sensitive to bad parenting - because I see the after-effects of it every single day at work, in the form of children/teenagers/adults who are so screwed up and hurting inside, thanks to their insensitive, neglectful, uncaring, abusive parents.

It takes a long time for many of these children to overcome their childhood issues - often it scars them for life - so it really makes me mad to see something bad happening to a child that's avoidable. (not talking about the movie incident in particular - just bad parenting in general).

Speaking in general as well - I feel that oftentimes bad parenting does affect us directly. It might not seem to affect us in the moment- when it's happening (like a child who is being beaten badly, for example), but children with traumatic childhoods often (not all the time, of course) grow up manifesting their sense of anger, hurt, confusion, numbness, and low self-worth in concrete ways that affect other people around them. One of the major risk factors for gang involvement, for example, is a troubled family background and the lack of proper parenting support/guidance. Gang members don't only hurt each other - they hurt innocent people as well. ( I think the same is true for people who commit other violent crimes, like murder and rape.) So unfortunately, the effects of bad parenting don't stay confined to the homes - they ripple out into the entire society. I know I definitely see this with 9 out of 10 of the teenagers referred to us for offences like rape, wounding, and robbery. So I don't think we should ignore a situation just because it might not seem to be affecting us directly in the moment, because we don't know how it might affect us, or our children, some day (God forbid).

That's my opinion. I think sometimes people confuse having an opinion on someone else's behaviour as being judgemental, when that's not necessarily the case. It's like you're not allowed to say what you think about someone else doing this or that, for fear of offending or seeming condescending or un-politically correct. People are allowed to have opinions!, and so far I think everyone here has expressed their views on the subject in a pretty respectful, if passionate, way, and it's sparked an interesting discussion so far.

 

[platinumrock]

Date: 2/14/2009 5:53:49 PM
Author: Sha

Date: 2/14/2009 1:12:27 PM
Author: platinumrock

Date: 2/14/2009 12:49:46 PM
Author: Sha

Date: 2/14/2009 12:32:18 PM
Author: platinumrock
What would have been more shocking? The parents watching an R-rated DVD movie at home with the kids or taking the kids out to the theaters to see an R-rated movie? We''re shocked because this has been done publicly where people can observe and make judgements. But if this had been done in the privacy of their own home on a daily basis, would we even know about it?

I agree that theater employees should not have allowed these kids to watch the movie. But that would have caused a scene with the Dad, who probably felt entitled to do whatever he wants with his own children. I''m sorry, but people foam at the mouth when someone makes judgements about their parenting. I don''t know, but there seems to be a ''don''t insult the way I manage my genes'' chip that goes off when it comes to the way people act with their children. It''s definitely the wrong button to push. If you push it, you''re asking for trouble.

Biology has granted the human species the ability to procreate. Unfortunately, everyone and anyone can procreate, not just mature, sensible, educated and wise people who have some type of common sense. There are a lot of dumb people in this world. Yes, they are reproducing. And yes, there are more of them than us. And yes, they are also allowed to have cars and enter the streets.

People do all kinds of inhumane, heinous, stupid, illegal, disgusting and bizzare things all the time. They''re just not always out in public to be caught and judged. And if they get caught, they might go to prison.

Sorry about the spelling mistakes in the last post....I didn''t go back to edit.

Platinum, I hear what you''re saying. No, you can''t control or make judgements about what people do in their own homes, because you can''t control what you don''t know or see. But if it something that seems not to be in a child''s best interest happens in public, and you are aware of it, then I would think that you would use the opportunity to do or say something about it. Because you now KNOW. It''s just like physical abuse... if a child is being abused in her home you might not know, so you can''t stop it. But if you see a child being beaten badly in public - would you ignore it simply because it probably happens at home as well? No!

Theaters can set guidelines/policies for their customers. One of those policies can be an age-limit for customers attending certain movies. If you want to patronize that theater, then you have to abide by the theater''s guidelines. End of story. If not, go to another theater. Who cares if the Dad makes a scene? We can''t be afraid of offending people when it comes to protecting children. A friend of mine once witnessed a mother swearing and shouting at her 5 -year old daughter in public, and she spoke up and told the mother that she was wrong to speak that way to her child. And of course the mother was upset, and shouted at her''not to tell her anything about how she disciplines her child''! etc, along with a host of other ''unsavoury'' comments. Does it mean that my friend was wrong to speak up? Absolutely not!

Yes, there are a lot of irresponsible parents in the world. Just because there are irresponsible parents doesn''t mean we shouldn''t try to stop some of the ''irresponsibility'' from occuring, IMO.

I totally understand what you are saying. If I witnessed a child being physically or psychologically harmed by a parent to the point where I felt necessary to call the police, then I would do the noble thing. But interfering with a parent''s personal choices over what language they use or movie they allow their child to watch, I don''t have the energy for. You can chastise them in public all you want and get a verbal beat-down, but are you going to follow them home so you can chastise them about how they live their lives? And are you prepared to follow home thousands of unsavory parents who live unsavory lifestyles?

I admire your tenacity for wanting to do the right thing and telling people where they need to stuff it. We need more people like you. Then maybe, just maybe, you will get through one of these unsavory parents. And you will have made a difference.

Just because I don''t get involved in every situation doesn''t mean I''ve being passive or I''m condoning it to happen. But if people are not bothering me directly and their unsavory behavior has nothing to do with me, then what''s the big deal? I learned early in life to choose my battles carefully. I save my ''ethics'' cards when a situation truly warrants it and if it is affecting me directly.

Sometimes, people need to see for themselves how foolish they are acting.

I understand what you''re saying, plantinum, and I agree with you that calling out a parent on a one-time basis might not have much of an effect, when the behaviour likely continues at home, anyway.

That one time conversation probably won''t be enough for them to change, unfortunately. And you''re right, oftentimes the parents don''t even listen to the person who might have an issue with their behaviour. But still, I think that sometimes parents need to know when their actions might be crossing the line of ''acceptable'' norms. I think my line of work (Counselling) probably makes me even more sensitive to bad parenting - because I see the after-effects of it every single day at work, in the form of children/teenagers/adults who are so screwed up and hurting inside, thanks to their insensitive, neglectful, uncaring, abusive parents.

It takes a long time for many of these children to overcome their childhood issues - often it scars them for life - so it really makes me mad to see something bad happening to a child that''s avoidable. (not talking about the movie incident in particular - just bad parenting in general).

Speaking in general as well - I feel that oftentimes bad parenting does affect us directly. It might not seem to affect us in the moment- when it''s happening (like a child who is being beaten badly, for example), but children with traumatic childhoods often (not all the time, of course) grow up manifesting their sense of anger, hurt, confusion, numbness, and low self-worth in concrete ways that affect other people around them. One of the major risk factors for gang involvement, for example, is a troubled family background and the lack of proper parenting support/guidance. Gang members don''t only hurt each other - they hurt innocent people as well. ( I think the same is true for people who commit other violent crimes, like murder and rape.) So unfortunately, the effects of bad parenting don''t stay confined to the homes - they ripple out into the entire society. I know I definitely see this with 9 out of 10 of the teenagers referred to us for offences like rape, wounding, and robbery. So I don''t think we should ignore a situation just because it might not seem to be affecting us directly in the moment, because we don''t know how it might affect us, or our children, some day (God forbid).

That''s my opinion. I think sometimes people confuse having an opinion on someone else''s behaviour as being judgemental, when that''s not necessarily the case. It''s like you''re not allowed to say what you think about someone else doing this or that, for fear of offending or seeming condescending or un-politically correct. People are allowed to have opinions!, and so far I think everyone here has expressed their views on the subject in a pretty respectful, if passionate, way, and it''s sparked an interesting discussion so far.

Absolutely! You also have to clean up after their emotional mess as a counselor. You are right, sometimes you do have to call people out when it''s necessary. As an elementary teacher at a school with students that come from a low socio-economic background, I absorb the effects of bad, irresponsible parenting everyday. Honestly, a lot of these parents simply don''t know any better. Their children walked into my classroom in the beginning of the school year and they barely knew how to sit still or function in a structured environment. I''ve had to tell parents that they need to be more consistent with discipline at home. Often times they didn''t like hearing it, but when they saw the progress that their child was making because of that support from home, they came around. They even admitted that their child had a history of poor behavior. And they are often surprised that their child is well-behaved in my classroom. If I want my students to be well-mannered and productive, I have to be well-mannered and productive too. It''s only fair.

I truly believe everything starts at home. Who and what do these children come home to? And who is teaching them? A child''s home and school environment are so critical to their development and upbringing. Good parents, just like good teachers are such blessings to a child. The possibilities for that child''s potential are endless! But bad parents and bad teachers??? No wonder they become so screwed up.

Like I tell my students, well-mannered children grow up into well-mannered adults. They need to be accountable to someone. It really does take a village to raise a child because we (especially teachers) cannot do it all on our own. We need as much support as we can get.

And I agree. Since I became a teacher, I''ve been more sensitive to bad parenting. I see them everywhere!

 

[AGBF]

Date: 2/13/2009 10:23:20 PM
Author: elle_chris

As far as the movie being appropriate or not ... Some kids can handle it, others can't. Parents know their kids.

I agree with the first part about some children being able to handle things which others cannot. I do not totally agree with the second part, however, about parents knowing their own children. In fact, all evidence points to the contrary. Many parents are totally clueless about what is going on with their children! Some parents will certainly take their children with them to horror movies they want to see and allow the children to be traumatized, then punish the children if the children's traumatic reactions (like nightmares) inconvenience them!

About the first part-kids being different-though...my kid was on the way too sensitive end of the spectrum. When she was some young age (I'd guess between 6 and her great-aunt thought that it would be wonderful to show her the video of, "Land Before Time" which her own grandchildren had seen. Maybe my daughter was a little younger. Between 4 and 6? I'm not sure. At any rate, while my daughter was at my parents' house without me, a place I considered it safe to leave my daughter, my great aunt showed her the video of, "A Land Before Time".

Now it was my mother's sacred duty to protect my daughter from frightening and inappropriate videos! We did not watch television in our household and the videos that were allowed were strictly monitored. But my mother thought that her sister, who had five grandchildren and told her that this was a cartoon about little dinosaurs, could be trusted....

I cannot tell you how that day will remain burned in my consciousness! It was one for the record books. My daughter became hysterical crying over the little dinosaur who lost her mother and was inconsolable. My great-aunt was astounded. My mother was guilty. I had to return to my mother's house from my house to get the video and watch it again and again with my daughter to desensitize her to it, because the only thing that seemed to help her get over the trauma was to watch it again and again and again...but with me. And I hated that video!!!

I can't tell you at whom I was angrier, my mother; my great-aunt; or the stupid people who cannot make a video for little children without having someone's mother die. It's the Bambi syndrome. Why is this nececssary?

Have I been ranting? If so, I think I am done. Thanks for letting me share that. I think I have been holding it in for years.

Deborah

 

[AGBF]

Date: 2/14/2009 12:24:59 PM
Author: CJ2008

There is no easy way to know how these kinds of movies affect children in the long run...so I think it's a really dangerous assumption to think that because you used to watch them when you were little, and turned out OK, it must be OK...or that it's no big deal because kids will 'live.' I also think it's dangerous to think that 'all children are different' and therefore it's fine to expose some kids to more

I also think that if for whatever reason your kid is exposed to these kinds of things, the very least you should do is have a discussion with them to talk about what they just saw.

People 'get through' all kinds of things - doesn't mean it doesn't affect them on some level.

CJ, I think this is an extremely insightful and well-argued posting. I really appreciated reading it. I understand that some children are fine at horror movies. I think that the parents who are tuned in, know their kids, see that the kids love the films, and take them can be great parents. I commend you for pointing out that parents should take a look and make sure that their kids are enjoying the flicks, however!

Keep posting in Around The World!


Deborah

 

[Kaleigh]

Deb,
I hear you. Those videos can be so troubling for kids. Ashley was traumatized by a book she was required to read in second grade. No clue what the title was, but the mother dies in the book. I got called at work, that Ash was having a hard time. I got permission to talk to Ash during the day, to let her know all was fine, they didn't love that but allowed it.

To this day, she said the school picked the most depressing books. She was too young to get the message that the book delivered. It just scared the heck out of her, that I was going to die.