Thoughts and opinions on hiring a house keeper.

[telephone89]

Add me to the list of folks who saw flapping red flags all over this post.
But, this is what I would do about this specific situation.
Hire the cleaner and tell him (do not ever ever lie about dumb shit like this, it only cultivates distrust). I'd probably hire the cleaner for the day before he comes home and the day after he leaves, that way neither of you have to worry about cleaning while he's home and can just enjoy each other. If he is uncomfortable leaving stuff out, he can put it somewhere before he leaves, and it would likely stay wherever that is until he returns.

 

[tyty333]

I'm with the others...hire a cleaner and tell him you're going to try it out for a while (no need to make a big deal out of it).

Your schedule and travel time sound like a recipe for burnout. I think it's wise to prevent it before it starts
and even if it doesn't, why not have a house cleaner? Your time is valuable and you deserve a break!

You can do this @SandraLynn ! I'm cheering for you! Marriages should be a win-win for both parties. Your DH
gets a clean house (like he is used to) and after a long day of work/travel for you, you get the much need break that
you deserve!

 

[momofive]

I’m really shocked at some of the responses honestly.

I agree. No one should be commenting on your relationship. It’s wrong to be judgmental and people should remember, we all live in glass houses AND, men ARE definitely from Mars and women from Venus!! LOL


So, you’ve had the gamut of advice here. I’m sure your fiancé is wonderful.
I was a stay at home mom of 4 kids and we had and still have a cleaning person even though they’re grown now. I highly recommend it. I started with every other week and then it moved to every week.
I didn’t hire a service. I hired a woman who has been with me for over 20 years. She is like family.
If you’re hiring a service, obviously get several references. Make sure they have insurance and are bonded.

It’s funny. Anytime anything was missing in the house, my kids would say, “Maria took it”. But it always turned up and she’s never taken anything. I’m very lucky.

If you’re hiring an individual, I would be extra scrupulous with the referrals. A friend would be the best referral,

Also, make sure you outline, from the start, what you want cleaned, the products to use on special surfaces and what you expect done every time. My girl knows that and then once in a while I have her do a deep cleaning (walls, picture frames, fans, moldings, etc.) one or two rooms at a time/ each week and let her figure out how to fit that into her cleaning time. Then by about 6 weeks or so, the whole house has been done.

 

[SandraLynn]

I’m going to press back here a little bit and ask how he “accidentally broke your finger” as you stated in another post in a different thread. As someone who has a good decade on you age-wise and has been through 2 marriages, alarm bells are ringing for me all over the places just with the limited information you’ve provided on this forum. If you need support, even if you don’t think you need it, I encourage you to speak with someone in real life so you don’t end up relinquishing your entire self to this guy. You left your apartment five minutes from your work to move into HIS house, now you have a 45 minute commute. Why are you making all the concessions in the relationship?

I feel as though some are not reading my updated comments or taking any of them in to account here, as if your mind was made up from the beginning.

Maybe I worded things wrong or gave half details and that’s because as Ally T said, I didn’t come for a break down of my relationship or my fiancés character. Anyways. As for my finger, I’m not being abused….It was 100% an accident and he was very upset that he hurt me, I’m sure a lot of people have accidentally smashed their finger in a door or had it done by someone who didn’t realize your finger was there.

As for the other logistics , we made a choice we believed was right for us and it was MY choice, and I think I made the right one.

 

[SandraLynn]

I agree. No one should be commenting on your relationship. It’s wrong to be judgmental and people should remember, we all live in glass houses AND, men ARE definitely from Mars and women from Venus!! LOL


So, you’ve had the gamut of advice here. I’m sure your fiancé is wonderful.
I was a stay at home mom of 4 kids and we had and still have a cleaning person even though they’re grown now. I highly recommend it. I started with every other week and then it moved to every week.
I didn’t hire a service. I hired a woman who has been with me for over 20 years. She is like family.
If you’re hiring a service, obviously get several references. Make sure they have insurance and are bonded.

It’s funny. Anytime anything was missing in the house, my kids would say, “Maria took it”. But it always turned up and she’s never taken anything. I’m very lucky.

If you’re hiring an individual, I would be extra scrupulous with the referrals. A friend would be the best referral,

Also, make sure you outline, from the start, what you want cleaned, the products to use on special surfaces and what you expect done every time. My girl knows that and then once in a while I have her do a deep cleaning (walls, picture frames, fans, moldings, etc.) one or two rooms at a time/ each week and let her figure out how to fit that into her cleaning time. Then by about 6 weeks or so, the whole house has been done.

Thank you so much for the support, I needed it in the sea of negativity.

 

[monarch64]

I feel as though some are not reading my updated comments or taking any of them in to account here, as if your mind was made up from the beginning.

Maybe I worded things wrong or gave half details and that’s because as Ally T said, I didn’t come for a break down of my relationship or my fiancés character. Anyways. As for my finger, I’m not being abused….It was 100% an accident and he was very upset that he hurt me, I’m sure a lot of people have accidentally smashed their finger in a door or had it done by someone who didn’t realize your finger was there.

As for the other logistics , we made a choice we believed was right for us and it was MY choice, and I think I made the right one.

I realize you’ll defend him and the alleged accidental smashing of your finger in a door. That’s typical of victims. If doors are being slammed so hard fingers are accidentally being broken, that’s a problem. It took me a long time to leave my first marriage. I made up a lot of excuses when I tried on wedding gowns with bruises on my arm. For your sake, I truly hope it WAS accidental, that your relationship is healthy, and that you have a good support system within very close proximity.

I’ll leave you be. I haven’t made the comments I made in this thread lightly. If I’m totally off base, oh well. I’d rather speak up and say something and be disliked than remain silent to not rock the boat. Be well.

 

[qubitasaurus]

Yes to house keeper, you need one of these. Especially if you have a husband who comes and goes, and wants things nicely arranged (especially at specific times dictated by his scheule) so he can come home from his busy trips and relax.

No to paying for it yourself-- that is an awful idea. Make him pay for it so he appreciates it! It is a lot of work which you have been entirely defraying. He needs to pay for it so he realizes the burden of this activity and does not take it for granted.

I have a full time live in maid/helper. Like others here have said I would not survive with out it. My job is chaotic and overwhelming. My husband can barely work out which continent he's currently on, and is completely confused about which one he will be on next week (he's in the process of asking me to rebook next week's intercontinental flights. As hes supposed to fly long haul Europe-Asia tonight but is also currently realising next weeks flights, are booked to the wrong continental end point.). I have two small kids and having help is by far the best thing I have done. It's such a life saver I would have completely lost my sanity without it.

 

[autumngems]

Definitely do your due diligence in researching cleaners. A friend of mine had housekeepers that she had had for years and went to use a camera she hadn't used in a year and it was gone. She started checking her house and other items were missing as well and by then it was too late.

 

[SandraLynn]

Yes to house keeper, you need one of these. Especially if you have a husband who comes and goes, and wants things nicely arranged (especially at specific times dictated by his scheule) so he can come home from his busy trips and relax.

No to paying for it yourself-- that is an awful idea. Make him pay for it so he appreciates it! It is a lot of work which you have been entirely defraying. He needs to pay for it so he realizes the burden of this activity and does not take it for granted.

I have a full time live in maid/helper. Like others here have said I would not survive with out it. My job is chaotic and overwhelming. My husband can barely work out which continent he's currently on, and is completely confused about which one he will be on next week (he's in the process of asking me to rebook next week's intercontinental flights. As hes supposed to fly long haul Europe-Asia tonight but is also currently realising next weeks flights, are booked to the wrong continental end point.). I have two small kids and having help is by far the best thing I have done. It's such a life saver I would have completely lost my sanity without it.

Thank you for the advice and I’m going to talk to him. He’s coming home tonight

 

[TooPatient]

Thank you for the advice and I’m going to talk to him. He’s coming home tonight

I'm so glad you are going to talk with him!

Funny story...
I used to work at a job that started really early in the morning so I was home by 3:00 or earlier every day. DH works a more flexible job where he set his own hours at the time and most people didn't even get in until 9 or 10. He came home around 5 or 6 each night and sometimes a bit later even. Wanting to enjoy our evening together before I fell asleep early, I took care of a lot of stuff while he was still at work. I assumed he knew. It wasn't until a number of years later when he was complaining about the house we moved into. It just got dirty so fast. It took constant cleaning and never stayed clean as long as the apartment did. I asked why he thought that. Turns out, he seriously thought the apartment only got cleaned while he was home so the only cleaning it got was like 15 minutes each evening and an hour or so once on the weekend. A sink only needed cleaned once a month. The toilet every couple of months. So, yeah..... Talking is good because he may not know just how much work you put into cleaning!

 

[canuk-gal]

I'm so glad you are going to talk with him!

Funny story...
I used to work at a job that started really early in the morning so I was home by 3:00 or earlier every day. DH works a more flexible job where he set his own hours at the time and most people didn't even get in until 9 or 10. He came home around 5 or 6 each night and sometimes a bit later even. Wanting to enjoy our evening together before I fell asleep early, I took care of a lot of stuff while he was still at work. I assumed he knew. It wasn't until a number of years later when he was complaining about the house we moved into. It just got dirty so fast. It took constant cleaning and never stayed clean as long as the apartment did. I asked why he thought that. Turns out, he seriously thought the apartment only got cleaned while he was home so the only cleaning it got was like 15 minutes each evening and an hour or so once on the weekend. A sink only needed cleaned once a month. The toilet every couple of months. So, yeah..... Talking is good because he may not know just how much work you put into cleaning!

My DH believes in the cleaning fairies!

 

[TooPatient]

My DH believes in the cleaning fairies!

I would happily let him believe in cleaning fairies if I had garden fairies and bottomless wine glasses

 

[Lookinagain]

Turns out, he seriously thought the apartment only got cleaned while he was home so the only cleaning it got was like 15 minutes each evening and an hour or so once on the weekend. A sink only needed cleaned once a month. The toilet every couple of months.

Hah! I guess sometimes ignorance really can be bliss sometimes. If only the above were true!!

 

[16ocean]

„. But do make sure you two start into it well balanced, knowing each others expectation but also being equal partners. It‘s fundamental for a marriage. And do not hide things from him. Rather speak openly about how you feel about this."

this

 

[Gussie]

I'd make my family eat Ramen every meal before I would get rid of my housekeeper. I am embarrassed to say that she comes twice weekly and is worth every single penny. I am a neat freak, and DH is mad scientist who cannot see a mess until he is unable to walk through it. Having a housekeeper makes our life easier. I don't expect him to clean, and I am not resentful that I have to spend all my time cleaning. It sounds like you have a very busy life; you definitely deserve your free time.

Find someone trustworthy with a great work ethic. I know that's easier said than done. We lucked out; our housekeeper is like family to us. She is independent and works alone. I don't feel the need to hide anything, and she always does a great job, even doing extra work if we are out of town. She has even come for a few holiday dinners. I am very grateful for her.