To Elope or Not - things to consider when you start wedding planning

[goldenstar]

I think the decision to elope is a really personal one. It''s not for everyone. I really can''t imagine not being surrounded by my family and friends on my wedding day. It''s not two extremes: elopement vs. huge blowout wedding. There is a lot in between.

I know that a marriage is about just me and my FI. But my ginormous family is going to be an important part of our lives. I want to share the wedding with them. Yes, its about US, but I want my grandma to be there (and all the rest of them). Our marriage is not going to be an island. All the people we love will be with us all the way to give us support and share our milestones.

I just wanted to express that I don''t think that elopement is the be all, end all for wedding woes. Its right for many people, but not all.

 

[luckystar112]

I guess what I meant to say is that it''s hard to tell if one is "better" than the other if you''ve only done one.
Not that there is a "better", but it''s just up to the couple to decide what they want, and what works for them.

I will say that from the beginning of our planning, even when we were set on the "big" wedding in Virginia, married couples that we knew were always asking us why we weren''t just eloping, and saying that if they had to do it again that is what they would have chosen. But then there are girls like TGal who couldn''t imagine it any other way...which I think is awesome.

 

[Dutchgirlll]

My FI and I are kinda eloping, we have a small DW in Bali with probably only 20 guests.

The most wonderful thing about this is, that we will invite everybody, they just have to pay for their ticket

. haha This eliminates our guest list automatically, so no hassle over who to invite or leave out and only the people we truly care about and cares about us will show.
Plus we''ll have a total wedding week of fun in stead of just 1 day.

Downside, two of my best friends are pregnant, so they obviously can''t make to our wedding. Another girlfriend of mine has a hubby who''s terrified to fly anywhere, let alone fly for 14 hours..

So I will definitely miss my dear friends, but again that''s something we knew before we started planning.
Another thing, mentioned here before, is that it still takes a lot of time to plan the wedding, because we''re not eloping with some kind of package deal. So every extra, flowers, cake, food, that''s not in the package will still add up. We thought we''d be saving a lot of $$ getting married in Indonesia, but I still pay $80/head for dinner and $45/head for drinks and hors d''oeuvre s

. Still cheaper than here, but not a total steal too.
And planning a wedding that''s an I don''t know how many miles away, is still hard because we will make all the final decisions just 2 days before the wedding (where we''d have the ceremony, what kind of food, flavor of the cake etc).

But still, I wouldn''t want to have a huge wedding up here, that will blow my whole budget away, with people on my guest list which I probably don''t speak to more than twice a year anyway (but who you can''t leave out too).

I just can''t wait.....

 

[luckystar112]

Same thing with my friends.
Actually, one really has me confused. She was my maid of honor, but now can''t afford to go to Jamaica.
And I guess that now that she can''t go to the wedding, she feels like it''s pointless to throw me a shower and bach party (when she was REALLY excited about it beforehand....sending me links every day and everything). Honestly, I''m fine not having either. And I guess I''m understanding of her canceling them since she technically isn''t a MOH anymore (even though there is no law against having them if you''re having a destination wedding or eloping). But I guess I kind of feel like she''s doing it to punish me????? I can''t explain it. It''s a weird feeling, and things have been kind of awkward for the last few weeks.

 

[ringster]

wow lots of good info and different perspectives. i think after the fact i am sure i will be happy with my wedding as i suspect most of us will but it is good to get all of our perspectives out there in one area for those who haven''t made a decision yet. i know that i would have appreciated being able to look at a thread like this before i started out planning.

i think my posting this also comes from hearing a lot of people say that while they enjoyed their wedding, they wished they had eloped and had a party afterwards.

so keep the info coming! it''s great to read all of the different experiences/thoughts.

 

[mjso]

I think a big thing for me regarding elopement vs. wedding is that our families are all spread out and we see each other every day.

I mean, clearly I love my FI and all, but "it''s about just the two of us" all of the time. I honestly feel like our wedding wouldn''t be as special if it was just us somewhere. It would be like we were just on a vacation or some other regular day.

Of course, we aren''t really typical romantics, so that has something to do with it. And nothing is "the right choice" for everyone.

It''s just like when we go out to a social event, I know some couples that stay together the whole time and socialize as a couple. I figure I see him every day, why not devote some time to people I don''t see as often. Our wedding is a celebration, and it is special to other people in our lives. Why not let them be involved?

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 2/5/2008 7:39:45 PM
Author: mjso
I think a big thing for me regarding elopement vs. wedding is that our families are all spread out and we see each other every day.


I mean, clearly I love my FI and all, but ''it''s about just the two of us'' all of the time. I honestly feel like our wedding wouldn''t be as special if it was just us somewhere. It would be like we were just on a vacation or some other regular day.


Of course, we aren''t really typical romantics, so that has something to do with it. And nothing is ''the right choice'' for everyone.


It''s just like when we go out to a social event, I know some couples that stay together the whole time and socialize as a couple. I figure I see him every day, why not devote some time to people I don''t see as often. Our wedding is a celebration, and it is special to other people in our lives. Why not let them be involved?

Good post...I agree with this and TGal''s post.

And I think elopement is very different from a destination wedding. A DW to me is just a regular wedding somewhere far away. An elopement is just the two people in love, running away somewhere and getting married.

 

[luckystar112]

What if you wanted it to be the two of you but your parents insisted on coming?

To me, that is still an elopement. I''m curious to see how others define it!
0-10 guests....elopement
11+ guests.....destination wedding or wedding.

 

[luckystar112]

Ooh...

Elope:
1. to run off secretly to be married, usually without the consent or knowledge of one''s parents.
2. to run away with a lover.
3. to leave without permission or notification; escape.

So apparently I''m having a very small DW!

 

[surfgirl]

To me lucky, eloping is about only the two people getting married, maybe with one couple there to be witnesses since one needs them anyway. Nobody else. Anything else is a DW or maybe a "semi elopement"?!?

 

[gtn]

If it wasn''t so expensive, do you think it would be better to get married or elope? The one thing that would lead me to elope would be the cost. When did weddings become an industry and not just a special day?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/5/2008 11:40:48 PM
Author: gtn
If it wasn''t so expensive, do you think it would be better to get married or elope? The one thing that would lead me to elope would be the cost. When did weddings become an industry and not just a special day?

It happened when brides let it.

You simply don''t need 1000s of $$ in flowers or a designer dress or handmade invitations. The list goes on and on. Some people dream of these things and they should have that dream if they want it. But a wedding does NOT have to be an expensive thing. If you don''t subscribe to it, then you won''t buy it.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 2/5/2008 5:15:43 PM
Author: surfgirl
Actually, I dont think it''s a hard topic at all...I already clearly answered the question - No, I do not regret eloping. It was romantic and perfect and I didn''t miss out on anything that I really wanted. Had the dress, gorgeous venue, great officiant, terrific photographer, fantastic wedding dinner with amazing wedding cake, and a wonderfully romantic getaway all wrapped up in one perfect package. But that is perfect for me and the Mr., not for everyone.

Anchor, you always seem to be up against issues and it pains me to read the struggles you have with this wedding. If you really want to elope, you only need your FI''s agreement and you''re good to go. It doesn''t matter what anyone here says, we''re not you, and only you know what you really want...and it sounds like you''ve always preferred elopement so what''s holding you back? Can you still change your mind at this point? I dont remember if you''ve sent out invites yet....Have you?

Surfgirl - I only just got a confession from FI saying he should have agreed to elope. If it was that easy, we''d be going away on Spring break in a few weeks and come back married... But we no longer can change our plans at this point. All our vendors our booked and we would lose a lot of money. We''ll have to pay them one way or another, so we might as well use them. Plus, save the dates are sent and people have starting booking hotels and stuff... At this point, I''m better off going along with those plans than losing my hard-earned money and breaking everyone''s heart in the process. Besides, I''m slowly going from the "angry" phase to the "I don''t care anymore" one, so I''ll probably just end up telling my FI and my parents to take care of the rest. You wanted it, plan it. Whatever.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think it''s only eloping if it''s just the two of you. When we were debating between a tiny wedding in New England vs. going to Hawaii with our parents we decided that the Hawaii idea wasn''t eloping, it was a destination wedding with our parents. But I don''t think the terminology means that much. We basically just took our idea for Hawaii (rent a house for the week, invite family, get married on the beach at the house and have a dinner reception after) and transplanted it in New England with a few more guests. But those guests really meant a great deal to both of us.

I''m with TGal--the thing is, I just didn''t care about the planning, it wasn''t important to me. I had a lot of fun doing it all with DH, but only because we did it together. My only stress came from family--I didn''t want to register, they wanted me to. I didn''t want a wedding shower, they wanted to throw one (I put my foot down on that one). Trying to accommodate dietary needs, etc. The actual planning took less than a month and I never got sucked into the details, so I think my planning experience was much different than most. I only cared about the ceremony and the guests. I think that a wedding is only stressful if you let it get to you.

 

[Isolde]

I don''t really know where we fit in, but we''re just opting not to have a reception. We''re planning on having a church ceremony, and those who want to witness us getting married, are welcome to come (though I doubt many will, without the prospect of a party afterward). I refuse to pour money into a reception, when the ceremony is the only element that is important to us. After that I just want a peaceful, low-key, romantic dinner alone with my new husband.

 

[SuLi]

Date: 2/5/2008 3:17:34 PM
Author: anchor31
To SuLi and lucky - I guess it depends on your definition of elopement. Mine includes one dress, two wedding bands and two plane tickets, so it would definitely have been trouble free. No guests, no afterparty, nothing.

To TGal - I know I'm going to sound to sound like a heartless b!tch, but I don't care who's there or not. It doesn't matter to me, never did. In my mind, all I need to be married is my future husband and God... the rest? Don't care. It definitely causes misunderstandings... because people around me don't understand why I don't care and I don't understand why they do.

Hi anchor31 -- I see your point about elopement. I think regardless of the "degree," there is still essentially an element of planning involved (shopping for a dress/outfit, bands, plane tickets, etc). But, the day that my FI and I are getting married, it will just be the two of us...at the courthouse. So, I do see that as eloping. The party that we are thinking about having will be much later and really informal, probably around the holidays. We already plan a holiday party ever year, so it won't be too different...but I'm a really anal person, so I find any level of planning somewhat stressful.

 

[KimberlyH]

I think eloping can be wonderfully romantic, but I''m glad we didn''t. I will never regret that my MIL got to see her only son be married 6 months before she died. Planning was a fun experience for DH and I. We decided what mattered to us (great food, beautiful location) and made quick and easy decisions about the rest (minimal decorations, no attendants). If my mom had an opinion about something I didn''t care about I let her do whatever she wanted (e.g. she really wanted to send STDs, I didn''t care, so I let her do it). The evening was perfectly us and we are both so glad we got to celebrate with those that are so important in our life. I think wedding planning is like so many things in life: it is what you make it, good or bad.

 

[gtn]

Date: 2/6/2008 10:00:36 AM
Author: Isolde
I don''t really know where we fit in, but we''re just opting not to have a reception. We''re planning on having a church ceremony, and those who want to witness us getting married, are welcome to come (though I doubt many will, without the prospect of a party afterward). I refuse to pour money into a reception, when the ceremony is the only element that is important to us. After that I just want a peaceful, low-key, romantic dinner alone with my new husband.

I think you are right, the reception is the stressful part. Man if only I could get away with doing this.

 

[Isolde]

Date: 2/6/2008 11:45:11 AM
Author: gtn

Date: 2/6/2008 10:00:36 AM
Author: Isolde
I don''t really know where we fit in, but we''re just opting not to have a reception. We''re planning on having a church ceremony, and those who want to witness us getting married, are welcome to come (though I doubt many will, without the prospect of a party afterward). I refuse to pour money into a reception, when the ceremony is the only element that is important to us. After that I just want a peaceful, low-key, romantic dinner alone with my new husband.

I think you are right, the reception is the stressful part. Man if only I could get away with doing this.

Maybe you could? Is your family pressuring you to have a reception? Have you already put money down?

Our families were a little shocked and slightly disappointed, when we announced our engagement and immediately mentioned we had absolutely no intention of having a reception. We both come from cultures that typically have large wedding receptions. I''m not having any of it, though. We''re both really introverted people, and there is nothing more unappealing to us than the thought of being the centre of attention at a huge party. Add loud music, alcohol, dancing (especially in combination with the former), and it''s my idea of a nightmare. I don''t want what is most important to me, to get lost in all the pomp of the day. I wouldn''t even want a toned down party; it''s just not us. Our parents even offered to pay for us as incentive, but we refused. It only took them a little while to come around; they now think it''s a great idea, and couldn''t be happier (Anyway, we have other siblings who will probably do the big wedding thing). No fretting over venues, and others costs. No worrying about the obligatory family, community, or wedding party drama.

So, we can basically take it easy until we confirm a date with our priest. Even then, all we have to do after is find suitable attire, buy rings, hire a photographer, and other little things (like make a bouquet). Easy peasy.

 

[ringster]

hmmm i guess my initial post title maybe wasn''t as accurate as it could be. i do agree that i was using "elope" in a very broad sense and probably not with it''s true meaning of a couple going off by themselves.

i think my intention was more to try and give perspective/advice on what wedding planning starts to become and maybe some things that people who are starting out can consider.

and i really have no complaints so far (even with the unpleasant website experience - i was stressed for a day but then eh moved on cause not worth wasting my energy on and i refuse to let anything put me in a bad mood for my wedding) except for the fact that the costs do add up and i live in an expensive area. both things that i''ve resigned to.

but i could have brainstormed a bit before and thought of alternative things to do. and that is my bad but maybe someone else can benefit from my lack of foresight.

i think the points made about not trying to let yourself get caught up in the "industry" part are good ones. ultimately, what is important is that you and your FI are starting your lives together and either do or do not require there to be others around to witness it.

i think when i was going into this i was totally unaware of how all of the little things add up. also like SuLi, i can get really anal about planning especially for something as special and as personal as my own wedding. so in order to make sure i didn''t spiral out of control , i prioritized things by determining what were the top 3 things that are important to me and FI. so just beware if you are anal, wedding planning can push you to the limit, again if you let it, but it will push very insistently!

i also wanted to say to anchor31, i see your struggles too and i feel bad for you. i really hope that FI is pitching in a hell of alot now and taking the stress off of you because i guess i feel a bit sorry for you that this is what he wanted but you end up with all of the work. that is not fair especially if i am sure he is seeing how stressed you are getting with this and school. but it sounds like you are letting go and putting the responsibilities in the right places so great! keep it up!

you might consider doing something like a good friend of mine did. she and her FI are the most easy going, down-to-earth couple however their parents - not so much. not all of the parents but one on each side have been really good at making their life hell sometimes. however, they were smart. they had a commitment ceremony about a year before their wedding, their own personal created one, just the two of them, no minister or anything but they made it very "official" and personal. i think they wrote vows to each other or something like that. then they got married officially just the two of them and they did not tell their parents. this way they could have the special experience that they both wanted, the way they wanted it and then they also had the big ceremony and reception with family and friends. she didn''t even tell me that she had gotten married until several months after the reception and i am a very good friend of hers. and i thought it was so cool. they kept a wonderful event to themselves and kept it special to both of them.

so i know some people would feel bad "lying" to their family but you know sometimes you get the luck of the draw and both families are great and get along great and are totally supportive of you and your FI and just want what you want but sometimes you aren''t so lucky and you have a difficult and unmanageable family but you still want to have an event with them and your friends. i think what they did was a great compromise. plus i think by them getting married before hand it took alot of the pressure off dealing with the wedding. it was plenty stressful for them but i think it was easier to deal with knowing that they already had the special event that they wanted.

anyway, just another idea to throw out there. and this thread is not meant to say one way is better than another. but if you are getting stressed then maybe it''s time to think about how you can bring the joy back into thinking about your wedding. and this thread was also meant to give brides in planning some things to consider that maybe are not as "traditional" or to give the pros and cons of the "untraditional" vs "traditional".

 

[ringster]

Date: 2/6/2008 1:27:23 PM
Author: Isolde

Date: 2/6/2008 11:45:11 AM

Author: gtn

Date: 2/6/2008 10:00:36 AM

Author: Isolde

I don''t really know where we fit in, but we''re just opting not to have a reception. We''re planning on having a church ceremony, and those who want to witness us getting married, are welcome to come (though I doubt many will, without the prospect of a party afterward). I refuse to pour money into a reception, when the ceremony is the only element that is important to us. After that I just want a peaceful, low-key, romantic dinner alone with my new husband.

I think you are right, the reception is the stressful part. Man if only I could get away with doing this.

Maybe you could? Is your family pressuring you to have a reception? Have you already put money down?


Our families were a little shocked and slightly disappointed, when we announced our engagement and immediately mentioned we had absolutely no intention of having a reception. We both come from cultures that typically have large wedding receptions. I''m not having any of it, though. We''re both really introverted people, and there is nothing more unappealing to us than the thought of being the centre of attention at a huge party. Add loud music, alcohol, dancing (especially in combination with the former), and it''s my idea of a nightmare. I don''t want what is most important to me, to get lost in all the pomp of the day. I wouldn''t even want a toned down party; it''s just not us. Our parents even offered to pay for us as incentive, but we refused. It only took them a little while to come around; they now think it''s a great idea, and couldn''t be happier (Anyway, we have other siblings who will probably do the big wedding thing). No fretting over venues, and others costs. No worrying about the obligatory family, community, or wedding party drama.


So, we can basically take it easy until we confirm a date with our priest. Even then, all we have to do after is find suitable attire, buy rings, hire a photographer, and other little things (like make a bouquet). Easy peasy.

isolde, that is awesome! i''m so glad you were able to keep your perspective even with them offering to pay. you are a rockstar in my book!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 2/6/2008 1:27:23 PM
Author: Isolde

Date: 2/6/2008 11:45:11 AM
Author: gtn

Date: 2/6/2008 10:00:36 AM
Author: Isolde
I don''t really know where we fit in, but we''re just opting not to have a reception. We''re planning on having a church ceremony, and those who want to witness us getting married, are welcome to come (though I doubt many will, without the prospect of a party afterward). I refuse to pour money into a reception, when the ceremony is the only element that is important to us. After that I just want a peaceful, low-key, romantic dinner alone with my new husband.

I think you are right, the reception is the stressful part. Man if only I could get away with doing this.

Maybe you could? Is your family pressuring you to have a reception? Have you already put money down?

Our families were a little shocked and slightly disappointed, when we announced our engagement and immediately mentioned we had absolutely no intention of having a reception. We both come from cultures that typically have large wedding receptions. I''m not having any of it, though. We''re both really introverted people, and there is nothing more unappealing to us than the thought of being the centre of attention at a huge party. Add loud music, alcohol, dancing (especially in combination with the former), and it''s my idea of a nightmare. I don''t want what is most important to me, to get lost in all the pomp of the day. I wouldn''t even want a toned down party; it''s just not us. Our parents even offered to pay for us as incentive, but we refused. It only took them a little while to come around; they now think it''s a great idea, and couldn''t be happier (Anyway, we have other siblings who will probably do the big wedding thing). No fretting over venues, and others costs. No worrying about the obligatory family, community, or wedding party drama.

So, we can basically take it easy until we confirm a date with our priest. Even then, all we have to do after is find suitable attire, buy rings, hire a photographer, and other little things (like make a bouquet). Easy peasy.

Isolde, I think this is a big part of planning any type of wedding--it isn''t about what people expect, but about what will make you and your FI happy. I also think that while people might be shocked initially (what, no reception??) ultimately they will love that YOU love what you put together, because it is the most "you". We didn''t want the whole dancing/big party thing, either, so we just hosted a nice dinner and chatted the evening away. When we made the decision to do that, despite worrying that some might be bored, that was it. We went for it and we loved it and everybody else loved it, too. If we''d had some big party-type thing, we wouldn''t have been nearly as happy. Your ceremony is going to be lovely and beautiful and very meaningful because it''s so personal for you.

 

[Isolde]

Date: 2/6/2008 1:43:25 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 2/6/2008 1:27:23 PM
Author: Isolde

Date: 2/6/2008 11:45:11 AM
Author: gtn

Date: 2/6/2008 10:00:36 AM
Author: Isolde
I don''t really know where we fit in, but we''re just opting not to have a reception. We''re planning on having a church ceremony, and those who want to witness us getting married, are welcome to come (though I doubt many will, without the prospect of a party afterward). I refuse to pour money into a reception, when the ceremony is the only element that is important to us. After that I just want a peaceful, low-key, romantic dinner alone with my new husband.

I think you are right, the reception is the stressful part. Man if only I could get away with doing this.

Maybe you could? Is your family pressuring you to have a reception? Have you already put money down?

Our families were a little shocked and slightly disappointed, when we announced our engagement and immediately mentioned we had absolutely no intention of having a reception. We both come from cultures that typically have large wedding receptions. I''m not having any of it, though. We''re both really introverted people, and there is nothing more unappealing to us than the thought of being the centre of attention at a huge party. Add loud music, alcohol, dancing (especially in combination with the former), and it''s my idea of a nightmare. I don''t want what is most important to me, to get lost in all the pomp of the day. I wouldn''t even want a toned down party; it''s just not us. Our parents even offered to pay for us as incentive, but we refused. It only took them a little while to come around; they now think it''s a great idea, and couldn''t be happier (Anyway, we have other siblings who will probably do the big wedding thing). No fretting over venues, and others costs. No worrying about the obligatory family, community, or wedding party drama.

So, we can basically take it easy until we confirm a date with our priest. Even then, all we have to do after is find suitable attire, buy rings, hire a photographer, and other little things (like make a bouquet). Easy peasy.

Isolde, I think this is a big part of planning any type of wedding--it isn''t about what people expect, but about what will make you and your FI happy. I also think that while people might be shocked initially (what, no reception??) ultimately they will love that YOU love what you put together, because it is the most ''you''. We didn''t want the whole dancing/big party thing, either, so we just hosted a nice dinner and chatted the evening away. When we made the decision to do that, despite worrying that some might be bored, that was it. We went for it and we loved it and everybody else loved it, too. If we''d had some big party-type thing, we wouldn''t have been nearly as happy. Your ceremony is going to be lovely and beautiful and very meaningful because it''s so personal for you.

Thanks, Ringster!

NewEnglandLady, your wedding sounds like it was fabulous! Did you post a thread here?

I think you''re absolutely right about not losing sight of your vision, regardless of people''s expectations (whether it''s on a small or larger scale).

Also, I hope it didn''t sound as though I was insulting large weddings! That''s not the case at all! It''s just, when I hear the word "party", I want to retreat inside myself like a turtle in a shell.

 

[BriBee]

I was considering eloping before we started planning, mainly due to the cost factor. However, now that the planning has started, I''m having so much fun! Maybe I haven''t hit the stressful part yet, or maybe I''m just lucky, but it''s been fun and easy. We''ve already got our venue, DJ, cake, we''re meeting with the photographer on Friday, we''ve got our priest, flowers figured out, and I think I already found my dress. I think part of the reason it''s been easier is because we picked a venue where the catering, linens, tables, chairs, china etc...was all included. This cut out a lot of the work lining up multiple vendors to take care of these things.
I''m also pretty easy-going, and FI doesn''t have any strong opinions (yet) so it''s been simple and sweet. I''m also playing the "ignorance is bliss" game, if I find something I like, I make a decision pretty quickly because if I keep looking at a million venues, or a million dresses, it''s just going to make the decision harder.
Anyways, I''m glad we''re not eloping, but ask me again in 6 months and the answer could change

 

[surfgirl]

I agree with the above recent posts but I'd like to add that a lot of the "stress" I see with brides over their wedding planning has less to do with others demands and more to do with the bride's own inability to stand up for herself and for what SHE wants for her wedding (ditto the grooms!). I cant tell you how many times I've heard "yes, if only I had a spine I'd do that but I just cant say no to so-and-so..." To me, that's the bigger issue in wedding planning. Because if you stick to your guns, like Isolde, you CAN do it your way no matter what opinions your family/friends are throwing at you. Wedding planning really brings out the etiquette and family issues that already exist within a family context, and just highlight and exacerbate them to the nth degree. I think brides to be should take some sort of bridal empowerment course to make sure they're up to the task of sticking up for what they want when people start throwing the "wedding doodoo" at them...Just my two cents though...

 

[diamondfan]

I would say (without having read through the whole thread) that you could also just get married in the courthouse (judges chambers or something) and then throw a big reception party afterwards.

that is a good solution, you can ask a parent or two or grandparent to attend if that is meaningful, you can wear a nice suit or dress but not have to have tons of hoopla, and then the pressure is off a bit. Then you show up at your party, have a ball and go home!

 

[ringster]

and if i have kids and knock on wood get to see them get married off, i hope that i will NOT impose any demands or requests on them. i don''t think i will but maybe i''ll turn into my mother

 

[ringster]

Date: 2/6/2008 8:13:23 PM
Author: diamondfan
I would say (without having read through the whole thread) that you could also just get married in the courthouse (judges chambers or something) and then throw a big reception party afterwards.


that is a good solution, you can ask a parent or two or grandparent to attend if that is meaningful, you can wear a nice suit or dress but not have to have tons of hoopla, and then the pressure is off a bit. Then you show up at your party, have a ball and go home!

that is a good suggestion diamondfan. we were actually considering this. however it seems like it would be more work for me to arrange this. i personally would like to get photographs at both events so i would have to hire photog for both days and so thought it's not worth it for me.

we are having a very nonsecular ceremony in the banquet room of the restaurant as i didn't want to have to have the guests go from one location to another. they will all be sitting at the tables so not sitting in aisles or as such. my FI's sister did it this way and it worked out very nicely. we just want a short short ceremony.

we don't have a bridal party. we have just let immediate family members know that there is a main color and they can choose to buy their dresses/ties/shirts/etc in that shade. one of my cousins emailed me and was like what the F cause she is so not that type of girl. i laughed and let her know that it is just a suggestion and she can totally do whatever she wants just as long as she wears something

.

not sure if we are going to do the bouquet toss, probably not cause i don't think i will have a bouquet. i will prob get a thai "lei" that is usually worn at thai weddings.

but we are having a band (we personally know the main band member and music is something that FI family so even though they did not request this i felt that this would be something that would be representative of FI) and a sit down dinner with family and friends. i'm focusing only (although it still feels like alot to me sometimes) on dress, makeup/hair, invitations, centerpieces and ceremony. i'm not going to worry about linen colors, chair covers, chair sashes, etc. even for centerpieces i am looking into getting potted orchids so there is less to arrange. mom wanted a fancy cake and offered to pay for it but i said sorry not a priority to me and i'd rather use the money for something that we care more about. so we are using their donation for the photog and going to get a yummy cupcake assortment or something that tastes good but doesn't cost an arm and a leg.

one thing i really really liked about my photog is that she said, without me prompting her or asking her about this, that she is more interested in taking pictures of people and not things. of course, i would like pictures of some of the things i put together but that is not my main priority - i want her to capture the people that we care about celebrating with us.

so most of our budget is going to the reception food and drink and photog. all of the rest i am trying to do DIY or low budget without looking tacky.