Traditional vs. "different" wedding

[confusedaisy]

This might get a little ranty so please bear with me.

Even though I just got engaged, the FH and I have started talking about things we would like/not like for the wedding. Specifically, we started talking about venues. We got really excited about these 2 places and made appt's to go see them next weekend. I was chatting with a co-worker who is also engaged and mentioned that we were going to see a venue next weekend. She got very excited and asked to see the venue. I hesitated because I don't really want any outside opinions right now, but ultimately decided to show her. When I brought the website up on the computer she said "Oh... it's so... traditional..." The venue is rustic but also very updated/new. If I had to agree or disagree with her assessment I would say that yes- the venue is traditional in the sense that it is a "place to get married" and yes, I do see myself as someone who's a little bit quirky and likes to be unique, but I consider my personal style a good mix of romantic vintage and contemporary (hello- I have a solitaire engagement ring- traditional much??). I don't know why but her words really threw me off. I want my wedding to be "different" and the word "traditional" really makes me think of old/boring/been there done that and I don't want that at all. Anyone else struggling to draw the line between a traditional or contemporary wedding?

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Yep! I'm going for an old fashioned vibe, and the place that to me fits the bill most, I've had others tell me it's "so traditional" which I hear as BORING!

I like several venues, but the "traditional" one is SO me and very much the idea I have in my head. I practically heard the Gone With the Wind music playing in my ears when I walked in the door.

The other venue is beautiful and SO unique. It's still a historical marker, and has neat history, so I think it definitely has an old timey feel to it, but it doesn't have rolling landscapes and tree lined streets.

Hurumph. We just need to tell ourselves that it's OUR wedding and who cares about other peoples opinions!

 

[confusedaisy]

Hurumph. We just need to tell ourselves that it's OUR wedding and who cares about other peoples opinions!

I KNOW!!! But it's so hard. The venue I'm looking at has gorgeous views and a typical "party" area/dinner area. I guess I can make it individual with the details... I just want it to be very... US... and I'm not sure if I know what that is yet. Was there a moment where you said- this is so us?

 

[merilenda]

I totally hear what you're saying. I've been bouncing ideas off some of my friends for the last couple of months, and I've gotten similar reactions at times. Not about a place being too traditional, but just similar emotional reactions. Like "oh...that place would make it difficult to do ______." Or "oh...maybe you should look at somewhere closer to where you're living." Less than enthusiastic responses basically.

I know it's easier said than done, but in the end, it's our wedding. We are doing what we want to do. Everyone is going to have to travel, as we are moving from the midwest to PA this summer, and we're having the wedding in PA (in fact, I don't know a single person who lives in PA currently). We're only have 10-12 guests, so even as low key as what we're planning, people still have a million different opinions. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to coordinate a large number.

When you find something that works perfectly for you and your FI, go for it! Everyone else can either deal with it and enjoy themselves or not.

 

[Autumnovember]

We are having our wedding in an are called old city located in Philadelphia, at a dance academy. I am keeping everything the opposite of traditional, as that's very not me or my fiancé. It will all come together though, I promise and you will definitely feel it's "you!" Do whatever feels right to you. Sometimes you are just gonna have to ignore the outside opinions, if this venue sings to you....go with it. What one may consider traditional may not be to someone else.

 

[confusedaisy]

Autumn- that sounds so unique and fun!!

We initially saw the CIA in California without realizing it was in California and we fell in love with its uniqueness- it had the scenery for the ceremony which we loved, and the moodiness of the wine celler-ish room for the reception, and we also loved that it was at the CIA because we are huge foodies- it was perfect except for the fact THAT IT WAS IN CALIFORNIA!!!

We're trying to find venues in/around NYC, NJ, CT. Most vineyards we find are super expensive and don't have the vibe we're going for so that's why we're looking at some "non-traditional" venue options.

 

[iota15]

The details, the theme - whatever you and your fiance put into it, is what it will be. Almost every room is just a room when you boil it down. Let your vision work itself into whatever venue you choose, and I promise, it will be "you".

 

[sba771]

Maybe I am weird but when I think traditional I think really classy, not boring. I did want classy/traditional with a twist but I also did not want people's opinions. We managed to keep our wedding venue a secret for 2 years!! People were beyond shocked when they got our invites since we really blended the two ideas of traditional and quirky. I got married in centennial hall in Philadelphia. It is beautiful and traditional and rich with history- but the twist was that it is now the please touch museum and our ceremony was in front of a carousel but the party was in the grand foyer which was so classic to me. But, again, I find nothing wrong with keeping your search private and we just told people we wanted it to be a surprise and they stopped asking eventually.

 

[asymons412]

I agree on the "classy" sentiment; I've begun to plan our wedding and I would absolutely describe my tastes as "vintage," "traditional" ... we're even thinking about a vineyard-esque theme, but twisting it with our colour scheme (richer purples mixed with pops of a lighter green, I think).

I don't think you should too heavily depend on other people for a reaction to the venue; first of all, you never know if a little jealousy is speaking-- it happens to the best of us and the best of our friends. Secondly, chances are that your friends can't see your vision when you look at a room! To me, the venue is actually one of my lesser concerns as long as they have beautiful landscaping (and top notch food! ) because with the right lighting effects, flowers and decor, you really can change the entire tone of a room!

 

[gls]

I agree with what you are saying, traditional can seem boring and been there done that but it also could be a way to describe its sentimental value.
I think that you shouldn't discard it just because of what has been said, go have a look at it, see what could be done decorating wise and if you and your fiance like it, book it regardless of what others say.
Like Iota said, its a room...you can always put your own spin on it to make it unique.

 

[Haven]

I really believe that if you are true to your own desires when planning your wedding you don't have to worry about making it different or unique--it WILL be unique because it will be yours.

We all like to think of ourselves as unique, and we all are in our own way. Don't let an offhand comment by a coworker bother you--your wedding day will be wonderful and it will be special because it will be all YOURS!

 

[confusedaisy]

Thank you for all of your responses!! I'm feeling a lot better about it and I'm definitely going to try and keep an open mind as I come across venues! You ladies are awesome!!

 

[iheartscience]

Maybe I am weird but when I think traditional I think really classy, not boring. I did want classy/traditional with a twist but I also did not want people's opinions. We managed to keep our wedding venue a secret for 2 years!! People were beyond shocked when they got our invites since we really blended the two ideas of traditional and quirky. I got married in centennial hall in Philadelphia. It is beautiful and traditional and rich with history- but the twist was that it is now the please touch museum and our ceremony was in front of a carousel but the party was in the grand foyer which was so classic to me. But, again, I find nothing wrong with keeping your search private and we just told people we wanted it to be a surprise and they stopped asking eventually.

Ditto the bolded. I think of traditional as...traditional. No negative connotation there. And really, most weddings are traditional, no matter how unique we want them to be. I wouldn't consider myself traditional in the least, but I ended up wearing a fancy dress and veil, my dad walked me down the aisle, we exchanged rings, etc. We did basically every wedding tradition there is.

And really, who cares what other people think? Do what you love, the end.

 

[Haven]

Maybe I am weird but when I think traditional I think really classy, not boring. I did want classy/traditional with a twist but I also did not want people's opinions. We managed to keep our wedding venue a secret for 2 years!! People were beyond shocked when they got our invites since we really blended the two ideas of traditional and quirky. I got married in centennial hall in Philadelphia. It is beautiful and traditional and rich with history- but the twist was that it is now the please touch museum and our ceremony was in front of a carousel but the party was in the grand foyer which was so classic to me. But, again, I find nothing wrong with keeping your search private and we just told people we wanted it to be a surprise and they stopped asking eventually.

Ditto the bolded. I think of traditional as...traditional. No negative connotation there. And really, most weddings are traditional, no matter how unique we want them to be. I wouldn't consider myself traditional in the least, but I ended up wearing a fancy dress and veil, my dad walked me down the aisle, we exchanged rings, etc. We did basically every wedding tradition there is.

And really, who cares what other people think? Do what you love, the end.

I'm going to put this on a button.
Seriously, I really am. Here is the design:

 

[slg47]

I don't think you have to pick a non-wedding venue to have a unique wedding. The wedding will be unique because it is yours! And most traditional wedding venues are traditional for a reason...they have the space to accommodate a number of people and a staff that is used to doing so (which are good things!)

 

[blacksand]

Sad face. I love love love everthing "traditional." I love it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love knowing I'm doing things the way my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents did. I've had a few people give me the same line about things being "traditional,' in that condescending tone that I imagine you're hearing. But I love tradition, so I say eff 'em.

That said, it's unique because it's your wedding. Even if you were to have the most traditional wedding imaginable, it would still be like none other, because it's the only one that's yours. Honestly, I don't see any reason to label your wedding as traditional, quirky, or anything else. Just do what makes you happy and enjoy it. You can have a quirky wedding at a traditional venue, or a traditional wedding at a quirky venue. It'll be great.

 

[confusedaisy]

Sad face. I love love love everthing "traditional." I love it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love knowing I'm doing things the way my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents did. I've had a few people give me the same line about things being "traditional,' in that condescending tone that I imagine you're hearing. But I love tradition, so I say eff 'em.

That said, it's unique because it's your wedding. Even if you were to have the most traditional wedding imaginable, it would still be like none other, because it's the only one that's yours. Honestly, I don't see any reason to label your wedding as traditional, quirky, or anything else. Just do what makes you happy and enjoy it. You can have a quirky wedding at a traditional venue, or a traditional wedding at a quirky venue. It'll be great.

You ladies are THE BEST!! Blacksand- I literally almost teared up when I read your last paragraph- you're all right and I know it. I need to focus less on these little comments becuase I know wherever we decide to get married will be perfect because it will be US!! Thanks ladies!!

 

[turboflgrl]

I could be totally off base here but you describe your style as quirky. I honestly think she was probably surprised at your choice because she sees you as "quirky" too and had a very different expectation... like something off the wall or wild?? Haha

I wouldn't worry too much about it. You'll just end up unhappy if you pick something based on what other people think or expect you to pick. When we picked our venue, we had that "This is it" moment and I don't think you should settle for less if you don't have to.

 

[KittyGolightly]

Of course, it's all in the tone, but I think of "traditional" as a good thing for weddings!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Just do what you love. Don't get caught up in being "different" because honestly, it's ALL been done before. The fact that you're having a ceremony where people watch you get married and then you throw a party afterwards where people eat, drink, and be merry... traditional. I love when tradition blends with personal style. When people do things only for the sake of being different, I think they're trying too hard, and it shows.


For example, I was a bridesmaid in 2006 for a dear friend, and she had gorgeous flowers. I had NEVER seen lemons cut up in vases before, and the blue hydrangeas were so pretty. The reason I loved it so much though was because since I've been friends with this girl, her favorite colors have been blue and yellow. Her room was blue and yellow. Well it turns out that lemons in flower vases is not really that unique, but I still think of it as "perfect" for my friend's wedding because if she was a vase of flowers, it would be her wedding flowers - traditional, warm, soft, and full of zest.

 

[rosetta]

I'm having a traditional English wedding, complete with morning coats, wedding breakfast, confetti and speeches.

Then injecting some of my own heritage into it.

Dancers, fireworks, photo booth etc for fun.

Traditional doesn't have to be boring.

 

[Gypsy]

My MOH refers to my wedding as traditional. My DH's family refers to it as a "CA wedding" aka NOT traditional. I just wanted it to be mine. And it was. What a another person takes away depends on where they are sitting. 100 people could look at the same thing and take away different points from the experience. Don't let one person's input influence you too much. You are probably being overly sensitive because, after all, this is your wedding.

 

[iheartscience]

Maybe I am weird but when I think traditional I think really classy, not boring. I did want classy/traditional with a twist but I also did not want people's opinions. We managed to keep our wedding venue a secret for 2 years!! People were beyond shocked when they got our invites since we really blended the two ideas of traditional and quirky. I got married in centennial hall in Philadelphia. It is beautiful and traditional and rich with history- but the twist was that it is now the please touch museum and our ceremony was in front of a carousel but the party was in the grand foyer which was so classic to me. But, again, I find nothing wrong with keeping your search private and we just told people we wanted it to be a surprise and they stopped asking eventually.

Ditto the bolded. I think of traditional as...traditional. No negative connotation there. And really, most weddings are traditional, no matter how unique we want them to be. I wouldn't consider myself traditional in the least, but I ended up wearing a fancy dress and veil, my dad walked me down the aisle, we exchanged rings, etc. We did basically every wedding tradition there is.

And really, who cares what other people think? Do what you love, the end.

I'm going to put this on a button.
Seriously, I really am. Here is the design:

HA just saw this! I like that button!