Trouble........

[diamondfan]

If he would take the hint and stop, that is great, I would ABSOLUTELY change all my contact data and tell my office not to put his calls through. Perhaps that slam in the face will wake him up and he will get the point. If not, you need to have a plan B. Not to stir the pot, but you simply do not know what he will or won''t do if you reject or ignore him further, so I would certainly keep a nice paper trail and recording trail of his bs. I would NOT see him or get into anything with him one on one, he wants to rile you and keep you in the mix. He is quite the moron to leave messages and things that can be later utilized against him, but it is good for you that he has, makes it easier for you. Can you get a message to him via a letter (which you keep a copy of) saying, Hey, we are DONE. Move on with your life. I owe you NOTHING. Stop calling and harrassing me. If you fail to do so, I will take legal action to ensure that you cannot contact me or harrass me in the future. (I think certain words are key, like harrassing...it sends a message to him. Do not say "bugging" me or something less strong, make a clear point). I would not mince words and I would not threaten what I cannot deliver, but just be clear and to the point. If he is not a TOTAL dunce he will back off. Good luck and I am sorry for you situation, this is insult on top of injury.

 

[galeteia]

Does he have a drug problem?

Something about this doesn''t make sense.

 

[WTNLVR]

I had an old bf do something like this once. Luckily he lived on the other side of the country. After I told him to stop calling me and I wanted nothing to do with him I would hang up on him each and everytime he called. After answering the phone hello, I just hung up. No conversation, no nothing. It took awhile (he was a pain in the a$$) but he eventually gave up. I think he developed a mental illness and was just crazy (this was right out of high school). Another guy went wacky when we temporarily seperated. He started doing drugs and doing alot of things this guy is doing, although not crazy like this one appears to be. But he would call, drop by my house unannounced, etc... The drugs really made him wierd. Maybe this guy is using and he wants the earring to support a habit? Who knows...Just keep safe and tell a family member what is going on.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Alexis, we''ve had trouble before with harrassing phone calls, and you can easily get his numbers bocked on your parents'' home phone and just call your cell phone company and tell them you''re receiving harrassing calls and need to change the number. Ours did it for free under those circumstances. And like others said, only speak to him one more time to tell him it is over and you will not be seeing or speaking to him again unless it is in court. From then on, hang up immediately if he calls. You''re reinforcing the harrassing phone calls if you are talking to him at all. It is really, relaly good you are staying with your parents now. Do not even consider moving out on your own until he is completely over this for a good while.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 12/1/2006 4:50:31 PM
Author: Mara
my first thought is..why are you getting so upset about it and spending time and energy venting to us about it??

honestly just move on! and tell him to stop bugging you.

quite frankly, i think that is just messing with you. he gets that this upsets you and the drama heightens and you play into it and it''s just like a vicious circle. if you truly are over him then act over him. how your voice andd attitude and all that are with him probably will go a long way. if he knows that you are all talk and no action or that you are saying one thing but acting like another, he will keep coming at you.

i don''t think this guy is dangerous necessarily, i just think he likes playing with you to stay in touch with you. and you make it easy. i think he has been a serious manipulator in the past and you allowed it. he''s thinking nothing has changed.

change your #...don''t answer the phone if it''s him. if you do talk to him, i''d speak calmly and say ''you know what? i''m done with this. you are in the past. don''t call me again or i will report this harassment to the police, do you really want to go that route?'' he''s just an all talk bully it sounds like. he likes to stay in your life through drama. cut him off and move on! and if he persists, just report it to the police and keep your documentation and keep on living your life. he will eventually most likely get the CLUE.

I completely agree with this. This guy is clearly a narcissist. It''s gonna be all about him until you TOTALLY ignore him in a calm - you so don''t matter way! If you over-react it''s again all about HIM.

 

[decodelighted]

I agree with the drug addition hunch ... ever seen the show INTERVENTION? All of the addicts act that way .. but nothing changes if you do give in & give $$ ... they know you're an easy target & will keep preying on you for all you're worth.

Combined with being as spoiled and entitled as this guy already is (from his parents) ... AND ...very possible personality disorder (narcissistic, maybe more)

DO NOT FEED THE MONSTER. No contact. No reaction. ANY attention, positive or negative "feeds" his twisted desires.

It's not about YOU or your relationship .. you're not even human to him right now. Just a toy to play with. You have to "get real" about that so you can get angry enough to CUT HIM OFF.



ETA: I know some folks might think my wording etc. is harsh ... nearly the same wording was used by a therapist about a situation in my life ... seeing it that way helped me IMMEASURABLY. If it cuts through the latent loyalty etc with something that rings "true" ... I hope it helps *Alexis* as much as it helped me.

 

[hlmr]

Date: 12/2/2006 1:07:55 PM
Author: decodelighted

DO NOT FEED THE MONSTER. No contact. No reaction. ANY attention, positive or negative 'feeds' his twisted desires.

It's not about YOU or your relationship .. you're not even human to him right now. Just a toy to play with. You have to 'get real' about that so you can get angry enough to CUT HIM OFF.

This is so true. I feel so badly for you Alexis, because it sounds like you still care for him and still feel a sense of loyalty/responsibility for him, even though you know you shouldn't.

He doesn't deserve to even know you - you are way too good for him and I hope you can get past your feelings and truly understand, that it is time to stop letting him cruelly toy with you as he pleases. He is an arrogant, immature, spoiled adolescent who is preying on your kind nature and emotional state, to satisfy his twisted need to control and dominate.

He should cease to exist for you immediately so you can put this behind you, and start the healing process. Lots of strength to you in moving on with your life.