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Smurfysmiles

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,938
I went to a girl''s only halloween party last night (pumpkin carving, scary movies, awesome food) and I was having so much fun until one of the girls announced she got engaged to a guy she''s been dating for only 4 MONTHS ....seriously....what the hell
i could just pull my hair ugggggggh
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Oh no i''m sorry...hey just remember you have all your LIW friends to help you through and your turn will come!

Chin up!
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funnily enough when life handed me lemons last night i did get out the tequila hahah along with a couple other girls who have been waiting patiently and got ticked off too
 
UGH! I feel like that it all that has been happening. These girls who date their boyfriends for such a short amount of time and then announce an engagement!
Makes me want to vomit!
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Ladies, to each his own. Every relationship is different. FI and I knew we were going to get married very soon after we started dating. We were at the 10 month mark when we got engaged (though the ring was picked out long before) and we''ll have been together for 2.5 years when we get married. I know you''re frustrated, but please be sensitive to the other ladies on this site. It sucks when people get engaged before you and they''ve been together for less time, but maybe it''s the right time for them. Who are you to judge?
 
we''re not trying to be rude, this was definitely a vent post. i didn''t mean to offend anyone even though when she announced it it completely crushed me.
 
I know how you feel - friends keep getting engaged who have been dating far less than BF and I have, but when you''ve been dating six years...it''s par for the course. Unfortunately! I have the same "Seriously????" feeling though whenever I hear about it. :)

Hudson Hawk, it doesn''t say anything negative about the people who are engaged, just that it''s tough to hear it when you''ve been dating someone longer.
 
Trust me I know how you feel...my ex Haz Matt...(do a search on PS and find my vent) got engaged to the girl he cheated on me with only 4 months after we broke up...

My other friend got engaged only after 4 months too...

Every realationship is different but it will all come in due time. Hang in there and soon enough you will be bagging about your engagement....vent here...its all good...we understand...
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yes, don''t get offended, but when we hear people getting engaged after 4 months of dating....it makes us say what the h@#$!. I had a good friend of mine get engaged lets see,,met the guy in Dec. , talked to him on the phone for 3 months..they live 2 hours away from each other...dated 1 month...saw each other on weekends...he proposed at a major league game with the marquis!...and bought her a Tiffany & Co, 3 stone ring!! Whew all in one breath!
So yeah 3 years 7 months later with my BF..this just might tick me off...it still makes me say..what the h$#@. So please understand why these stories pinch a nerve with us...
 
BTW SMURFYSMILES We''d both be a pair of bald girls..if I was at that Halloween Party!
 
Date: 10/29/2007 6:25:48 PM
Author: louisvgirl
yes, don''t get offended, but when we hear people getting engaged after 4 months of dating....it makes us say what the h@#$!. I had a good friend of mine get engaged lets see,,met the guy in Dec. , talked to him on the phone for 3 months..they live 2 hours away from each other...dated 1 month...saw each other on weekends...he proposed at a major league game with the marquis!...and bought her a Tiffany & Co, 3 stone ring!! Whew all in one breath!
So yeah 3 years 7 months later with my BF..this just might tick me off...it still makes me say..what the h$#@. So please understand why these stories pinch a nerve with us...
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I can understand why it strikes a nerve...jealousy is a nasty animal. I just hope you ladies aren''t getting ticked off at the poor woman who is happily engaged. I understand why you might be ticked off at your general situation, but that is between you and your man.

And I hope you can understand why some of us think some of you sound petty and small. Karma''s a b*tch ladies.

However, in all fairness, that''s what the LIW forum is here for, so vent away...
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Thank you Traveling Gal!
 
My boyfriend and I are 28 and 30. I''ve been on PS for a year and a half. So, it is no secret that I want to be engaged now. These things used to bother me a lot. I think mostly because I was jealous that they got to that point while I am at that point and he is procrastinating. I''ll tell you why they don''t bother me anymore.

Everytime I hear of a situation like this I imagine what it would be like if I was engaged to the man that proposed (in this case 4 months). Since I don''t want to be with that man, it makes me laugh and I congratulate that person and remember that everyone deserves to be happy. If this was the right decision for them, then I am all for it, as long as they invite me to the wedding, LOL!
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I also try to think about my friends that are still on their search for, "the one". I''m happy to know that I''ve found him even if it takes a little longer than I''d like for him to propose; I have that special someone in my life. That is what is important for me.
 
TG, as usual you said it much better than me. Seriously though, my experience is basically what you ladies are venting about and I can''t help but be resentful. Each relationship is different, each person is different. You can be frustrated and you can vent, but a short relationship before engagement, while not ideal, is not necessarily indicative of future failure or lack of sincerity. Maybe I''m sensitive because I''ve experienced this on my own. Just remember that there are ladies in the LIW forum who are where you are, but got there in a shorter amount of time. That''s not their fault and they shouldn''t be judged harshly because they and their SO made different decisions and have different priorities than you. You might not mean to be rude or judgemental, but some of the other ladies might take it that way.
 
hey Smurfysmiles hang in there.

it is better for it to happen genuinely where you both are really into it and both excited about the next steps. don''t worry it''ll all work out!
 
i just read your other post about feeling bad that you and your bf aren''t engaged/married but that lots of your friends around you are. i''m not sure how old you are but if your guy is under 30 he probably just hasn''t gotten to that mindset yet. it''s really great though that he gave you a promise ring ... that is really promising (i know bad pun)!

i guess what about your situation bothers you? do you have some sort of timeline planned in your head (that''s ok if you do - i am the same way!)? have you shared this with your bf in a loving way? also what is your guy like? mine is the type that won''t really make the first move in terms of long term planning so after about 2 years i wanted to have the talk. well, it took me 6 months of gearing up to bring up the "what are our plans" question. once i did i was surprised at how gungho he was. so as long as he is positive whenever you talk about future things i think that is a good sign. but if he isn''t and seems to putting things off then you need to think what can you put up with and how long you are willing to wait for a yes or a no.

i don''t know if that helps. i know it really s*cks to feel that way so vent away...
 
Date: 10/29/2007 7:00:20 PM
Author: emeraldlover1

I also try to think about my friends that are still on their search for, ''the one''. I''m happy to know that I''ve found him even if it takes a little longer than I''d like for him to propose; I have that special someone in my life. That is what is important for me.
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ITA, well said
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Date: 10/29/2007 7:01:50 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
TG, as usual you said it much better than me. Seriously though, my experience is basically what you ladies are venting about and I can't help but be resentful. Each relationship is different, each person is different. You can be frustrated and you can vent, but a short relationship before engagement, while not ideal, is not necessarily indicative of future failure or lack of sincerity. Maybe I'm sensitive because I've experienced this on my own. Just remember that there are ladies in the LIW forum who are where you are, but got there in a shorter amount of time. That's not their fault and they shouldn't be judged harshly because they and their SO made different decisions and have different priorities than you. You might not mean to be rude or judgmental, but some of the other ladies might take it that way.
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Hudson,

she wasn't judging the girl's engagement, much less predicting the relationships demise. she didn't say anything that even suggested that? her "uggh" comments i'm sure are directed towards her frustration at her own relationship (which 90% or so of us feel), not at the girl. she wasn't judging the girl, she was just emphasizing the short amount of time they were together.

while i know you have good intentions, you have no idea what it's like, being one of the girls who don't have to wait more than a few months. it's heartbreaking. and with all due respect, it's pretty ironic that you feel "resentful", when that is the feeling you are chastising us for experiencing. it seems like maybe you are getting a little unnecessarily defensive and projecting your own insecurities on the OP. maybe you were criticized for the short relationship IRL or something, but no one here on PS even mentioned that i'm sure! it's possible for us to feel disappointment and frustration without cutting down the people that trigger it. there are plenty of posters who frequently post about this, and it's one of the most basic things a LIW deals with.

don't take it personally, but this is the reality of how a lot of us feels, and it has nothing to do with the people that are in your situation.

sorry for the hijack smurfy!

the girls are right about already finding "the one". imagine how much harder it would have been to hear if you were single, or worse, in a dead end relationship?
 
Mimzy, I agree with you about the OP. I think she was just venting that she wasn''t engaged yet. Understandable.

But this post below might have had something to do with it...


Date: 10/29/2007 5:03:53 PM
Author: elisabeth_mimi
UGH! I feel like that it all that has been happening. These girls who date their boyfriends for such a short amount of time and then announce an engagement!
Makes me want to vomit!
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HH only posted after the one above was made.

And personally, I think your post was as defensive and presuming as you are saying HH''s was.
 
Tgal,

it was meant to be defensive! i was defending the OP
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(as well as the dozens of others who feel the same way!). Even the second post didn't specify that eliz_mimi was disgusted with the other people. it's not like she said she wanted to throw up on them
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i'm not sure what was presumptuous about it, but it was certainly unintentional, as i wasn't presuming anything about HH.I think she is a great poster here and has never rubbed me the wrong way or anything! the comment about maybe being insecure from getting some grief for it in real life was just to point out that if she ever got it, it definitely never happened from anyone on here. i certainly didn't mean that since her and her FI were together for 10 months meant that she was insecure.
 
Date: 10/29/2007 8:12:30 PM
Author: mimzy
Tgal,

it was meant to be defensive! i was defending the OP
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(as well as the dozens of others who feel the same way!). Even the second post didn''t specify that eliz_mimi was disgusted with the other people. it''s not like she said she wanted to throw up on them
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i''m not sure what was presumptuous about it, but it was certainly unintentional, as i wasn''t presuming anything about HH.I think she is a great poster here and has never rubbed me the wrong way or anything! the comment about maybe being insecure from getting some grief for it in real life was just to point out that if she ever got it, it definitely never happened from anyone on here. i certainly didn''t mean that since her and her FI were together for 10 months meant that she was insecure.
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For the record, I think you are a great poster as well, and present a levelheaded view of what it''s like to be on the other side of the coin for many of us.

I REALIZE she never said she she wanted to throw up ON them. But I think one can see how that post can be construed as being disgusted with gals who get engaged fast.

And finally, I think it''s fine for LIWs to say whatever they want to say. The forum is here for a reason. Get it out of your system. Many will sympathize. But I was just pointing out that don''t be surprised if others perceive certain comments as a bit petty.
 
Maybe I''m sensitive from coming off of research on the knot.com''s message boards, where simple posts like "I''m so excited, my bf of a year proposed!" turn into attacks by bitter women who have nothing better to do than cut others down.

The point I was trying to make is one that needs to be remembered on all threads and that is that we all need to be considerate of others on these boards. And I think people in their vents can be a little harsh at times. I took "These girls who date their boyfriends for such a short amount of time and then announce an engagement" to be harsh the feeling of disgust was clear in the next statement of "makes me want to vomit
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" and if I think it''s harsh then maybe others do too.
 
I dated my bf for more than seven years before he proposed, we were together for eight when we got married.

So I know how frustrating it is to watch couples get engaged when you feel like you've been waiting forever, but you just have to put it in perspective. A very good friend of mine started dating her bf right after I started dating D, they got engaged two years later (while we were in college). They were married...then I watched their relationship fall apart and they ended up divorcing three years after they were married...meanwhile we'd never even gotten engaged. I also watched my sister go through three broken engagements during the same time span I dated D. (btw, the last broken engagement was to a man that proposed with a stunning Tiffany rock and she broke it off two weeks later--her current husband gave her a very, very simple band and there is absolutely no doubt which one she prefers).

This happens throughout your life--I have a friend who's trying to conceive and feels pangs of jealousy when other friends announce their pregnancies. Every single person goes through highs and lows in life--yes, it will always be hard to hear about other people's excitement when you're feeling low, but inevitably your time will come and I promise you that if you handle the situation with grace and class, you will NEVER regret it.
 
Well said NewEnglandLady. I have to admit... those pangs of jealousy are hard to ignore at times. But you are right, we are not all on the same path... and every time I start to do the whole "but it''s not fair" thing in my head, I remind myself that it''s not a "fair" thing. Things will happen when they are supposed to. (Although there are MANY days that I have to remind myself that)

My Best friend is getting married in March (she started dating her FI about 8 months before me and and BF started dating) I felt that Uhhhhhh! feeling for about 10 minutes... and I let myself feel that emotion. Then I told myself to suck it up because this is about HER relationship... not mine.

I defiantly understand the feelings of both sides. But I understand the OP for wanting to vent. We ALL need that in our time of being a LIW.
 
I''m pretty sure it was just a bad case of jealousy. I''ve just had so much bad stuff happening (my dad''s double bypass surgery, mom''s cancer coming back, numerous close people dying, my sister''s husband leaving her, my other sister being on the edge of a divorce, almost not graduating from college this december, etc.) it just seems like it''s my turn for something good to happen while these other girls seemingly are having better things happening to them...if that makes sense? i think i have a tendency to get jealous more easily than other people *sigh*

on a side note my SO will be turning 28 in december
 
on one more side note- thanks for being so understanding, i really appreciate it
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Oh! I never meant to offend!
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No hard feelings ladies and I was only saying what I said because I know how it feels... it was wrong and I never meant to hurt feelings!
Jealous is a evil thing and it gets the best of me (and all of us)...

So no hard feelings ??
 
"she started dating her FI about 8 months before me and my BF started dating"

Uhhh! I ment after me and my BF started dating! That made no sense! haha.
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A couple I know met on a Saturday, got engaged on Wednesday and married 8 weeks later. He was engaged to someone else when they met, so kept the same wedding date and venue that was already booked!
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He was 24 and she was 27. They''ve now been married nearly 3 years and first baby due today.

They are a truly gruesome and horrific couple in so very many ways (v long story involving libel, police and good friend of mine) - but it appears to work for them. (Although there is a sweepstake amongst those of us who know them on how long the marriage will last - I went for 5.5 years.
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)

I knew I would marry FI within days of meeting him - but knew that we both needed plenty of time to make sure. We''re both in our 30''s and got engaged after 2.5 years.

Yes, I felt bad when other people got engaged - but when it happened it was right for us, and in the meantime I hid my feelings very well (It helped that many of them had been having LIW conversations with me so I knew it wasn''t all simple).
 
Author:Hudson_Hawk
I took "These girls who date their boyfriends for such a short amount of time and then announce an engagement" to be harsh the feeling of disgust was clear in the next statement of "makes me want to vomit" and if I think it''s harsh then maybe others do too.
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I don''t think it''s harsh. I think that it''s an honest and valid way to feel when you''ve been waiting for an extended period of time for an engagement, and then you see someone else obtain so easily what you''ve been worrying and tormenting yourself over for months or years. It has nothing to do with wishing ill on the women who get their proposals, either. The disgust is at the situation, and with our complete powerlessness to do anything about it. There''s no need to be defensive or feel attacked.

After all, I thought this forum was for those of us who are waiting, and if we can''t express our anger, sadness, frustration, and yes, sometimes digust here, then where can we?
 
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