uggggggggh

[tberube]

Oh man - isn''t that the freaking worst? Went through that for years...

 

[tberube]

Date: 10/29/2007 7:01:50 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
TG, as usual you said it much better than me. Seriously though, my experience is basically what you ladies are venting about and I can''t help but be resentful. Each relationship is different, each person is different. You can be frustrated and you can vent, but a short relationship before engagement, while not ideal, is not necessarily indicative of future failure or lack of sincerity. Maybe I''m sensitive because I''ve experienced this on my own. Just remember that there are ladies in the LIW forum who are where you are, but got there in a shorter amount of time. That''s not their fault and they shouldn''t be judged harshly because they and their SO made different decisions and have different priorities than you. You might not mean to be rude or judgemental, but some of the other ladies might take it that way.

I honestly don''t think that anyone has said this at all, Hudson...it''s just an envy of someone else who doesn''t have to trudge through the months and years of waiting and wondering about their man and their ever-lengthening relationship. A woman who is engaged in four months gets to have that whirlwind relationship with a quick jump to the next level. Not all of us girls is so lucky.

 

[bee*]

I can understand the feeling when people that start dating after you get engaged much quicker. I was with D for 8 years before we got engaged so I well knew that feeling. When the times right though it will happen and it does feel great when it''s your turn. Hopefully it will happen for you soon Smurfy-it definitely sounds like you deserve something good to happen!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

i didn''t mean to cause troubles lol
but thank you everyone for all the great input!!
I think all LIW should get one of these when they join ps lol

 

[largirl]

Thanks, tberube, that''s exactly what I was going to say! Hudson_Hawk and others, being a little envious of someone who gets engaged quickly isn''t saying that the relationship isn''t sincere or that they are doomed to failure...it just means you''re a little jealous of them! Which is a perfectly acceptable and legitimate feeling and says NOTHING about the person who you are jealous of at all. It''s just that little sick-to-your-stomach feeling you get when someone else gets something that you really wanted. It doesn''t mean you aren''t happy for them - it just means that a part of you wishes it had been you! That goes for so many things in life, from job promotions to babies to new shoes to winning the lottery! Everyone has that feeling at some point in their life over something; just be grateful that this time you''re on the other side of the coin and we get to be jealous of you instead of vice versa!

 

[Glow]

I agree!

Some people were surprised when I got engaged to the man of my dreams. But we know the truth of our bond. So who cares what others think? In fact, I try to be sensitive around LIWs because I can see how it can be very very frustrating. In fact, I know a few and I didn't gush around them or show off my ring. I let them find out for themselves and gave them encouragement.

Besides, this is the LIW forum. I don't think there was any cattiness there, only healthy venting. The "vomit" comment seems to be more at the posters situation, not on the newly engaged. Though on the other side, if a couple is rubbed raw by the "engaged so soon?" comments I can see how there would be sensitivity. But you're really reacting to your own life, not to the poster. One has nothing to do with the other.

To go into a LIW forum when one is married, I think we should post things that are helpful and encouraging. It's a really hard time for them and we should be overly understanding or stay out of the forum. Staright shooting advice when needed is another thing -- love TGal's posts! LOL.

Cheers!

 

[Stephanie]

Smurfy - I hate that feeling. I''m with the other girls here that had to wait awhile - 7.5 years will be almost 9 when we get married. And the most important thing that I can mention is to make sure that you don''t show how frustrating it is for you. We are the last of our friends to get married, even though we have been together longer than most of them, and every announcement that I had to hear just made me crazy. And my reactions (pouting, silent treatments, "why isn''t it us" talks) made my FI completely turn off to getting engaged/married. I actually missed a friends wedding because I couldn''t see one more person get married (there was a ton more going on, but you know..) And to top all of this off, my parents (who met and were married within three months of meeting and are still together today!) were pushing me to get him to propose - which I never was going to do.

I know it is difficult to wait! Come here to vent because it is very cathartic and helps with keeping crazy jeaouls monsters at bay!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/31/2007 3:43:58 PM
Author: Glow
I agree!

Some people were surprised when I got engaged to the man of my dreams. But we know the truth of our bond. So who cares what others think? In fact, I try to be sensitive around LIWs because I can see how it can be very very frustrating. In fact, I know a few and I didn''t gush around them or show off my ring. I let them find out for themselves and gave them encouragement.

Besides, this is the LIW forum. I don''t think there was any cattiness there, only healthy venting. The ''vomit'' comment seems to be more at the posters situation, not on the newly engaged. Though on the other side, if a couple is rubbed raw by the ''engaged so soon?'' comments I can see how there would be sensitivity. But you''re really reacting to your own life, not to the poster. One has nothing to do with the other.

To go into a LIW forum when one is married, I think we should post things that are helpful and encouraging. It''s a really hard time for them and we should be overly understanding or stay out of the forum. Staright shooting advice when needed is another thing -- love TGal''s posts! LOL.

Cheers!

LOL, I actually do agree with this.

If people are going to ask for advice, they are going to get it...and it may not be what they want to hear. But I think for the most part the LIWs here come to vent, and that is a good thing. It''s better than going bonkers around your man! I think it is rare to see posts that are very catty (but it does happen). Envy happens, and you often can''t help what you feel. I was simply pointing out (and the previous posters have confirmed) that some vents come across not just as frustrated, but jealous as well. And sometimes that can be construed as petty.

But we all can be petty from time to time...the key is not to become a monster!

Oh, and it''s great to be overly understanding, but IMHO, some gals just could use a little perspective. However, I''ve shut my mouth on some recent posts because sometimes it''s more important to just be understanding. And I could use a little exercise in shutting my trap anyway.

 

[mimzy]

jealous = feeling upset because someone else is engaged when you wish it was you

petty = tearing down that person for irrelevant or irrational reasons, criticizing the relationship, acting disinterested or snotty, turning up your nose at their ering, etc etc etc

i guess someone could say that all jealousy is petty, but i think that person would have to have had their limbic system removed or something....

i think it is possible to keep the "petty" out of the "jealousy". unfortunately, there are sometimes legitimate reasons to feel jealous, but that doesn''t mean that the person automatically caves in the "petty" department. of course Tgal is right, sometimes the petty does come out swinging! but in most cases i think it is okay to admit that you are jealous, especially if it is your friend.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/31/2007 4:22:05 PM
Author: mimzy
jealous = feeling upset because someone else is engaged when you wish it was you

petty = tearing down that person for irrelevant or irrational reasons, criticizing the relationship, acting disinterested or snotty, turning up your nose at their ering, etc etc etc

i guess someone could say that all jealousy is petty, but i think that person would have to have had their limbic system removed or something....

i think it is possible to keep the ''petty'' out of the ''jealousy''. unfortunately, there are sometimes legitimate reasons to feel jealous, but that doesn''t mean that the person automatically caves in the ''petty'' department. of course Tgal is right, sometimes the petty does come out swinging! but in most cases i think it is okay to admit that you are jealous, especially if it is your friend.

I totally agree. Not all jealousy is petty. Jealousy, while ugly, is unfortunately often times a valid emotion. It''s how it manifests outwardly that counts.

I agree with your definition of petty. And it is something I''ve seen on LIW before. That is usually when I can''t keep my trap shut.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/31/2007 4:22:05 PM
Author: mimzy
jealous = feeling upset because someone else is engaged when you wish it was you

petty = tearing down that person for irrelevant or irrational reasons, criticizing the relationship, acting disinterested or snotty, turning up your nose at their ering, etc etc etc

i guess someone could say that all jealousy is petty, but i think that person would have to have had their limbic system removed or something....

i think it is possible to keep the ''petty'' out of the ''jealousy''. unfortunately, there are sometimes legitimate reasons to feel jealous, but that doesn''t mean that the person automatically caves in the ''petty'' department. of course Tgal is right, sometimes the petty does come out swinging! but in most cases i think it is okay to admit that you are jealous, especially if it is your friend.

Oh, and ETA...the highlighted part is a lot of what I see on LIW sometimes.

 

[mimzy]

i agree! sometimes it''s a defense mechanism, but sometimes it is just plain petty for not wanting to make a big deal about it