Unsolicited advice on marriage?

[trillionaire]

I''ve only been engaged for a few days, and already people are giving me tons of advice on marriage...

none of it makes marriage seem very appealing or glamorous...

Some advice is useful, like choose your battles... other advice is um, less useful...

like always stay in control of the relationship, and only let him *think* he is in control... telling me how everything will change after we get married, and not for the better, jokes about how soon after marriage they thought about divorce, etc...


Anyone else have any stories about unsolicited marriage advice? Good or bad?

 

[cocolaw]

ugh i hate that. at my engagement dinner, my grandmother''s husband made a joke about how the man realizes what a mistake he made right after you say "i do" or something to that extent. nobody laughed-everyone just kind of looked at him!

 

[Londongirl1]

Welcome to the club

Some people feels it''s their duty or right to pass on useless information.

I''m sure it''ll be no different if/when I''m pregnant - I''m sure I''ll hear lots of horror stories

 

[cocolaw]

oh just wait until you start really planning. everyone has ideas and people think that they have the ability to nix your ideas!

 

[ficklefaye]

oh gosh, i get that a lot too, the weird part was people kept telling me to elope! this was after i had already booked my ceremony and reception spots...

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/22/2009 11:50:18 AM
Author: ficklefaye
oh gosh, i get that a lot too, the weird part was people kept telling me to elope! this was after i had already booked my ceremony and reception spots...

LOL! My extended family was all really happy for me when I got engaged, and told me that now I could start planning my wedding! As soon as I said that I didn''t want one, they all said, "Good! It''s a waste of money, spend it on something else!"

I guess that they were trying to be diplomatic about their responses?
I wish my parents felt the same way.

 

[marlie]

no marriage advice yet but TOOONNS of wedding "advice"...

I think I might scream if one more person says "you should use XXX vendor", or "my friend''s sister''s husband got married at XXX...so you should to", or "don''t spend $$ on XXX". blech.

 

[merrymunky]

I just find it sad that people (even married people) give marriage such a bad name.

If you go into it thinking negatively then you are setting yourself up to fail.

How about talking about the partnership and companionship you will have? Sheesh...let''s spread some marriage love!

 

[ficklefaye]

merrymunky, i totally agree, instead of making us feeling like ''uh oh, what have i gotten myself into?'', i wish it was more ''marriage is wonderful and after all this wedding madness, you will see''

 

[sunnyd]

People keep telling us not to have kids right away, or that we should travel all over before we have kids. A) We weren''t planning on kids right away, and B) We''re not travellers. Is there a rule that says you have to set foot in 8 countries before you can give birth?!

Or maybe they just don''t think we should have kids.

LOL!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Soooooo many people like to say "Just elope, the wedding is never worth the money!" And I am sick and tired of it! Maybe I think it is worth the small amount we will be putting into it, and I would like to have a grand old time with my family and friends!

 

[cocolaw]

Date: 7/22/2009 2:14:15 PM
Author: sunnyd
People keep telling us not to have kids right away, or that we should travel all over before we have kids. A) We weren''t planning on kids right away, and B) We''re not travellers. Is there a rule that says you have to set foot in 8 countries before you can give birth?!

Or maybe they just don''t think we should have kids.

LOL!

SERIOUSLY!!! i have heard that countless times. oh whats better is when they think that they are being sneaky and say to you "oh its such a shame when couples have kids right after they get married...how terrible".....they don''t even have the decency to own up to giving you advice, they just drop very obvious hints.

 

[cocolaw]

Date: 7/22/2009 3:52:31 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
Soooooo many people like to say ''Just elope, the wedding is never worth the money!'' And I am sick and tired of it! Maybe I think it is worth the small amount we will be putting into it, and I would like to have a grand old time with my family and friends!

that''s pretty terrible.....are they planning to show up? i would *like to* let them know that what is not worth the money is guests who go to weddings when they think weddings are never worth the money.

 

[Yimmers]

Wait to have kids? I''ve gotten the usual opposite, you need to have kids stuff.

The day after the wedding, I was advised, in front of my parents and husband, that one should not remain on birth control for a long time because it will affect my ability to have kids. And, that it would make them very happy if I have kids soon. This was coming from some relatives whom I had met for the second time at the wedding.

Regardless of whether the advice is valid or not, it was just a, well, TAD bit too forward for me.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Oy! The baby talk. We aren''t even married yet and already we have people asking us about when we think we want to start trying. My FMIL even when so far as to suggest we start trying now because she was 6 months pregnant at her wedding "and not a soul could tell". Yikes!

We get weird looks when we tell people our date - some people get really excited and others think that a Halloween wedding with a costume ball reception is making a mockery of the sanctity of marriage. Sigh.

 

[Winslet]

This isn''t so much marriage advice, but I think I might puke if one more person says to me: "Your bridesmaids should just carry a couple of long-stemmed calla lilies, it would be sooooo SIMPLE and ELEGANT." Seriously, is that the ONLY simple and elegant look a bride can go for? I''ve heard this from about 10 different people.

 

[Bjedifish]

Date: 7/22/2009 3:52:31 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
Soooooo many people like to say ''Just elope, the wedding is never worth the money!'' And I am sick and tired of it! Maybe I think it is worth the small amount we will be putting into it, and I would like to have a grand old time with my family and friends!

YESSS!!! I am getting thing ALL THE TIME!!! its infuriating!!

!! My response to this is: Dammit! everyone else in my family got the big wedding, I want one too!! Sheesh!

I tell ya, when you''ve pictured a day in your life from the time you were 5 it totally sucks when people try to make you feel guilty about wanting to enjoy it.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/22/2009 6:18:21 PM
Author: Bjedifish

Date: 7/22/2009 3:52:31 PM

Author: ilovesparkles

Soooooo many people like to say ''Just elope, the wedding is never worth the money!'' And I am sick and tired of it! Maybe I think it is worth the small amount we will be putting into it, and I would like to have a grand old time with my family and friends!

YESSS!!! I am getting thing ALL THE TIME!!! its infuriating!!

!! My response to this is: Dammit! everyone else in my family got the big wedding, I want one too!! Sheesh!


I tell ya, when you''ve pictured a day in your life from the time you were 5 it totally sucks when people try to make you feel guilty about wanting to enjoy it.

Trust me, if you HAVEN''T pictures your wedding day your whole life and you have no desire for a wedding or a princess fantasy, they treat you like an alien too.

There is NO WAY to please people.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 7/22/2009 8:29:19 PM
Author: trillionaire


Trust me, if you HAVEN''T pictures your wedding day your whole life and you have no desire for a wedding or a princess fantasy, they treat you like an alien too.

There is NO WAY to please people.

In regards to a wedding, truer words have never been said

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 7/22/2009 11:16:24 AM
Author: cocolaw
oh just wait until you start really planning. everyone has ideas and people think that they have the ability to nix your ideas!

word X100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000e

 

[charbie]

Date: 7/22/2009 11:50:18 AM
Author: ficklefaye
oh gosh, i get that a lot too, the weird part was people kept telling me to elope! this was after i had already booked my ceremony and reception spots...

I HATE THAT! I want the big shabang, thank you very much!

 

[Haven]

We also got a lot of unsolicited marriage advice. It ranged from strange to downright rude.

I like to say that everyone has an opinion, but very few people have opinions worth sharing--they just don''t know it.

The worst advice we got was when a woman told us that she hopes our marriage isn''t the hell that hers was. She elaborated, and we just sat there like

.

Here''s my unsolicited advice: savor every minute of every day of your life.

 

[Dannielle]

Some people just want everyone else to be as miserable as they are..

 

[honey22]

I got some funny advice from my parents. The day after we got engaged, I asked them at dinner what was their secret, how do they have such a fabulous marriage after 40 years. Mum thoughtfully started listing all the things you need to have, patience, acceptance, knowing when to give in and when to fight etc, and my darling Daddy just shrugged and said, you just have to love them. How cute! So, the woman has to learn to put up with the man, and they just gotta love the woman

We all looked at Dad and broke up laughing - my mother is known for having the patience of a saint

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 7/22/2009 4:11:46 PM
Author: cocolaw

Date: 7/22/2009 3:52:31 PM

Author: ilovesparkles

Soooooo many people like to say ''Just elope, the wedding is never worth the money!'' And I am sick and tired of it! Maybe I think it is worth the small amount we will be putting into it, and I would like to have a grand old time with my family and friends!

that''s pretty terrible.....are they planning to show up? i would *like to* let them know that what is not worth the money is guests who go to weddings when they think weddings are never worth the money.

Perhaps I should just start replying with "Well good, you are one less person I need to invite and pay for. My money can be spent on someone who will fully appreciate our wedding celebration!"

Bjedifish - It is infuriating! Especially coming from some of the family members who I must be completely polite to, and am unable to come up with snide retorts in return.

Trillionaire - Wouldn''t it be nice if people could respect what ever route us brides choose to take?! And just be plain old simple and HAPPY for us? Is that just TOO MUCH to ask?

 

[purselover]

Date: 7/22/2009 8:29:19 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/22/2009 6:18:21 PM
Author: Bjedifish

Date: 7/22/2009 3:52:31 PM

Author: ilovesparkles

Soooooo many people like to say ''Just elope, the wedding is never worth the money!'' And I am sick and tired of it! Maybe I think it is worth the small amount we will be putting into it, and I would like to have a grand old time with my family and friends!

YESSS!!! I am getting thing ALL THE TIME!!! its infuriating!!

!! My response to this is: Dammit! everyone else in my family got the big wedding, I want one too!! Sheesh!


I tell ya, when you''ve pictured a day in your life from the time you were 5 it totally sucks when people try to make you feel guilty about wanting to enjoy it.

Trust me, if you HAVEN''T pictures your wedding day your whole life and you have no desire for a wedding or a princess fantasy, they treat you like an alien too.

There is NO WAY to please people.

I know! You should''ve seen the looks I got when I said I didn''t really care if we had a cake or not, and the looks when I said I didn''t want a veil, or bridesmaids.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

People always tell DH that he has impeccable taste/judgement with women but then they openly question my taste/judgement. I know they do it in fun, but after the 30th time it starts to sting...

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 7/22/2009 6:05:39 PM
Author: Winslet
This isn''t so much marriage advice, but I think I might puke if one more person says to me: ''Your bridesmaids should just carry a couple of long-stemmed calla lilies, it would be sooooo SIMPLE and ELEGANT.'' Seriously, is that the ONLY simple and elegant look a bride can go for? I''ve heard this from about 10 different people.

I had a friend who did this and I thought it was hideous and very 80''s.

 

[cocolaw]

Date: 7/23/2009 9:50:33 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
People always tell DH that he has impeccable taste/judgement with women but then they openly question my taste/judgement. I know they do it in fun, but after the 30th time it starts to sting...

ugh hudson!! i hate that. when i told fmil that i planned to have one long table instead of lots of small round tables, because i really happen to like they way they look, her response was "uhh i don''t know about that." when i told her that i bought pink shoes for the wedding, she actually googled "wedding trends 2009" to see if my pink shoes would be acceptable! but i KNOW that the best way to handle things is to say that my fiance was involved in selecting things. when i say he picked something, she backs off. i learned this 2 years ago when i was introduced to one of their family friends, and the friend was being kind and said "oh FI, coco is cute, you are so lucky!" and fmil''s response was "i think coco is the lucky one!!"

 

[cocolaw]

once you realize that it''s all about the fiance, and that you are SO lucky to be with him, then you learn how to get what you want....by making it all about him