Untraditional e-ring process thought

[miss_flo]

Has anyone ever considered paying for their own engagement ring setting?

(I know, blasphemy!)

I was thinking today that the cost of the setting I want (James Allen/Danhov Meno ME29, $2200) is a little bit heinous. Most of my girlfriends'' entire rings cost that amount, and I feel guilty about hoping for him to get a diamond on top of that. We can certainly afford it and his budget could accommodate it, but I still think it''s a lot to ask.

As a rhetorical compromise, I wondered if it would sound insulting or inappropriate to ask for a simple six-prong white gold solitaire setting ($250) with the intention of setting the stone in a permanent home eventually? If that sounds weird to you, let me know.

My personal reason for this idea: I''m in a master''s program on a tuition waiver program because of my father''s Army service. He died of service-connected injuries and the state of California decided to pay for any state university tuition I need so long as I am A) unmarried and B) under the age of 27.

In short, I can''t get married until I graduate from grad school. In 2010.

With that amount of time, I figure I can put a little money away in savings each month and reward myself with my dream engagement ring setting as a graduation gift. That would then speed up the process for my boyfriend, because he wouldn''t have to worry about having the setting made AND he''d be able to focus on the diamond to fit his tastes and his budget.

Does that seem weird? Should I just stick with the traditional plan and let him pick the whole ring and get my nose out of his business? Until now we''ve been equally active about the ring picking process, but I''d really love to help him out by taking care of that part. Let me know if this sounds nuts

 

[neatfreak]

There are quite a few threads on this. The consensus usually is "Go for it if your future FI is ok with it". Some are, some aren''t.

 

[miss_flo]

Ooh...totally embarrassed with my n00b mistake, sorry neatfreak! I''m definitely #4 on the LIW list so you''d think I would have seen this thread by now lol Sorry for the repetition, I''ll go hunt for those threads now.

 

[trillionaire]

FWIW, I think you should do anything you can if it results in you getting that setting.

GORGEOUS!

Almost makes me want a RB!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/2/2008 9:19:07 PM
Author: news_girl
Ooh...totally embarrassed with my n00b mistake, sorry neatfreak! I''m definitely #4 on the LIW list so you''d think I would have seen this thread by now lol Sorry for the repetition, I''ll go hunt for those threads now.

No worries! People just tend to get very heated about this topic but it generally comes down to "if he''s ok with it, go for it!".

 

[laughwithme]

Lighthearted comment here: I have actually considered mailing my BF an anonymous sum of cash to, oh, "speed things up."

In all seriousness: I am sorry about your dad - wow, what a hero though. I think it''s a personal decision, between you and your BF. If you would feel okay doing that, and you''re at the point where (even though un-engaged) you still kinda consider your money one and the same, and he wouldn''t feel uncomfortable, go for it. If any of the above aren''t true, maybe re-think it.

 

[MissDimity]

I think go for it as well. I always dislike the idea of settling for a "compromised" e-ring whilst waiting to later upgrade to your dream ring. I think your idea is a better way of obtaining your "dream" ring if your bf is ok with it.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

My SO and I have spoke about it.. I know generally what he wants to spend on my ring and it worked out that I want to spend generally that amount as my contribution for our wedding (dress, venue, food, flowers, everything but the clothes on his back the day of

) Past that amount our families will contribute (if need be). We''re both very content with the idea that his job is the ring my job is the wedding stuff. It would be the same amount of money if we switched it around and split the ring and split the wedding budget we''re contributing or if I bought the ring and he invested more of his personal earnings in the wedding. We''re just comfortable doing it the more traditional way.

 

[gryffindor]

I think it sounds like a fine idea. The ring is, afterall, a piece of jewelery. IMO the beauty of the setting + stone is just as important as any other meaning it may have attached to it if you are going to wear it as jewelery.

 

[Rhea]

I think paying for it is fine. I think there are two different issues here though. You paying for part of the ring and changing the ring later. What will he think if you change the ring in about a year and a half? I think it makes more sense to discuss it and either agree that you''ll pay for the setting change later or go ahead and put the money toward it now. Then you''re clear on how he feels about both issues.

 

[sunnyd]

I paid for most of my setting. We did it this way because it probably would have taken FF 6 years to save up that much. LOL not really but it sure seemed that way!!!

Talk to him about it.

 

[sammyj]

I read the most recent thread on this and there were instances where the couple had paid for the ring by credit card (with a low interest rate) and they both contributed to paying it off.

Definitely talk to your guy about it because ultimately it''s up to him. I suggested paying for the setting or contributing xx amount to my BF and he was adamantly against it. He thinks the ring and proposal are his responsibilities and the wedding stuff is mine (although I know we both plan to pay for our wedding so his logic isn''t too clear...).

Your setting is gorgeous btw!!!

 

[miss_flo]

lol I love you guys, thank you. I might casually bring up the idea soon, just to plant a seed in his head that I wouldn''t mind paying for the setting I do love the look of a six prong knife edge solitaire and could definitely "live" with that for awhile. DB and I are both very open and equal with finances and plans, so I don''t think he''ll feel offended...I just wanted to make sure it wasn''t a weird idea Thank you again for your help!

 

[LoveRoundBrillants]

IMO i think its ok, if you really really really want something that is out of budget. For example if he wants to spend 1000 on your setting, but the one you LOVE is 2,000. But you know that a) you would either have to settle or a smaller diamond or a setting that you don''t like AS much. If hes ok with it, then I would say go for it!

 

[gwendolyn]

I expect to pay at least half of the total price of my ring, so I say, do what works for both of you.

 

[happygolucky851]

news_girl,

I was thinking the same thing you are about possibly helping out to get your dream ring! What my boyfriend and I did was set up a ring fund. Sounds kinda silly I know! Every time I had extra cash or deposited a check I would get about 20-40 bucks in cash and put it in this fund. He put in whatever he wanted as well.(it was a ceramic bowl that had a cork as a lid, it says "vacation fund" haha) Anyway, when the boyfriend was ready to purchase, we took all the money and counted it and it was a little over $600! I know this helped us find my dream ring with a little less stress about money. I was very involved in the whole process from picking out a stone to my likes in a setting. After he purchased the diamond though, he said I am done being involved! Which is KILLING ME!!!

I figure if you did something like this, over the course of a little over a year, that could amount to quite a large chunk of money! It could only help!

Good luck and keep us updated on what you decide!!

 

[princesss]

Have we talked about it? Oh yeah. Heck, the boy thinks it''d be a great idea for me to rack up 10,000 posts in the next few years and get my setting that way. (Okay, not expects...but he thinks it would be a cool idea.)

I''ve told him if I want something really expensive as a setting, I''m more than happy to contribute, or pay for the whole setting, but he''s got a lot of pride and when the time comes he may really want it to be his thing. So we''ll see when the time comes.

Really, I think if both of you are okay with it, do it!

 

[purselover]

I''m just going to repeat what so many in other posts on this topic have said:

In the end when you get married his money is your money, your money is his money, so who cares?

Personally I never thought of my future ering as being purchased by SO even though he will be the one who technically writes out the check or whatever it will be purchased by us, b/c we are equals

 

[IloveAsschers13]

I think that I want to do it, especially if you are in this financial situation that you are in now. You can save money because that big college expense (LUCKY!) is taken care of.

On the other hand, we are getting an engagement ring that is sort of a place holder that I know I am going to upgrade when we get the money.


SO- bottom line is either way works it''s just up to your personal preference. If it''s possible *and* your BF agrees, just save up and go for it!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I don''t think there''s anything wrong with paying for it yourself... as long as you talk about it with your SO and both agree on it, without it being a hit to his ego.

I guess it depends on how you view the engagement ring...
Do you want it to be a gift from him with a budget that he can afford within the timeline? or... Do you want the e-ring to be a symbol of taking your relationship to the next step, commitment, and a status of being "taken"?

Either way you view it, it''s fine, but if you want it to be a gift from him, let him buy you what he can afford, and use your money to get a fabulous right hand ring or something else!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

That''s a really gorgeous setting, by the way!